Just the way you are
by cabson
Summary: After being hit by a car Olivia ends up in the hospital. Although Olivia isn't badly injured there is made a horrible, major mistake that turns her world upside down. How does she deal with it? How will Alex react to what happened? "Of course I'm sure. I've known Olivia for years and I'm telling you that woman is not Olivia. Where is Liv?" Alex asks sternly. A/O eventually. Rat: M.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or their characters. The only thing that's mine is the PC I'm writing this story on. I only borrowed their characters to write this story.**

**A/N Don't kill me for posting yet another story. The mind wants what the minds wants and my mind wanted me to write this story. My muse wanted it too so partly it's her too blame since I can't deny her anything when it comes to writing.**

**This story isn't set in a particularly season. Or setting. Characters will be added into this story as it gets longer. A/O as always.**

**Edited.**

** Just the way you are.**

Chapter 1

~~~ A A A ~~~

It's in the late afternoon and Alex was working in her office she was just thinking about calling Olivia to ask her if she was in the mood for watching a movie together this night. The Detective had two days off and she'd told Alex the night before that for once she actually would take the days off and clean up her apartment on the first day, instead of going to the precinct and go to work anyway. The ADA had no pending cases so she thought it would be nice to leave the office on a decent hour for once. Alex decided that she would finish the paper she was working on and then to call Olivia and ask her if she wanted to watch a movie, when her desk phone rang.

"Cabot," Alex answered her phone.

"Am I speaking with Ms. Alex Cabot?" A female voice asked.

"Yes you are. I'm ADA Alex Cabot. Who am I speaking with?" Alex asked.

"Ms. Cabot, I'm Betty Donovan, a nurse from Mercy Hospital. We have Detective Olivia Benson here. And she had you listed as her MPA. Detective Benson was in a car accident this morning. I'm sorry that you hear from us so late but there went something wrong with the communication this morning and I just found out that you hadn't been called so I called you immediately," Betty said.

"Oh my God. Is Olivia alright?" Alex asked worried.

"She has a concussion but she's alright. I can't tell you more over the phone, I'm sorry. You may come to the hospital to see her and they can tell you more then," Betty answered.

"I'm on my way," Alex said and ended the call.

Alex called her assistant via the intercom and told her to cancel the few appointments she had the next day and that she was taking the next day off and that she couldn't get called for anything at all. 5 minutes after the call from the hospital Alex was on her way to the hospital as she called Captain Cragen while she drove to the hospital. He asked her to call him when she knew more and told her to drive carefully. When Alex arrived at the hospital she went to the reception desk and asked where she could find Olivia. The nurse told her that Olivia was on the 3rd floor in room 339. Alex hurried to the elevator and went to the 3rd floor and to the reception desk. She asked where room 339 was and the nurse at the station told her that she was Gena and walked with her to room 339. Alex took a deep breath before she opened the door and walked inside. As soon as she was inside and saw the person in the bed she turned around to Gena and motioned her to follow her out of the room. Gena walked behind Alex out the room and closed the door behind her.

"Who is the woman lying in that bed?" Alex asked shocked.

"What do you mean? That's Ms. Benson," Gena asked confused.

"No that's not Olivia and it's Detective Benson!" Alex answered.

Gena looked shocked at Alex.

"Are you sure?" Gena asked.

"Of course I'm sure. I've known Olivia for years and I'm telling you that woman is not Olivia! Where is Liv?" Alex asked sternly.

"Oh my God. I don't... I don't know," Gena stuttered.

"I don't care how you do it but find her, now!" Alex demanded.

Gena walked back to the reception desk with Alex on her heels. As soon as they were there Gena picked up the phone and started to call.

**Meanwhile, in the room 340.**

~~~ O O O ~~~

Olivia woke up with a major headache. Her arm hurt like hell as well did it between her legs. When Olivia opened her eyes and looked around she saw a nurse in her room. When the nurse saws that Olivia woke up she started to talk to the Detective.

"I'm Carry. How are you feeling Chris?" Carry asked.

"My head hurts like... wait, my name is not Chris. Why do you call me Chris?" Olivia asked.

Carry took a quick look at the chart that's at the end of Olivia's bed it said Chris Daniel Smith.

"I'm sorry, I assumed that your first name was Chris since that's what on your chart first. Should I've called you Daniel? What do you mean your head hurts? There is nothing mentioned about it on your chart," Carry asked.

"You've got the wrong chart. Do I look like a guy to you? I was jogging, this morning, I guess at 7 AM. I remember being hit by a car. That's why my head hurts probably. What time is it now? Has Alex been here? Why does my arm hurts like hell and between legs too." Olivia asked worried and confused.

Now Carry looks worried and shocked. And she is afraid, very afraid that there is been made a horrible mistake.

"I don't think so. And I'm afraid that something went terribly wrong," Carry answered softly.

"What do you mean something went terribly wrong? Wait before you tell me that call Alex first on this number. I think I need Alex here to hear what went wrong." Olivia asked slowly and then rattled Alex cellphone number.

"Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes. I need to go the reception desk to make the call," Carry answered and quickly turned around and walked out the room.

When Carry got to the reception desk, Gina the nurse that went with Alex to the desk, just hung up the phone. Alex was waiting and sat on a chair across the reception desk. Carry picked up the phone to dial Alex's number and looked at the other nurse.

"Gena, we have a major problem. But before I tell you what's wrong I need to make a phone call. I need to call Alex, what I assume is her boyfriend, first," Carry said, as she dialed Alex's number.

Gena wanted to answer but got interrupted by Alex's cellphone that went off.

Alex heard what Gena and Carry said when her cellphone went off. When she looked at her cellphone and saw that the number is blocked she pushed the off button and walked to the desk.

"Gena, I think we found Olivia. Now as much as I want to now what the hell is going here I want to see Liv now. The both of you can explain it to us there," Alex said sternly.

"I wanted to tell you that Ms. Cabot, I mean ADA Cabot, here is Alex and that she was already here but you dialed the number already and then her cellphone went off," Gena said.

"Alright the introductions are done so stop stalling and get me to Olivia," Alex said.

Gena and Carry nodded hesitatingly before they turned around and walked with Alex to Olivia's room.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank y'all for all the reviews, favorites and followers I already got after the first chapter. It makes me feel good. I won't hold y'all up so let's go back to the story. (edited)**

Chapter 2

**I believe that two persons are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together. - Julia Roberts.**

~~~ A/O A/O A/O ~~~

It was so quiet in Olivia's room that you could hear a needle being dropped on the floor. Alex and Olivia were staring at Gena and Carry with their mouth wide open. Gena and Carry were looking like they hoped that the floor would open mystically and they could disappear in the hole that would be created. The shock is visible on the Detective's and ADA's face. Shock, confusion, disbelieve and anger showed in their eyes. After a minute Olivia blinked with her eyes and shook her head, which she would regret under different circumstances because of the pain it costs but now the strong Detective didn't barely notice it. She looked aside at Alex who now is sitting in the chair next to her bed, the blonde attorney was standing in front of the chair but needed to take a seat when Olivia and she heard the devastating news. Alex felt that Olivia is looking at her and somehow managed to get out of her own shocked state for a bit. The blonde looked at the Detective and saw the same emotions in the brown eyes that she felt herself.

"Tell me that I didn't hear that right. That there is something wrong with my hearing. Tell me that you didn't hear the same, Alex," Olivia said, her voice barely stronger than a soft whisper.

But Alex had heard Olivia. And couldn't imagine how the brunette must feel right now. For the first time in her life Alexandra Cabot didn't know what to say. Alex opened her mouth to say something but closed it after she opened it. She tried again but still the words wouldn't come. She took a couple of deep breaths and tried again this time she managed to get something out.

"I'm sorry, but I heard the same you did. There is nothing wrong with your hearing I'm afraid," Alex timidly answered.

"I can't say how..." Gena started.

Gena stopped talking when she was at the receiving end of Alex's infamous death glare. The ADA got out her shocked stated after the soft whispers of her best friend. And switched into her prosecutor mode. Wanting to protect Olivia the best she can since it's obvious and perfectly understandable that the Detective can't do it herself right now. The temperature in the room dropped below the freezing point at least that is how it feels for the nurses.

"What I would like to know is how the hell is it possible to not only to have two persons switched completely with their charts, but also which moron did a hysterectomy on an unconscious patient. And how is it possible that no one noticed it until 15 minutes ago. Because it's obvious that it should have been performed on someone else, perhaps the woman next door. I suggest that the two of you find that out and who the hell Chris Daniel Smith is. And I suggest that you and this hospital get yourself some damn good defense lawyer because you all will be sued and I'm gonna prosecute the case myself. By the time I'm done with all of you, your asses will be thrown in jail, you lost your licenses and you wish that you'd never met me. Now get the hell out of this room and get someone in here that can take care of Olivia properly," Alex said with an ice cold voice.

Gena and Carry were both shivering from the tone of Alex's voice and the cold and hard look in her eyes. They needed to swallow the lump in their throats and didn't know how fast they needed to get out of the room once they were able to move. After the nurses left the room Alex took a few deep breaths to get her anger back in control and turned back to Olivia.

"I'll take care of you Liv. You're not alone in this. I won't leave your side and be here for you. I can't go back in time and fix it but I can and I will take care of you now. What ever it is that you want or need me to do, name it and I'll do it," Alex said softly.

"Yeah, OK. Thanks," Olivia mumbled, clearly still in shock.

"Liv, honey, is it alright if I step outside your room for a couple of minutes? I promise I won't go anywhere. I'll just stay in front of your room. OK?" Alex asked carefully.

"Huh? Sorry, I didn't get what you were saying. I'm in shock I think. Could you repeat it what you were saying please." Olivia answered.

"I asked if it is alright if I step outside your room for a couple of minutes. I'll stay in front of your door, I won't go anywhere and I'll be right back inside. OK?" Alex asked again.

"Yes sure. I get it that you don't want to be here with me. I don't wanna be here with myself but it's not like I have a choice," Olivia answered sadly.

"No, that's not why I want to go outside. I just told you I'll do anything I can to help you and to be here for you. I just need to take care of something. It won't take long, I promise," Alex said reassuringly.

"Oh OK. Go, I'm fine." Olivia answered with a hollow voice.

The poor Detective is far from fine and she probably can't remember a word Alex just said to her.

"I know you're not fine. And that's normal. I'll be right back 3 minutes tops," Alex said.

"Alright. 3 minutes. Just come back please, I need you and I don't wanna be alone here," Olivia whispered.

"I promise. Is it alright if I hug you now, carefully?" Alex asked.

"Yes. I think I can use that now," Olivia answered.

Alex got up out her chair and took Olivia in a soft hug not wanting to cause the Detective anymore pain. After 30 seconds she stopped hugging the brunette and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before she turned around and walked out of the room closing the door behind her. Alex was worried about Olivia she had never seen the Detective so distracted and shocked. Feeling her temper coming back again Alex pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and called Liz.

~~~ A A A ~~~

"Donnelly," Liz said, as she picked up her phone.

"Liz it's Alex. How busy are you? And how soon can you come to the hospital?" Alex asked, not being able to keep the anger out of her voice.

"Not very busy so I could come soon but why? Is there something wrong with you?" Liz asked.

Elizabeth Donnelly didn't know that Olivia had been hit by a car this morning.

"No I'm alright, considering what's going on and what happened. It's Olivia, she has been hit by a car this morning. But that's not why you need to come. It's what happened here in the hospital that you need to come for," Alex answered angrily.

"By the sound of your voice it's not something good. Is she alright? Is she hurt badly?" Liz asked worried.

"Physically she is alright if you can call it that. Mentally she isn't and I doubt she will be alright anytime soon. Listen, just come here when you can and call Cragen and take him with you, I'll explain it when you're here. I promised Olivia that I wouldn't stay outside too long so I need to go to going back to her," Alex answered.

"Alright, we'll be there as soon as we can," Liz answered.

"Thank you. I go back to Liv. See you soon. Bye," Alex said and ended the call.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Considering my own state of mind and personal issues I have to deal with at the moment I've decided to write a chapter for a story that feels alright at the moment I start writing a new chapter. So there will be stories that are updated more and sooner than other stories are going to be. So far the bad news.**

**The good news is that I passed my exam for Tax Law. **

**Not that I want to do anything with it but it's a part of the study I'm doing so I had to take it whether I liked it or not. What I want to do is become a prosecutor just like our Alex.**

**Alright enough talking from my side. I'm sure y'all are more interested in reading the next chapter.**

Chapter 3

"**I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never now where the hell you are." - J.D. Salinger **

When Alex comes back into Olivia's room she sees something has changed in the Detective's eyes. She doesn't look so shocked anymore but it seems like that something else came in place of it, confusion. Alex hopes that now that Olivia doesn't seem to be so shocked anymore that the Detective won't push her away, something that is a normal reaction for Olivia. When people come too close or if she wants them not to see something she pushes them away. The same when she feels vulnerable or exposed and thinks that people might think she is weak.

"It looks like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it or not?" Alex asks after she closed the door behind her.

"Not really, I mean I want to tell you what's confusing me, but I don't want to talk about it yet if that's alright. I'm still trying to get my thoughts around what happened and how it is possible that it happened in the first place." Olivia answers turning her head to look at Alex.

"Of course it's alright. Just know that I'm here for you when you are ready to talk." Alex says.

Alex takes a seat in the chair again and waits till Olivia is ready to tell her what's on her mind.

"I know that and it means a lot to me that you are here for me. I can't promise that I won't try to and maybe push you away at times but I do promise that I will try not to do it." Olivia says.

"That's all I could ask for. Now do you want to tell me it?" Alex asks.

"Yes I do. While you were outside something came up in my mind. You do remember the Cheryl Avery case right? Not that I think that we both could ever forget it." Olivia ask softly.

"Yes I do. Why?" Alex asks.

"Back then you asked me why you felt so lousy for doing your job. I answered ' Because you look at Cheryl and you can't imagine what it's like to feel that your own body is a mistake.' and with everything that's going on that came into my mind." Olivia answers.

Alex frowned and looked confused at Olivia.

"I'm sorry, I can't follow you. You have me a little confused here. What has that to do with you right now? What do you mean with it?" Alex asks softly.

"Yeah well that makes two of us. Because it confuses me that is what came into my mind. I don't know what it means or what I mean with it. Nor do I know what it has to do with me. All I know is that it confuses me that it's that particular part I thought of. And that's all I want to say about it for now it is at least. I have other things that I need to think about right now." Olivia answers softly.

"I can see why it confuses you. And we stop talking about it now. Whenever you want to talk about it again you know where or how to find me. And you are right that you have to think about other things right now. I hope you're not mad at me but I called Liz and asked her to call Cragen and then come here with the both of them. I know that you have enough on your mind and that you have other things to think about or worry about so I understand it if you want to leave it over to me, but I meant what I said to those two morons, I'm going to sue them and everyone involved. Unless you don't want to do that or don't want me to that of course." Alex says holding her breath after she's done speaking.

Olivia gets a small smile on her lips and Alex releases her breath. Thinking that the Detective isn't mad at her for calling Liz and Cragen.

"Relax Cabot, I'm not mad at you. This is why I wanted you to be with me when they would tell me what was wrong. You're the best prosecutor this country has of course I want you to prosecute this. And if you won't do it, for my own selfish reasons, than maybe Liz can do it. She's the only one who wants to take them down as badly as you want it." Olivia says.

"I don't think that's possible. Wanting to take them down on the same level as I want that and you want it. But you're right after me she's the right person to do it. But why wouldn't you want me to do it?" Alex asks.

Not doubting that Olivia would think she couldn't do it after all the Detective just said that she is the best prosecutor in the country in her eyes.

"Like I said, there my own selfish reasons, but I think I'm gonna need you to get trough this. I know I won't talk about what happened with anyone else let alone talk about how I feel or how this makes me feel. And if you're gonna prosecute this, you will be busy with that and won't have time to be there for me in other ways. It's selfish and egoistical, I know, because you will be there for me professionally in the best way possible." Olivia answers shyly.

"Liv, it's not selfish to want me to be there for you personally. And if that's what you need or want me to be I would be happy to do that and leave the case for Liz to prosecute. Yes I want to put the bastards in jail but it's way more important to me to be there for you the way you need me to be. So do you want Liz to prosecute it so I can be there for you at all times? And be honest, tell me what you need." Alex asks warmly.

"Yes I do. I'm sorry Lex, I know how much you want to do it. But I really need you at my side, now more than ever before." Olivia whispers.

Alex takes Olivia's hand in her own.

"Liv, you have nothing to be sorry for. I want to be at your side and to be there for you more than I want to prosecute. In fact I'm proud of you that you tell me what you need the most. I know that's not easy for you. You're going through a hell right now and there is nothing I want more than to be at your side so Liz is going to do it. You are very much more important to me than prosecuting any case can be even if it's your case. So now that is out of the way, you are or I am going to push on the call button because there should have been a nurse coming checking you, minutes ago." Alex answers.

"Hey you don't need to get bossy Counselor, just because I let you stick around me doesn't mean you can go bossing me around you now." Olivia winks, trying to lighting things up a bit.

The Detective knows it's gonna be hard enough when Liz and Cragen are coming here or when there actually a nurse is coming to check her and she wants to try to relax a bit at least. Try to forget the hell she's in even if it's only for a moment.

"Yeah well I need to be bossy at someone now that I can't bossy around everyone that's going to be busy with your case. And since you want me at your side you better get prepared to be bossed around because the only other person or persons I can do that with are the nurses and Dr that are daring to show up here or take care of you medically. It's on my CV right under scaring and beating creepy defense lawyers" Alex answers with a sly smile, while she pushes the button.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N All I'll say is...**

**Poor Liv.**

Chapter 4

"**Love knows not distance; it hath not continent; its eyes are for the stars."- Gilbert Parker**

About 3 minutes after Alex had pushed the call button there's a knock on the door and a nurse walks inside. She hesitates for a moment before she speaks up. Olivia and Alex can both see that the nurse has something to tell them and judging by the look on her face both women doubt it's something good.

"You look like you have more bad news to tell me. Is there something the other nurses failed to mention?" Olivia asks.

"Hello Detective, I'm Kate. And to answer your question, not exactly. The surgeon who performed the surgery just came to us to update us. He thought it would be for the best if someone else would tell you it instead of him. So that's why it took me so long to come and see you. There is no easy way to say this, when the surgeon performed the surgery he found out that besides a uterus and ovary you also have testicles. Now normally he would have removed them too but since the person you were switched with is a trans gender he decided not to remove them and let him choose what he wanted after being told what the risks are. It is just a coincidence that his names were already male. I'm sorry for needing to tell you this." Kate answers.

Olivia turns green after hearing the shocking news. Alex is shocked with what she hears.

"I'm gonna be sick." Olivia says.

Alex looks around and sees a recycle bin next to the night stand. Quickly she picks it up and shoves it in front of Olivia just in time. Hanging to the right a bit, Olivia vomits in the bin several times. It takes the poor Detective 5 minutes before her stomach calms down a bit and she stops throwing up. Kate went into the bathroom and took a washcloth, wet it and fills a cup with water before she walks back and hands Alex the wet washcloth. When Olivia is done Alex takes away the recycle bin and hands it over to Kate, then the blonde attorney carefully takes the washcloth over Olivia's face to fresh her up a bit. Alex takes the cup with water from Kate and hands it over to Olivia who takes a few sips to get rid of the bad taste in her mouth and then holds up the cup for Alex to take it away and leans back into the pillows.

"Do you think you're done throwing up?" Alex asks carefully.

"Yes I think I'm done." Olivia says, still as white as the sheets she's lying under.

The Detective turns to Kate.

"How the hell is it possible that I didn't know that? Shouldn't I've noticed something years ago? Shouldn't they have noticed it when I was born or my mother when I was getting older? How is it possible to have a completely normal female body and testicles too? I don't get it." Olivia asks shocked.

"Truthfully, I don't know Detective. Normally with something like this you don't have it both like you did. I've never seen this before either, I'm sorry. The best I can do is to call a gynecologist and ask them to come here, today if that's possible. I can understand it's a big shock for you, I can't imagine how you must feel but do you know what you want to do already or do you want to talk with a gynecologist first and then think about it?" Kate asks.

"You would think since I never knew it I would get rid of them immediately, I shouldn't have to think about it for a second but I really don't know what I want. What the hell is wrong with me?" Olivia asks softly, looking at Alex.

"Olivia, you're in shock. It's normal that you don't know it right now. The most logical things aren't so clear anymore. There is nothing wrong with you. You just heard you had a hysterectomy and before you have time to even thing about what that does with you, emotionally, you hear this. Your world turned upside down twice in not even an hour. It's alright to be confused and not knowing what you want. How about she calls a gynecologist and you get some answers on your questions first? One or two days thinking about it won't matter." Alex asks softly.

"Maybe you're right. About getting some answers first I mean. Damn it Benson, think!" Olivia answers.

"Don't be so hard for yourself Liv. You'll figure it out and just so you know, to me you're still the same person as you were before. No matter what you will decide today, tomorrow or whenever you make your decision. Now how about that call?" Alex asks.

"I never will be the same person again as I was before, because I didn't know then what I know now. No matter what I'll do. Thank you for not freaking out at me or walking away from me." Olivia whispers.

Alex heard the Detective's words clearly though. Olivia looks at Alex for a moment before she turns her head back to Kate.

"I think I want to talk with them first. Can you call them?" Olivia asks.

"Sure no problem. And your girlfriend is right about being so hard for yourself Detective." Kate says.

Before Olivia or Alex can deny or correct Kate's mistake there is a knock on the door before it opens and Cragen and Liz stepping inside. Seeing Liz and Cragen is just too much for Olivia the Detective can't take it anymore and breaks down.

"Get them out of here! Lex, please, make them go away." Olivia begs before she burst out in tears.

Alex quickly jumps up and walks to a shocked Captain and EADA. With a nod of her head she makes them and Kate clear that they all need to leave. As soon as they are outside Alex closes the door behind and Cragen and Liz look at her with a worried face. They never have seen Olivia like this.

"Kate make that call please." Alex says soft but sternly.

Kate nods at Alex and then walks away. After she is gone Alex turns her attention on Cragen and Liz.

"I don't think Liv wants you to know everything right now and I won't tell you it, not without having talked about it with her. I keep it short, Liv needs me now and is more important. I'll call one of you later today when I have time. Do I make myself clear?" Alex asks with her courtroom voice.

It's clear to the other two that the younger blonde is being protective and worried about Olivia. They know that they won't get more out Alex then the ADA is willing to tell them now. And after seeing Olivia like this they are the last persons to disagree with Alex that the Detective didn't need her. So both Cragen and Liz nod.

"Good. Now as for why I asked you both to come here, the morons in this hospital switched Olivia with the person next door and they performed a hysterectomy on her instead. We talked about it after I called Liz and we want you to find out how the hell this was possible and sue every asshole involved. That's all I'm saying now. I have one question before I go back to Liv. As soon as I can I'll call either one of you. Liz, Liv needs me and wants you to prosecute this case. Do you want to take it please?" Alex asks, trying to keep the anger out of her voice again.

Stunned and shocked Cragen and Liz look at Alex. They have so many things they want to ask. Looking at Alex they both realize it's pointless at this moment. The blonde attorney's mind is already back on the woman on the other side of the door.

"Yes of course. But you better call as soon as you can, Counselor." Liz answers.

"I will, now I don't want to be rude, but you have to excuse me." Alex answers.

Before Cragen or Liz can react Alex already turned around and walked back into Olivia's room shutting the door in front of their noses. Cragen and Liz look at the door and then at each other. Both thinking the same the question.

What the hell is going on here?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Here's another new chapter for y'all to read. Apparently this is the only story I'm able to write for at the moment. Oh well I'm happy to be able to write at all at the moment. And those whom are reading this story are the lucky ones. My muse can change her mind in a split second so I don't know for what she'll let me write next.**

**I want to thank y'all for all the support I get and for all the reviews and fav/follow I already have for this story. You guys and gals are the best! **

**Small note for those who aren't so pleased with it, I don't force you to read it. If ya don't like it, don't read it. No need to get nasty or violent.**

**Right, enough of me talking.**

**As always R+R. I live for them.**

Chapter 5

"**Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you."- Loretta Young**

Alex knows that she left Cragen and Liz with more questions on their minds than when they came to the hospital but right now she has other priorities. One to be exact and that's the woman lying in the hospital bed. Looking at Olivia the blonde's heart breaks. The Detective looks... lost, yes that's the word that seems to fit the best at this moment. Some other words that crosses her mind are devastated and shocked but mostly lost. Alex walks back to the chair next to Olivia's bed and takes a seat.

"Is there anything I can do to help you, Liv?" Alex asks softly.

Olivia looks at Alex with tears rolling over her cheeks.

"Make it all go away?" Olivia whispers.

"I wish I could. I wish I could let it disappear, but I can't." Alex answers.

"I changed my mind. I don't wanna talk with the gynecologist now. I don't wanna talk with anyone. Right now I don't even want to press charges. All I want is to wake up and realizing it just was a nightmare and if not I want to disappear. I don't want anyone around me. Except for you. I wish I could get up, walk out of this hospital and go somewhere nobody can find me or knows where I am. But that's not gonna happen." Olivia says softly.

"It's too much all of it together isn't it?" Alex asks.

"Yes." Olivia answers.

"Alright there might something I can do to help you. First let me go and find Kate to cancel the gynecologist. Then I'll go find out how long you need to stay in the hospital. And I do mean need to stay, not how long they want you to stay." Alex says.

"Ok. Then what? How do you think you can help me if I don't even know myself what I want?" Olivia asks.

"Then I call Liz or Cragen, I know that you don't want to see or speak anyone else besides me but hear me out. What I'm thinking is that you and I give our statements as soon as possible, let's get over with that. They don't need us for anything else so for example, say that you would be able to leave tomorrow, let's give our statements and after that I'm taking you away from here. We can go to my cabin and stay there as long as you want, we even can come back for the trial and go back again. I can ask Liz for a speedy trial, that way we only need to come back for 1 or 2 days I think. You and I both have more sick days and vacation days than we know what to do with. So why don't we make use of them now? Go away and stay somewhere where it's just you and me, like you want. The cabin is a perfect place for that. So what do you think of my idea?" Alex asks.

"You are serious? You really want do that for me?" Olivia asks shocked.

"Yes I am and yes I do. If that's what you want and need than that's what we're going to do." Alex answers.

"But Alex, I can't ask from you to take your sick days or vacation days for me. I can't ask for you to take me to your cabin. I know what that place means to you. It's your secret heaven, the place you go to when you want to be alone and recharge your battery or you go when you need to be alone and think about things. I can't impose you and ask you to give up that place for me. Don't get me wrong I think it's the best thing I've heard today but I can't ask you to do that." Olivia says.

"Well it's a good thing that you don't ask it but that I'm offering or suggesting it then. You are right with what you said about the cabin, but there is only one person I would like to take there and share it with and that's you. Now is just a good opportunity to actually do it. So what do you say, do you want to go with me as soon as you may leave the hospital?" Alex asks.

"If you are sure, I would like to go but only if you are sure. Because you want it, not because you think you need to offer it to me." Olivia answers.

"Yes I'm sure. In fact I would love to. Now give me half an hour tops, I promise I'll be back sooner if I can. I'm gonna look for Kate first and then I'm gonna call Liz. What do you want her to know and what not? I'm asking you it now because Liz is gonna ask me questions and I need to know what I can say or not." Alex asks.

"Well since you need to get her permission to take a couple of days off..." Olivia starts.

"Not a couple of days Liv. I told you we can, let me rephrase this, we are staying there as long as you need to stay. Now finish what you were gonna say before I interrupted you." Alex says.

"We'll talk about that later when I'm really up for it. Anyway as I was saying, since you need to ask her permission for your days off and ask her for a speedy trial, she needs to know what's going on and what happened whether I like it or not. So you may tell her but only if she promises to try to keep the testicles part off the table and won't tell it to anyone if she can keep it off the table." Olivia answers.

"She can keep it off the table, Liv. It has nothing to do with what they did to you. It's something that they found out because of what they have done. Because they screwed up and switched your identity. It shouldn't be a problem for Liz to keep it out. But I'll make her promise that she keeps it to herself. She needs to know so that she can keep it out. Now I need to go before the gynecologist will get here. I'll be back as soon as I can." Alex says.

"Alright go." Olivia says.

Alex stands up and walks to the door, turning around when she hears Olivia's voice.

"Thank you Lex, for doing this for me." Olivia says softly.

"No need to thank me Liv, I'll do anything I can to make this easier for you." Alex says.

The blonde attorney turns back and walks out of the Detective's room. Alex finds Kate just in time. The nurse was going to call the gynecologist. The ADA specifically asked Kate how long Olivia needed stay in the hospital. Kate had answered that the Dr. assigned to this floor needed to make that decision but that normally the Detective could leave tomorrow somewhere in the afternoon if she was lucky and if not it would be the day after tomorrow. When things stayed the way they were of course. Alex asked her to send the Dr. to Olivia's room as soon as the blonde was back there. She told her that it would be half an hour tops before she would be back at Olivia's side. Kate agreed and Alex left to find a more private place to call Liz. To say that the older blonde was livid when she heard what happened is an understatement. The two women agreed on trying to get a speedy trial and Liz agreed with Alex, after the younger blonde had made the older blonde promise she would keep it to herself, that she could keep the fact that Olivia has testicles away from the trial. Knowing everything now Liz understood why it became too much for the strong Detective. And when Alex asked for taking days off Liz knew that she was going to take them anyway. She made an offer to Alex. Take some sick days till the trial was over and then to see where they were standing. Assuming they were getting a speedy trial. Alex took the offer of course. She would figure out what to after the trial when it was needed. Finally, they agreed that Liz would come to the hospital tomorrow morning to take their statements, with Cragen. Giving both women but especially Olivia the time to get ready for it. Twenty minutes after Alex had left Olivia's room she came back and knocked on the door before opening it and walking inside.

"Hey." Alex says as she sits back again.

"Hey. How did it go? How long do I need to stay?" Olivia asks.

"There will be Dr. here soon to tell you that, but Kate thought tomorrow somewhere in the afternoon you might leave. If not the day after tomorrow. But don't worry about that. I'm gonna have a 'nice' conversation with that Dr. if he won't release you tomorrow somewhere in the early afternoon. Liz will be here with Cragen tomorrow morning to take our statements. And she promised me to keep it to herself that you have testicles. She's sure she can keep it out of the trial and I think that she will skip the last part and not ask you about it if you want to when Cragen is there too. So they only thing we need to do is for you to ask Cragen for some sick days, which he will be more than happy to give you and for me to go and pack our suitcases when they have released you. Doesn't that sound good after everything you went trough today?" Alex asks with a small smile at the corners of her mouth.

"After today it sounds like heaven. But we need to convince that Dr. first maybe. Or you may need to convince him if I'm not able to do it myself that is." Olivia answers, with relieve in her voice.

"Oh don't worry about that Liv. I'm sure you'll be able to do that yourself and if not I'm more than happy and certainly pleased to give him a piece of my mind if he should make the mistake and refuse to release you, when you are good enough, tomorrow." Alex says with a small but shit eating grin on her face.

Seeing the look on Alex's face when the younger blonde answered Olivia actually smiles herself. For a moment she almost wishes that the Dr. wants to keep her longer than needed only to see how Alex will give him her infamous death glare and more. Alex sees the smile on the Detective's face and raises one perfectly sculpted blonde eyebrow.

"Something funny Detective?" Alex asks teasingly.

"Funny is not the right word now, but yes Counselor. I almost wished for a moment that the Dr. refuses, only to see you in your prosecutor mode and tell him where to shove it." Olivia answers, winking with her eyebrows.

"Well anything to make you laugh or feeling happy for some time. So I think it's safe to assume should he refuse you want me to make him pee his pants like I do in court. Alright, I think I can do that. Maybe I can get him to release you before lunch if he refuses first." Alex laughs.

"Well the sooner the better. You know how much I hate hospitals. And now even more." Olivia answers.

"Yes I do. I'll do the best I can to get you out of here." Alex says.

"I know you will." Olivia says.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry I kept y'all waiting for so long. I have a lot on my mind right now. And I think my muse is playing hide and seek with someone else. Well they are hiding and I need to seek that is. Anyway, I hope to post another chapter soon for this story or another one.**

**Be my heroes and R+R. :D**

Chapter 6

**Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me. - Sara Bernhardt.**

The Dr. assigned to Olivia's floor had paid a visit and examined Olivia's left arm and thought it was broken, the radiologist had taken an x-ray which confirmed what the Dr. thought. The fracture was not complicated so the only thing they had to do was getting a cast around her under arm. He also examined the Detective between her legs and everything was alright. The surgeon performing the surgery had been a bit rough and that was what cost the pain between her legs. He promised Olivia and Alex that he would be back in the morning and that if everything was going well he would release the Detective around noon tomorrow. But he did request that there would be someone taking care of Olivia if he would release her. This was not a problem of course since Alex would take Olivia to her cabin when the brunette would be released. They didn't tell the Dr. that but they asked him if she would get permission to travel for about an hour and a half. The Dr. said it would be alright if it wouldn't be longer than that and Olivia could travel comfortably. Alex had refused to leave Olivia alone and went with her to take the x-ray and to get a cast on Olivia's left arm. They had stayed in Olivia's room after that. Alex had only left the room to get them something to eat once Olivia had gotten permission to eat. No one in their right mind would settle for hospital food Alex said so the blonde had ordered some take out and delivered at the reception desk on the main floor of the hospital. Olivia got trough the night relatively good. Not that she or Alex had gotten much sleep. They just had finished breakfast when Liz and Cragen arrived. It took them about an hour to get Alex' and Olivia's statements and when they were done Olivia asked Cragen for the sick days she needs to take. Alex and Olivia explained that they would leave and that they would be back for the trial. That they could call Alex's cellphone if they really needed them. Olivia told Cragen that she needed to go away and that Alex would go with her since she needed medical care. Cragen had told Olivia that she could take all the sick days she needed and to take the time to recover physically and mentally. And both Liz and Cragen had said that when the trial was over they needed to talk how to take things from there. They made it clear that there was no pressure and that they would figure it out, both realized that Olivia needed to figure things out and that the Detective needed Alex to do that. They thought that there was more between the ADA and Detective and that it was clear that they didn't know it but Liz and Cragen both had a feeling that they would figure it out once they were away from NY and be with just the two of them. Hoping that the two women would stop dancing around each other and see what everyone around them already knows. After Cragen and Liz left the Dr. had paid Olivia another visit and he told the Detective she indeed would be released at noon. Now they are waiting for the paperwork and then get out of the damn hospital.

"How do you want to do it? Would you like to go to my apartment first or to yours?" Alex asks.

"What works the best for you. I don't really care. Just as long as I can get out of here it's fine by me." Olivia answers.

"Alright. We'll go to my apartment first then since yours is closer to the highway. When we are done at my place you can take a small nap at your place while I'm packing your stuff." Alex says.

"Alex, I'm not an invalid I can pack my own stuff. I only broke my left arm it's not like I can't do anything at all." Olivia says.

"I know you're not but you can only leave under the condition that I take care of you. And you packing your own suitcase or bag or what ever it is you want to have packed is not tacking care of you. I pack your stuff end of discussion, Detective." Alex says firmly.

"Fine, I let you fuss about me for now, don't expect it to become normal any time soon, Counselor." Olivia mutters.

"I won't. Don't want to press my luck." Alex says.

It didn't take long before the Dr. was back with the release papers for Olivia and Alex to sign. After that was done the Dr. told Alex how to take care of Olivia's wounds, what to look for and when she heeded to bring her back to the hospital and he told Olivia to do nothing at all for at least the next couple of days. She wasn't allowed to use her left arm for the next 6 weeks. Of course Olivia began to protest but one glare of Alex and the Dr. threatening to admit her back to the hospital silenced up the Detective. There was no way in hell that the brunette would stay in the hospital. About two hours after they left the hospital Alex and Olivia were on their way to Alex's cabin. Despite all her protests Olivia fell asleep on her couch and Alex didn't want to wake her up when she was finished packing their stuff. On their way to the cabin Liz called to tell them that the trial would start Thursday, two days from today, and that it should take one day to finish it. If things were going real slow it could be that the closing statements and the jury verdict would be on Friday morning. Olivia and Alex need to be at the courthouse at 9.45 AM. The trial starts at 10 PM.

When Alex and Olivia arrive at the cabin Olivia looks around from the inside of the car while Alex walks around her car and opens the passenger door offering her hand to the Detective to help her out of the car.

"The view is beautiful Alex. And it seems so quiet here. I can understand why you love to come here, Counselor." Olivia says.

"Thanks Liv. How about we go inside and settle in before we go lounging at the lake?" Alex asks.

"Sounds like a good idea. I could use some relaxation to be honest." Olivia answers.

"Well I have two of the most comfortable lounge chairs we can lay down on. C'mon Detective I give you the nickel tour first." Alex says waggling her eyebrows.

Olivia shakes her head as she walks into the cabin behind Alex. Inside the cabin looks like an apartment. There's a living room, bathroom with a toilet and a shower, a small kitchen and two bedrooms. One semi big bedroom which is Alex's bedroom and a small guest room. The cabin is bigger than it looks on the outside. After showing Olivia everything Alex starts to unpack their suitcases in their rooms while Olivia lays down on the bed in the guest room till the blonde is done. When Alex is done she quickly changes into a short and tank top before she walks back into the guest room.

"Do you want to stay here or do you want to go outside and lay down on the lounging chairs?" Alex asks.

"Let's go outside. Could you help me up please and maybe help me change into shorts and a tank top too?" Olivia asks.

"Sure." Alex answers.

Alex helps Olivia sit up carefully and then helps the Detective to stand up. When Olivia is standing Alex walks to the commode and opens a drawer to pull out a short and tank top for the brunette. When Alex helps the strong Detective she stands behind Olivia to pull off her shirt and to put on the tank top. She knows Olivia would hate it if she would see the scars even though she would be seeing them tonight as she takes care of the wounds. She didn't want to make Olivia uncomfortable already. After Olivia changed her clothes the women walk to the patio behind the cabin and Alex helps Olivia to lay down on one of the lounge chairs before she lays down herself on the other one next to the Detective. Both women let out a content sigh. They look around and take in their environment for about 10 minutes when Olivia turns her head around and looks at Alex.

"Hey Alex, can we talk now? I think I'm ready for it well as ready as I can get." Olivia asks.

"Alright. We can stop at any moment you want though, keep that in mind. I don't want to force you talk about things you're not ready for. So, did you figure things out a bit?" Alex asks.

"I know you won't. To be honest I only get more confused. The more I think about it the less upset I get about the hysterectomy. And to make it more complicated, I never wanted to have children of my own, I don't exactly have the best genes to pass on, now I can't carry them anymore and instead I have testicles and I don't know what to do. Then there is not freaking out about having testicles and not immediately wanting to get rid of them is confusing me at least." Olivia answers.

Alex thinks about what Olivia is saying for a few moments before she responds.

"Well maybe getting a second chance on having children of yourself makes you think about it and maybe that's why you don't wont to get rid of your testicles or you don't freak out about having them. That is a logical explanation to me. I can understand that looking at it this way. So what you need to figure out is if you want children of your own or not." Alex says softly.

"Well besides needing to choose what I want or not, I don't have a penis to get a woman pregnant, IF I would want to get her pregnant the normal way. But what are we talking about here? I don't even have a relationship that makes me need to think about that kind of things." Olivia says.

'And it's not like you want kids with me in the future. So maybe I should get rid of them.' Olivia thinks.

Unfortunately for the Detective she thought it out loud and Alex heard her. The younger blonde's eyes are getting large as saucers and she let out a small gasp.

"Did I hear it correctly?" Alex asks shocked.

Olivia looks shocked at Alex and judging by the look on Alex's face she did say it out loud and more importantly the blonde heard her. Ashamed and being terrified for the blonde's reaction Olivia tries to get up to get away.

"Shit, I said that out loud didn't I? I'm so sorry Alex. I shouldn't have said that." Olivia says softly.

Olivia tries but can't get up.

"Damn it!" Olivia curses.

Olivia cursing get Alex's attention and she looks aside to see the Detective wrestling to get up.

"Olivia, stop! You're gonna hurt yourself. If you want to get up let me help you." Alex says standing up herself.

Knowing that she has no other choice Olivia let Alex help her up. As soon as she is on her feet the Detective turns around to walk away only to be stopped by Alex putting her hand on Olivia's arm.

"Liv wait. Don't walk away, please." Alex begs softly.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"**The heart wants what the heart wants." - Babs Duffy.**

_Knowing that she has no other choice Olivia let Alex help her up. As soon as she is on her feet the Detective turns around to walk away only to be stopped by Alex putting her hand on Olivia's arm._

"_Liv wait. Don't walk away, please." Alex begs softly._

Olivia stood still but she doesn't turn around. The Detective hangs her head answering Alex.

"Alex don't make it harder than it already is, please. Besides the fact that I'm in no condition to run or walk away, I can't go anywhere and I have no intention to leave. I know I should have kept my big mouth but I didn't. I'm sorry. I only want to go to your guest room if that's alright with you of course. If you want me to leave because of what I said, I understand it. You can drive me back to the City or I'll call someone to pick me up. Again I'm sorry Alex." Olivia says softly.

This not going into the direction Alex wants. Knowing the Detective very well, Alex knows that Olivia isn't running away or shutting her down, yet, but she needs to be careful to prevent it. So letting Olivia go for the moment and thinking about how to talk about this without making the brunette running away seems the best option for now.

"I don't want you to leave, Olivia. The opposite, I would like you to stay. You can go anywhere you want to go as long as it is the cabin. I'll stay here unless you want me to be close enough for you to call if you need me. I have one question to ask before you go and yes or no for an answer is alright if that's all you can say now. Do you mean what you said?" Alex asks tentatively.

"You can stay here I think I'll lay down for a while, but it's your cabin so feel free to come inside whenever you want to. I don't want to keep you away from it. As fucked up and bad as it may be or looks like, the answers to your question is yes." Olivia answers before she slowly walks away.

As Olivia walks away Alex sits down on the lounging chair again, still shocked but more surprised if she is being honest to herself. And if she is completely honest, she is happy that the brunette blurred it out unintentionally. The only thing she needs to do is to make the best and most important closing statement of her life. That is easier said than done. Alex knows that she only has one shot, one chance to say the right things. And as complicated that normally would be now with everything that's going on and is on Olivia's mind it's the hardest thing the blonde ADA ever needed to do. Alex is sitting in the chair for an hour when she decides it's time for the moment of truth. She gets up and walks back to the cabin. Taking a deep breath before she walks inside. Once inside Alex walks through the living room to the hallway and to the guest room and knocks softly on the door before she opens it. When she looks inside Alex sees that the room is empty, Olivia isn't there. For a moment Alex starts to panic but she remembers that Olivia had said that she wasn't gonna run. Alex closes the door and walks to her own bedroom. For reasons she can't explain logically she has a feeling that the brunette is in there. She knocks on the door before she opens it and when she sees Olivia lying on her bed holding her pillow to her chest she gets a warm feeling embracing her like a warm blanket. It feels so right for Olivia being in her bedroom. Alex clears her throat to get the Detectives attention. The moment Olivia looks at her she can see that the brunette has been beating herself up for the past hour.

"May I come inside, Liv?" Alex asks softly.

"Of course it's your bedroom. I'm sorry, Lex. For what I've said and for going to your bedroom. I just needed to feel you around me even when I needed time to think, if that makes sense." Olivia answers.

Alex steps inside and closes the door behind her out of a habit and she points at the bed.

" It does. May I sit down? I think we need to talk." Alex asks.

Olivia swallows the lump in her throat and nods. Alex walks around the bed and slowly sits down next to the Detective.

"Is it alright for me to start this talk and you respond to what I'll say?" Alex asks.

"Yes." Olivia answers timidly.

"Liv, you have nothing to worry about. If it's up to me this not a bad news conversation. I know you've been beating yourself up for the past hour and that wasn't necessary, isn't necessary. That being said, yes I was shocked when you said that you want children with me in the future. But after I got over the initial shock I was relieved maybe even hopeful because since you said this I think it's safe to assume that you started falling in love with me or maybe already are in love with me. At least that's what I hope you are. Because I happen to be head over heels in love with you. I have been in love with for a long time, Liv." Alex finishes softly.

Olivia looks at Alex, shocked. The table's certainly turned. Not in a million years the Detective would have thought that the smart and beautiful ADA could be in love with her. But wait, there is a rather big problem now. At least that's what Olivia thinks. Although, only, Olivia knows that Alex isn't heterosexual, this is something else. Even though the Detective doesn't know what to do or is having doubts about her own body and isn't ready to admit that, surely the blonde attorney is in love with Olivia as the woman they thought she was till yesterday.

"You are right, I'm in love with you too, Lex. But things has changed. I'm not the person anymore we thought I was physically I mean. I have testicles and even though I don't know what I'll do that doesn't change the fact that I have them." Olivia says.

"You listen to me Detective, listen good because I only will say this once. I'm in love with WHO you are, not with WHAT you are. I meant what I said yesterday. To me you're still the same person as you were before. And I support you with what ever decision you make. I will still be in love with you. Even if it turns out that you want to change your gender. Yes it won't be easy, especially for you, but if you are willing to give this, us, a chance I know we'll deal with it no matter how hard it will get. If you change your mind about having children biological and you want to have them with me, in the future, you'll make me the happiest woman on this planet. Having children in the future, biological or not, will make me the happiest woman in the world. And I mean everything I just said. I want to be in a relationship with you. I don't want to scare you or make you run away but to make it clear I have to take the risk. I want the whole picture Liv, I want everything with you eventually. I know, your world is turned upside down but I will be there for you and if you want to wait to start a relationship, if you want that with me, I'm willing to wait until you are ready for that and to support you as your friend till then. Don't confuse that with not wanting a relationship with you because that's not what I mean. I do want a relationship with you but only if you want to start that now too, if not I'll wait for you. I want to do it right this time." Alex says.

Olivia looks with watery eyes into Alex's stormy blue ones and sees in her eyes that Alex meant everything she just said. The detective turns her head away and thinks about what the younger blonde said. Of course Alex wants an answer immediately but she remains silent and waits patiently, knowing that Olivia needs to think about her words before answering back. The only thing Alex hopes is that the words she has spoken are enough. After two long minutes for the ADA Olivia turns back her head and looks straight into Alex's eyes.

"That was one hell of a closing statement, Counselor. Seriously, I'm unsure about a lot of things but the one thing I'm sure about is that I want a relationship with you too Alex. I don't want to wait till I figured everything else out. I know that you will be there for me and support me but I want you to do that being my girlfriend and not as my friend. You're not the only one that has been in love for a long time. To be honest, I've been in love with you since a couple of months after we met for the first time. I want everything with you when the time is right. You have slowly convinced me that my genes didn't make me who I am today, so to speak. And I'm not sure about what I want to do but I'm not so scared anymore knowing that you want to be with me no matter what I decide or what will happen. So I think it's time to ask you the next questions. Alexandra Cabot do you want to be my girlfriend? And do you want to go on a date with me as soon as I'm physically able to take you out on a date?" Olivia asks shyly.

"Yes, Olivia Benson, I want to be to your girlfriend, there's nothing I want more right now than to be your girlfriend. And yes I would love to go on a date with you when it's possible. I don't know about you, Detective but my cards are on the table. I'm all in. How about you?" Alex asks, smiling widely.

"I call, Counselor. I call." Olivia smiles back.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I know I only write for this story at the moment, but frankly I'm just happy to be able to write at all. **

**I would like to thank a few readers that are reviewing this story so loyally every chapter: dragonsprit, Jbcjazz, Mariskafan2364 and tummer22. You give me the spirit and strength I need to write a story like this with these kinds of emotions.**

**I am aware of the big jump of the cliff into the lake I took with starting to write this story and I am beyond happy that y'all like or love this story so much. **

**Alright enough emotional and cheesy stuff and let's go on with the next chapter. **

Chapter 8

"**When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks." - Natalie Clifford Barney.**

After their big talk Alex and Olivia went back outside again to relax in the lounge chairs and enjoy their environment and of course each other's company. So lying down relaxed in their chairs the ADA and Detective are playing a game that looks like a weird combination of 20 questions and fuck, marry and kill. To anyone else it would look like Alex and Olivia lost their minds or at least that they have gone crazy but Alex and Olivia have a great time with tears rolling down their cheeks from laughing at times. They even played 20 questions differently, they already know each other very well so they had decided to give that a twist too. And if they don't want to answer the question they need to do a related dare chosen by the questioner. The only rule their game has is that no heavy subjects are allowed. It's Olivia's turn to ask a question. Alex's last question had the Detective almost choking on her drink so Olivia takes her time to think of a question. Unfortunately just when Olivia wants to ask her question Alex's cellphone goes off. Alex looks at her phone and frowns her eyebrow when she sees who it is and picks up.

"You better have a very good reason to call again today. Which part of only call for emergencies do you not understand?" Alex says as a greeting.

"Hello to you too, Counselor." Liz answers.

"Hello. Why are you calling?" Alex asks.

"Is Olivia somewhere near you, Alexandra?" Liz asks.

"Yes, she's next to me laying down on a lounge chair. Why?" Alex answers.

"Oh good, put your phone on the speaker than." Liz answers.

Alex frowns and turns to look at Olivia.

"It's Liz again, although I don't know why." Alex says while putting her cellphone on the speaker.

Olivia raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. The Detective knows that they will find it out soon in enough.

"Alright Liz you're on speaker." Alex says.

"I got a phone call from Petersen, the hospital's attorney. He'd have a meeting with all the parties involved and he asked for appointment tomorrow to talk about a deal. Of course I told him that I needed to discus that first and that I would call him back. I think they want to avoid a trial. Knowing that they will lose that of course." Liz says.

Alex and Olivia look at each other and they know that Liz is right, it certainly looks like that they want to avoid a trial. Alex nods at Olivia silently saying that she should take the lead. Olivia thinks for a few moments and then get's a small grin around her lips. Alex's raises an eyebrow at the Detective.

"Liz, who will be there on their behave if we agree to talk about making a deal?" Olivia asks.

"Petersen as their attorney, Collins, the CEO of the hospital and Vain, the surgeon. Why?" Liz asks.

Olivia looks at Alex while speaking to the blonde ADA and Liz.

"I have a question first. Is there a way that Alex can become my personal attorney during the meeting since she's a witness too?" Olivia asks.

Alex looks surprised at Olivia as Liz answers the question.

"Technically yes, you are on this case as a civilian." Liz answers.

Even though she is going through a hell mentally Olivia gets a shit eating grin on her face at Liz's answer. Alex sees it and knows that the Detective has figured out a plan.

"I know that look, Detective. Spill it." Alex snickers.

"Alright Liz, make the appointment, but not to early please. We need to come back to the City and I would like to do that tomorrow early in the morning." Olivia says.

"Alright I will. But care to explain why you want Alex to be your attorney?" Liz asks.

"You're right about them wanting to avoid a trial. You would destroy them in court and they know it. Now I don't want to offend you Liz, but we all know that when it comes to deals Alex is the best lawyer, in this country I'd like to add." Olivia answers making Alex blush up to her hairline.

"I think it's safe to say now that it's about me she's ready to strike, at least. Alex is right, I have plan. Liz, you and I go into the room together without Alex. After the made an offer, doesn't matter what it is, I tell them I need to talk about it with my attorney. And ask them for a couple of minutes. I'm pretty sure they will say that my attorney can join us, after I tell them that she's in the next room. Then I go get Alex to tell her their offer and let her handle it from there and wait outside. By the time she's done they all wish they could have had a trial with a chance to win it." Olivia says.

"I'm not offended. Detective, you are evil. But this will get you the best deal. You're right Alexandra is the best lawyer when it comes to deals. Although I have to say that you are biased thinking that she's the best in the country." Liz says.

"We'll see if you still think that tomorrow after we're done. So, Cabot, what do you think? Can you agree with my plan or not, Counselor?" Olivia asks smiling at Alex.

"Hell yeah. By the time I'm done with them they won't know what hit them and they'll be crying for their mothers, Detective." Alex answers smiling back.

"I knew it already and for a long time but remind me to not piss you off together and get the two of you against me in tag team. Alright back to business. I'll call Petersen and make an appointment for let's say 11 AM? If I don't call you back they agreed with the time. And after we're done there I call Cragen to come to my office and we can talk about how and what to do with your absence. Alright?" Liz asks.

"11 AM is fine with me. Lex?" Olivia asks.

"Well it's fine with me but are you sure you don't want more time to get ready in the morning and do it after lunchtime, Liv?" Alex asks.

"We both get up early in the morning normally so 11 AM is ok. Alright Liz, we'll be there." Olivia answers.

Liz smiles to herself about the interaction between her goddaughter and the Detective during this conversation. And she decides to try to push them in the right direction and at the same time have a bit of fun.

"Alright. Oh Counselor and Detective, while you two are there, stop dancing around. See you tomorrow. Bye." Liz says teasingly and ends the call before either of them can react.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"**Only do what your heart tells you." - Princess Diana**

It's 7 AM when Olivia wakes up a little disorientated and sleepy she opens one eye and sees that she's in the guestroom of Alex's cabin. She closes her eye again and slowly realizes that she is feeling hot and that someone is lying half on top of her with their arm around her waist and their head on her chest, smelling like strawberry shampoo and a vague smell of perfume, smelling like Alex. The Detective vaguely remembers that she had nightmare during the night and that Alex came into her room and got into her bed and comforted her. Wait. Again Olivia opens one eye briefly and closes it again.

'Alright. Blonde hair and smells like Alex. Seems like Alex is laying half on top of me.' Olivia thinks and then two brown eyes shut open widely and suddenly the Detective is wide awake.

'Holy shit, Alex is laying on top of me. Alexandra Cabot is laying on top of ME. Oh my god, what do I do now? Think Benson!'

Olivia now lays frozen and wide awake in bed and doesn't dare to move not even one muscle. The Detective tries to get her breathing back under control and her heart rate down hoping that Alex won't wake up. But Alex has been lying down on Olivia's heart half the night after she got Olivia calm again and asleep. The blonde fell asleep next to Olivia and in her sleep she snuggled up against the Detective with her head on the Olivia's chest. Somehow she woke up when the Detective's heartbeat went up.

"Good morning, Liv. Did you sleep ok?" Alex asks sleepy, her voice huskier than normal because she just woke up.

As she speaks Alex realizes that she's lying half on top of Olivia and immediately let go of the Detective and sits up straight. Both women look at each in shock. And then burst out in laughter after seeing their equal reaction at their current situation. When they both calmed down a bit and they are able to talk again Olivia winks at Alex.

"You know Lex, if you want to cuddle you can just ask me. No need to snuggle up against me secretly when I'm asleep and scare the hell out of me when I wake up." Olivia smiles.

"I'm sorry Liv. I fell asleep next to you and apparently I snuggled up against you when I was asleep." Alex says blushingly.

"Excuses, excuses, Counselor. Just admit that you are a mushy goofball when it comes to me." Olivia says waggling with her eyebrows.

"Alright, you got me. Just keep it to yourself I've got a reputation to protect." Alex smiles.

"Don't worry about that I'd like to keep that and you to myself for a while. Speaking of that rep of yours how about we get up and get ready and have breakfast before you prep yourself to be my hard ass attorney? We need to leave at 9.15 AM at the latest if we want to get back to the City in time." Olivia asks.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. I do need to take a good look at your wounds and clean them, Liv. I know you don't like it but it's necessary, I went easy on you yesterday with looking briefly at them. After that we can wash you to get that hospital smell of you if you want it." Alex answers.

Olivia looks downwards as she hears Alex saying that she needs to look at her wounds thoroughly. She knows the blonde is right but she hates it. It makes her feel weak and vulnerable and there is nothing she hates more than that.

"I know you have to do it and I'm glad that it's you who's doing it and not someone else but I still hate it, Alex. After you took care of my wounds can we do it the same way did it yesterday? You standing behind me. I can take care of my intimate parts myself, I need some help with the rest though." Olivia asks softly.

Alex looks at Olivia and gently lays one finger under Olivia's chin and pushes the Detective's head up so she can look into her eyes.

"You don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed Olivia. I know you think of yourself as weak and vulnerable and that you hate it but that's not how I see you. To me you are the same strong and tough person as you were before. But I want you to be as comfortable as you can be, so how about I take care of your wounds and then stand behind you to help you undress? You can wash the parts you can do yourself and I do your back and the parts you can't take care of. I even can turn around with my back to yours if that will help you." Alex says softly.

"That's alright. But you don't have to turn your back to mine Alex. Thank you for understanding me and being thoughtful." Olivia answers.

"No need to thank me Liv. Now let's go and get over with it." Alex says.

Both women get off the bed and do the things they need to do and when they are done they have a nice breakfast. While Alex prepares herself Olivia lays down on the couch in the living room and reads a book till it's time for them to leave the cabin and go back to NY. They are lucky with the traffic and are able to get a nice cup of coffee before they go inside 1 Hogan. They go to Liz's office first where Alex will stay till Olivia comes to get her. After being inside for a couple of minutes Liz's secretary calls her via the intercom to tell her that Petersen and the rest of the men are here and waiting for them the appointed room. Liz and Olivia stand up to walk outside the older blonde's office. Alex squeezes Olivia's right shoulder softly for encouragement and the Detective smiles softly at the ADA before leaving the room behind Liz. They stand still in front of the room and Liz turns to Olivia.

"Ready Detective?" Liz asks.

"As ready as I can be. So let's go." Olivia answers.

Liz nods at Olivia and opens the door. She walks inside before Olivia who closes the door behind her and turns around. Petersen, Collins and Vain stand up and wait for Liz and Olivia to sit down before they sit down again.

"Alright gentlemen, let's start immediately shall we? You asked for this meeting in order to talk about the possibilities of a deal with Detective Benson. So talk." Liz says sternly.

"Straight to business? Alright. I'm Rick Petersen, I'm the hospital's and Dr. Vain's attorney. Next to me on the left is Derrick Collins, CEO of the hospital and on my right is Dr. Danny Vain, surgeon at Mercy hospital." Petersen introduces the three men.

"First I would like to offer our sincere apologies to you, Ms. Benson. I know it doesn't change a thing but it's the least I can do." Petersen says.

"It's Detective Benson. And you are right it doesn't change a damn thing." Olivia says coldly.

"Sorry Detective Benson. Alright as requested this is the deal we're offering. The nurses, Ms. Gena Denning and Ms. Carry Thompson, will be suspended for a month without paying, Dr. Vain will be suspended for two months without paying and you will get a claim of 250.000 dollar." Petersen says.

Olivia manages to keep her face straight, all the years of being a Detective for SVU are paying off. The offer is an indication of what is possible and the brunette is sure that Alex can get way more out of this. In fact the offer is almost offending and Olivia would have reacted wouldn't it have a negative result in the end. Olivia looks at the men and then at Liz before she answers.

"Gentlemen, Ms. Donnelly, if you would all excuse me, I would like to talk about this with my attorney. It only will take a couple of minutes. Let's say around 5 minutes." Olivia says almost sweetly.

Petersen and the two others look confused.

"Excuse me, your attorney? Isn't Ms. Donnelly here for that?" Petersen asks.

"I have my own attorney, Mr. Petersen. I'm sure you know how it works. As I said it won't take long, my attorney is waiting for me." Olivia answers.

"Yes of course I know it. Do you mean that your attorney is here, in this building? Because if he is why don't you get him in here? It will safe us all time and will be easier to talk." Petersen says.

"Yes SHE is in the building. If that's what you want I'm happy to go and get her back inside with me, after we talked about your offer that is. Now if you all excuse me, I'll be right back." Olivia says.

Olivia stands up immediately and walks out of the room, not waiting for an answer and giving Petersen the opportunity to react and ask her who it is. Petersen frowns at the back of Olivia. Wondering what female lawyer could be the Detective's attorney. He looks at Liz for an answer but Liz just shrugs her shoulders and keeps quiet. Olivia walks into Liz's office where Alex is pacing a whole in the carpet. She stops pacing when she sees Olivia.

"Ready to get this show on the road, Counselor? They won't know what hit them. Petersen asked to get him in there. I told him that I would get HER and left him wondering who it could be." Olivia smiles.

"Of course I'm ready. What's the offer?" Alex asks, smiling at Olivia.

"1 month suspension without paying for Gena and Carry, two months for that asshole and a claim of 250.000 dollar. I would have laughed in his face or something if that couldn't bite me back in the ass in the end." Olivia scowls.

"Are they nut? Who do they think they are dealing with, some dumb ass junkie? It's a joke and insulting if they are thinking that you or we would take that offer serious. Alright let's go kick some asses, Detective. This is gonna be fun." Alex says.

Olivia smiles knowingly at Alex.

"Alright, Ms. I – can – kick – everyone's ass- Cabot, let's go." Olivia says.

"Smart ass." Alex says.

They smile at each other before putting their game face on again and walk out of Liz's office. Olivia knocks on the door before she opens it and walks inside with Alex following right behind the Detective closing the door behind her. As soon as Petersen sees Alex his jaw hits the floor. He knows immediately that they are screwed.

"Mr. Petersen, I'm sure you now my attorney. Mr. Collins, Dr. Vain this is my attorney Alexandra Cabot. Alex this are Mr. Petersen, who I'm sure you know, on his left Mr. Derrick Collins, CEO of Mercy hospital and on his right Dr. Danny Vain, the surgeon who performed the hysterectomy." Olivia introduces Alex to the men, with a small smile on her face.

"Yes... of course I know... Ms. Cabot." Petersen stutters.

Petersen looks at Alex who gives him a glare and then quickly looks at Olivia. The Detective smiles, no laughs inside herself, Petersen is already peeing in his pants and Alex hasn't said a word yet. Once again Alex's reputation got ahead before her.

"I have discussed your offer with Ms. Cabot and she will handle things from now on for me. She knows to what I will agree or won't agree and has a free hand to negotiate to an acceptable deal for me. She's more than capable of doing it without me sitting next to her, so again, if you all will excuse me. I'll wait in Ms. Donnelly's office for the outcome of this meeting." Olivia says.

As Olivia is turning around to leave again Petersen mutters "we're screwed" under his breath. The other two men didn't hear him but Liz, Alex and Olivia certainly did. The Detective turns back to look at Petersen.

"I'm sorry Mr. Petersen, you were saying?" Olivia asks.

"Nothing Detective Benson. Nothing at all." Petersen answers.

"Alright. I thought I heard something but it must have been my imagination then." Olivia says sarcastically as she turns around and walks out of the room.

When Olivia has closed the door behind her she hears Alex asking with an ice cold voice if the offer that was made was serious because if it was that would be insulting. Smiling to herself, despite being nervous as hell, Olivia walks to Liz's office and gets inside. Waiting for Alex and Liz to come back with hopefully a killer deal. In the next half an hour Olivia drinks 4 cups of coffee to calm down her nerves. Because even though Alex will make the best deal she can get and Olivia has all the faith she can have in the blonde ADA, if Petersen, Collins and Dr. Vain don't accept the deal Olivia knows she still needs to go to the courtroom the next day. It is doubtful but still there's always a chance even if it is a very small one. Just when she wants to get up to get her fifth cup of coffee Alex and Liz are walking into Liz's office. As soon as Alex closed the door behind her Olivia walks to the younger blonde.

"And what do you got?" Olivia asks nervously.

Alex looks at Liz and then smiles at Olivia.

"A pissed off attorney and probably two grown men almost crying for their mothers." Alex smirks.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"**It may be an old cliche, but I think true love will last; it has no end. But finding the right person is a very difficult thing." - Bruce Forsyth.**

"_A pissed off attorney and probably two grown men almost crying for their mothers." Alex smirks._

"Alexandra don't be so modest dear. When they are alone they will cry for their mothers. You totally kicked their asses." Liz chips in.

"So I can assume that they accept a deal?" Olivia asks.

"Yes they did. At first they hesitated but when they heard what Liz was going for on trial they immediately agreed. So no court tomorrow. We have to go Petrovsky's chambers to seal the deal in half an hour. We've got lucky she had time for us so soon." Alex answers.

"Are you gonna tell me what you got now or what?" Olivia asks.

"Yes I am. But you better sit down before I tell you it." Alex answers.

Olivia raises one eyebrow questioningly but takes a seat in on of the two chairs at this side of Liz's desk. Liz sits down in her own chair behind her desk and Alex takes a seat in the chair next to Olivia. Turning to look at the brunette.

"Gena and Carry are both suspended without payment for 6 months. Vain is getting suspended without payment for 1 year. Plus he loses his function as head of the team and can't get it back for the next 5 years. He also has a probation for the next two years. If he screws up, even a bit, he'll lose his license.

You have the best health insurance for the rest of your life. Plus every surgery you might ever need will be paid for by the hospital if it's not covered by your health insurance.

I know that when you are retiring, in the future, you want to start a foundation. The money to start a foundation with will be paid also by the hospital. That means everything you need to get a good start and make it running well.

And finally you don't have to worry about paying your bills anymore. You get 2000 dollars every month for the next two years, starting the first of the next month and a claim of 1,2 million dollars." Alex says.

Olivia's jaw hits the floor and it's silent in Liz's office for about 30 seconds. Olivia is clearly overwhelmed with the second part of the deal Alex got for her. After 30 seconds Olivia shakes her head in an attempt to get it clear before she looks at Liz and then back at Alex.

"I don't know what to say besides thank you, Lex. Thank you so much. I owe you big time." Olivia says.

"No you don't. You had my back and saved me or my life more times than I can count on two hands, Liv. If anything I owed you. I just made sure that you are getting what you deserve and helped you to be able to do what you want. Anyway, I haven't had this much fun in a long time. It was nice to be toying with them and make them squirm." Alex smiles.

"I hate to break in but we need to go to Petrovsky's chambers now if we want to be there in time." Liz says, getting up.

Alex and Olivia get up and the three women go to the courthouse. Half an hour after they went into Petrovsky's chambers everyone is out again. Petrovsky, of course, allowed the deal and she made sure that every part of it is taken care of. Everybody is relieved for different reasons. Olivia, Alex and Liz are happy with the deal they could make and are relieved that Olivia didn't have to go to trial and testify. Petersen, Collins and Vain are relieved that they could make this deal instead of getting their asses kicked in court and lose more than they are losing now. On their way back to her office Liz calls Cragen and tells him that they will be ready in half an hour. She asks him if he is able to make it to her office by then. Cragen tells her that he'll be there in half an hour. When the three women walk by Alex's and Olivia's favorite coffee shop the Detective stops them and tells the two women that she goes inside to buy them all a cup of coffee and some donuts and cupcakes to celebrate the deal.

"What do you want Liz?" Olivia asks.

"Latte Macchiato, extra sugar, please." Liz answers.

"Alright, Latte Macchiato is coming up. Excuse me ladies, I'll be right back." Olivia says.

When Olivia walks inside the coffee shop Liz raises an eyebrow at Alex.

"How many times have you two been here together that Olivia doesn't need to ask what you want, Alexandra?" Liz asks.

"I lost count after the first two years of working with SVU as their ADA to be honest. Although there are a few choices I like to drink from here, somehow Liv always knows what I want without asking, every single time." Alex answers while getting as red as a tomato.

Liz only smiles knowingly at Alex before she turns her head and looks inside the coffee shop. Not surprised to see Olivia standing inside in a way that she can see both the counter inside and Alex outside. She realizes that the Detective probably doesn't even notice what she's doing. Liz turns back to look at Alex.

"Is she always so protective of you?" Liz asks pointing at Olivia with her head.

Alex looks inside and smiles as she sees how Olivia is standing. The younger blonde turns her head back and looks at Liz a bit uncomfortable.

"This nothing. She doesn't even know that she's doing it. You should her when we are in an interrogation room. I never have to worry to get attacked or someone trying to attempt it when she is in there with me. I wasn't lying Liz when I said that she saved me or my life more times than I can count on two hands. That's all I want to say about this or Liv." Alex says firmly.

"Alright, no more talking about Detective Benson for now." Liz says, pulling her hand up in surrender.

They left it with that and wait for Olivia to come outside. When Olivia gets outside the three women start walking again and Olivia gives Liz a glare but she doesn't say anything. Not that she need to, Liz knows what the glare means and inside she is happy that Alex has found someone that cares for her as much as Olivia does. Hoping that they would get their head out of their asses, not knowing that the two already did that. 5 minutes after they got back at Liz's office Cragen arrives and Olivia hands him his cup of coffee and let him choose between the donuts and cupcakes although she knows what he wants. Cragen says that he assumes that Olivia got a deal since they were drinking good coffee and eating donuts. Olivia tells him with proud in her voice about the deal Alex got for her. The four of them talked about how Alex wiped the floor with Petersen and the two other men for a couple of minutes before Liz told them to get back to business.

"Although with the deal Cabot got you don't have to work again if you invest your money properly but somehow I don't think that's what you want to do. So we still need to talk about the time the two of you are taking off. Am I right?" Liz asks.

"Yes you are. I'm a cop and while I have a lot to think about, need to make difficult choices and have to recover from my surgery physically and mentally, being a cop isn't one of them." Olivia answers.

"Alright. Now there are two things we can do in my opinion. Feel free to say it if I am wrong, Don." Liz says.

Cragen nods at Liz and the older blonde continues.

"The first option is make 1 PP and the DA happy and use the many, many sick days and vacation days the two of you have left. I don't know about Detective Benson but Alexandra has about 2 years give or take a few weeks. The second option is to take an leave of absence." Liz says.

Olivia blushes when she hears how many days Alex has left. She doesn't know exactly how many days she has left but she's sure that it's more than the blonde ADA has.

"Uhm Cap. how many days do I have left? I don't know exactly how many but I know it's more than Alex." Olivia asks sheepishly.

"That's an understatement Benson. At the last count you had close to 5 years left." Cragen answers shaking his head.

Although Alex is a bit surprised but she isn't as surprised as Liz is. The EDEA is almost shocked.

"When was the last time you took a sick day or a day off Detective?" Liz asks.

"Took or ordered? Took, I can't remember. Ordered, 3 days ago when I got hit by a car at the first day of the two I needed to take. And the first and the last time I actually did as I was being told. I can tell you that." Olivia answers.

"Besides the way how we are going to take said days, what are you going to do now that I'm going away, Liz?" Alex asks.

"Well, I saw this coming three days ago and I made a few phone calls to get your time covered. The last thing I wanted was to get a replacement that knows shit about prosecuting cases for SVU. If I learned something in the years behind us it is that not every one can handle it and that for a unit as SVU it's necessary to have someone who can handle it and is strictly assigned to SVU. Don't worry, you'll still be SVU's ADA when you come back. You just share your docket with someone else and you're the first chair when you come back. Now I won't keep you all waiting the new ADA, or coming back ADA I should say, is Abby Carmichael. She wanted to come back to NY and she was more than pleased to be able to work with you two when you come back. The case load is big enough for the both of you." Liz answers.

Although Cragen, Alex and Olivia are surprised to hear that the Texan is coming back, the three of them are happy and pleased that it's Abby who will be prosecuting for SVU when Alex is away. After they all told Liz how happy they are turns Alex to Olivia.

"Liv, I have an idea. How about we take 3 weeks for certain and after that we call in every week if we want to add another one or not? If that's alright with Liz and Cragen of course." Alex asks.

Olivia looks at Cragen who just nods at the brunette Detective.

"If Liz is alright with it I think it's a good idea. But I have to take 6 weeks for certain, I refuse to go on desk duty and Doc said that I may not use my arm for 6 weeks and I need to recover from the surgery too. I don't say you need to take that many too, it's just information." Olivia answers.

"Detective, you and Alexandra can take 6 weeks and still go with the idea. You both have more days than you know what to do with if you are both working normally. I say take 6 weeks and we'll talk after that if we're going to call every week after that or the two of you are coming back. Don?" Liz says.

"I agree with Liz. As long as we don't get any trouble from above that the two of us can't handle I would say take as long as you want and can without getting crazy and fight like cats and dogs." Cragen answers smiling.

"6 weeks is fine with me. Liv?" Alex asks.

When Alex looks aside at Olivia she sees a certain look in the Detective's eyes. She's pretty sure the others don't see it but Alex does and she knows that Olivia is about to take a run.

"Alright. 6 weeks it is. Now I go to the restroom and after that we should leave, Alex. Before they change their minds. They are way too easy if you ask me. Alex, can you help me up, please? I really need to go to the restroom." Olivia asks.

Alex stands up and helps Olive out of the chair.

"Thank you for what you have done for me Liz. You know how to reach us. Thank you Cap. for giving me the time I need. See you at the restroom, Lex." Olivia says.

Olivia turns around and walks out of Liz's office as fast as she can. Leaving Liz and Cragen confused behind.

"How stupid do you think she is? She's a Detective for heaven's sake. Did you really think she wouldn't figure out what the two of you are doing? She's gonna run and you better hope that I'm able to chase and catch her because we all know she has a better stamina." Alex chastise.

"Alexandra what are you talking about?" Liz asks confused.

"Don't! Don't try to insult me. I'm not that stupid neither. She knows that you two are trying to get the two of us together. And with doing that you freaked her out and made her run. Are there any restrictions for us being involved, should that happen? Don't answer that now. Mail me what they are or how we need to handle things. I need to go and try to stop Liv." Alex growls.

Alex quickly stands up and walks to the door when Liz calls out.

"I'm sorry Alex, we didn't want this to happen." Liz says.

Alex turns her head back with the door handle in her hand.

"Sorry is not good enough if I won't be able to get her back!" Alex sneers.

Alex turns her head back and walks out of Liz's office slamming the door hard behind her.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N I'm happy that I'm able to write for this story. It's the only one at the moment. I hope for the readers of my other stories that I will be able to write for them again in the near future. Until then I hope I will reach y'all with this story.**

**Warning: there will be talked about violence in this chapter.**

Chapter 11

"**Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." - Tori Amos**

Alex quickly walks to restrooms at the other side of the hallway after she left Liz's office. Cursing Liz and Cragen under her breath while she walks. When she arrives at the restrooms she knocks on the door before she opens the door and walks inside. When she sees Olivia leaning against the sink with her head down she slowly walks to the brunette.

"Are you alright, Liv?" Alex asks.

Olivia looks up and looks at Alex. Even though Alex tries to hide it Olivia can see a bit of fear in the cerulean eyes.

"Don't worry Lex, I was not running away from you, I freaked out and was running away from them. I meant it when I said I'm all in. I don't know how things will go from here, because there is a lot I need to decide about but being with you isn't one of them. I'm sorry if I scared you in there, I'm just edgy with everything that's going on and happened." Olivia answers.

"I know. I'm afraid that I didn't do anything to help you though. I chewed their asses off after you left and Liz tried to apologize for what they were doing but I wouldn't have it so I might just have outed us to them. I said to Liz that sorry wasn't going to be good enough if I wouldn't be able to get you back. I'm sorry Liv, I didn't want to do this without talking about it with you but I let anger get the best of me." Alex says softly.

"It's alright Alex. I knew you would chew off their asses when I left. I would have done the same thing if the roles had been reversed. We have, or I have other things to worry about. Yes, I would have liked it if we could have waited and just keep us to ourselves for awhile but I would have done the same and knowing me I probably would have done more than a little ass chewing." Olivia says with a small smile.

"Yes you would probably have done that. But we still can keep it to ourselves Liv. They're not gonna tell anyone. I know you are even a more private person than I am, we can go on your pace. I would like to keep it quiet for a while too actually. Now how about we go back to the Cabin now and take some rest when we're there?" Alex asks while putting and arm around Olivia.

Olivia flinched at the body contact. She could keep herself from freezing on the spot and hoped that Alex didn't notice it. But Alex noticed it, like she had done all the other times Olivia had flinched in the past days Never mentioned it because she thought that it could have to do with the threat of a trial. But now she knows that it isn't the case and figures it has to do with the hysterectomy.

"Still a bit on the edge from the surgery too? You're safe with me Liv, I won't do anything to harm you." Alex asks softly while pulling back her arm.

"Yeah, I am. Sorry." Olivia lied.

Olivia felt guilty about lying to the blonde but she couldn't tell her the truth. She just couldn't. Alex would blame herself for it. The Detective lowed herself for not coming forward but she couldn't bare the thought of Alex knowing what happened or more why it happened so she kept her mouth shut.

"It takes time, I get that. So ready to go back?" Alex asks gently.

"Yes. Let's go." Olivia answers.

The two women walk out the restroom and down the hallway to the elevator. When the elevator opens both women are pleasantly surprised when a certain lanky brunette steps out of it.

"Already here to take my place huh, Carmichael?" Alex jokes while pulling the Texan in a bear hug.

"Like that would be possible, Cabot. No I don't go there, even I ain't able to do that." Abby laughs, hugging the blonde back.

"So Detective Badass I heard that the Ice Queen here got you a good deal huh?" Abby asks while lightly hugging Olivia.

"Yeah you got that right." Olivia answers.

Olivia flinched again and Abby let go of the Detective. Abby looked at Olivia and by the way she was looking at her Olivia knows that Abby knows what happened. It was the knowing look that survivors have in their eyes when they recognize it.

"How?" Olivia asks.

Knowing she didn't need to ask more than that.

"You remember, Devoney?" Abby asks softly.

Hearing the name of the guard Olivia's head shot up. How did she know and how did Abby know? The reason that Olivia was ordered to take two days off was because of the case a few days prior the day Olivia got admitted the hospital. The squad had been on an undercover operation that went wrong when Narcotics from a different precinct came busting into the club where they were undercover. Some over enthusiastically rookie who wanted to proof himself had arrested Olivia and she was thrown into Rikers before the others had noticed that Olivia wasn't there anymore. Without her ID, badge or service weapon they hadn't believed her when she told them she was a Detective at central booking. And it had taken the other Detectives a while before they had located the brunette.

"Yes." Olivia answers softly looking down on the floor.

"She called me Olivia, asking me for help after she heard that I was coming back to NY. Someone told her about it. I'm sorry Liv." Abby says.

"Damn it." Olivia curses.

She knows that her secret will come out. If the guard called Abby it would be only a matter of time before Cragen and the DA's office would know it. And that means that Alex will find it too and probably not by Olivia telling her. Alex looks from one brunette to the other and she knows something is wrong. She can see that without many words Abby and Olivia understood each other and she didn't like it at all. Not because she could be jealous but because something happened and what ever it was the two of them understood each other for it.

"Liv, Abs, what's going here?" Alex asks carefully.

"Lex, there is something I need to tell you but.." Olivia says but she gets interrupted by cellphones going off.

At the worst time possible for the Detective Alex's and her cellphone are going off. Olivia looks at Abby while she picks up her phone. And the new ADA hears her friends saying that they will be right back and Olivia saying that it won't be necessary because she was standing next to her. 10 seconds after their cellphones went of the trio is on their way back to Liz's office.

"Liv what did you do?" Alex asks.

Olivia looks straight into Alex's eyes when she answers that question.

"It's not what I did do, it's what I didn't do but I'm sure you will find that out very soon. I'm sorry that I'm not that one you'll hear it from, probably." Olivia answers softly.

Of course this raises more questions for the blonde ADA but she has a feeling that she indeed will find the answers to her questions in the next couple of minutes. Alex takes another look at Abby and Olivia and knows that what ever it was, it was bad and that worries the younger woman. 5 minutes after they left Liz's office Alex and Olivia are back in front of it and Alex knocks on the door waiting for Liz answering that the can come inside. Which of course follows immediately after Alex knocked. Alex opens the door and the three women walk inside behind each other with Abby as the last one and she closes the door behind her. Alex and Olivia take place in the seats the recently had left and Abby walks next to Olivia and stands aside of the Detective. Liz and Cragen look at Olivia and they both know that what they just heard is the truth. They look at Abby and Alex and they instantly know that Abby knows it too but that Alex has no clue of what's going on. Liz takes a deep breath before she speaks up.

"It was you Detective, wasn't it? It was you on the videotape they have, wasn't it?" Liz asks softly.

Olivia bows her head while answering the questions.

"Yes it was me. I didn't... I didn't know there was a video camera... recording it." Olivia whispers.

"Why didn't you tell it? Later I mean." Liz asks gently, not judging Olivia.

"Alex." Olivia simply answers.

"What happened? What are you talking about? What videotape and what's on it?" Alex asks worried.

Liz looks at Olivia silently asking if she needs to tell it but Olivia shakes her head. Even though she didn't want Alex to find it out at all or like this, at least she can try to tell the blonde it herself. Olivia looks at Abby who nods and slowly lowers her hand, so Olivia sees it, and squeezes her shoulder softly before she lets go. Olivia looks at Alex after Abby let go of her hand but when she sees the worried look in her girlfriend's eyes she hesitates. Not sure how to tell the blonde what happened, not wanting to see the guilt in those beautiful eyes once she's finished. Not wanting to tell it because she can't pretend that nothing happened anymore. Taking a deep breath Olivia starts talking hoping that the blonde still loves her and wants her after she knows the truth.

"You know about our undercover operation that went wrong and that I was thrown in jail. What you don't know is that they locked me up in the same place where Jack Barbara was. He wanted revenge for you throwing him in jail. But like I said, I didn't know they were surveying the place with video camera's, that they have it on tape." Olivia answers.

All the air is sucked out of Alex's lungs when Olivia spoke to her. She has the terrible feeling that she knows what happened in there, what's on the tape. What he did to Olivia, to her girlfriend, to get revenge for getting thrown in jail because she put him there. Olivia being trapped, not able to call out for help because he would tell everyone that she's a cop. That he probably threatened her that he would say or scream that she was cop if she made a sound or screamed for help.

"What... what did he do to you, Liv?" Alex asks, the fear clearly in her voice.

Olivia looks away from Alex's eyes and looks at the floor. She doesn't want to see her eyes when she tells it.

"He... he raped...me." Olivia chokes out softly.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"**Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."- Lao Tzu**

"_What... what did he do to you, Liv?" Alex asks, the fear clearly in her voice._

_Olivia looks away from Alex's eyes and looks at the floor. She doesn't want to see her eyes when she tells it._

"_He... he raped...me." Olivia chokes out softly. _

After saying it out loud Olivia can't keep it together anymore. For 4 days she pretended nothing happened, tried to block it out of her mind. But there was no more hiding now. Alex knows it now, Abby does and so do Cragen and Liz. Alex who is sitting next to Olivia is completely devastated herself. Those three words hanging above their heads like a black cloud, hanging above everyone in the room. It breaks Liz's and Cragen's hearts to see the two women in front of them in so much pain and misery. Two women they both care deeply for. And except for Alex the others knew what happened but hearing Olivia say it was a stab into all their hearts. Alex doesn't know what to do. She desperately wants to hold the Detective in her arms but she is afraid to do it. The blonde attorney feels like she doesn't have that right anymore. Feels incredibly guilty and feels like it's her fault that her Olivia was raped. She sent Barbara to Rikers, she authorized the undercover operation that went wrong and had lead to Olivia's arrest and being thrown into Rikers. Despite what she is feeling she has to try to be there for Olivia and hopes that the Detective allows her that even if she herself thinks she doesn't deserve to be around her now. Alex feels the tears are running over her cheeks, she gets up from her chair turns to Olivia and stands in front of her. Alex holds out her hands to Olivia.

"May I hold you Liv? I know that I don't deserve it but please let me hold you." Alex asks with a small voice.

Olivia looks up and sees the pain she feels herself rejected in Alex's eyes. She sees the guilt Alex feels in her eyes. And that the younger woman barely holds it together just like herself. She slowly reaches to one of the hands that Alex is holding in front of her and let the blonde help her up and then they throw themselves in each others arms.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I'm so sorry." Alex whispers.

"It's not your fault, Lex." Olivia whispers.

Finally Olivia allows herself to let go and breaks down. The Detective knees are giving out and Alex holds Olivia in her arms and slowly lowers them to the floor till they sit down. Taking Olivia in her arms Alex doesn't care that they are not alone and breaks down with Olivia. They hold each other like their lives depends on it. With tears in her own eyes Abby looks at Liz and Cragen and nods with her head in the direction to the door of Liz's office. Both Liz and Cragen nod and stand up. Quietly the three walk out of Liz's office to give Alex and Olivia some privacy together.

Half an hour after they left, Abby, Cragen and Liz are back in Liz's office. Alex and Olivia have composed themselves a bit. Olivia knows that she has to step forwards and report that she's being raped. Liz told them that Abby is prosecuting Olivia's case. Knowing that the Detective would be more comfortable with the Texan prosecuting it. While Abby was taking Olivia's statement Alex was sitting with Liz and Cragen, beating herself up. Liz and Cragen tried to get the young ADA stop blaming herself but without any luck. Somewhere deep down inside rationally she knows that she couldn't prevent it but that's clearly not what's on the surface. Cragen decided to take the case himself this time and not to assign it to one of the other Detectives. Knowing that Olivia doesn't want anyone else to see the videotape and neither does he. It would be hard enough for Olivia that Abby and he himself would see it along with everyone else involved for the trial probably. All together they had decided against a speedy trial and they're hoping that Barbara's lawyer wouldn't file a motion for it so that Olivia and Abby would have more time to prep the Detective for the trial. More time to try to deal with the aftermath of everything that happened in the past week, even if it's a little bit. Yes Olivia is glad that she couldn't be pregnant like her mother but the price she paid for that was high no matter how great the deal is that Alex got her. It had turned her world upside down not once but twice and in certain way with her world turned upside down Alex's world too. Abby had received the recording later that afternoon and she putted it in her purse to watch it in private, she didn't want someone walk into her office and see it.

It's 4 PM and both Alex and Olivia are exhausted. They just arrived back at the cabin. They sit down on the couch with a cup of tea. After they finished drinking their tea Olivia turns to look at Alex.

"Alex can you help me change in some comfortable clothes? And I would like to lie down for a while." Olivia asks.

"Yes of course. How about we get you changed and then you go lay down till dinner? I'll take a brief nap myself and make dinner after that so we can have it around 6 PM." Alex asks.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. Will you come and lay down next to me? I feel better when you're around me." Olivia asks shyly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea after last night, well early this morning?" Alex asks.

"I will flinch Alex, we both know that will happen, I will have nightmares, it's inevitable. Hell I'll probably will get flashbacks. Now there will be triggers which we need to learn and try to avoid but to get over what happened I'll need you at my side whether I'll admit it to you and myself or not. So is it a good idea? We'll find that out when I wake up. Does it mean that we're not doing it? No it does not. There's only one person who can help me or get out of nightmares and flashbacks and that's you. So long answer short, yes I'm sure." Olivia answers, looking straight in Alex's eyes.

Hearing out loud what she knew will come, deep down inside, Alex tears up again. Turning her head away with tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Liv. It's my fault you were raped. I'm so so sorry." Alex whispers.

"Lex, honey, look at me please." Olivia says softly.

For a few moments Alex hesitates but then she slowly turns back her head and looks at Olivia. The Detective's heart breaks when she sees the quilt and pain in the blonde's eyes.

"You listen to me Alexandra Cabot. This is not your fault. Let me finish before you start talking." Olivia says softly.

Alex nods at Olivia not trusting her voice to speak. Olivia takes a deep breath and reaches for Alex's hand with her own and squeezes it softly before she let go again.

"It is not your fault nor do I blame you for what happened. You shouldn't either but I know that's not gonna happen. You didn't fuck up our undercover op, you didn't arrest me, you didn't lock me up with him and most certainly you didn't rape me. Narcotics screwed it up. Healy arrested me. And who ever was in charge in Rikers locked a rapist up with the others and me because apparently the holding cells were full. In non of this were you a participating party. You have nothing to be sorry for Alex, nothing. We can't change the past, we can't erase what happened. What we can do is try to recover from it the best we, yes we, can. This effects you, traumatizes you as much as it does for me. Why? Because you care for me, deeply. That's why. And I refuse to let you destroy yourself for this. It will be hard enough for the both of us without me needing to kick your ass. Understood, Counselor?" Olivia asks softly but firmly.

"I should be there for you Liv, not the other way around." Alex answers.

"Yeah well don't worry about that, you'll need to be there for me more than we both can count. But you didn't answer the question." Olivia says.

"Yes, loud and clear. And for the record, I don't agree with it but I understand it." Alex answers.

"I can't recall asking you to agree with it. Now let's go Blondie, I'm tired and sore." Olivia says.

"Alright. But I want to lay down in my own bed if that's alright with you. Don't agree to please me." Alex says.

"I won't. If you're more comfortable laying down in your own bed that's where we go. If for any reason I don't want it anymore I'll tell you it. Deal?" Olivia asks.

"Deal, Detective. Let me help you up." Alex answers.

Alex stands up and holds out her hands to help Olivia up. Once the Detective is standing the two women walk to the guestroom to change Olivia's clothes and then they walk to Alex's bedroom. Alex quickly changes into some comfortable clothes herself and when both ladies are dressed in tank tops and shorts the younger blonde helps the brunette into her bed before she walks around the bed and lays down on her own side of the bed. Keeping as much space between them as she can. Not long after they were lying in bed both women fall asleep.

It's 5 30 PM when Abby decides to call it a day and go to Olivia's apartment where she'll be staying till she finds an apartment. The Detective offered her to stay there since she's at Alex's cabin. Abby cleans up her desk and takes her purse and coat and locks up her office before she leaves. An hour later Abby finishes her dinner that she picked up around the corner of Olivia's street. She cleans up and takes the videotape out her purse and puts it in the VCR before sitting down on the couch. The tall brunette takes a deep breath before she hits the play button on the remote. Half way through the tape Abby needs to hit the pause button because she's getting sick. She runs to the bathroom just in time and empties her stomach in the toilet. Yes the brunette ADA knows what happened but knowing it and seeing what happened to your friend are two different stories. After her stomach finally calms down Abby gets up and brushes her teeth before she returns to the living room to watch the rest of the tape. As soon as she finished watching the tape Abby pulls out her cellphone to make a couple of calls.

Alex and Olivia are still sound asleep when they wake up from Alex's cellphone ringing hours later after they went to bed to take a nap. Alex reaches for her cellphone on the night stand and picks up.

"Cabot." Alex says with a husky voice.

"Alex, it's Abby. I'm sorry to wake you up." Abby says.

"That's alright. What time is it?" Alex asks.

"It's 7.30 pm. Is Olivia awake and could you get her on the phone if she's awake or put on the speaker?" Abby asks.

"7.30 pm damn. Liv's awake now too and she's here so I'll put on the speaker." Alex answers.

Alex puts her phone on the speaker while she mouths 'Abby' at Olivia.

"Alright, you're on the speaker Abs." Alex says.

Abby isn't surprised that Olivia is next to Alex wherever they fell asleep. She knows how it can help to have someone you trust next to you when you're going to sleep with what happened.

"Is something wrong or did something happened?" Olivia asks.

"No nothing happened. I just was on the phone with Liz and we decided it's for the best to split up the case. It does mean that you have to testify twice." Abby answers.

"Why? I mean why did the two of you change your minds?" Olivia asks.

Abby inhales deeply before she answers the question. Alex and Olivia hear her and look at each other worried.

"Liv, I saw the tape. I was alone when I did it." Abby answers softly.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"**There is no person that love cannot heal; there is no soul love cannot save." - Carlos Santana.**

"_Liv, I saw the tape. I was alone when I did it." Abby answers softly._

It was silent for a second or two.

"Oh shit." Olivia mumbles softly.

But Abby heard it.

"Yeah, oh shit. I think it's safe to say that you know why we split up the case, don't you Liv?" Abby asks carefully.

"Yes I do. Did the cap see it?" Olivia asks worried.

"No he didn't, not yet. " Abby answers.

Alex looks at Olivia and then at her cellphone. She knows that she can't see Abby but she looks anyway.

"Can one of the two of you tell me what's going on? What's on that tape?" Alex asks anxiously.

"I don't want him to see it, Abs. I hate it that you saw it." Olivia says.

"You know he will, Liv. You know that he's not the only one who will see it. There's nothing I can do about that. I'm sorry Liv. I really am. How much did you tell Alex?" Abby asks.

Olivia looks at Alex briefly with a deer looking in the headlights look before she looks away and avoids the blonde's eyes.

"Nothing." Olivia almost whispers.

"Nothing?! Damn Olivia. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Do you want me to tell Alex or do you want to do it yourself. And neither is not an option. You can take your time to tell her if you want to do it yourself but my advice is to tell her it before the trial starts." Abby asks.

"I know. Do you have it with you at my place?" Olivia asks.

"Yes. Why?" Abby asks.

Olivia takes a deep breath before she speaks again.

"Alright. I'm gonna talk with Alex tonight. And you are right about the fact that more people will see it. Can you call back in a minute or two Abs? I need to talk about something with Alex before I ask you something." Olivia asks.

"Sure. I call ya back in two." Abby answers and ends the call.

"Liv, you don't have to tell me if you're not ready for it. I won't push you." Alex says softly.

"Yes I do Lex. I don't want you to find it out at the trial. I can't do that alone. And yes, I'm afraid and scared like hell that I'll lose you after you know it or have seen the damn tape. But Abby is right, you'll see it at the trial anyway along with everyone else in the courtroom. I can't do that to you. I can't do that to me. And I have to trust your word like I always have and always will about anything else. I have to trust you that you won't leave me. Even if I don't believe it right now." Olivia says.

"Alright, if you're sure we'll talk about it tonight. But you can take as much time as need. We don't have to finish it tonight, Liv. What is it that you need to talk about with me?" Alex asks.

"Would you mind going to the City tomorrow if Abby has no other plans? You could see the tape at my apartment then. I know I have to take things easy but I don't see any other option. As soon as Abby presses charges against the son of a bitch it's out of our hands how much time we have till the trial. And I don't think she'll wait till after the weekend." Olivia asks.

Alex thinks about it for a few of moments.

"How about we ask her to come here tomorrow? If it's not necessary I don't want you to travel too much. We already went two days in a row. I know Abs won't tell anyone about this place and you need to prep for both trials with her. If his lawyer asks for a speedy trial it could mean you have to go to trial next week for either case. Tomorrow is Friday so why don't we ask her to come here after work and if you're alright with it she could stay for the night and leave Saturday. I can see the tape and the two of you could prep for your trial." Alex proposes.

"Alex, no. You don't have to do this! I know you're right about traveling but I don't want this place to be a walk-in-house. Till yesterday you didn't have anyone else beside yourself here." Olivia answers.

"Liv your health is more important to me than not inviting Abby here. It's just for this one time. Unless you don't want her to be here I really don't have a problem with it." Alex says.

"Are you absolutely sure, Alex?" Olivia asks.

"Yes I am." Alex says firmly but with a soft tone in her voice.

Olivia sighs and looks in Alex's eyes for a few seconds.

"Alright, let's asks her to come here. But it will be an exception. I don't want anyone else not even Abby come here for me after this one time." Olivia says.

"Deal. Just this one time." Alex says.

The two minutes went faster than they thought. In fact Abby gave them five minutes before she calls back just when Olivia wants to react. Alex picks up after checking who it is and puts her cellphone on the speaker immediately.

"Hey Tex, you're on the speaker already." Alex says.

"Are you two finished talking?" Abby asks.

"We almost were but the rest can wait. Do you have any plans for tomorrow evening or Saturday morning?" Olivia asks.

"No not really. Why?" Abby asks.

"We would like to ask you to come to Alex's cabin tomorrow after work and to bring the tape with you so that Alex could see it. And the two of us could prep for my trial. It's just this one time and only because I've been traveling for two days in row. And you can't say it to anyone where it is. I know I can trust you, we can trust you, but this is Alex's secret heaven and I don't want anyone else knows about it. I'm sure you'll understand that. Anyway do you want to do that? If necessary you can stay for the night." Olivia asks.

"Of course I can do that. Alex is right about you not traveling again tomorrow. I know you didn't say that but I also know that Alex is the one saying that you shouldn't travel again tomorrow. You're too stubborn to ask for it yourself. But are you sure it's alright for me to come there Alex?" Abby asks.

"What is with brunettes and asking if I'm sure? Yes I'm sure otherwise I wouldn't have proposed it. I'll text you the address later." Alex answers.

"Alright. I'll let you know when I'm leaving the City. I think it will be late afternoon or early evening. It depends on how busy I am tomorrow and how fast things go." Abby says.

"That's fine. Don't grab something on your way here, we can eat together when you're here." Alex says.

"That would be great. Alright I'll leave you two alone for now. See ya tomorrow." Abby says.

"See you tomorrow Tex. Bye." Olivia says.

"Try to relax tonight, Carmichael. See you tomorrow." Alex says.

"That goes for the both of ya too, Cabot. Bye." Abby answers and ends the call.

Alex looks at her watch and sees it's 8 PM.

"How about I'm gonna make us dinner? I know I'm not the chef between the two of us, as we both know, but mac 'n cheese should go right without setting the kitchen on fire." Alex asks jokingly, as she stands up.

"Alright. Don't make too much though, I'm not hungry." Olivia answers.

Alex sits back on the edge of the bed.

"Liv, we don't have to do this tonight. I know you're not hungry because of you're afraid of what will happen after we talked. I also know you want to do this tonight so I'm gonna make dinner now so that it's ready and then we go talk first. We reheat it when we're done. If you don't wanna eat that's fine, I'm not gonna push it down your throat. I can reheat it just for me if that's the case." Alex says.

"Lex, you don't have to wait just because I'm not hungry. I can eat after we talked if I want to eat then." Olivia says.

"I don't mind to wait. I'd rather wait and eat with you later if you're up to it then. And before you ask, yes I'm sure." Alex answers.

"Ok. You make dinner first and we'll eat after we're done." Olivia agrees.

"Do you want to come and sit with me while I'll cook or do you want to wait here and I come and get you when I'm done?" Alex asks.

"I'd like to wait in the living room on the couch. I thought we could talk there." Olivia answers.

"Ok. Let's get you up then." Alex says.

Alex stands up again and helps Olivia to get up and the two of them walk to the living room. Alex helps Olivia to get comfortable on the couch. The kitchen is in the same area as the living room. After Olivia is seated Alex walks to the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen to get ready the blonde changes her mind and walks back to Olivia and looks into her brown eyes.

"I'm proud of you Olivia Benson. I know how hard it is for you to open up to people, even to me. But in what must be one of the hardest times of your life you're trying to let me in and trust me. I promise that I won't betray your trust. Nothing can chase me away from you or make me leave you. I won't leave you unless it's you who's asking me it. It would destroy me and break my heart in a million pieces for ever but I would respect your wish and do it." Alex says.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter contains a graphic description of sexual assault. **

**I know that reading about a sexual assault can be traumatic. I suggest that if this to hard to read, which is perfectly understandable in my opinion, it might be better to skip this chapter from the moment that part starts. It will be clear when that happens.**

Chapter 14

"**I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Theresa.**

After Alex was finished Olivia had the tears in her eyes. How is it possible that this wonderful, intelligent and caring woman chose her? Olivia can't believe the words she just heard.

"Do you really mean this?" Olivia asks softly.

"Yes I do. Do you think I pour my heart out like this with everyone? I don't. You are the only one. So you better believe every single word of it, Detective." Alex smiles.

"Sorry, stupid question. Thank you Alex, this means so much to me. I'm sorry that I'm such a mess." Olivia says.

"You may confused and scared or maybe you are a bit of mess right now. Which is completely understandable but you're still my mess Olivia Benson. And in case you haven't noticed it I care deeply for you." Alex says.

"That I am, Counselor. That I am. You mean everything to me, Lex. I'm incredibly lucky that a woman such as yourself chooses me to be her girlfriend. I care for you too very much Alexandra Cabot." Olivia replies.

Brown eyes stare intensely into blue ones. Trying to say what can't be said out loud yet. The women look into each others eyes for about a minute till Olivia shyly looks away.

"How about you make that dinner you were talking about, Counselor? And be careful I'm not able to get us out or use the fire distinguisher." Olivia jokes, switching the subject.

"What, you can't use it with one hand? You disappoint me Detective. I thought you could manage such a simple task with one hand." Alex teases.

"Oh I can do a lot of things with one hand, Counselor. Especially with my right hand." Olivia winks.

Alex smiles and shakes her head before she gets up and walks back to the kitchen. While Alex makes their dinner the two of them have a light conversation. Olivia is checking the blonde out more than once but Alex acts like she doesn't notice it. Of course the blonde attorney feels the Detective's eyes on her and secretly she is happy with it. That Olivia is able to do small things like this at this moment. 20 minutes later Alex is done and cleans up the kitchen first.

"Do you still want to wait till after we're done talking for tonight?" Alex asks.

"Although it smells delicious Alex, I think it's for the best to wait. It would be a waist of it if we can't keep it down. So I think we should wait with eating our dinner." Olivia answers.

"Charmer. Fine we'll wait. I let it cool off before I put it in the refrigerator. Do you want a cup of tea or coffee, or something else to drink?" Alex asks.

"Do you have the same coffee here as you have at your apartment?" Olivia asks hopefully.

"Yes of course. It's worse enough I have to drink that crap they call coffee at the office or what ever it is that Munch makes. I would be stupid to drink something else here too." Alex answers.

"Amen to that. Well in that case I would die for a cup of coffee." Olivia smiles.

"Coffee it is." Alex says.

A few minutes later Alex walks with two steaming cups of coffee to the couch and hands one to Olivia before she sits down next to the Detective. Olivia takes a sip and moans.

"Sorry for that. I just really missed your coffee the past week." Olivia says shyly.

"Yeah I can hear that." Alex says dryly.

"You're just jealous at my cup of coffee." Olivia counters.

"I have my own cup, thank you very much. Anyway how do want to do this? Do you want me to ask you questions to start with till you're ready to take over or do you want to tell me what happened and we'll go from there? Remember we can stop whenever you want and I know you're scared of losing me when I know it but that's not gonna happen." Alex asks.

"I'm not scared of losing you because of what happened, Lex. I'm scared I'll lose you because of what I didn't do. I'm a damn decorated Detective. I should have defended myself, I should have fight back and keep him of me or try to at least. I didn't do that, I did nothing, I just let it happen. Some cop I am. I'm afraid of losing you because I was weak, am weak and joke of cop." Olivia answers softly.

"You didn't just let it happen, Olivia. Now I don't know what happened exactly, yet, but I do know that you didn't 'just' let it happen. You weren't alone with him. There were others too. You didn't have a choice you did the best thing you could do because you are a Detective. A damn good one! Don't say that you were weak or are weak because that's so not true. You are the strongest person I know. So don't blame yourself for what happened to you. You told me not to blame myself, that it wasn't my fault. Don't start blaming yourself because it certainly wasn't your fault. And to get it out of the way right now, I'd rather kill myself than leave you for what you think is wrong. I told you before, nothing and I mean NOTHING can make me leave you. Now tell me how you want to do this." Alex says.

"I should have known that you would say this. But is does make me feel better, relieved. I think that I want to try to tell you what happened first. If I can't do it maybe you could ask me questions. Like, I don't know, maybe pretend we're prepping for trial or something like that." Olivia says.

"That's ok. Take your time, there's no rush or time limit." Alex says softly.

Olivia drinks her coffee slowly trying to get the courage to start telling Alex what happened that dark day almost a week ago. Alex waits patiently drinking her own coffee. The blonde knows how hard it is for a victim to tell their story. Knowing that telling your story to your girlfriend doesn't make it easier, if anything it probably makes it even harder to tell it. As Olivia finishes her cup she puts it in front of her on the coffee table and takes a deep breath before she leans back.

"When we arrived at central booking I told the guards there that I'm a Detective. That I shouldn't have been arrested because I was on duty and doing my job. They laughed in my face and said that either I was high or drunk or maybe both because they didn't believe for one second that I was a Detective. They said that if I was a Detective I should have had my badge and gun with me, since I didn't wear them I was lying and make up a story. I told them to check my name and badge number and that they would see that I was telling the truth. But they said that would be a waist of their time and that they had better things to do because I surely would have given them a fake name and badge number. They strip searched me and put back on the cuffs and walked me to a holding cell for multiple persons. When they threw me inside they said that all the holding cells were 'full' and that there was no other cell where they could hold me so that I just needed to suck it up and stay there. With that they closed the cell and left me with 3 guys. They weren't that bad. Sure they made some dirty comments and catcalls, stuff like that but they didn't touch me or threatened me. I went to the back of the cell and kept quiet minding my own business. About 10 minutes after they'd locked me up the opened the cell and threw in another guy. I looked up and I froze. It was Barbara they threw inside. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't speak up, I couldn't make a scene. So far the other guys didn't know I was a Detective. When they took his cuffs off I knew I was doomed. The guards didn't believe with the booking and they wouldn't have believed me if I would say it now. When the guard locked the cell he said that they needed to behave themselves or their sentences would be extended. The other men nodded and said they would. Barbara... he smiled at the guard. He..just smiled..." Olivia says softly.

Olivia is crying and she slightly starts trembling. Alex doesn't know what emotion is the strongest inside her at the moment. She is furious that the guards didn't believe Olivia and didn't even wanted to check her name and badge number. Her heart breaks knowing how scared Olivia must have felt when they threw Barbara in the same cell. How was it possible that they had fucked it up so badly and putted a rapist in cell with woman. Yes Olivia is a Detective but she didn't have the slightest chance in a cell with 4 men. All the younger blonde does is holding her Detective in her arms and try to give her some comfort. Alex never felt so helpless and defeated before in her entire life. Even being in Witsec didn't come close to what she is feeling now. That was about herself now it's about the woman she loves. Even though they didn't say it yet Alex loves Olivia more than anything else in her life, more than life itself. And it breaks her heart seeing her girlfriend like this.

"Liv, do want to stop for now?" Alex asks softly, her voice raspier due to her own emotions.

"No, I want.. to get it out." Olivia answers softly.

"Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?" Alex asks.

"Can you hold me in your arms? Can I.. can I lay down in your arms? I want to feel.. safe again. Even if only for a moment." Olivia whispers.

"Of course. Everything I can do to help you I'll do. I'll do anything to make you feel safe again." Alex answers softly.

Alex helps Olivia to turn a bit slowly so that she can sit behind the Detective and lean against the arm of the couch. When Olivia is ready she carefully sits down behind and leans back and pulls the Detective in her arms and against her own body. At first Olivia flinches when Alex sits down behind her but as soon as Alex pulls her against her own body and puts her arms around her she leans back and relaxes a bit.

"You are so brave, Liv. I'm so proud of you. You came so far already. You're strong. I know you don't feel like it but you are. So incredibly strong and brave." Alex says softly in Olivia's ear.

Alex whispers sweet encouraging words in Olivia's ear while she softly rubs Olivia's arm and back. Slowly Olivia calms down a bit. And for the first time in a week she feels safe again. Safe in Alex's arms, knowing that the younger woman will never hurt her or harm her in any way possible. They stay like this for a few minutes when Olivia speaks again.

"I think I'm ready to continue now." Olivia says.

"Alright. Remember that your safe in my arms. Nothing can happen to you here." Alex says.

"I know. For the first time this week I feel safe again. I know that you won't hurt me, that you'll do everything you can to keep me safe." Olivia answers.

"That's right honey. I'll do everything I can to protect you and keep you safe. I'm glad that you feel safe now here with me." Alex says softly.

Olivia pulls Alex's arms a bit tighter around her. Getting strength from Alex holding her in her arms. After taking a couple of deep breath Olivia continues.

"He waited till the guard was gone. We were in the last cell of the hallway. Across my cell was another cell. There were only men in it and they were all gang members. So what ever would happen they wouldn't help. When the guard was gone he told the other guys that he and I had some unfinished business. At first the others protested but after he told them that I was a cop they stopped. One of the guys motioned to the gang members to keep an eye on the hallway. I walked back into the corner and they stood together in a line... with their backs to us. He yanked me at my arm and turned me around. Then... he putted his left hand over my mouth and kept it there squeezing me hard. With his other hand he pulled my dress up... around my waist and whispered things into my ear. He.. he went with his hand under my dress...from aside and touched me all over my body. Then he squeezed my breasts hard. I don't know how long. He pulled his hand back and pulled down my underwear a bit, not far just far enough to..." Olivia chokes out.

Olivia tries to control her breathing. Tries to push away the images that are running through her head. She tries to focus on the soft touches on her back from Alex and listens to the sooting voice of the blonde. The only thing Alex does is trying to calm down the Detective. She knows that Olivia wants to get it out. And as long as Olivia doesn't panic, stresses too much or getting a flashback Alex let her go on. Trying to block her own emotions and to be there the best she can for her girlfriend. After a few minutes it seems like Olivia is a bit more in control again and the Detective goes further with telling what happened.

"I heard him pull the button of his jeans and pull down the zipper. And I froze... I couldn't move.. I was so scared, Lex. I was so scared. I was standing there and I knew he would rape me... and there was nothing I could do, nobody would help me. All the time I was in that cell with him I kept wishing that somebody would come back and get me out of there. That the guys would find out where I was and get out of there. But nobody came. Just before he.. he pushed inside me he whispered something in my ear again. When he was done... he pulled it out and pushed his fingers inside. One of the men said that... that it was their turn. He sneered at them that they could have... have me after he was done and not sooner. He kept... raping me again and again... and suddenly he stopped. I didn't know why until I somehow heard footsteps coming towards us. I guess that one of the gang members warned them that somebody was coming to our direction. I sort of snapped out of the state I was in. How I don't know I just did. And I tried to act normal like nothing happened. Afraid that someone just came checking and walk away again or something like that. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't remember what happened after that. All I can remember is that I was outside Rikers and that Amanda and Fin got me back to the precinct." Olivia finishes, breaking down completely now that she is done.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"**Love is a force more formidable than any other. It's invisible – it cannot been seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could."- Barbara de Angelis.**

After Olivia was finished and broke down she stayed in Alex's arms for about an hour. Crying together about the hell Olivia had been trough. Alex was glad that Olivia allowed her to keep her close. The blonde knows that sooner or later Olivia would push her away or try it. As long as Olivia allows her Alex will do everything she can to help her girlfriend. After they both had calmed down a bit Alex had reheated their dinner and Olivia ate a bit. It was a warm night and they had been outside for a while before they went to bed. At first Olivia wanted to stay in the guest room by herself and Alex went to her own bedroom. But an hour after they went to bed Olivia had a nightmare and she had moved to Alex's bedroom after that. It was a difficult night for both of them. Due to the fact that Olivia was exhausted she had fallen asleep again but that night Alex had been woken up three times by the Detective, screaming in her sleep. After the second time Alex stayed awake, sitting against the headboard with Olivia in her arms but even the safety of her attorney's arms couldn't prevent a third nightmare. No need to say that both women still were exhausted by the time they got up. After their morning ritual and breakfast Alex asked if it would be wise to have Abby coming over that night but Olivia almost bit her head off. Alex didn't want to get into a huge fight over this so she let it rest. After lunch it seemed like Olivia was feeling a bit better emotional and she suggested that Alex and she should go getting groceries and make something nice together for dinner to thank the Texan. Alex had agreed to get them, knowing that Olivia couldn't sit still for even hour normally, except for paperwork due to her job. It was a 15 minutes drive to the stores in the nearest village. Abby had called and told them that she would leave around 4 pm and that she should be there around 6 pm if she was lucky with the traffic. When they returned from the village Alex and Olivia made some preparations for their dinner and after that Olivia lied down on the couch to take a nap. Laying her head on Alex lap who was reading a book in the meantime. Thankfully Olivia slept for 2 hours without a nightmare. Around 5 pm Alex woke the Detective up giving her some time to wake up properly. And now they are waiting for Abby to arrive. It's close to 6 pm and Abby hadn't called that traffic was a bitch so they expected the tall brunette any minute from now.

"I'm going to sit outside in one of the lounge chairs." Olivia says.

"Are you sure? Abby's going to be here soon." Alex asks.

"Yes, I'm sure. I need some fresh air." Olivia answers.

"Alright, let me help you to get comfortable there then." Alex says.

Alex stands up from the chair she was sitting in and helps Olivia up from the couch and the two women walk outside to the lounge chairs. Alex helps Olivia down into the chair slowly and when the strong brunette is settled the younger blonde walks back inside. Waiting for Abby to arrive and sensing that the Detective wants to be alone. She decides to make some coffee for when the brunette attorney arrives. About 10 minutes later Abby arrives at Alex's cabin. Alex sees her coming and walks to the front door and opens the door. She waits in the door opening. Abby kills the engine and gets out of her car taking a small back, her briefcase and her purse with her. After she leaves the car she locks it and walks to Alex.

"Hey Blondie, how are things up here?" Abby drawls while hugging Alex.

"Could have better, could have been worse. Let's go inside first." Alex answers slowly.

"That doesn't sound so good." Abby says walking inside the cabin behind Alex.

"Do you want a short tour first or a cup of coffee?" Alex asks closing the door behind the brunette.

"If you have coffee ready I'd say coffee first. Where's Liv?" Abby asks looking around in the living room.

"Coffee is ready. Liv's outside sitting in a lounge chair. But I think we should leave her there for a moment. She just went outside. Well take a seat wherever you want, I'm gonna crab us some coffee." Alex says.

Abby sits down on the couch and waits for Alex to return with their coffee. Shortly after she left the blonde is back with two mugs filled with coffee. She hands one to Abby and sits down next to her on the couch.

"So, how are the two of you holding up?" Abby asks.

"Today was alright considering the circumstances. During the night it was bad though, Liv had three nightmares." Alex answers.

" That's bad yeah. But with everything she went through I'm not surprised. It's good that today went well after a night like this. It's gonna take a long time before she'll be alright again I think. Did ya gals talked about what happened?" Abby asks softly.

"We did last night. It was hard but Liv told me what happened in Rikers. She wanted for me to know what happened before we go to trial. I'm so proud of her Abby, so proud that she let me in and told me what happened to her. I know she's still afraid she'll lose me, no matter what I say. It's gonna take time and me proving her that she won't lose me." Alex answers.

"That makes two of us. I'm glad she trusts you and talks to you Alex. I know how important it is to be able to talk about it with someone close to you. Someone that understands it." Abby says softly.

"I'll be there for her as long as she lets me. I'll always be there for her no matter what. She just needs to realize it yet. Now how about I give you a tour and we go to see if Liv wants to have dinner?" Alex asks.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. I have to say this is a great area. I hope it will do the both of you good to stay here for a while." Abby answers.

Alex shows Abby the cabin and then the ADA's are walking outside to Olivia, the Detective is staring at the lake when they see her.

"Howdy Detective." Abby says.

Olivia turns her head.

"Hey Tex. Did you have a good ride?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah it was alright. Not too much traffic." Abby answers.

"That's always nice. I assume the two of you came here asking to have dinner?" Olivia asks.

"Yes we are. Do you want to have it now?" Alex asks.

"Sure. Abby must be starving and I think that you're hungry too. So let's go." Olivia answers.

Alex helps Olivia up again and they all went back inside. Since they had prepared everything this afternoon there is not much needed to get dinner on the table. Basically all Alex has to do is to bake the steaks and the potato parts. Olivia already told the blonde how to bake the steaks so it won't be a problem. Abby and Olivia are staying in the living room having small talk while Alex finishes their dinner and 10 minutes later the three women are sitting at the dinner table enjoying their meal.

"This steak is so good, Alex. Everything is good." Abby says.

"Well thank you but it's Liv who you should thank, I only helped her prepare it and baked it like she told me to do." Alex says as she blushes.

"That's crap Counselor and you know it. Don't sell yourself short. You did as much as I did. We made this dinner together, Abs." Olivia says.

"Well I don't care who did what, it's great. So thank you both." Abby smiles.

"It's the least we could do after all you're coming all the way up here for us." Olivia replies.

"Thank you Abs, our big bad Detective here doesn't know how to take a compliment." Alex smiles.

After they finished their dinner Abby insists that she helps Alex with cleaning up and doing the dishes. After they are done they go the living room where Alex sits down on the couch with Olivia's feet on her lap, Abby sits down in the chair across from the couch.

"Did ya think about how ya want to do it, Liv?" Abby asks.

"I thought that maybe it's for the best if Alex watches the tape without me. So if it's alright, I think the two of us should prep for the trial while Alex watches the tape. If you still want to watch it of course, Lex." Olivia answers softly.

"I want to be prepared so I can be there for you in the courtroom. I get it that you don't want to see it so I think it's a good plan that you and Abby are going to prep for the trial at the same time." Alex answers.

"On one side I wish he would go for a deal so that I don't have to go to a trial. On the other side I want him behind bars for the rest of his life. How fucked up is that? Don't answer it. I don't want to talk about it. Let's go do it, the longer we wait the harder it gets. And the more I can think about Alex watching the damn tape." Olivia says with a slightly shaken voice.

"Alright. Where are we going then?" Abby asks.

"You can take the spare room. I'm staying here in the living room." Alex answers.

"Spare room it is." Abby says.

Alex stands up and helps Olivia to the room while Abby opens her briefcase to pull out the tape and the things she needs for prepping. She lays the tape on the coffee table and waits patiently for Alex to come back giving her and Olivia some time together. She briefly wonders where she's gonna sleep tonight but quickly dismisses the thought, now is not the time to think about that. After a couple of minutes Alex walks back into the living room.

"Abby, if you think it's getting too much or if Liv's wants to, stop prepping. I don't want neither of you pushes her over her limits. Alright?" Alex asks with a soft voice.

"Of course, I don't want to push it neither. We can always continue tomorrow should it come that far. Now I know that you know what happened, like I did, but I feel the need to warn ya, Alex. It's different when you know someone so well personally. I knew what happened but watching it made me sick, literally. I'm not saying you can't handle it, you worked more case with SVU than I did, but you're even closer with Liv than I am. This is going to upset you, gets you pissed off at least. You need to take care of yourself too, Counselor. It won't help Liv if you pushing it to far yourself and you're not able to look at her anymore. The damage that will be done is irreparable. But I don't have to tell you that. If it gets too much to watch the tape, stop it, pull it off. I ain't saying this to offend you. I'm saying this as your friend who cares about the both of ya." Abby softly answers.

"I know you do. We both care about Liv and she cares about the both of us." Alex says.

"That may be true but there's a difference." Abby says.

Alex knows that she probably knows what the brunette means but she can't stop herself from asking.

"What do you mean? What's difference?" Alex asks.

"You know what I mean. I care for Olivia as a friend and she cares for me as a friend. You love her, Alex and she loves you. You may not have said that to each other or anyone else but we both know I'm right. The two of you have stopped the dance you were doing for years. And it's about time you did that." Abby says softly.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N I know this is an extremely short chapter but I didn't want y'all needing to wait any longer than you already are. I do hope y'all like the chapter despite the short length.**

**As always R+R, y'all know how addicted I am to them.**

Chapter 16

"**The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender." Emil Ludwig.**

After Abby had spoken to Alex the tall brunette had left and went to Olivia. Alex wondered who else had noticed the dance she and Olivia had been dancing for years. And if it was that obvious that they deeply loved each other. The Texan was right, she hasn't said to Olivia that she loves the Detective nor did Olivia said it to her but she could feel the love Olivia has for her. And hopes that Olivia could feel the blonde ADA has for her. Alex smiled when she thought about it and then tried to prepare herself for what see would see on the tape. Keeping in mind what Abby said about it. Watching the tape Alex goes through a turmoil of feelings. Getting angrier and heart broken with every minute that passes. Pausing the tape two times because it became too much seeing what happened to her girlfriend. When the tape has come to its end the younger ADA removes the tape and sits on the couch thinking about what she saw and what kind of hell her Detective went through. Thinking about what to do to help Olivia dealing with everything that had happened. 5 minutes after she stopped the tape Alex is pulled out of her own thoughts by Olivia's screaming but before she gets off the couch to run to the spare room Abby walks inside the living room with a bloody nose.

"Alex, you need to go to Liv. She's having a flashback and I can't get her out of it." Abby says, trying to stay calm.

Alex jumps up and walks to Abby.

"What happened with your nose?" Alex asks while motioning Abby to walk with her, Abby's nose has to wait for now Olivia is more important.

"Don't worry about that, is just a nose bleeding. I tried to talk her out of it and leaned too close towards her. She hit me on my nose. It's my own fault, I ain't blaming her." Abby answers.

"I'll look at it later right Abs." Alex says.

Alex walks inside the room with Abby following behind her. Olivia is sitting on the bed with her legs pulled up against her chest and her arms around them. She is rocking for and backwards. Her eyes are closed and the fear is clearly visible on her face. Alex quickly walks around the bed and climbs on it pulling Olivia in her arms. Instinctively knowing that Olivia won't hurt her.

"Liv, it's alright honey. I'm here and you're safe now. You need to come back to me. Breath honey, just breath." Alex says softly with a sooting voice.

Although Olivia doesn't come back she does stop rocking. Shaking in the younger blonde's arms. Alex keeps circling her fingers over her lower back and keeps talking to Olivia.

"It's over Liv. He can't hurt you anymore, you're safe now. I'll protect you. But I need you to come back to me honey. Listen to my voice Liv and come back to me. Everything is gonna be alright, baby." Alex says.

Alex reaches the Detective and slowly Olivia opens her eyes and looks at Alex with fear and anxiety in her eyes.

"Lex?" Olivia whispers.

"That's right baby. It's me. You're safe now, Liv. He can't hurt you anymore. Now take a deep breath and let it out slowly." Alex answers.

Seeing that Olivia was back Abby left the room to let them be and look at her nose in the bathroom.

"What happened? Is it really over Lex?" Olivia asks, still shaken up.

"Yes it's over. You were having a flashback. You're safe now here with me, Liv." Alex answers softly.

Hearing Alex's words makes Olivia burst out in tears. Tears of relieve and pain. Alex let Olivia cry in her arms while she comforts the older woman and whispers sweet things into her ear. After sitting like this for a few minutes Olivia calms down. When Olivia looks at Alex her heart skips a beat at the love she sees in the baby blue eyes. Not ready to say the words out loud, Olivia tries to pull away from Alex's arms but she doesn't let Olivia go. Instead, she pulls her arms tighter around the Detective, turning her so she can look into those beautiful brown eyes.

"You're not going to run away, Liv. I know you're feeling extremely vulnerable right now. I told you that I would be there for you when you need me and that's exactly what I'm doing right now. No one is going away, neither one of us. I care for you Olivia Benson. I care for you deeply and then some. And nothing can change that." Alex says.

Alex takes a deep breath before she continues.

"I know we are going slow and I wholeheartedly agree with that, I'll respect every decision you make. But there is something that you need to know and even though I'm scared that you'll run, now is the best moment I can think of. I love you Olivia Benson. I love you with everything I am and have, I always will. I probably did even before we actually met. Whenever you're ready you can talk about what you feel you can talk about it with me. I just want you to know what I feel for you." Alex says softly.

When Alex finished saying what she wanted to say tears are forming in Olivia's eyes again, only this time they're happy tears. Olivia hesitates for a second or two before she leans in and softly kisses Alex's lips. Trying to put everything she's feeling for the younger blonde but isn't ready to tell her into the short kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"**Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston.**

While Alex and Olivia had been talking, Abby's nose stopped bleeding and she cleaned it up as good as she could. The tall brunette didn't think it was broken but she was sure she would feel it in the next couple of days. Not that she would tell Olivia that, the older brunette would beat herself up for hitting her anyway and she didn't want to let her feel more guilty than she already would feel. After cleaning up her nose Abby decided to make some coffee and then to go and get Alex and Olivia. They all could use a strong cup of coffee she figured. When the coffee was almost ready Abby walked down the hallway to the spare room. Just when she entered the room Olivia pulled back her head.

"I'm sorry for interrupting y'all. I just came here to say that coffee is almost ready. I'll get my ass out of here." Abby mumbles.

Alex and Olivia are blushing for being caught but they both know that nothing else would happen. They look at each other for a moment before they turn their heads to Abby.

"What, is the big bad ADA afraid of a kiss? Don't worry Counselor, nothing else is gonna happen it's safe for you to stay. And what happened to your nose?" Olivia asks.

"Or is someone being jealous here?" Alex asks hoping to distract Olivia.

Abby makes a gagging sound.

"Ow Cabot that's just gross. You're my best friend and Detective Badass here is like my big sister or something like that. So no I'm not jealous. I'm actually happy that ya both got your head out of your assess. It'll be a lot easier for the rest of us to deal with the two of ya after you got into one of your fights." Abby answers.

For a split second Olivia looks confused before she slips her mask back on and she answers to Abby.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Carmichael. What ever it is that you're thinking about that's not gonna happen for 2 months at least. I'm not allowed to do that physically. And I'm certainly not ready for it mentally. And you didn't answer my question Abby." Olivia says.

Abby thinks about it for a moment and decides to tell Olivia the truth. She knows that Olivia somehow always knows when she's lying and she doesn't want to upset the Detective more by lying at her.

"I came too close to you when I tried to get you out your flashback and you hit me. It's my own fault, Liv. I shouldn't have come so close to you and I should have gone to get Alex instead of trying to get ya out of it myself first." Abby says.

"Oh Abby. I'm sorry. You're wrong, it's my fault not yours. I'm the one that hit you. I'm so sorry. It's not broken is it?" Olivia asks worried.

"No it's not broken. You have to hit me harder than that to get my nose broken. It ain't your fault, Liv. I know that you're are thinking the worst of yourself and you need stop with that right now. You have nothing to be blamed for. Now how about we all go back to the living room and drink the coffee that's probably ready?" Abby asks.

Olivia thinks for a moment and then looks up at Alex.

"Would you mind if I talked alone with Abs for a while about something?" Olivia asks.

"Liv, it's not your fault. I don't mind to leave the two of you alone. But beating yourself up, for something you could do nothing about, is not going to help you." Alex answers.

"I know that. And I promise you both that I'll try not to do it." Olivia says.

"Alright. I'll go to the living room, when you two are done you know where to find me." Alex says, getting up from the bed.

"Thanks Lex. See you soon." Olivia answers.

Alex leans down to kiss Olivia's forehead and then leaves the two brunettes alone. Trying not to worry about her girlfriend and at the same time being as happy as possible knowing that Olivia loves her as much as she loves the Detective. She knows that it's gonna take a while before Olivia is ready to say it out loud but how short the kiss might have been, she could feel the love Olivia is feeling for her in it.

"Alright, what's bothering? I know that you're worried about something and it ain't about hitting my nose by accident." Abby asks, as she sits down next to Olivia.

"Can't hide anything for you, can I?" Olivia asks softly.

"I'm sure there are some things but no, not much. What's wrong Liv, besides what's obvious? I saw the look ya had for a moment." Abby asks gently.

"You said I'm like your big sister or something like that, I know we are." Olivia says, pausing to think how to say what's on her mind.

"I know you know that. What's bothering you about that?" Abby asks.

Abby slowly puts her hand on Olivia's leg to encourage her silently.

"Well... I am the 'something like that' part. Alex said it doesn't matter to her what I decide about the decision I have to make but I'm still scared to death that she changes her mind and leaves me. I guess I have to tell you what that is to make sense out of what I'm saying, don't I?." Olivia softly asks.

"I know this, Alex won't change her mind about it, what ever it is, if she said that it doesn't matter to her what you decide. She won't leave you, Liv. Alex loves you. I don't think there is anything that could make her leave you. I do think you need to tell me what you're talking about if you want me to be able to give you a better answer and help you or make me understand what you're talking about." Abby answers.

"I'm sorry for being so vague, Abs. I just can't be more specific telling you it without Alex knowing it first. I don't want her to know it after you. If that's alright and I hope that does make sense." Olivia says.

"Yes that does make sense. We both love you, Liv but I ain't loving you like she does and you ain't loving me like you love her so of course she needs to know it before me. And even though I don't understand what you're talking about ya don't have to worry about that. I can wait till you're ready to talk about it with me. It's more important for me that you are feeling as well as you can, given the circumstances, and that Alex knows it.

Look, if you can wait till after the trial and you're recovered a bit, mentally, from what happened to you, I would wait if I were you. But I can't look into your mind. If it would help you to get it off your chest, being less stressful for the trial and your mental recovery, you should talk about it with her before it starts." Abby says, smiling softly at Olivia.

"Thank you Abby. You did help me. I think I'm going to talk with Alex about it now. It would help me to get it off my chest and have it out of the way. I'm still scared but somewhere deep down inside of me I know you're right about her. So I'm gonna do it now before I lose my nerves and chicken out." Olivia says.

"Alright. You know what's the best thing to do or not to do. Do ya want me to go to Alex and ask her to come back here?" Abby asks.

"No. If you don't mind I want you to help me to get up. I think that talking outside at the lake with a cup of coffee will be more relaxing, now that it's still warm outside." Olivia answers.

"Sure. Let's get you up then." Abby says.

Olivia tells the younger brunette how she can help her the best and when the Detective is on her feet again the two of them walk to the living room. As soon as Olivia enters the living room she smells the coffee.

"Ow that smells so good." Olivia moans and walks straight to the kitchen to pour herself some.

Alex looks up from the book she was reading when she hears Olivia moaning, her eyes are slightly getting darker from hearing the sound that comes out of the Detective's mouth. Abby looks at them both and can't stop herself from snickering. Causing Alex to turn red knowing she's busted and Olivia to turn around looking sternly and raising one eyebrow at the brunette ADA. Abby doesn't know if Olivia is being serious or not and decides she doesn't take the risk.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it nor doing that." Abby says.

"Bullshit, Carmichael. You meant it exactly like that." Olivia says and looks at Alex.

"C'mon Counselor, you and I are going to sit outside. Abs can stay here as her punishment." Olivia says.

Olivia walks past Abby to go outside and winks at the Texan letting her know that she isn't mad. Alex stands up and follows the Detective giving Abby an apologizing look. Abby just smiles at the blonde ADA as she walks to the coffee table, picks up her briefcase and sits down on the couch figuring she could finish her work so they can relax when her friends are done talking. Outside Alex helps Olivia on one of the lounge chairs before she sits down herself.

"Are you mad at her?" Alex asks.

"No I'm not, I just used it as an excuse to get you outside with me. I let her know it that I wasn't mad when I looked at her as I past her. I want to talk with you about something and I thought that we could do that sitting outside now that it's still warm here." Olivia answers.

"Should I be worried? I mean you talked with Abby first and now you want to talk with me." Alex asks.

"No you don't need to worry. She doesn't know what we're gonna talk about. I talked to her cryptically to get some advice and she calmed me down a bit with her answers. I'm talking with you now because I don't want to lose my nerves and chicken out. And I didn't want to talk about the 'what' with her before I talked with you." Olivia answers.

Being calmed down with Olivia's answer Alex leans back into the lounge chair and looks at the Detective.

"I know I can't reassure you before you told me what you need say, so why don't you tell me it and I reassure you afterwards?" Alex asks.

"I guess you're right. I have to wait and see, for reassuring me afterwards, till you know it. So here goes nothing." Olivia answers.

Olivia looks away from Alex for a few moments.

"I sort of made a decision about keeping or not keeping my testicles." Olivia says.

"Sort of?" Alex asks.

"Well I want to keep them but that's not all I need to tell. After struggling for the biggest part of my life, I think I finally figured out what is wrong with me. And even though I know I could lose you, I can't change the fact that I won't be complete. I never can be really happy with you, if you still want to be with me, if I'm not who I am. What I am I should probably say. I never will be happy again without you but if I want a chance to be happy with you, I have to take the risk and with that maybe destroy what we have or could have. But that's the price I might need to pay. After what happened in Rikers you must be thinking that I finally lost my mind and went crazy, but I have to do this. When I'm mentally recovered and ready for it I want a sex changing surgery. I'm sorry, Lex." Olivia says, whispering the last sentence.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N 100 reviews! Y'all are amazing. At first I had some doubts when I started to write this story but with 100 reviews for 17 chapters I think it's safe to say that I don't need to worry anymore. Thank y'all so much. **

**Usually I don't comment on a review specifically or say something about it but I'd like to make an exception today because part of the review from Jbcjazz is one of the reasons I decided to write a story with this subject. To get subjects like this out in the open. And to help victims and/or survivors, to try to be a voice for those who cannot speak. So I'm glad that this story and maybe some of my other stories are helping others to deal with what ever is going on in their lives. To be a (small) light in the darkness of all of your lives. If I can do that for one person like I'm doing for her then to me this story is already more valuable than I could ever hope for. And that means the world to me. Knowing that I do something good in this life for others. And with that making my own life more valuable. **

**A/N 2 I know this is another extremely short chapter but after leaving y'all hanging and dealing with another major cliff hanger I thought I needed to make it up and let y'all know as soon as possible what Alex's reaction will be. **

**I'll try to make the next chapter longer again. Which ain't easy without my muse. She's still abandoning me so for now we all have to do it with the creations of my own mind. **

_**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my girlfriend. She surely is the light in my life. **_

_**She is the Alex to my Olivia...**_

**Alright enough cheesy stuff from my side, I've got a rep to protect. Ha ha.**

**Keep R+R beside the fact that I'm addicted to them they also are a big inspiration for me. :D**

Chapter 18

"**Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.**

"_Well I want to keep them but that's not all I need to tell. After struggling for the biggest part of my life, I think I finally figured out what is wrong with me. And even though I know I could lose you, I can't change the fact that I won't be complete. I never can be really happy with you, if you still want to be with me, if I'm not who I am. What I am I should probably say. I never will be happy again without you but if I want a chance to be happy with you, I have to take the risk and with that maybe destroy what we have or could have. But that's the price I might need to pay. After what happened in Rikers you must be thinking that I finally lost my mind and went crazy, but I have to do this. When I'm mentally recovered and ready for it I want a sex changing surgery. I'm sorry, Lex." Olivia says, whispering the last sentence._

After Olivia is finished Alex stays silent for a few seconds before she stands up and takes the two steps towards Olivia's chair. As soon as the blonde got up Olivia held her breath. She was sure that she would pay the full prize and lose Alex. A look of confusion crosses the Detective's face when Alex doesn't walk away but walks towards her.

"Lean forward Liv, I want to sit behind you. If that's alright with you of course. I promise I'll respond but I want to have you in my arms when I do that." Alex says softly.

Leaning forward Olivia carefully moves a bit forward. If Alex wanted to sit behind her and hold her in her arms her response couldn't be that bad, could it? As soon as Olivia moved forward Alex steps behind **her** Detective and sits down. While leaning back against the chair Alex pulls Olivia backwards and puts her arms around the Detective. Feeling the tension leaving Olivia's body when she leans back against her.

"You don't have to worry about me leaving you and certainly not for this, Liv. Even if I wanted it, which I absolutely don't want, I would never be able to actually do it. Because with leaving you I would not only kill you, destroy your heart but I also would destroy mine and kill myself. You have nothing to be sorry for neither. I know I have said this before but I'm gonna say it again; I love you for who you are honey, not what you are.

I think inside myself I already knew that you wanted to do this when you didn't know what to do when they asked you in the hospital what you wanted to do. I know it is a long way to go but I intent to be there next to you every step of it. I also know that it won't be easy for neither of us but we have come so far, have left so much behind us and survived so many obstacles thrown at us, we will get through this too. Neither of us is alone in it this time, now we have each other. I promise I'll be there for you, love you and defend or protect you when needed with everything I am and have.

You were right all those years ago and you're right now, I don't know how it feels like to feel that your own body is a mistake but I do see how it effects you. And if it makes you feel complete, makes you feel happy than that's what you should do. Because all I want is for you to be happy and preferably with me. I don't care what body you have, female or male, I know I will love it anyway. Everything I said earlier about loving you and what I want with you still counts. This doesn't change what I want with you, Liv. As long as I have you, I'll be the happiest woman on this planet.

And for the record, I don't think you're crazy or went crazy. I think you're the most beautiful person I've met in my life, inside and outside now and in the future, Detective Benson." Alex finishes.

Olivia was overwhelmed with everything Alex said to her. Abby was right, Alex really does love her. More than that the blonde still wants everything what she wanted before with her. Olivia couldn't believe what she just heard. How did she get a woman that loves her unconditionally and so understanding. So supportive with what she wants. Is this the true love people always talk about? Because it surely looks that way. But the Detective needed to be sure. Needed to have it confirmed that Alex really means what she said. With everything that's going on the Detective is more insecure than she normally is.

"Do you really mean what you said? All of it?" Olivia asks softly.

"Yes, I do." Alex answers.

"Come and sit in front of me, Lex." Olivia says softly.

"Alright." Alex says.

The blonde ADA softly pushes Olivia forwards and gets up to sit in front of the Detective like she requested.

"Now why did I need to sit in front of you?" Alex asks as she sits down.

"This is why." Olivia answers.

As soon as Alex sits she's pulled forward by Olivia and the Detective immediately kisses the blonde's lips. After a few seconds Olivia opens her lips and silently asks Alex to deepen their kiss into an open mouth kiss. Without thinking Alex opens her lips and electricity is coursing through her body when she tastes Olivia for the time on her lips. Olivia lift her hands up to Alex face and gently takes it into her hands. After kissing for about 10 seconds Olivia pulls back and leans her forehead against Alex's.

"Wow." Alex breaths, trying to get her breathing under control.

"Wow indeed, Counselor." Olivia whispers after regaining her breath.

"What was that for?" Alex asks softly.

Olivia pulls back a bit and looks at Alex.

"For being you. For being so amazing. For still wanting to be with me and still wanting everything I want for loving me. I... well... I... I mean... I... you..." Olivia stutters.

"It's alright, Liv. Just because you can't say it yet doesn't mean I don't know it or don't feel it. Don't try to force yourself, when you're ready it will come out." Alex says softly.

"I'm sorry for not being able to say it, Lex." Olivia whispers.

"Don't be, don't be so hard on yourself. You took some big steps today, you can't take them all at the same time. You gave your statement to Abs, you talked with me, opened up to me. We kissed, twice, today without you flinching. And boy what for kisses they were. You really kicked ass, Detective. I'm proud of you. Even with having a flashback this was a very good day for you and for us." Alex says.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a big bad Detective. Alright, enough talking for today. Let's go back to Carmichael and relax a bit before we go to bed." Olivia says.

Alex nods at Olivia and stands up. She knows Olivia was done talking for today. After helping the Detective up the two women walk back to the cabin. The three of them relaxed together for about an hour before they all decided to call it a day and go to bed. They decide that Abby is going to stay in the spare bedroom and that Olivia stays with Alex in the master bedroom and wish each other a good night before they go to their bedrooms. Alex looks and takes care of Olivia's wounds before they go through their nightly routines. Half an hour later all three women are lying in bed and they all hope that Olivia will make it through the night without having nightmares.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Finally chapter with a more normal length for me. I'm hope you all enjoy it. Oh and I have a little surprise for y'all...**

Chapter 19

"**If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile." - Lynda Barry.**

The next morning Alex and Olivia are still tired by the time they get up. Just like the night before Olivia was plagued with nightmares. Alex and Abby were woken up twice by Olivia's screams but Abby stayed in the spare room. Alex was with Olivia and the Texan knew that Olivia didn't want Abby see her like that. If her help was needed Alex would come and ask for it. Abby had fallen back to sleep after the second time and slept the rest of the night but Olivia and Alex hadn't. Olivia didn't want to sleep anymore afraid of getting more nightmares and Alex wanted to be there for her girlfriend and stayed awake with her. It's 8 am and Alex and Olivia are preparing breakfast together. They would wake Abby when breakfast was almost ready if the brunette wasn't awake and up by then.

"I think I'm gonna tell Abby about the surgery this morning. I left her in the dark yesterday when we talked and I think it's only fair towards her if she knows it, now that I've told you and we talked about it. I have to tell her and a few others it eventually. Maybe telling her here would help me calm down my nerves. What do you think, Alex?" Olivia asks.

"I think you should do it when you're ready for it. Here it's just the three of us and maybe that is easier for you. I'll support you whenever you want to tell her. But you don't know how she's gonna react. True Abs is pretty open minded and I don't think she's gonna react badly but we can't know that for sure. Maybe you should wait till after the trials. There's enough time afterwards. I'm not saying that's what you need to do, it's just a suggestion." Alex answers.

"I know there's plenty of time after the trials but I don't want to think about them. I know I have been testifying for more than enough trials. This is different though. I want to keep it out of my mind for as long as possible. Even though we finished prepping for it yesterday I don't think I'll be ready for it this time. It doesn't matter if we don't get a speedy trial. There is so much going on, so much going through my mind and I want at least try to find some peace. Telling Abby it now might give me that after we're done. I don't have to worry about it anymore. And like you I don't think Abby is one of the people who might react badly or will react badly. So maybe I can sort of practice on how to tell it and deal with the reaction on her." Olivia says.

"Alright, let's keep this weekend trial free. After we know if we get a speedy trial or not we can keep ourselves busy with your testimony. We know then how much time we have to get you as ready as possible for it. I'm sure Abby has no problems with this since you're done prepping. Go on and tell her it, I'll have your back no matter what." Alex says.

"Tell me what?" Abby asks walking into the kitchen.

The brunette only got the last part of the conversation so she doesn't know what the younger ADA and Detective are talking about.

"Good morning Tex. You know normally people first say good morning before asking a question when the get up. And to answer your question, we'll talk about that later. Breakfast is almost ready." Olivia answers.

"Good morning, Counselor." Alex says, pouring a cup of coffee for Abby and places it in front of her.

"Thanks. Good morning to the both of ya. Alright I'll wait." Abby says and takes a sip of her coffee.

When breakfast is ready they go and sit at the dinner table and having small talk while they're eating. Alex invited Abby to stay for the weekend after looking at Olivia for her agreement. Abby took the offer and was happy to stay and spending some time with her friends. After they were done eating Alex told Olivia to go lay down on the couch while the two ADA's would clean up. At first Olivia protested of course but Alex told her that she needed to rest and to take that rest. She had been up since they got out of bed and the blonde wouldn't take no for an answer. She knows that every day Olivia got better physically it would be a bigger challenge to get the Detective doing what she should do. Not wanting to get into a fight at this point, Olivia agrees. 10 minutes later the kitchen is clean and Alex and Abby walk over to Olivia with a fresh cup of coffee. Abby sits down in the chair across the couch and Alex pulls up Olivia's feet for a moment and sits down before she puts the Detective's feet on her lap. Olivia looks at Alex who nods at her and squeezes one of Olivia's feet to encourage her. The Detective takes a deep breath before she looks at Abby.

"There is something I need to tell you and I don't know how you're gonna react on it." Olivia says.

"You didn't kill someone did ya?" Abby jokes.

"No I didn't. And I'm serious Carmichael." Olivia answers.

"Since you didn't kill anyone I shouldn't be to worried, Liv. What ever it is, I'm sure we'll be ok. I know you talked about with Alex yesterday and she's still here so I don't think I'll leave when I know it." Abby says.

"Yeah well it's her cabin but I get your point. What I'm about to tell you, I would appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself. Besides Alex only Liz knows a part. Not even Cragen knows it." Olivia says.

"Got ya. I won't say a thing. Now stop beating around the bush and tell me what it is. I know you're nervous but it's just me." Abby says.

"Keep your pants on Abs. This not easy for me to tell. For us. You know what they did in the hospital what you don't know is what they discovered. It turns out I not only had the female parts inside my body, I also have testicles. Normally the surgeon would have removed them too but he should have done the surgery on a woman who wanted a sex changing surgery. Of course I freaked out but not for the reason you probably think. I freaked out for the fact that I didn't know it. Nobody ever told me and I don't know if my mother knew it or not, either way she never told me. Normally you aren't born with a complete female body and testicles, most of the times you are born without a uterus or without ovaries or without both. Obviously that wasn't the case with me. This is the part that Liz knows. She needed to know it to keep it out of the trial would there have been one." Olivia says.

Abby was quiet for a few moments and thought about what Olivia had told her.

"I can understand why you freaked out, I would have freaked out too if I heard something like that. So I assume that this is what you talked about with Alex yesterday. Do you know what you're going to do?" Abby asks.

"Yes I know what I'm going to do. I did talk with Alex but I talked with her about what I'm going to do. I always felt like something was wrong with me, with my body. And like I told you I freaked out when I heard that I have testicles, but I didn't freak out about the fact that I have them. And when they asked me what I wanted to do, get rid of them or not, I didn't know what I wanted. It confused me and scared me that I didn't say immediately to get rid of them. I truly didn't know what I wanted to do. I thought about it the past days and I thought about a case Alex and I had years back. And suddenly it all made sense to me. I know what was wrong with me all those years, why I hated my own body and why I didn't want to get a surgery to get my testicles removed immediately. That's why I needed to talk with Alex even though she already made it clear that what ever I would decide about them she would support me and respect my choice. She told me that it didn't matter to her and that I still was the same person to her. But you see, I'm not the same person I was. Yes on the inside I'm still the same, sort of, but on the outside I won't be the same anymore. That's why I was so scared to lose Alex, I am scared to lose you. When everything is behind me and I recovered from it, at least for a part, I want to have a sex changing surgery. I'm going to have a sex changing surgery. It's a long process and it won't be easy for Alex and myself but it's what I need to do. I was born with the wrong body, Abby." Olivia finishes.

"I know I should be shocked right now but I'm not. Surprised? Maybe. To be honest I'm more shocked hearing you have testicles. I guess I feel the same about this as Alex does, you're still the same person to me now that I know what you're going to do. You may change on the outside but you're still the same person on the inside. And I finally have the brother I never had. I know this is a big deal for you but this is how I see it. And I'll be there for you, for the both of you. In fact, everyone that will treat you badly, is going to get their ass kicked by me. Nobody can hurt my bro because of this and get away with it." Abby says.

Olivia burst out in laughter. Yes a part of it is because she was nervous, but she already can see Abby kicking someone's ass, probably literally if they act really bad. Alex smiles at Abby, the Texan just said all the right things and she knows that Olivia is relieved with the brunette's reaction. She knows that there are other people who might not be so relaxed about it as Abby is, but this just what Olivia needed. After a minute or so the Detective calms down and smiles at Abby. A million questions about how things work exactly are in the back of Abby's mind but one question is popping up and she wants to know the answer.

"There are lot of questions I have about how things work, but ya probably don't know it yourself for now. There is one thing I do want to know now. What are you going to do with your name? Obviously you are going to change it but into what?" Abby asks.

Alex raises an eyebrow and looks at Olivia. This is a very interesting question. They didn't talk about it and she wants to know it too.

"I'm gonna keep my last name as it is of course. I thought about and I'm gonna change my first name in John and my middle name in Doe." Olivia says with a straight face.

Alex and Abby are looking at Olivia like she truly had gone nuts. For a second they thought that Olivia was joking but their eyebrows are going straight into their hairlines and their jaws drop on the floor when they see the serious look and straight face of the Detective. Seeing their reaction Olivia can't keep her face straight anymore and a big smile breaks through on her face.

"You seriously didn't think I would do something stupid like that, do you?" Olivia asks with a shit eating grin on her face.

"Could have fooled me with that look. You looked so seriously that I thought you actually meant it." Abby answers.

"That was so not funny, Detective. Now quit joking and tell us what you really chose." Alex says, slapping Olivia on her leg.

"Ow, that's assaulting an officer of the law, Counselor." Olivia says.

"Your a big guy, get over it, Detective. Now tell us what you chose." Alex wines.

Hearing Alex calling her a guy makes Olivia smile like an idiot. The smile couldn't get any bigger without going to hurt. Changing it so easily and accepting it makes Olivia fall in love with the blonde attorney even more. Shaking her head Olivia gets serious again.

"I actually like my first name so I'm not gonna change it a lot. My first name is going to be Oliver." Olivia says.

Alex smiles at Olivia hearing the first name. Even if it's not much of a change it seems to fit the strong Detective. Abby nods approvingly.

"I can't think of a name more fittingly than this. So does that mean that I still can call you, Liv?" Abby asks.

Olivia shakes her head.

"No you have to figure out a new nickname. That privilege is only given to Alex, if she wants it." Olivia answers.

"I still can call you Liv? Are you sure you don't want me to call you something else?" Alex asks touched.

"Yes, Lex. I love it when you call me Liv or Detective. When you're not mad at me that is. So I'm sure. You are the only one that still can call me Liv." Olivia answers.

"Wow. Thank you. This means a lot to me. What's your middle name gonna be?" Alex asks.

"Don't get to cheesy Benson. You've got balls now." Abby winks.

"You're just being jealous at Alex, Carmichael." Olivia counters.

After replying the Texan Olivia turns her head to look at Alex.

"My middle name needs an explanation. It's Alexander." Olivia says softly.

If Alex thought she was touched before she now knows for sure she is, without knowing why Olivia chose this middle name. Cerulean eyes turns into watery stormy blue ones and Alex's voice fails to work. Abby looks at her friends and sees the emotions on both their faces. Sensing that Alex isn't able to talk at this moment let alone to ask something, the brunette speaks up again.

"I could guess why you chose Alexander as your middle name but I'd rather hear your own reasons why you did it. So why did you choose this name?" Abby smiles.

Olivia doesn't see Abby's smile, the Detective only has eyes for the emotional blonde. After clearing her throat Olivia gives the answer to Abby's question, still looking at Alex.

"One of the two reasons I chose this name is because of Alex's father. From the first time I met him he was warm and kind to me. As the years past by he gave me the feeling that to him I belonged to his family. He's the father figure I've never had. But the most important and main reason is sitting in front of me. Since I'm a guy my last name may never change in the future. We aren't there yet, not even close for now but when we are and we decide to go traditional with my last name for me, my last name will be Benson and I wanted to be connected with our names too somehow. To have something of Alex's name in mine too. So we will always be joined together with our hearts, souls and our names. That's why my middle name is going to be Alexander. And I will be Oliver Alexander Benson." Olivia finishes softly.

Without thinking about the Detective's injuries, without thinking at all, Alex gets up and launches herself at Olivia. Barely giving the brunette the time to open her arms and catch the younger blonde.

"God, do I love you. I love you so much." Alex whispers before capturing Olivia's lips with her own.

**A/N 2 So what do y'all think about our Detective's new names? And the reasons why these names are chosen? Nice surprise huh. I think it is. After everything that happened and the rough couple of days I thought we all and mostly they deserved some happiness.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"**Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."- Franklin P. Jones.**

After Alex's emotional love declaration the three of them had talked further and they had decided that they would start calling the Detective Oliver from now on when they were alone until he would tell the squad, his captain and Liz. They all felt like that Alex and Oliver owed it to the EADA to tell her in person. Alex and Oliver thought that Fin, Munch and Amanda would be ok with it. Nick they didn't know but they thought he would have some problems with it and all three of them knew that Elliot would certainly not be alright with it. They didn't know how bad it would be but Oliver and Alex would prepare themselves for the worst. Cragen and Oliver were pretty close and they thought that he needed to come on terms with it but that in the end he just wanted the Detective to be happy. After they were done talking Alex went to take a shower and Oliver and Abby would stay in the living room. When Alex was done Oliver would lay down for an hour and then they would have lunch since it's 11.30 am.

"Do you know when you can change your name legally and how much it will cost? Because if you don't know it I can look it up for ya." Abby asks.

"Normally I could do it already because I don't have a uterus and ovaries anymore, if I recall one of the nurses in the hospital correctly. I don't know if the fact that I have testicles change that negatively. I don't think so. As for the price I don't know, I'm not a lawyer but it shouldn't be a problem. I think I have more than enough to pay for everything and I don't need to pay for any surgery I might need. Thanks to Lex that's covered with the deal she got for me with the hospital. I can't wait to change it legally now, having Alex's support and yours kinda set me free. And I actually would love it to wear my middle name too. I guess I have to talk with someone how to going from now on. I mean I don't need to have a hysterectomy anymore and I do have testicles. Maybe that changes something for the process as it normally goes. Of course I don't know that goes too for now." Oliver answers.

"Eager to wear Alex's name huh?" Abby teases.

"Yes I am. Just because I can't say those three words yet doesn't mean I don't want forever with her. I know it's soon and that it probably for the best to wait with planning or acting on it till after my recovery and maybe even till after the final surgery, but if I could change my name today I would propose her tomorrow and marry her the day after. Of course this all hypothetically speaking. Should Alex want the same then I would want to give her a dream wedding, her dream wedding, within reason. I don't want to have a guest list with 2000 guest on it. No matter when it is that I say 'I do'. But that is something to think about in a year or two. For now I have other things to think about and to worry about." Oliver answers.

"Oliver Alexander Benson, did they hit you on your head too in the hospital?! Alex is head over heels in love with you for years. I'm sure she wants to marry you in two years, I'd bet my life on it if I have to. But we talk about that later. Speaking of worrying about other things, what are ya gonna do if Elliot or anyone else from the squad acts really bad and things are getting out of hand?" Abby asks.

When Abby is done and she looks at the Detective she sees a goofy smile on his face.

"What? Why do you look like that?" Abby asks.

"You called me Oliver Alexander Benson." Oliver smiles.

"Well that's your name, ain't it? It may not be official and I'm sure I make mistakes occasionally but I'll try not to make them." Abby smiles.

"Yes it is. It just feel so good hearing it." Oliver answers

"Back to my question. Do you know it or is it too soon to ask?" Abby asks.

"I don't know yet. I don't plan on waiting with telling it for too long. I have a lot of sick days that I'm gonna use for recovering and if necessary I could take a leave of absence. Cragen and Liz said that Lex and I should take as much time as needed. We agreed on 6 weeks first and then to call every week if we want to add another one or not. They said that as long as they wouldn't get trouble from above that they couldn't handle we could take all the time we wanted and needed. And to be honest I don't know if I'm going back soon. Especially with everything that's going on. I guess it depends on how fast I recover and what I need to do for my transition. I mean being a SVU Detective and going through the process is not something that's gonna be easy. There are two things I am sure off at this moment and that is what I want with Alex and being a guy. For the rest it's one big mess in my head." Oliver answers.

"Well that are two very important things to be sure about. Give it time, Oliver. A lot happened in barely a week. You had nightmares two nights in-a-row. Take it one day at the time. Beside the trial there is nothing that's gonna rush you. How about we gonna surprise Alex together and make a nice dinner for her tonight? It will take your mind of things and you can do something nice for your woman." Abby asks.

"That's a good idea Abs. We need to do the groceries anyway so maybe we could go with the two of us and Alex can take a nap or do something for herself to relax. Speaking of Alex, she'll probably will be back soon so let's stop talking with the heavy stuff. But I would like it very much to surprise her with dinner. So let's do it and go get what we need after I lied down." Oliver says.

"Alright but we need to make her take a nap otherwise she wants to come with us. Ya know how she concerned she is about ya. I'm glad she is and that she loves ya but it ain't a surprise if she's coming with us." Abby says.

"Good point, I hadn't thought about that, Counselor. I'm sure with the two of us we'll manage it." Oliver says.

"That's because I have the brains and you have the balls, Detective." Abby jokes.

"Har har, Carmichael. You wish you had my brains too. It's not just balls I have and ya now it." Oliver jokes back.

"You're just jealous I'm more handsome than you are, Oli." Abby says.

"No I'm not jealous, the most beautiful woman in the world is my gal. You're just jealous you're not as beautiful as she is. Wait... what did you call me? Oli?" Oliver asks.

"Yeah I did. Ain't it a nice nickname? Ya told me I needed to figure out a new one so Oli it is." Abby smiles.

"I do like it. Yeah. Oli sounds good, Tex." Oliver says with a smile.

"Good that's settled then. Oli it is. We could always change it in oil. Then we would be 'Texas oil'." Abby jokes.

Olivia laughs out loud and soon Abby is joining him. They are still laughing when Alex walks back into the living room. She smiles when she sees her friend and well now her boyfriend laughing.

"Wanna tell me what's so funny?" Alex smiles.

Oliver and Abby look at each other and burst out in laughter again. Soon tears are rolling down their cheeks. Alex can't help it and starts laughing too even though the blonde has no clue what they are laughing about.

"Ow damn, this much laughing hurts." Oliver says, still laughing though.

When the three of them calmed down Alex tries it again.

"What was it that you need to laugh about so much?" Alex asks.

Oliver and Abby don't look at each other afraid they'll start again.

"I said to Oliver that his new nickname should be oil, then we would be 'Texas oil'." Abby snickers.

Oliver desperately tries to hold back his laughter. His stomach still hurts from their laughter. But Alex isn't helping him because she starts laughing again make them all laughing again. It isn't really that funny for other people probably, but to the three of them it is.

"I'm gonna lay down for an hour. Give my body some well deserved rest. Who of you two lovely ladies is gonna help me up?" Oliver asks when they're done laughing.

"I'll do it. I can check you again when we're in the bedroom." Alex says.

"Alright, but you don't have to stay. I'm not gonna sleep just rest." Oliver says.

"Just let us get you in the bedroom first, Benson." Alex says.

Alex helps Oliver up and the two of them go to the bedroom. Alex looks at Oliver's wounds. They look so good that they decide Alex checks them once a day starting today. And starting tomorrow Oliver could take a shower again as long as he didn't stay under the water too long the Dr. had said that he could take them again after today. The blonde attorney stayed for half an hour to chat with Oliver while he was lying down before she goes back to the living room. In the mean time Abby had been surfing on the Internet on her smart phone and had found out that in the city half an hour away from the cabin was a shopping center with a market and big supermarket along with some other shops. Just when Alex walks back into the living room Abby tucks her smart phone back in the front pocket of her skinny jeans.

"Hey. How are the wounds?" Abby asks.

"They look pretty good actually. We agreed that I look only once a day at them." Alex answers.

"That's good news. How about we start making lunch? We should be done when Oliver gets back here." Abby asks.

"Sounds fine by me. I'm sure he doesn't wanna stay there longer than half an hour more. It's gonna be hell when he starts feeling better and refuses to take his rest periods." Alex sighs.

"Tell me something I don't know. The only time that dude is staying at one place for longer than an hour or so is when he is sleeping. Or doing paperwork at the precinct although that ain't his choice most of the time. What do ya have in mind to make for lunch?" Abby asks.

Alex laughs at Abby's comment about Oliver and staying on one place.

"Right back at ya. Most of the time he starts doing the damn paperwork when we had a fight about it. And I told him that I want it on my desk the following morning. Cops there is nothing they hate more than doing paperwork except for lying in a hospital bed of course. I thought we could make a salad with some sandwiches." Alex answers.

The two ADA's walk to the kitchen and start making lunch. Starting with chopping vegetables for the salad.

"So Cabot, you and Oli are finally together. Any idea where ya see it going?" Abby asks.

"Oli huh. Is it safe to assume that's your new nickname?" Alex asks smiling.

"Yup. I think it fits well. Oliver thought it was nice too. So Oli it is. Since you are the only one who may call him Liv I had to find something else fitting. This is what came up in my mind." Abby answers.

"I think you're right. I'm proud of him, he really tries to open up to you and me. I'm so happy that we told each other what feel for each other. Even though he didn't say the three words yet I know he feels the same for me. We talked about what we want and we both want the whole picture. I know we have to go slow and that's alright. Physically I mean, seeing what happened. And probably because now he is still in the wrong body. But leaving that out of the picture if it were up to me I would go as fast as possible. I mean I know he's it for me. Always has been and always will be." Alex says smiling.

"And yet the two of ya only got together recently. Everybody knew you two were head over heels in love with each other, well everybody except for the two of ya and Elliot. Although I think he doesn't want to know it. But let's not talk about that. What do ya mean with going as fast as possible?" Abby asks.

"I know he's not ready for that, going as fast as possible so it's hypothetically speaking, if he would ask me to marry me I would have said yes and skip the u-haul part. Of course I would have wanted a beautiful wedding so we wouldn't marry the next day but as soon as we could have planned everything. Of course I would want to be together in the same house or apartment in the mean time. But not living together for about a year and half or so and then being proposed and getting married. But like I said he's not ready for that and I can understand that. If it would be the other way around I probably would have felt the same as he's feeling. I can wait. I just want to be there for him and make sure he knows that I love him and not gonna leave him no matter what. God, I sound like a lovesick teenager instead of a woman who's 31 years old." Alex answers.

"there ain't nothing wrong with being in love, Cabot. You waited long enough for it. Too long if you ask me. Anyway. Just enjoy it as it is. And who knows when Benson finally believes you won't leave him he comes around and goes faster than at a snails pace. Mentally of course. Because I know one thing for sure, if anyone hits on ya they're in big trouble if he doesn't kill them that is. He probably will be even more protective of ya now than he already was, if that is possible. Which I doubt. Speaking of Detective Badass how about I finish things up here and you go get the dude? Ya know it feels normal to say that, him or dude or something else like that." Abby asks.

"I know what you mean. It feels good to me too. I had a few days to get used to the idea. But it went easier than I thought it would be." Alex answers.

"You knew? How?" Abby asks.

" A couple of things, in the hospital he said something about a case related to this and he said that he didn't know what he wanted to do with his testicles. After I thought about that I just putted one and one together and knew that this would be possible to come out. He always has been one of the guys, never did girly stuff and I always have known that there was something bothering him but that he didn't know himself what it was. Alright, let's stop talking and let me get 'tha dude' before he gets impatient." Alex answers smiling.

After Alex and Oliver were back they had eaten lunch and the brunette ADA and Detective had managed to convince Alex to take a nap since she almost hadn't slept last night and the night before that. When they were sure that Alex was asleep the two got their wallets and wrote a note which they left on the coffee table where Alex could see it easily before they sneaked out the cabin. During the ride to the city they had a pleasant conversation. When they were walking towards the supermarket they passed a couple of shops and Abby deliberately had brought their conversation to Oliver's and Alex relationship and the conversation she and Alex had earlier, when they walked by a jewelry store. Of course the Texan had chosen that way deliberately too not that she mentioned it to the Detective. Walking by said jewelry store Oliver stops walking and looks at Abby. He didn't earn that golden shield for nothing.

"Abigail Carmichael, what exactly did Alex say that made you deciding going to this city and walk by a jewelry store? Because I know you did this on purpose." Oliver asks.

"Uhm, I plead the fifth." Abby answers.

"Nuh uh, wrong answer, Counselor. Either you tell what she said to you or we're going straight to the supermarket or market and back to the cabin." Oliver says sternly.

"Ya hang out with too many lawyers, Detective. Fine no need to twist my arm. She said that it was hypothetically cuz you wouldn't be ready to go as fast as possible, but if it was up to her and you would ask her to marry her she would say yes. The rest ain't necessary to tell ya now." Abby answers.

"You didn't tell her what we talked about?" Oliver asks.

"Nope. Not a word. I thought this is much more fun than talking about what ya said with her." Abby smirks.

Oliver thought about it for a minute. Asking himself if it wasn't too soon, they only had been together for a couple of days. Then he thought about how much had happened in those days and how Alex had been there for him. And that the younger blonde had told him that she still wanted everything with him that she had wanted before he had told her about the surgery. How she had reacted when he had told Abby and her what his names were gonna be and lastly what Abby had told her about what Alex had said to the lanky brunette. How they had danced around each other for years and how much they had been through and that he knew that he wanted for ever with the beautiful blonde. And he knew that even though it was extremely fast it was the right thing to do.

"You're gonna get me killed one day, you know? Alright since you want to play cupid, let's go inside. Alex and I never did things the normal way, why start now. But I warn you, if you were wrong or lying to me I swear I kill you and I do get away with it." Oliver says sternly, but a smile threatens to break through.

"Normal ain't in your dictionaries Oli. I know I'm gonna get ya killed one day, just not one day soon." Abby smirks.

Oliver shakes his head and walks into the store with Abby following behind him. Oliver was lucky that Abby knew Alex's ring size as it was the same size as her own and he'd found the perfect ring soon. After buying the ring the two of them went to the market and bought the fresh ingredients they needed for Alex's surprise dinner and after that they went to the supermarket to buy the rest. When they were on their way back to the car Alex called to ask where they were. She had just woken up and found the note. Abby lied to Alex that they were still in the grocery store and that they would be back in half an hour, give or take a few minutes.

The rest of the afternoon they had spent playing card games and watching a movie. Around 5 pm Oliver and Abby had ordered Alex to go outside and relax in a lounge chair with a book. Alex had agreed but she knew something was coming up. When she asked for it Abby had said that they were just making a simple meal but that they wanted it to be a surprise. After an hour dinner was ready and the table was set and Oliver called Alex that dinner was ready. Abby and Oliver had made Alex's favorite dish, casuela, with a side salad. Alex was touched that Oliver and Abby had made her favorite dish. The three went to sit down and Alex said multiple times how delicious it was. Oliver and Abby had spoken about when Oliver would ask Alex and they decided that Abby would go do the dishes alone after their dinner so that Oliver could ask Alex. It wasn't romantic like Oliver actually wanted it to be, but Abby had said that to Alex it wouldn't matter, that she never would have thought that Oliver would ask her in the first place so soon. And that if he would drop on his knee, if that was possible, and ask her it would mean the world to the blonde. As the end of their meal came closer Oliver got nervous and was quieter than he normally would have been. Alex noticed it but decided not to ask about it right then and ask him what was wrong when they would be alone. Dinner was finished and Abby gets up to clean the table. Alex stands up and helps her to get everything to the kitchen.

"Abby, you and Oliver went to get the groceries and made dinner for me. How about I help you with the dishes? We can sit down and relax sooner if we're doing it together." Alex asks.

"I'll do the dishes alone. It's your special evening Alex. Go sit with Oliver. Really it's ok." Abby answers.

"Alright, but what did I do to deserve all of this?" Alex asks.

"Making Oliver happy. To be there for him but most of all to love him. Now go sit down with your boyfriend and enjoy your evening." Abby smiles.

"Alright, I'll go sit down. You two are up to something. I don't know what it is yet but I will figure it out before the evening is over." Alex says.

Abby just smiled and motions Alex to get out the kitchen. Alex shakes her head and goes back to the dinner table and sits down next to Oliver.

"Liv, you've been quiet during dinner. Is there something wrong?" Alex asks.

"No nothing is wrong. I do have a question to ask you. But let's go sit on the couch first." Oliver answers.

"You know that if something is wrong you can talk to me, right?" Alex asks.

"I know. And I will if there is something wrong." Oliver answers.

Alex gets up and helps the Detective and they walk to the couch. Oliver had pulls out the jewelry box out of his pocket when Alex walked to the couch in front of him and holds it behind his back. Alex sits down and waits for Oliver to sit down too. As soon as Alex is sitting Oliver carefully drops on one knee and pulls the box from behind his back. Alex sees the box and tears are coming in her eyes.

"Alex I'm the happiest and most blessed guy in the world to have a girlfriend like you. You are here for me when I need you the most. You make me feel safe and loved. You get me like no one else. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You are smart, funny, caring, devoted and so much more. I know we had agreed to go slow and on my pace and physically we will need to do that. But these passed few days you have showed me that you truly love me and will be there for me, that you won't leave me and that made me realize that even though we are only shortly together I never want to life without you by my side. That even though there are a lot of things going on, I know for sure that we'll get through it. That I will get trough it because I have you right beside me. But there is one thing differently now, I don't want you to be at my side as my girlfriend, I want you to be at my side as my wife. Alexandra Laura Cabot will you do me the great honor to become my wife? Will you marry me?" Oliver asks.

"Yes. Yes Oliver Alexander Benson, I will marry you." Alex chokes out.

**A/N Y'all didn't see this coming, did ya? Surprise, surprise.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"**A woman knows the face of the man she loves like as a sailor knows the open sea." - Honore de Balzac.**

"_Yes. Yes Oliver Alexander Benson, I will marry you." Alex chokes out._

Oliver takes the ring out of its box and picks up Alex's left hand. He slips the ring around her ring finger and kisses the ring before he let go of the blonde's hand. When Alex looks down she gasps as she sees the ring. Two beautiful pear shaped blue sapphires set in a platinum band with a beautiful centered diamond.

"Oh Liv, it's beautiful." Alex whispers.

Alex looks at the ring again before she looks back into the beautiful brown eyes she loves so much.

"You asked me to marry you. We're getting married!" Alex squeals out loud.

Even though Abby knew that Alex would say yes, the Texan runs into the living room as she hears the younger blond squealing. Just in time to see Alex jump up from the couch and kneeling in front of Oliver clasping her hands around his face and kissing him tenderly on his lips. Before she pulls back and leans her forehead against the Detective's and stares into his eyes. They look at each other for a few seconds before they look aside and see Abby standing beside them.

"Told ya she would say yes, Benson." Abby smiles.

Oliver smiles widely as he gets up with the help from Alex. As soon as he is back on his feet Abby pulls him carefully in a big hug. After Abby let go the tall brunette pulls Alex in a bone crushing hug.

"Hey Carmichael, be careful with my fiancé." Oliver says.

Abby steps back and looks at them both.

"Congratulations guys. I'm so happy for the both of ya. Now let me see your ring Alex! Our big bad Detective here wouldn't let me see the ring. I could come with him into the store but that was it. Told me that no way in hell I would see the ring before ya." Abby says.

Alex looks at Oliver who grins sheepishly at the blonde. Alex shakes her head and smiles. The blonde holds up her hand and immediately Abby grabs it and pulls it brunette gasps too when she sees the ring.

"Damn, Oli. Ya sure know how to win a gal's heart. This ring is beautiful. And the sapphires are matching Alex's eyes." Abby says.

"I know that's why I chose it. The moment I saw it I knew it was the one because of their color." Oliver says softly.

"You're one lucky gal, Cabot." Abby smirks.

"I know. I have the most wonderful and caring fiancé in the world." Alex answers while looking at Oliver, the love clearly in her eyes.

"Get a room you two. There is only so much cheesiness I can handle." Abby jokes.

"Seriously, I'm really happy for ya. Oli here needed a few encouraging words, but it was his own choice to step into that store and buy an engagement ring for ya, Alex." Abby says softly.

Hearing Abby's words Alex looks surprised at Oliver.

"She didn't drag you into the store?" Alex asks.

"No she didn't. She only told me you had said that if it was up to you that you would have said yes if I asked you to marry me. That's all. That sneaky weasel had talked with me first when you were in the shower this morning. And my best guess is that she talked with you when I was in the bedroom resting. Anyway, When we were passing by the jewelry store we were talking about our relationship and I knew that it was no coincidence that we were walking there at that time. I stopped walking and after Abby told me what you said I thought about for a minute and decided that I didn't want to wait. We never did anything normal so why start now? So I walked into the store and bought your engagement ring." Oliver answers.

"You're amazing. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I want to wait till you have your name changed legally. I want to marry you when you're legally Oliver Alexander Benson." Alex says.

"I want that too, Lex. I want to marry you when my names are official. If we are lucky we don't have to wait for that too long. One of the nurses in the hospital said that should I decide to keep my testicles and wanted to get a surgery, I could change my name legally already because I don't have a uterus anymore. She didn't say anything about having my testicles and if that would give problems or not but we can find that out." Oliver says.

"Well it looks like we have some things to look up then tonight. If you want that too of course. Maybe we could find out what to do and how you process goes too." Alex answers.

"I think that's a good idea. If it's alright with you, Abs. You stay here so we could spend a weekend with the three of us. Not to look up stuff and find things out." Oliver says.

"Are you kidding me. I would love to do this. Learn more about how the process works and learn about your transition. And I certainly want to know for sure if you can change your name or not legally. So I'm game, Benson." Abby says.

They agreed that Abby would look on Alex's laptop and that Alex and Oliver would look on Oliver's laptop. Abby would search for what Oliver needs to be able to change his name and Alex and Oliver would look for information about his transition. After an hour they made up the balance. Alex and Oliver agreed that they needed to get the correct information via a gender team because they had found information how things would go normally but they couldn't find it for Oliver's situation. Now it's Abby turn to tell Alex and Oliver what she'd found.

"If you have a letter from the hospital confirming that your uterus has been removed, you can start the procedure to change your name immediately. You need a copy of your id or passport, a letter from the hospital, a copy of your birth certificate and a form of good behavior. You take all of this to a lawyer and they start the procedure and it should be done in 8 weeks till 3 months. After it's changed legally you can get a new id or passport a new driver license and then you can change your name and gender at the police department, insurance company and everything else that is needed. So basically if you want it you can start the procedure Monday if you have that letter from the hospital, Oli." Abby explains.

"I do have that letter from the hospital. So I can get the other forms and start it as soon as we want. What do you think, Lex?" Oliver asks.

"If you take it easy tomorrow, we could go to NY Monday at the end of the morning or early afternoon if you want. But if we do that we stay at your or my place for the night. It will be too much to go there and back and take care of all the forms on one day. We can come back here on Tuesday. But that depends on what you want, Liv. If we do it like I just said than I'm ok with going on Monday. If not, we go when you're further with your recovery. Physically. So it's up to you." Alex answers.

"Maybe it's for the best to stay in NY and come back here on Tuesday. We need to talk with Liz and Cragen too. About our engagement and about my transition. I would like to go Monday and start the procedure to change my name. On the other hand, if I go change my name, I need to talk with the guys too." Oliver says.

"You don't have to tell them about your transition immediately. From what Abby says it takes 8 weeks at least for changing your name, assuming you start it on Monday. We could talk with Liz and Cragen together, I mean with Liz and Cragen at the same time. That way you only have to tell your story once. And we can tell them we're getting married too. We have time to figure out when and how you want to tell the guys it. We already agreed not to get married before your name is changed legally." Alex says.

"You're right. I want for you to have your dream wedding, Lex. It takes time to get everything planned. Everything you want you can have it. The only thing I ask for is not to get a huge wedding with 2000 guest or something like that." Oliver answers.

"I won't do that to you. I know you would hate that. It's your special day too, Oliver. Not just mine. We are marrying together. What you want is equally important. So how about we go to NY on Monday to start the procedure for changing your name and talk with Liz and Cragen and come back here on Tuesday and we go from there? We don't know when the trials are yet. If we're lucky and Abs won't get a motion for a speedy trial on Monday or Tuesday morning, we can go back. If not it depends on who the Judge is and when they plan the date to start the trials." Alex asks.

"Alright, let's go to NY on Monday. I only hope that Liz has time on Monday. It's on the last moment when we call Monday. If they don't get a new case Cap. should be able to make it as far as I know. But then again I don't know what they got in the past week." Oliver says.

"What time is it?" Alex asks.

Oliver looks on his watch.

"8.30 PM. Why?" Oliver asks.

"I call Liz now. If she can't make it Monday perhaps we skip everything to Tuesday." Alex answers.

"It's Saturday evening, Alex. It's not that urgent that we need to disturb Liz in the weekend for this." Oliver says.

"Nonsense. I'm sure Liz won't mind if I call her now. And it is important, Liv. For you and for me it is and therefore it is for Liz." Alex says.

"Alright. But don't put it on me when she does get mad." Oliver answers.

"I know for sure she won't get mad. But if she would, I won't hold you responsible for it." Alex answers.

Alex walks to the coffee table where her smart phone is and calls Liz. As Alex said Liz wasn't mad that the younger blonde called her on Saturday evening. The first thing she asked was if the Detective was alright. A couple of minutes later Alex hung up.

"Monday at 3 PM Liz is expecting us." Alex says.

" Alright, good. Should I call the Cap. or do I wait till Monday morning?" Oliver asks.

"If you think he has time Monday at 3 PM than you don't have to call him now. But if you want to be sure you could call him now." Alex answers.

"I think I'm gonna call him. I don't want to worry all day tomorrow if he can make it or not? Besides if he can't make it we need to pick a time with him." Oliver answers.

Oliver takes his smart phone from his belt and calls Cragen. They talk for a couple of minutes and Cragen can make it at 3 PM at Liz's office. After Oliver hangs up he let out a sigh. Everything they could do has been done for now. He is nervous about Monday and both ADA's see that Oliver is worried.

"Hey Oli, it's gonna be alright. Don and Liz both care for you and for Alex. I really doubt they'll react badly. To tell ya the truth I think they may be surprised that you and Alex are gonna get married but they both will be happy. As for your transition, do you really think he's gonna react badly? Of course I don't know Don as well as the both of ya do but I really think that he'll support ya too. Sure he will be surprised, maybe a bit shocked but in the end all he wants is for you to be happy. He isn't a man with a short sided vision. He's pretty open minded. I really think that you are more worried than ya have to be. I know it's easy talking for me, I'm not the one that has to talk with him and going through the process. But I sincerely doubt he won't support ya and let ya down." Abby says.

"I know that you are probably right. But still it scares the hell out of me." Oliver says.

"Do you really think that I let either of them fall out against you? I'm right at your side Oliver, where I belong. I won't let them badger you. I agree with Abs, I don't think they will react badly neither but should they do that I'm there for you. And trust me my wrath will get a whole new level should that happen and for some reason you're not able to defend yourself. Hell even if you do defend yourself I still will kick their asses. They may be our bosses but I won't accept that behavior from nobody and if I won't do it, Tex here will. Granted Carmichael will probably kick their assess literally and I won't, that's your department. But I'm not sure what they would prefer. Abby or I." Alex says.

Abby snickers, knowing perfectly what they would prefer.

"I know. They rather get their ass kicked by me than to be at the end of your wrath, Cabot. And now that you and Oli are getting married I'll bet my life on it. Speaking of a wrath. Everyone we know chooses the both of us together over Detective Badass here for the same reason. Anyone in their right mind knows that they're playing with their lives. And every person who still wants to try it has a death wish." Abby smirks.

"Alright. Enough serious subjects. How about we watch a movie before we go to bed?" Oliver asks.

"I think I could go for that, how about you Abs? Which movie do you want to see, Detective?" Alex asks.

"Yeah I'm in." Abby answers.

"The hot chick." Oliver answers.

Abby and Alex roll their eyes.

"Really, dude? Y'all are all the same. Of course ya choose a movie with a title like that." Abby says.

"Calm down Counselors. It's not what it sounds. I promise. It's a chick flick, sort of. So it's not a 'dude' movie at all. Trust me the both of you are gonna like it. When the movie has ended and one of you still don't like it, I'll watch toddlers and tiara's with both of you for two weeks." Oliver says.

"You're pretty sure of yourself, Detective. Toddlers and tiara's huh. Fine, deal. But you're gonna watch it for a month every possible day. And that means no excuses." Alex says.

"Leave me out of it, Cabot. You can watch it with Oli here, but I sure ain't gonna watch toddlers and tiara's for four damn weeks. But I do agree with the deal." Abby says.

"Fine, four weeks. Now let's watch the movie." Oliver answers.

The three of them made themselves comfortable and watched the movie. At the end of the movie Alex and Abby had to give in and agreed with Oliver that it was not what they thought it would be. After the movie they all went to bed, Abby in the spare room again. Alex and Oliver talked for a little while before they went to sleep too. This time Alex snuggled up against Oliver. And although he still had a nightmare. It was a better night than the onces before.

Sunday they sat down at the lake. Alex and Abby went swimming in the lake to cool down while Oliver watched them. Well more Alex of course. It was a nice relaxed day. Abby left after dinner that evening. Alex and Oliver decided to call it a night early. They tried the same thing as the night before but unfortunately that night it didn't work as well as the night before. In the morning Alex helped Oliver in the shower. She watched very carefully at the Detective's reaction and stayed behind him. She also skipped his private parts and let him do that himself. After they had eaten breakfast they went back to NY and took care of all the things they needed to do for Oliver's name change. They would visit a lawyer the next morning with all the paperwork to start the procedure. When they were done they went to Oliver's apartment for lunch and to take a nap or at least lay down before they would go to 1 Hogan. Abby called when they were on their way from Oliver's apartment to Liz's office to support Oliver.

"How do you want to do this? Do you want to tell them about your transition first or do we tell them that we're gonna get married first?" Alex asks.

"Maybe it's better to tell them we are gonna get married first. Break the ice a bit. Unless you think it's better to do it the other way around." Oliver answers.

"No, I think you're right. They'll be more relaxed and we'll be more relaxed too." Alex says.

"Alright. Then that's how we're gonna do it." Oliver says.

"It will be alright, Liv. I'm there with you. If at some point you don't know how to say something or want me to tell it, say it. I'm there to help you if you need it. And I'm proud of you, Detective. Very proud about what you're going to do." Alex says.

"I know you'll be there. I don't think I could do it without you. Just having you next to me will help me so much already." Oliver replies.

Alex puts her hand on Oliver's knee and squeezes him softly before she puts her hand back on the steering wheel. They are now at 1 Hogan and Alex drives the car into the parking garage. After she kills the engine she steps out the car and walks around it to help Oliver out of it. After the blonde locked the car she takes Oliver's hand in her own and holds it while they walk to the elevator. At exactly 3 PM they are in front of Liz's office and they both take a deep breath before Alex knocks on the door. They hear Liz calling to come inside and they look at each other one last time before Alex opens the door and walks inside with Oliver following behind her, closing the door behind him.

"Olivia, how are you doing?" Liz asks.

Oliver winches on the inside. After hearing Oliver the past few days it's awkward and a bit painful to hear the name Olivia again.

"Physically it's going alright." Oliver answers.

"That's good to hear. Take a seat, please." Liz says.

Alex shoves one of the chairs closer to the other one before they sit down. Liz and Cragen both see that Oliver is nervous about something but at the same time it seems that Alex and Oliver are glowing.

"Since you both requested our presence, here, together I assume that you have something important to share with us. " Liz says.

Oliver looks at Alex who nods at Oliver telling him to take the lead.

"Yes there are two important things we want to talk about with the both of you. Well more like sharing with you both, or telling you." Oliver says.

"Is there something wrong, Olivia?" Cragen asks.

Oliver turns to look at Alex.

"I changed my mind. I want to do it the other way around." Oliver says softly.

"Alright, Liv. Do what is the most comfortable for you. Do you want to say yourself or do you want me to tell it?" Alex asks softly.

Looking at Oliver, Alex sees that Oliver starts to panic. She stands up and moves to stand in front of Oliver and kneels down.

"Hey honey, it's alright. I'm right here with you. Nothing will happen to you. You're safe here. It's just Liz and Cragen. Try to calm down, take a deep breath, sweetie." Alex softly says while looking into Olivers eyes.

Alex takes Olivers right hand in her own and squeezes it softly. Seeing Alex in front of him and feeling her touch calms Oliver down a bit and he takes a deep breath and slowly blows it out.

"That's it, Liv. You don't have to do this now if you're not ready for it. Nobody is gonna force you if you changed your mind." Alex says softly

"No it's alright. I just panicked. I'm ok now. I just don't know what's the best to do first." Oliver whispers.

"How about I tell it to them and after that you tell them about us." Alex whispers back.

"Ok. Thank you, Lex. No wait, I do want tell them about us first." Oliver says softly.

"What ever you want. It's alright." Alex says.

Alex stands up again and sits down next to Oliver. Still holding his hand to give him strength.

"Nothing is wrong, well not really. I mean besides what happened to me." Oliver says.

"Take your time. We're not in a hurry." Cragen says.

Oliver looks at Alex one last time before he looks at Cragen and Liz and back again at his Captain.

"Alex and I are going to get married and I'm getting a sex changing surgery." Oliver blurts out.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N I'm happy that Alex is so supportive for Oliver. Alex and Oliver have found the love of their life. Have someone to love and who loves them. My girlfriend is absolutely the love of MY life. May y'all find that someone too if you don't have them already. **

Chapter 22

"**You can give without loving, but you never can love without loving." - Robert Louis Stevenson.**

_Oliver looks at Alex one last time before he looks at Cragen and Liz and back again at his Captain._

"_Alex and I are going to get married and I'm getting a sex changing surgery." Oliver blurts out._

It was silent for a few seconds. Liz and Cragen both looked shocked at Alex and Oliver. This certainly was not what they expected. True they didn't know what to expect but this they didn't see coming. Even Alex looked a bit shocked at the Detective. The blonde ADA knows that Oliver is nervous but she didn't expect him to blurt it all out at once. Of course Alex is the first one to react.

"He is telling the truth. Well more like blurting it out because he is nervous. But he asked me to marry him and I said yes. And I say him because I stand behind his decision and I support him. Which I hope, after you got over the shock, you'll do too." Alex says, smiling at Oliver.

"Well I'm surprised and at the same time I'm not. Yes it is soon but on the other hand I know that you belong to each other. So congratulations to the both of you. That's the part I'm not surprised about. As for getting a sex changing surgery, are you sure Olivia, uhm Detective is probably better?" Cragen asks.

"Thank you Captain. Yes I'm sure." Oliver answers.

"Well then I'm happy for you. I admit that I will need some time to adjust to it but I will support you and Alex wherever I can." Cragen says.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me. I'm sorry for blurting it out like this but I'm really nervous." Oliver says.

"Thank you, Don. This means a lot to me too." Alex says.

Alex and Oliver both look at Liz for her reaction.

"Well I'm more surprised about the two of you getting married. I didn't expect for Detective Benson to ask you so soon, Alexandra. However, the two of you are never doing things the normal way so somehow this fits in too I guess. Congratulations Alexandra, you finally tamed the wild horse that Detective Benson was. Congratulations Detective. Normally I would give you the don't-hurt-her- speech but that is not necessary with you. I know you rather kill yourself before you would hurt Alexandra in any way. I know you will always protect her and defend her. So you figured out what to do, Detective. Well I had some time to think about it myself so this doesn't come as a big shock to me. I know that Alexandra will be there for you and support you but if you ever need my help don't hesitate to come to me. You're family now Benson, and we take care of our family." Liz says.

"Thank you Liz." Oliver whispers.

Everyone in the office knows what it means to the Detective. Alex squeezes Oliver's hand and softly smiles at the Detective when he looks at her. Liz and Cragen both see how much they love each other by the look in their eyes. Right then they know what they already knew. Alex and Oliver are made for each other. Now that Oliver seems to be more relaxed Liz decides to ask some questions.

"Detective, if you don't mind asking me, what's your name gonna be and do you know when you can change it legally? Do you guys have set a date when you get married?" Liz asks.

Oliver looks with pride in his eyes at Alex before he turns his attention at Liz.

"As a matter of fact, we're gonna start the procedure to change my name tomorrow. It will take between 8 weeks and 3 months. We don't haven't set a date yet, but we want to wait till my names are changed." Oliver answers.

"That's soon. I can understand why the two of you want to wait till your name is officially changed. Care to share with us what your name is or names are?" Liz asks smiling.

"I haven't changed my first name much but my middle name I chose for a very specific and important reason. Abby and Alex already call me it and Abby even have a new nickname already. It will be legal soon but since this weekend I'm Oliver Alexander Benson." Oliver answers proudly.

Liz and Cragen both raises their eyebrow at hearing Oliver's middle name.

"Oliver I get. Suits you well. Care to explain why Alexander?" Liz asks.

"Thank you. For two reasons, one is because Alex's father is the closest thing I have to a father. He always makes me feel like to him I'm a part of the family, although I don't know if his opinion will stay same now that I'm a guy. The most important and main reason is because of Alex. I wanted to have her name somewhere in my name and the chances are that I will keep my own last name when we're getting married. This way we still are connected by our names." Oliver answers.

"You really thought about it. I think it's a beautiful thought and gesture. What's Abby's new nickname for you, Oliver? And how do you call him now, Alexandra besides Oliver of course?" Liz asks.

"Carmichael calls me Oli now." Oliver answers.

"Liz, give them a break, you keep asking them questions." Cragen smiles.

"Well I'm a lawyer aren't I, asking questions is what we do." Liz counters.

"Yeah well, Benson and I are cops, we ask questions too. At least I let them breath." Cragen answers.

Alex and Oliver look at each and shaking their heads with smiles on their faces.

"Anyway, to answer your question Liz, I still call him Liv. He said I'm the only one that may call him Liv." Alex smiles.

"Oliver, do you know when you are going to tell it the guys?" Cragen asks.

"Well to announce our engagement we thought of giving a party when we're back in NY again. Just for the guys and a few extra persons. I'm sure that if Alex's parents are ok with what I'm going to do I'll be dragged into some high society engagement party." Oliver answers with a frown on his face.

"I wouldn't be so worried about that, Liv. I refuse to have a big engagement party and a big wedding. So my mom needs to choose. I doubt she wants to skip a big wedding, big for us that is. To her it's small." Alex says.

"I believe that when I see it. As for telling the guys about my transition, I want to do that when it's relatively quiet, no big cases. I know I have some time, but I'd rather have it behind me so that I can focus on my recovery." Oliver says.

"Well, it's quiet now. If you're up to it we could go there after we are done here." Cragen says.

Oliver looks at Alex.

"If you're ready for it we can go to the precinct. If you're not we don't. You have time so you could wait, honey. It's up to you. If you think you're ready and you can handle it than you can tell them. What ever you decide to do I support your choice." Alex says.

"If we go now I don't have to worry about it anymore. I know what they think afterwards. And if it doesn't go well, I have you. And we're going back to the cabin tomorrow so I don't have to deal with them for some time." Oliver says.

"You always have me, Detective. But maybe you are right. You're not going back soon so that will give it time to let it rest and for them to adjust. We are not going back soon. Tomorrow we're going back to cabin and it's just you and me then. So if you want to do it, I'd say we should go." Alex says.

"Alright, let's do it and get over with it then." Oliver answers.

Alex and Oliver talked a bit longer with Liz and Cragen and then the three of them go to the precinct. Cragen had taken a cab to 1 Hogan so Alex and Oliver offered him a ride to the precinct. When they walk inside the squad room everybody is there including Abby who was there for a case. They were informed by Cragen that something had happened to Oliver but he didn't tell them what. All he said that she took some time off to deal with things. He also hadn't told them about the hysterectomy they had done in the hospital.

"Look who are here to pay us a visit?" Fin says and walks to Alex and Oliver to give them both a hug.

"What are you doing here?" Fin asks.

"We had an appointment with Liz and the Captain. We thought we should come here too. There is something I need to tell you guys." Oliver answers.

Abby just came back from the restroom and hears what Oliver says.

"Hey Oil. Good to see you." Abby smirks.

"Hey Texas. Good to see you too." Oliver smirks back.

"Teflon!" Munch yells.

"Hi Munch." Alex greets.

The others come to greet the pair too. After every had said their hello's they all go to stand around Oliver's and Nick's desk. Alex of course sits on the corner of Oliver's desk like she always does.

"So what do you need to tell us? Must be important if you come for it now." Nick asks.

Oliver looks at Alex for encouragement. The blonde gives a short nod and smiles at the Detective.

"All my life I thought something was wrong with me and I couldn't figure out what. Until recently. I don't know how to tell this the easy way so I'm gonna just say it." Oliver says.

The Detective looks at Alex again.

"You can do this, Liv. I'm here and so is Abby." Alex whispers.

Oliver nods at Alex and takes a deep breath.

"I was born with the wrong body. I'm going to get a sex changing surgery." Oliver says.

After Oliver spoke it's getting silent in the squad room. Every one needs some time to think about it. Oliver looks anxious around at his colleagues before he looks at Alex. Alex moves over a bit and takes Oliver hand in her own and squeezes him before she let go again. Fin is the first one to react. He walks to Oliver.

"So you finally figured out we are the better part huh. Welcome to the gang the call men." Fin says as and he slaps Oliver on his back.

As Fin steps back Munch walks to Oliver.

"You always had the biggest balls of us all. But I really thought you were gonna say that you and Teflon finally got together. Just know I still have your back, Benson." Munch says.

Munch steps aside and stands next to Fin.

"Thank you guys, this means a lot to me." Oliver says.

Nick and Elliot are still standing on their spot both shocked. Elliot more than Nick is. Amanda walks to Oliver after Munch stepped aside.

"Thanks a lot dude, now I'm the only female here. Just promise me ya ain't gonna be such an asshole as the rest of them can be." Amanda says.

The female Detective hugs Oliver carefully knowing that something happened to him and what ever it is she don't want to scare him off. Oliver just nods. Stunned and overwhelmed with the positive reactions from his colleagues. Suddenly Elliot gets out his shocked state and walks to Oliver and grabs his arm and drags him to the other side of the squad room before he let go.

"I know you've been through a lot in your life. This not you. This not who you are. You're not crazy. You're just confused. I know I'm not your partner anymore but talk with me. I can help you so you won't be confused anymore. You don't really want to do this." Elliot says.

"You are wrong. This is who I am. What I am. I'm not confused Elliot. And talking with you is not gonna help. This is what I need to do. I don't ask for you to understand it. I ask for you to try to accept it. I know you won't be as supportive as Alex is. All I can ask for is to try to accept it." Olivia says.

Elliot laughs cynically.

"You aren't like this! This is wrong, this is sick. I never can accept it and I don't need to. You're not like this!" Elliot says, raising his voice.

"No Elliot, you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with people who are not like you, straight. I finally know what it was and I'm gonna be happy for the firs time my life." Oliver says, trying to keep his voice down.

"Alex won't support you. She is an Ice queen who doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself! And she's never sticks around long enough to be there for you! She always leaves when it gets to hard. She always has done that and will always! Once she finds out that you're have gone crazy and you go through with this insane idea she walks away from you and leave you alone. Afraid for her political career!" Elliot yells.

"That's enough, Stabler. Don't you dare talk about Alex like that. You're an egoistical son of a bitch. You're a jealous asshole. Alex didn't have a choice but to leave twice. Her life was in danger and you know it. Talk like that about her again and I'll kick your sorry ass." Oliver growls.

Oliver turns around to walk away but Elliot stops him by yanking him at his arm and turn him around. Fin and Nick walk to the other side where Elliot and Oliver are but they are too late.

"So you're a tough guy now huh? Let's see how tough you really are." Elliot growls.

Before Oliver can react Elliot slams his fist hard into Oliver's stomach. Before Elliot can hit again Fin and Nick grab him by his arms and drags him away from Oliver. Oliver clutch his stomach and screams out from pain before he drops on the floor. Elliot tries to free himself to go after Oliver again but Fin and Nick hold him tight at his arms. As soon as Alex sees that Elliot hits Oliver in his stomach she runs to the Detective who is now laying down on the floor. Curled up and holding his stomach. Abby runs to Oliver behind Alex.

"Liv! Liv, honey, are you alright?" Alex asks worried.

"Lex, it hurts" Oliver whispers.

"What's wrong? Where does it hurt?" Alex asks.

"My stomach hurts. Something is not right." Oliver whispers.

"Pull your hand away. Let me look at you, honey." Alex says, with fear in her voice.

Slowly Oliver pulls his hand away and Alex's gasp as she sees the blood coming through his shirt. Abby sees it too and turns around.

"Call an ambulance! Oli is hurt!" Abby yells.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N I had some problems with my PC and then with my smartphone I have a beta reader but somehow I couldn't get her corrected version here. So I apologize for any mistakes that are still here.**

Chapter 23

Slowly Oliver pulls his hand away and Alex gasps as she sees the blood coming through his shirt. Abby sees it too and turns around.  
"Call an ambulance! Oli is hurt!" Abby yells.

Munch runs to his desk and calls for a bus and asks Amanda to go downstairs to the reception desk to lead them back to the squad room. Cragen immediately walks to Oliver and when he sees the blood on his shirt he knows that something is wrong with his Detective. Abby looks at Nick and Fin.

"Arrest the asshole for assaulting an officer of the law. " Abby growls.

Abby looks like she's gonna kill Elliot but manages to keep herself relatively calm. Knowing that Oliver needs her now and that if she attacks the son of a bitch she'll get sued herself. Cragen walks to where Fin and Nick are standing with Elliot.

"Let go of him for a moment. " Cragen says.

Nick and Fin let him go but make sure that they can grab him should he make a move.

"Stabler, give me your gun and badge. " Cragen orders.

"Are you serious? You gonna arrest me for hitting her? She's the one that's crazy and I need to pay for it? " Elliot yells.

"Give me your gun and badge, Detective! Now!" Cragen says sternly with a cold voice.

Elliot pulls his gun and badge from his belt and hands them over to Cragen. "Fin, cuff the bastard. " Cragen orders.

Fin pulls his cuffs from behind his back and cuffs Elliot tightly.

"Elliot Stabler, you are under arrest for assaulting an officer of the law. " Cragen says and read him his Miranda rights.

"Fin, take him downstairs to the holding cells. Nick, walk with them. I don't want that things go down and end up worse than they already are. " Cragen says.

In the meantime at the other side of the squad room. Alex had pulled off her jacket and putted it under Oliver's head. Then she carefully pulls up Oliver's shirt a little higher than his navel. When Alex sees the blood on Oliver's stomach she gasps Oliver's name.

"The outside looks worse than it is, Lex. I popped a couple of stitches. The inside is what hurts. " Oliver says softly. "I "I "I don't care what it looks like, I know something is wrong when you say you're in pain. Munch called for an ambulance. I'm sure they'll be here soon. " Alex says softly.

"You're coming with me in the ambulance? " Oliver asks.

" Of course I am. " Alex answers.

Abby looks down at Oliver's stomach and gets angrier and angrier.

"I'm gonna charge the sick bastard with everything I can think of. " Abby growls.

Alex looks up at Abby.

"I want you to nail his balls to the wall and make him pay. " Alex says with her courtroom voice.

"Don't worry about that, Alex. He'll pay." Abby says.

After Munch called an ambulance he walks to Oliver, Alex and Abby. When he sees Oliver's stomach he looks shocked .

"Bus is here soon. This isn't from one blow into your stomach. What happened? " Munch asks.

Oliver looks panicked at Alex and Abby. Alex squeezes Oliver's hand and answers Munch's question.

"Oliver had a surgery in the hospital last week after he was hit by a car. That's all you need to know for now, John. " Alex answers sternly but with a soft voice.

The Sergeant knows better than ask what happened, hearing the tone in Alex's voice. Then he raises his eyebrow.

"Oliver, that's your new name, Benson? " Munch asks, trying to distract Oliver.

"Yes it is." Oliver answers.

" Good choice. I like it. Now I get it why Abby said Oli. " Munch says.

Munch stays with Oliver to distract him till Amanda comes back with the paramedics and then walks away to give them some space and Oliver and Alex some privacy. Knowing that they need to tell wh a t happened before. The paramedics walk across the squad room with a gurney.

"What happened, Detective Benson? " One of the paramedics asks.

" I've been hit hard in my stomach. I had a hysterectomy last week. My stomach hurts and it's not from popping a few stitches. " Oliver answers.

The paramedic examinations Oliver's stomach. When she pushes lower on Oliver's stomach the Detective yelps. The paramedics immediately know something is wrong and they quickly lay Oliver on the gurney. Cragen, Munch and Amanda are standing closer now but not so close that they are standing in the way.

"Alex is coming with me. " Oliver says.

" Who is Alex? " One of the paramedics asks as he looks around looking for a guy.

"I'm Alex." Alex answers.

"Are you family, Ma, am?" The paramedic asks.

" I'm Detective Benson's MPA. " Alex answers.

"That's good to know, but unless you're family you can't go with the ambulance. I'm sorry. " The paramedic says.

Alex looks at Oliver and sees 'the' look in his eyes. Before the younger blonde can react, Oliver speaks up.

"She is my fiancé and SHE is coming with me. " Oliver says sternly.

"Alright, she can come with us. Let's go. You could have said that in the first place." The paramedic says.

The paramedics quickly walk with Oliver on the gurney out of the squad room, with Alex walking next to him holding his hand. This time they're going to Mount Sinai. Abby is following them and goes with her own car to the hospital to be there for Alex. There is nothing she can do at this time of the day since it's passed 5 PM. She'll press charges first thing tomorrow morning when she knows how Oliver is doing. Left behind in the squad room Munch and Amanda are shocked by the Detective's 'announcement' about Alex and him being engaged. They didn't know they were together let alone being engaged. They turn to Cragen to ask him about it but the look on their Captain's face stops them from asking.

"Shouldn't someone call Stabler's wife to tell her where her husband is and what's going on? " Amanda asks.

Cragen sighs before he answers the question.

"I'll go to Kathy and explain the situation to her and tell her what happened. Munch, when Fin and Amaro are back I want you to go to the hospital with Amaro and find out how Oliver is doing. Make sure that if Amaro has problems with Oliver's change he'll be respectful towards Alex. I do not tolerate disrespectful behavior from anyone. If Stabler wouldn't have hit Oliver I would have suspended him for his behavior. Now IAB probably wants to fire his ass and I won't try to stop them. If Fin and Amaro wouldn't have stopped him he would have beaten him up." Cragen answers.

" Good luck Sir. I'll make sure that Nick behaves himself in front of Alex if he has problems with it. I won't tolerate it neither. If you had said it or not. You go to Kathy, as soon as I know how Oliver is doing I'll come back to the precinct. " Munch says.

"Alright. If you need me, call me otherwise I see the two of you when I'm back here. " Cragen says.

Both Amanda and Munch nod at Cragen and then the Captain leaves the squad room to go and have a very difficult conversation with Kathy. One he always hoped he would never have to have with her. Of course this is by far not as worse than going to a cop's wife and tell her that her husband died doing their duty. But still this is not exactly easy too.

When Abby arrives as t the hospital she arrived about 15 minutes after Oliver and Alex got there. Abby walks to the ER waiting room and after looking around for Alex she spots the blonde ADA and walks to her.

" Hey Alex. Do ya know more about Oli?" Abby asks.

" No, I don't. They took him straight behind the doors. His vitals were getting lower during the ride to the hospital. The paramedic said that it could be an internal bleeding. What the hell is wrong with that asshole? I knew he wouldn't accept it but did you expect him to actually attack Liv? " Alex asks.

" No I didn't expect this to happen. Sure the bastard had anger issues but I never thought he would attack Oliver. I thought he would get nasty against you once he would find out that the two of ya are engaged. Maybe try to hurt you but never Oli. My guess is that something snapped inside of him when he realized that he would never get Oliver even without knowing about your relationship. But then again the man is as bigoted as you can get them. But attacking Oliver is the last thing I thought he would do." Abby answers.

" I never saw this coming. I would have walked to them earlier if I suspected something like this would happen. But I really didn't. I'm scared Abby, scared for what can be wrong with Liv. He never says or admits he is in pain. So when he says that he is, it must be really bad." Alex says softly.

" I know you're worried. But Oli is a fighter. No matter what it is he'll fight. Now even harder than before. He has you to fight for and that will get him through this. I'm convinced he'll get through this because of you." Abby says.

"I know he is a fighter. I just hate it that he is in so much pain. " Alex says.

" I know ya hate it. I hate it too. But he'll make it through this. The hardest part for you is that ya have to wait. But I'm here with you. " Abby says.

It was an hour later when Munch and Nick arrived at the hospital. As soon as Munch was in the ER waiting room and he saw Alex he walked to her and pulled the blonde in a hug.

" I know you're worried about Oliver but he's a fighter, Teflon. He'll make it. " Munch says as he pulled away.

After Munch pulled away Nick did something he hadn't done before. The Detective pulled Alex into a hug too. Letting her know without words that he accepted Oliver. When he pulls away Nick looks Alex in her eyes.

"If there's anything I can do for you or for Oliver, all you have to do is let me know. He's my partner and I have his back, Alex. " Nick says.

Until now Alex managed to keep herself together. Hearing the words Munch and especially Nick daid makes the tough ADA tears up on the inside. Tears are forming in Alex's stormy blue eyes. Not able to answer them Alex nods at them. Seeing how difficult she has it now, Abby puts her arm around the younger blonde and coaches her best friend to the chairs they were sitting on. When they sit down Abby pulls Alex into her arms and tries to comfort the blonde attorney the best she can do now. Munch and Nick take a seat on the other side of the Texan. Patiently waiting till both women are ready to talk with them. After a minute or two Alex pulls herself together a bit.

"I'm sorry for being so emotional. Thank you both for your support. It means a lot to me. And I know that it means the world to Oliver that you support him and have his back, Nick." Alex says softly.

" You have nothing to be sorry for, Alex. We all care for Oliver but it turns out that you care for him and love him on a whole different level. Seeing that you are his fiancé. He surprised us with that back in the squad room. It sounds a little odd in this situation but I do mean it, congratulations Teflon. " Munch says.

"Thank you, John. " Alex says.

" Wait, Benson asked you to marry him? Sorry that came out wrong. I'm just very surprised. I didn't know it, I didn't know that the two of you were together. I agree with Munch here though, congratulations Alex. " Nick says.

"It's alright, Nick. We wanted to tell everyone when we came back to NY and throw a party. But my fiancé had to be protective about me and told the paramedic that I was his fiancé and that I would come with him. So he kinda outed us then." Alex answers with a small smile on her lips.

" Leave it to Benson to go all protective about you when he's injured. Do you know anything about his condition yet?" Munch asks.

" No I don't know a damn thing. They took him away as soon as we arrived at the hospital. The paramedic thought that he might have an internal bleeding m and his vitals went down when we were on our way. I've waited here for over an hour now and if there isn't someone coming here soon to tell me how he's doing I'll go get some answers myself. " Alex answers.

Despite the current situation Abby, Nick and Munch laugh and smile about Alex's words. Knowing that the blonde had collected herself again, for as far as she could, and that someone was facing the ADA's wrath if she didn't get to see someone soon and not getting any answers.

10 minutes later the doors to the waiting room are opening and Dr. Bouchon walks inside in a surgical uniform.

" Family of Detective Benson? " Dr. Bouchon asks.

Alex almost jumps up from her chair and walks fast to the Dr. followed by Abby, Munch and Nick.

" I'm Dr. Bouchon. Are you family of Detective Benson? " Dr. Bouchon asks.

" I'm ADA Alexandra Cabot, Detective Benson's fiancé. These are ADA Carmichael, Sergeant Munch and Detective Amaro. They are Detective Benson's other ADA and partners. How is Liv doing, Dr. Bouchon? " Alex asks.

" Due to the punch in her stomach. ." Dr. Bouchon starts.

"Excuse me for interrupting you Dr. Bouchon, but could you please refer to my fiancé as Detective or him? We both would appreciate it. " Alex says kindly.

" Sorry, yes of course. I didn't know. Alright, due to the punch in his stomach, Detective Benson had an internal bleeding. We managed to find it but your fiancé lost a lot of blood and needs a blood transfusion. Because of his blood type this is gonna take longer. We have given him a transfusion during the surgery but we need to get blood with an express service from the blood bank or another hospital, from which one is the fastest st this moment. After the transfusion he still is in a critical condition for the following 48 hours, I'm afraid. But if he makes it through them, I'm positive he will make it. But like I said those 48 hours are critical. I'm sorry I don't have better news for you, Ms. Cabot. " Dr. Bouchon explains.

" Take mine. We have the same blood type. He needs it now, not in an hour or so because you don't have enough here. "Alex says sternly.

" He needs to make it through those 48 hours Dr. Bouchon. I need him. " alex adds softly.

" The sooner he gets it the better it is. I'll send a nurse to you, Ms. Cabot to collect the blood and she'll bring it to us as soon as you are done. I can see how important he is for you. And you are to him. Before he was sedated he kept asking for Alex and that he wanted her there. Alright, if you don't have any more questions than I go back. " Dr. Bouchon says.

About 5 minutes after the Dr. had left a nurse came and took Alex to a room where she takes the blonde's blood. After half an hour she had taken as much as she could with being it safe for Alex in this situation. After the nurse made sure that Alex was alright she pointed the way back for the blonde and went to the OR with Alex's blood. An hour later after Alex got back into the waiting room, Dr. Bouchon came back and walked to where Alex and Abby are sitting. Munch and Amaro needed to go back to the precinct but they insisted that as soon as Alex knows more she would call them and they would be right back at the hospital.

"Ms. Cabot, Detective Benson will be transferred to a private room on ICU as we speak. As soon as he is ready a nurse will come to take you to your fiancé. We won't keep him sedated so it's possible that he will wake up. But I can't say when that will be. Nor if he will wake up the following hours. For now we have done everything we could and it's ul to Detective Benson now." Dr. Bouchon explains.

" Do you know when the nurse will come to bring me to Oliver? " Alex asks anxiously.

"I think in half an hour. " Dr. Bouchon answers.

" Thank you Dr. Bouchon for everything you have done. I am aware of what you told me but my fiancé is a fighter. I am hopeful he wakes up. I have to be hopeful and have faith in him." Alex says.

" No need to thank me, Ms. Cabot. I don't ask from you not to be hopeful I just have to be honest about his chances. You know your fiancé better than I do, obviously, and if he's the fighter you say he is, he needs to fight as hard as he can. Now, if you will excuse me I need to go back. " Dr. Bouchon says.

"Yes of course. Thank you again, Dr. Bouchon. " Alex says.

The Dr. nods at Alex and Abby and leaves the waiting room. Half an hour later a nurse came into the waiting room.

"Family of Detective Benson? " The nurse asks.

" I'm ADA Alexandra Cabot, Detective Benson's fiancé. This is ADA Carmichael. " Alex answers.

" My name is Ms. Danton, I'm a nurse at ICU. I'm here to take you to Detective Benson. Are you ready?" Nurse Danton asks.

" Yes I certainly am. Take me to Liv, please. " Alex answers.

" Very well. Ms. Carmichael, you can come with us but only for a couple of minutes. After that you have to leave. Too many people is too stressful for Detective Benson now. And at this point only Ms. Cabot allowed to stay with her fiancé. I hope you can understand this. "Nurse Danton says.

"Of course I understand it I'm happy to see Oli for a couple of minutes now." Abby answers.

The nurse takes them to the first floor where the ICU is. When they arrive at Oliver's room they hear a nurse trying to calm down someone inside the room.

"I'm sorry I have to check if your fiancé is brought to another room. It's not possible for him to be awake already. " Nurse Danton says.

"Oh yes it is. " Alex and Abby say in canon. Just when Nurse Danton wants to go and check, they hear the nurse inside Oliver's room again.

"Detective Benson, you need to calm down. When the Dr. comes here he checks you and maybe he will remove the tube. There is a nurse getting Ms. Cabot here." The nurse says.

"I think that's my cue to go inside. Otherwise I think you all will get shocked again. I won't put it past him to try to get the the tube out himself and then tries to get out of his bed and go and look for me himself. " Alex says dryly.

Nurse Danton looks at the blonde ADA like she has grown a second head.

"Trust me, Alex is telling you the truth."Abby says.

Alex doesn't wait for an answer and opens the door and walks inside, Abby following behind her smiling at nurse Danton.

"Easy Liv, I'm already here. " Alex says.

The relief of Oliver being awake clearly in the blonde's voice. As soon as Oliver hears Alex's voice he turns his head and his eyes lights up seeing the blonde attorney. And then he points at the breathing tube in his mouth.

All Alex can do is shaking her head with a big smile on her face.

A/N The following time it will take longer to post a chapter possibly. I have to write or copy a chapter on my smartphone and send them with copy and paste to my beta reader and post them the same way. The Internet on my PC is not working and probably won't be for a while. So unless I'm elsewhere and have access to the Internet this is how I need to do it. Next chapter there will be a quote again as I normally post with each chapter in this story.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N This chapter has been read by my beta reader however it's written on my smartphone again so any mistakes are my fault cuz I can't use the programs I normally use.

Chapter 24

"Love is a single soul inhabiting twobody's." - Aristotle.

Oliver needed to stay a day or 3 at least in the hospital even after waking up immediately. Of course he didn't agree with it and was a royal pain in the ass to the Dr's and nurses.

It's three days after Oliver went into the hospital again and to his and Alex's surprise Cragen had called an hour ago and asked if they would be alright with Kathy coming with him to visit Oliver and Alex in Oliver's room. They had briefly talked about it with the two of them and called the Captain back that I it was alright for him to bring Kathy with him. Now they are waiting for the both of them to arrive.

"I wonder what Kathy wants, what she wants to talk about. I don't think the Cap. would ask if it was alright if it's something bad but I still wonder." Oliver says.

"I agree. Although I don't know it either. Maybe she wants to apologize or something." Alex suggests.

"Yeah maybe, but it's not her who needs to apologize for whst he did. She didn't do it. He did." Oliver says.

"I know. We could speculate about it, but until she tells us why she came or why she's coming with him we won't know it for sure." Alex says.

5 minutes later there's a knock on the door and Cragen walks inside after Oliver said to come inside. Kathy follows behind the Captain.

"Hey Oliver, Alex. How are you doing besides being a pain in the ass to all the medical staff?" Cragen asks.

"I'm not so bad, I'm fine." Oliver answers.

"Hi." Kathy says nervously.

"Hey Kathy." Oliver says.

"Hello Kathy." Alex says.

"Spit it out, Kathy. I won't bite your head off." Oliver says.

"I want to say that I'm sorry what Elliot did to you. I know I'm not the one who did it but still I'm sorry for what he did. And I want you to know, both of you, that I don't think the same about it as him. We know each other for a long time. And all I want for you is to be happy. And if this makes you that then I stand behind you 100%." Kathy says.

"First, thank you Kathy. It means a lot to me. To us. Second, you don't have to apologize for what he did. Like you said you didn't do it, he did. I don't blame you and I'm sure neither does Alex." Oliver says.

"Oliver is right. It means a lot to me too. And I don't blame you for what happened." Alex says.

"Thank you. Oliver sounds nice. Is that your only name or did you chose a middle name too?" Kathy asks.

"No it's not my only name. My full name is Oliver Alexander Benson." Oliver answers. The Detective looked briefly at Alex before looking back at Kathy.

"Alexander huh? Does that mean that the both of you finally got your heads out of your assess?" Kathy smiles.

Alex and Oliver look at each other and smile.

"Yes you're right. We did." Oliver smiles.

"He's gonna make an honest woman of me too. He asked me to marry him." Alex answers smiling widely.

"Wow. You didn't beat around the bush, Benson. Well congratulations to you both." Kathy says sincerely.

"Thank you." Alex and Oliver say in canon.

"What's gonna happen next?" Kathy asks.

"With him or us?" Oliver asks.

"Both I think. I mean I know Elliot has been arrested and for what. But that's all I know. When I heard what happened the first thing I wanted to know was how you are. I'll explain it later why that was the first thing on my mind." Kathy answers.

Oliver looks at Alex and Cragen. Both nod at the Detective to take the lead.

"Well Elliot is gonna be charged with at least assaulting an officer of the law. But that probably won't be the only thing. Abby is gonna take the case and with everything he said, I won't be surprised if she adds harassment and discrimination to the charges. I think that IAB probably wants to fire him and they have a good case. No matter what the outcome of the case against him will be in court. As for Alex and I; we're gonna be busy in the courtroom and with my recovery, I'm looking at three cases in court now. We also need to plan a wedding and change my name officially first.

You can always talk with me if you want to. No matter what happens in court or afterwards. For me it won't change how I look at you. Is there something wrong Kathy?" Oliver asks softly.

Kathy looks a bit shocked at hearing that Oliver faces three cases. On the other hand it means a lot to her that Oliver doesn't hold her responsible for her soon to be ex-husband. That was going to happen already and hitting Oliver didn't cause it.

"Three cases?" Kathy asks surprised.

"Yes. Two for the undercover op a couple of weeks ago and one against Elliot. But you look more surprised than I think you should be. Wanna tell me what's going on?" Oliver asks.

Kathy takes a deep breath and replies to Oliver's question.

"Elliot and I are going to get divorced. I asked for it about 3 weeks ago. So what happened a few days ago isn't the reason. I feel bad for the kids that their dad is going to be in jail probably. But it won't change my mind on getting divorced. I left our house 4 weeks ago with the kids. We're staying at my parent's house till I find a new place to live with them. He did tell me that you guys would have an undercover op but not what it was about or any other information. So that's why I'm surprised. You don't have to tell what it is but did something go wrong? Since there are two cases and not one." Kathy asks after explaining things.

Oliver looks at Alex after Kathy asked what went wrong with the op. He knows he can trust Kathy but he's not sure if he wants her to know what happened to him in Rikers.

"It's your choice, Liv. Tell as much as you want or tell as little as you want. And remember I won't think any less of you if you don't want to talk. And that I'm here with you." Alex says softly.

Oliver nods and kisses Alex's hand. Which he was holding in his own hand for a while now.

"You're right something went wrong. Badly actually. But I'm not ready to talk about it with you. It's not personal, I'm not talking about it with Lex or Abby neither. Apart from giving my testimony and telling Alex what happened. I hope you can understand this." Oliver says.

"Yes of course. If you want to talk about it with me you'll find me. I have a question. Does everyone still calls you Liv?" Kathy asks friendly.

"No. That privilege is only given to Alex. She's the only one that is allowed to call me Liv. Abby calls me Oli now. So you can either call me Oli too or find a new nickname yourself. Kathy, Cap. could you wait outside for a couple of minutes? There is something I would like to discuss with Alex before talking about it with you, Kathy. Don't worry it's nothing bad." Oliver asks, looking at Kathy and Cragen.

All three other occupants are surprised at Oliver's request. Kathy and Cragen look at Alex but the blonde ADA shrugs her shoulders saying that she doesn't know it either. Kathy and Cragen stand up and leave Oliver's room closing the door behind them. Alex looks at Oliver with one eyebrow raised questionably.

"Alright Detective, what is it that you want to talk about? You make me curious." Alex asks.

"I was thinking. Kathy and the kids are staying at her parent's place. That's not ideally to put it mildly. You and I are staying at your cabin for a while. We're going to get married somewhere between, what, now and a year? We both have our apartments for now. And if I know you, you want us to live together when we're coming back to NY and look for a new place to live together. I agree with you. Now my place is big enough for them to live in. So what do you think of asking Kathy if she wants to move to my apartment and when we come back I'll moving into yours till we find a new place for us? I bought my apartment with the money I got from my mom's house so she doesn't need to pay the full price. She has always been there for me and now I can do something back and help her. What do you think of it?" Oliver asks.

Alex is touched by Oliver's idea. Once again it hits her how selfless and caring her fiancé is. Here he is in the hospital due to her ex partner and apparently soon ex husband friend and still wants to help her like this.

"I think that this is one of the reasons I fell in love with you, fall in love with you even more and why I said yes to marrying you. I know you want to help Kathy and this is a amazing idea of you. I agree with it. With all of it to be exact. You're right you know me, very well I might add. I would love nothing more than to live together with you when we come back to NY and look for a new place for us. So I say let's ask Kathy if she wants to move into your apartment. I love you Oliver Benson. More than you'll ever know. " Alex answers.

"Oh I know. I love you as much as you love me Alexandra Cabot. Alright, let's do this. Let's ask Kathy. Would you go and ask them to come back inside?" Oliver asks.

"Yes of course." Alex answers, standing up and walking towards the door.

Cragen and Kathy walk back inside and sit down in the same chairs they were sitting in earlier. Alex walked back to Oliver snd sits down next to him again. Taking his hand in her own. Olivia smiles at Alex and then looks at Cragen and Kathy.

"You probably wonder why I asked you to leave the room. I'll tell you it now. I needed to talk with Alex and ask her what she thought about the proposal I have. Kathy, you have always been there for me. And now finally I can do something back for you. As you know Alex and I are gonna get married. Not immediately but somewhere between now and a year. Right now we are staying at Alex's cabin and we'll go back to it when they finally release me from this damn hospital again. I'll be moving in with Alex till we find a new place for us. You're staying with the kids at your parent's place and it's great that they do that for you guys but it isn't exactly the best solution. I know how hard it can be to find a proper place to live with all of you together. I might have a permanent solution for your problem. So what I want to ask you is this. What would you think of moving into my apartment?" Oliver asks, smiling.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N I'm sorry that this is another short chapter. But at this point I guess it's better to update a chapter that's short than no chapter at all.**

**Again I'd like to thank all of ya for all the reviews and followers/fav's I get. Y'all make me feel appreciated for what I'm doing with this story. **

**Back to the story. Keep R+R please.**

Chapter 25

"**Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do." - David Wilkerson.**

Kathy's jaw hit the floor. Did she hear this right? Oliver wanted to let her, soon to be ex-wife of his former partner, whom had hit him, causing him to go to hospital, move into his apartment. He wanted to help her and the kids? Kathy was sure she didn't hear that right. It couldn't be that the Detective was that selfless and caring person. The smaller blonde knew that her friend, yes she could still call him that, was generous and giving. But she never thought that he would do this for her, to help her.

"You want me and the kids to move into your apartment?" Kathy asks shocked.

"Yes. You all need a safe place in a good neighborhood and I offer you an opportunity to do that. Now what do you say? Are you gonna take it or not?" Oliver asks.

"Oliver, I'm sure I can't afford to buy it on my salary." Kathy says.

"And I'm sure you can. Look Kathy, I bought that apartment from the landlord with the money I got from my mother's house. Without going into details, thanks to Alex I got a great deal in a lawsuit recently. I have more money now than I know what to do with. And I'm sure that Abby will try to get the best deal for me in the case from the undercover op. So really I'm not going to ask you to pay more than you can afford. I'm sure we can work something out. Make up your mind woman. You know it's suitable for all of you. You've been there more than enough times to know it. Now are you gonna take it or not?" Oliver asks.

"Yes! Yes of course. Oliver, I can't thank you enough and I don't know how I could thank you enough for doing this." Kathy answers emotionally.

"You don't have to thank me, Kathy. Just do me one favor, alright?" Oliver asks.

"Anything you want." Kathy answers.

"Make it a real home for you and the kids. I never have been there enough to make it feel like home. I always liked Alex's apartment more than my own. You have a chance to start over again, do it right. That's all I'm asking for." Oliver says.

"I will. I promise." Kathy says.

Kathy stands up and walks to Oliver's bed and hugs him. She hugs him carefully but not careful enough. Oliver flinches at the for him sudden contact, briefly, but Kathy notices it. She doesn't say something about it. Knowing that the tough Detective doesn't want to talk about what ever caused him to flinch. But after shaking it off a bit Oliver returns the hug and put his good arm around the blonde.

"You're still family Kathy, and family takes care of each other." Oliver says softly.

After they let go, Oliver turns to open a drawer on his nightstand. He takes something out of it and closes the drawer again.

"Here are the keys to the apartment, Kathy. You can make a deal about the price with Alex. She will rent a storage box today for my stuff and tomorrow or the day after my stuff will be taken away and you can move in. If there's anything you want to keep, tell Alex and she'll make sure it stays there." Oliver instructs while handing over the keys.

"Are you sure you can arrange it that fast?" Kathy asks.

"Yes I do. There are a lot of people who owe me a favor or favors, so don't worry about that." Oliver answers.

"Thank you so much, Oliver. Alex, you do know you're lucky with your fiancé, don't you?" Kathy asks.

Alex looks at Oliver while answering the question.

"Oh I do. He's the most selfless and caring person I know or will ever know." Alex answers softly.

"Yeah. Yeah. No need to get mussy. I'm not that great. And it is so not Badass. Now go and make your kids happy, Kathy." Oliver says, brushing it off.

"Sorry for mentioning what a good person you are, Detective Badass Benson. Alright I'll get out of your hair and go pack our things at my parent's house." Kathy says.

"Let me walk you out, Kathy. We can make a deal while we walk." Alex says.

Kathy walks to Oliver and slowly leans forward, so that he knows what she wants to do, and hugs him goodbye. Alex stands up and kisses Oliver on his forehead before she walks out his room with Kathy.

"Alright now that Kathy is out of the room, how are you really doing Oli?" Cragen asks gently.

"Not that well. I have nightmares when I fall asleep. Not one but multiple per night. It helps a bit if Alex holds me or I'm holding her when we go to sleep but I still get them. After giving my statement to Abby, I had a flashback and I hit Abby on her nose when she tried to get me out of it, before she went to get Alex. To be honest, the only thing I'm sure of right now is marrying Alex and get the surgery when I recovered at least a bit. Being attacked by Elliot certainly doesn't help to deal with it. I knew he would react badly, but truthfully I never thought he would physically attack me. If Fin and Nick wouldn't have pulled him away he would have beaten the crap out of me, wouldn't he?" Oliver asks softly.

"Yes, I think he would have. I never thought he would do this either. You've been assaulted twice in a couple of weeks. And even though Elliot hit you once before he was pulled away, the fact that it was someone you trusted your life to and with doesn't make it less bad than what happened in Rikers. It's equally traumatic I think. I know you want to recover from this by yourself. But promise me that if it doesn't work and gets worse you will seek for help." Cragen answers.

"I promise. I have a fiancé I need to think about and take care of. I don't want her to suffer because of me, more than she already does. I know she still blames herself for what happened in Rikers. A little less than before maybe, but she still blames herself. She doesn't say it or talk about it but I know her, I know how she feels about it. And would it have been her, I would have done the same. Hell, I still blame myself for her being shot. And nobody can make me think otherwise. We both have to deal with this, her being shot and me being... raped. And now being assaulted by Elliot too I guess." Oliver says.

Oliver and Cragen talked a bit more before they switched to lighter subjects. They talked until Alex came back. The three of them talked for a couple of minutes before Cragen left and returned to the precinct and they were with the two of them again. Oliver is tired and went to take a nap when Alex's phone rings. Alex walks out of the room and talked for couple of minutes before ending the call and walks back into the room. She sits down on Oliver's bed.

"That was Abby. Barbara won't take a deal. He wants a trial. And that asshole Langan is defending him. He filled a motion for a speedy trial this morning. Judge Hagen accepted the motion. I'm sorry Liv, the trial starts Monday." Alex says.

"What? NO. No, no, no,no,no. This is not happening. Oh God, I can't breathe. Alex, I can't breathe." Oliver chokes out.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"**A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy." - George Jean Nathan.**

"_What? NO. No, no, no,no,no. This is not happening. Oh God, I can't breathe. Alex, I can't breathe." Oliver chokes out._

Alex knows that she has to calm him down fast. Forget about a full blown panic attack, Oliver is still being monitored and speeding up his heart beat will give them more problems than having a panic attack. Alex knows that no matter what state her Detective will be in, as soon as nurses and Dr's are barging inside his room troubles starts. There is no way he will let them help him and probably will think that they are there to attack the blonde ADA.

Alex pulls Oliver against her body and starts talking to him softly. Trying to get his attention on her.

"Liv, breathe. Everything is gonna be alright. Just breathe. Take a deep breath and listen to my voice, Detective. I'm here with you baby, nothing is gonna happen to you now. Breathe." Alex says softly with a soothing voice.

Oliver's heartbeat went up and the alarm from the monitor went off. This combined with the nurses and Dr. bursting into the room caused Oliver fighting to not get into a flashback. The nurses and Dr. thought that something was wrong with his heart and yelled at Alex to get of the bed and they wanted to pull Alex from behind him to lay him flat on his back. However, the moment they are getting closer to the Detective, Oliver thinks in his dazed state of mind that they want to attack Alex. And that was what Alex was afraid of to happen. Oliver growls for them to back off and stay away from the younger blonde. When they don't listen and steps closer, carefully but still closer, Oliver is getting a flashback. Alex immediately notice the change in Oliver and knows what's happening. The blonde ADA quickly climbs from behind Oliver and gets off the bed and jumps in front of her fiancé.

"Don't come any closer. Oliver will hit you. He's having a flashback. Now get out of the room all of you, please. I will explain it later but I need everyone out now!." Alex says firmly, glaring at everyone in the room.

Everyone except one nurse steps back. The nurse was standing at the end of Oliver's bed and didn't know anything about Oliver or Alex. It was her first day back today after a vacation. The nurse walks around the other side of the bed and puts her hand on Oliver's shoulder while she starts talking to him. The moment she touches Oliver's shoulder Oliver sits up immediately and swings his fist in the nurse's stomach. The nurse almost doubled over on his bed. She quickly steps away and walks away backwards while Oliver starts begging not to hurt him and then whispering not to hurt Alex. It breaks the blonde's heart to hear her fiancé in so much pain. Furious that the nurse made it only worse for Oliver Alex looks around stopping with the nurse who just backed off. The nurse is the one at the end of Alex's death glare this time.

"Everyone out now!" Alex says sternly.

The blonde ADA points her finger in the direction of said nurse who now looks at Alex like a deer looking into the headlights.

"I don't want to see you EVER again in this room with my fiancé. Do I make myself clear?" Alex asks in her courtroom voice.

The nurse shivers involuntarily hearing the tone of her voice and seeing the cold hard look in Alex's eyes. She doesn't trust her voice so she nods quickly at Alex and fleets out of the room. Followed by the others. Alex turns quickly back to Oliver and climbs on the bed to hold her poor Detective in her arms and softly speaks into his ear. Trying to get Oliver out of his flashback.

An hour and a half later Alex and Abby are sitting outside Oliver's room talking with each other. The blonde had left the door open just a bit so she could hear Oliver should he wake up. Alex explains to Abby what happened.

"They sedated Oliver an hour ago. After we were done talking on the phone I went back inside and told Oliver that the trial would start Monday. He almost got a panic attack. Since he's still monitored the fucking alarm went off and they came bursting into his room. I don't have to explain how that went. Poor Liv got a flashback and then a nurse was so stupid to go to him which made it only worse. It took me 20 minutes to get him calm again. Then the Dr. came inside and started to examine him, he freaked out and panicked again. How are we gonna get Liv ready for the trial Abby? If they release him before it starts." Alex ask worried.

Abby thought for a few moments before she replies to Alex.

"It went that bad? Poor Oli." Abby asks.

"Yes Abs, it went that bad. If I didn't ordered them to back off and leave the room it would have been even worse I think." Alex answers.

"Judging by how today went we're not gonna get him ready to testify in court. And it would actually be a good thing if they wouldn't release him before Tuesday. I know Judge Hagen from my first time at the DA's office. He won't post pone the trial later but he does wants his testimony. So I think he wants to take it here in the hospital if Oli is still here. Which would be better. No courtroom full of people. No watching that damn video tape. Just Hagen, Oliver, me and that asshole Langan. Hagan will keep Langan on a short leech and if he won't do it the Dr. and I will. There is no way in hell that I will let him badger Oli. Over my dead body! That sick son of a bitch Stabler made it all worse for Oli. I really hope they keep Oli here till after the trial. The nurses and Dr. will be relieved when they finally can release him somewhere next week after he made all their lives miserable but it would prevent him testifying in court. Again I seriously doubt Hagen will post pone the trial since Langan asked for a speedy trial and he granted it." Abby answers.

"Well I don't think it would be that hard to convince the Dr. to keep Oliver in the hospital I think. Not after what happened today. I think they would release him on Monday normally but with today and if we would ask for it I doubt they won't do it. But I do think we should talk with Oliver about this first. Because if we don't we will get a shit storm over us. And I don't want to be at the other end of his wrath, thank you very much. Maybe we could even reassure him if you manage to get his testimony here in the hospital. It's still very risky but it's better than being in a courtroom at this moment." Alex says.

"I agree with you. It ain't the best option but we don't have a better one." Abby says.

"There is something else we need to talk about. Kathy was here today with Cragen. Kathy and the kids are staying with her parents. She and Stabler are getting divorced. She filed for the divorce before he assaulted Liv. Anyway, Liv and I talked about it and Liv offered Kathy to take over her apartment, we're staying at the Cabin for a while and when we come back we're going to stay at my apartment till we find a new place for the two of us. Kathy took the offer. Would you mind staying in my apartment? Till you find something else. That way Kathy can move in the day after tomorrow or so. Tomorrow we will pack Oliver's stuff and rent a storage box to put his stuff in." Alex asks.

Abby looked shocked and surprised at the blonde ADA. She didn't expect Oliver and Alex to have Kathy visit them and she certainly didn't think this would happen. But of course the lanky Texan had no problems to stay at Alex's apartment.

"No, of course not. No problem. Did Oli really offer his apartment to Kathy?" Abby asks surprised.

"Yes he did. After Kathy told us that she was staying with her parents, Liv asked them to leave the room for a couple of minutes. He told me what he wanted to do. And knowing me that I would want us living together when we come back from the cabin. So he asked me if I was alright with this. Of course I agreed. It's so Oliver, he said that Kathy had always been there for him and that now he finally could do something back for her. He doesn't blame her for what Stabler did nor do I. But I fell in love with him even more when he asked me this." Alex explains.

"I can see why. You falling in love even more with him I mean. But you're right. This shows again how selfless he is and wanting to help others. I'll pack my stuff tonight. I also go and get some moving boxes and start packing tonight to help you guys. I don't have a lot of stuff at his apartment. Most of it is in a storage box too, till I find a place." Abby says.

"Thanks Abby. That would help us so much. I don't want to leave Oli here alone. I know I have to tomorrow but it's not that I like it." Alex replies.

"If you're gonna move the stuff after 5 pm I think I would be able to either stay her with Oliver or to go to his apartment and take care of things there." Abby offers.

"Really Abs? You have so much to do before the trials. Do you really have the time to do either of it?" Alex asks hopeful.

"Alex you're my best friend and Oli is my bro, I make time to help. I can go to the office on Saturday to work some more. But I know both of you don't want to be apart right now or leaving Oli alone here. Which is completely understandable btw. So it's not a problem at all. Just tell me what you want the most and I'll do what's left." Abby answers.

"I'd really like to stay with Liv here. So if you could go to his apartment tomorrow that would be really great. I'll call some people to come there and pack things up so that you won't have to do that too." Alex answers happily.

"Then you'll stay here with Oli, where you belong, and I go to his apartment and take care of it there. You're not alone in this Alex. You and Oli have the guys at the precinct and me to help you for a start. We all have your backs." Abby says softly.

"I know. And I'm so grateful for that. It means so much to me that everyone supports Liv so much. Even Amaro said that Liv was his partner and that he have his back. All the things that are happening now shows who stands behind us and got our backs. I just hope that my parents will be so supportive when we tell them about Liv's surgery. But we'll worry about that when we get there. Now I have and we have other things to worry about. I'll be so glad when those damn trials are behind us and we can focus on Liv's recovery and our wedding." Alex sighs.

"Ya know, in a way Stabler is lucky that Oli had that surgery and was injured. Otherwise he would have beat the crap out of him if not killed him for what he said about you. I know, it's lousy of me to say it but it's true though. I know without a doubt he would have kicked his ass big time." Abby says.

"You're right. It's lousy for you to say that right now and you're right about it too. Liv would certainly have kicked his sorry ass. And then he would have been in jail and probably lose his job for that asshole. But he didn't and now he and I need to deal with the aftermath. But the best thing that happened or is happening is that he and I got together and now I'm gonna be Mrs. Benson." Alex smiles.

"Sounds like your pretty sure about that. Is it gonna be Benson only? You gonna give up your last name?" Abby asks.

"Yes. I'll be proud to wear his name. Besides, I have a brother and 3 sisters who can keep the Cabot name alive. Liv has no one. And I want our future children to have the same name as we have. And if my family doesn't like that, I'll tell them where to shove it. It's our life not theirs. And it's our or mine decision to make not theirs. I and our future children will be the only real family he's got. Yes the guys and you and other friends are there and we see them and you as family but still it's different though." Alex answers.

"I know what you're trying to say. And you're right. You are his only real family and apparently your future kids will be. Should have known you talked about that too. Don't take it the wrong way. I'm really happy for the two of you. And I want nothing more than that you are happy and have a family." Abby says.

"I know how you mean it. To tell you the truth I couldn't be any happier than to carry his children. To be pregnant with our children. I know it will take some time to convince him of that but if that happens I'm the happiest woman in the world. Although I already am the happiest woman in the world being his fiancé and soon-to-be- wife." Alex sighs happily.

"You've got it bad, Cabot. You've got it bad for Benson." Abby jokes.

"Just wait till you find your dream woman Carmichael. We'll talk again then." Alex laughs.

"I'll believe that when I see it. Anyway, I'll get out of your hair and go. I've got enough things to do tonight and you can go back and drool over your fiancé." Abby winks.

"Bite me." Alex counters.

"I don't think so. I value my life too much for that. Oli may be my bro but that doesn't mean he won't kill me if I would do that." Abby says.

"True. When it comes to me there are no limits. It makes me feel safe though." Alex answers.

"You make him feel the same way, Alex. Now go back to your guy. I have an apartment to pack." Abby smiles.

The two ADA's hug each other and then go their own ways. Alex back into Oliver's room and Abby to the Detective's apartment.

Alex climbs back onto Oliver's bed carefully and snuggles against him. Even in his sleep Oliver wants to protect his woman and puts his arm around Alex's waist and pulls her into his body and let his arm lying around her waist possessively. Alex lays her head on his chest.

"One day, Oliver Alexander Benson, one day I'm gonna convince you and carry our children." Alex whispers before she falls asleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N Thank y'all for all the support I get from ya guys and gals. You trully are amazing. Helping me to make choises for this story when I need to, without even know it. This chapter is written without being read by my beta reader(s), so any mistakes that are there are all my own fault. **

**Back to the story and a new chapter.**

Chapter 27

"**A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." - Ingrid Bergman**

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Abby yelled, after slamming the door of her office behind her.

The brunette ADA had spent the entire morning at the courthouse and most of the time in the chambers of the three judges assigned to the trials. Hagen was already assigned to the case against Barbara for raping Oliver, Brennan was assigned to the case against him for the SVU case and Petrovsky was assigned for the case against Elliot Stabler. Hagen had agreed with Abby to taking Oliver's testimony in the hospital. Petrovsky had set the day for the trial on Friday next week. That was all she could do. Oliver's testimony could go two directions at this moment. Either he would need to show up in court or also taken in the hospital. Depending on where the Detective would be. Brennan had set the date on Thursday next week. He had not granted Abby's motion for Oliver's testimony in the hospital. Stating that while the Detective testifying was important, the case wasn't build up on his testimony and that it would be unlikely for the Detective to still be in the hospital by the time he needed to testify. Therefore, he denied the brunette ADA's motion. Oliver needs to testify in court. And it would be after the trial against Barbara for raping the Detective. Yes it were two separate trials but the cases were connected and it was highly unlikely that Barbara would go for a deal here, knowing that Oliver needed to testify in that trial too. And there was nothing Abby could do to prevent the hell it could be for Oliver. The Texan knows that Langan is Barbara's defense attorney on that trial too and that the son of bitch would do everything he could at cross questioning the Detective. It almost looks like he has a personal vendetta against either Abby or Oliver or both of them, because he's defending Stabler too. How the hell that is possible Abby doesn't know, there is no way that Stabler could pay his usual fee. The only 'lucky' part is that Petrovsky is the judge. She won't allow Langan to badger Oliver during his questioning and the brunette knows for sure that she won't hesitate and throw his as in jail for holding in contempt neither. But still there's enough damage the weasel can do to Oliver in three fucking trials together.

Abby drops into the chair behind her desk and slams her fist on it.

"Damn it!" Abby curses.

Abby is ready to curse a minute or two when there is a knock on her door.

"Come in!" Abby growls.

Liz pokes her head around the door.

"Is it safe for me to come inside or are you gonna bite my head off as soon as I'm inside completely?" Liz asks.

"Sorry Liz. I ain't gonna bit your head off as long as ya don't piss me off more than I already am." Abby answers.

Liz walks inside Abby's office and closes the door behind her before she sits down in one of the chairs in front of Abby's desk.

"I guess it's safe to assume that this morning in court didn't go to well?" Liz asks.

Abby shakes her head.

"That's the understatement of the year. That creepy weasel Langan is gonna be the defense attorney on all three trials with Oliver. There is no way that Oliver will stay in the hospital for two or three weeks so he needs to testify in court in the second trial against Barbara and maybe even in the trial against that son of a bitch, Stabler, if he won't be in the hospital anymore by next Friday. That are three trials for Langan to mess with Oli one way or another." Abby answers.

"How the hell did Stabler managed to get Langan to represent him? How are you gonna tell Oliver all of this?" Liz asks surprised.

"You tell me. On both questions. There is no way that Stabler can afford his fee. And after how yesterday went with Oli, I'm afraid of telling him this." Abby answers.

Liz raises one brow.

"What happened yesterday?" Liz asks.

"I told Alex, when she called me, that Monday the trial against Barbara starts, the one for raping Oliver. When I was in the hospital after I was done here, Alex told me that Oliver almost had a panic attack when she told him about the trial. Oli is still being monitored so when he panicked his heartbeat went up and the damn alarm from the monitor went off. So of course the nurses and Dr. burst into his room. Yelling at Alex that she needed to get of the bed, they thought something was wrong with his heart. The walked closer to his bed and Oli thought that the were gonna attack Alex and growled at them to back off. But they didn't listen and walked closer causing him to get a flashback. Alex, of course, defended him and got off the bed immediately and warned them and told them to back off, one of the nurses didn't listen and walked around the other side of the bed to Oliver and putted her hand on his shoulder. Oli hit her in the stomach with his fist so she backed off, but for Oliver the flashback got worse. Long story short, after Alex calmed him down and the Dr. examined him, he panicked again. That's when they had to sedate him. I'm afraid of what's gonna happen when either Alex or I tell him about the trials." Abby explains.

"I can see what you mean. Poor Oliver. Does that idiot nurse still have a job after what she did?" Liz asks.

"Yes she does. But I doubt she will enter Oliver's room ever again after Alex was done with her." Abby smiles.

"Alright fill me in with everything you know so far and let's see if I can help you." Liz says.

Abby nods at Liz and tells the older blonde everything about what happened that morning in court. Who the judges are, about the motions and the dates of the trials. When Abby is done Liz thinks for a couple of moments.

"Lena won't give Langan much space to do anything against Oliver. I think that trial will goes the most smoothly, if you can speak of that in the first place of course. Anyway, Lena will hold him on a short leech. Hagen will keep him short, along with the Dr. and you, and it's in the hospital. So no courtroom full of people and forced to watching the tape. It will be hard for Oliver but the Dr. won't allow him getting hurt. And if Alexandra is going to be there Langan better watch his mouth if he doesn't wanna get sued or getting his head ripped off. As for Brennan's trial, I'll see what I can do. Maybe I'm able to arrange something or pull a few strings." Liz says.

The two women talk a bit longer about the cases. And they talk about telling Alex and Oliver about the trials. Abby says what she needs to at Oliver's apartment and Liz tells her to take off the last hour or so to talk with Alex and Oliver before she goes to his apartment. Assuming that the Detective is not sedated anymore of course. They decide that Liz is going to be a invisible second chair on all three cases. So that Abby can help Alex and Oliver when needed and Liz can take care of some the work the brunette needs to do too. Just to help the Texan because the ADA is more than capable to handle the cases herself.

An hour and a half after Liz came into Abby's office the EADA leaves to let Abby work for a few hours before she heads off to the hospital and to get back to work herself. Two hours later Abby looks at her watch and sees it's 3.30 PM, time to wrap up and clean up her desk and head out to the hospital. At 4 PM Abby arrives at the hospital and walks to Oliver's room. She and Alex had talked over the phone and the brunette ADA had told the blonde that she would visit them around PM since Oliver was not sedated anymore. Knocking on the door the Texan takes a deep breath and opens the door to walk inside after she heard Oliver call to come in.

"Hey Oli, how are you feeling today?" Abby asks after closing the door.

"Better than yesterday. But that's obvious since I'm awake now." Oliver answers.

Abby hugs Oliver carefully and then hugs Alex. Seeing the tension on both her friends faces she decides to crack a joke to break up the tension.

"Liz wants to know if that 'idiot nurse', her words, still has a job?" Abby asks winking with her eyebrows.

Abby's attempt to joke works and Alex and Oliver both laugh out loud. Alex had told Oliver what happened and Oliver asked his fiancé the same question when she was done.

"She still has her job, but I doubt she'll ever enters my room to check on me after the ass chewing she got from ADA Cabot here." Oliver smiles.

"She may consider herself lucky for still having a job. If she knows what's good for her she stays away." Alex mutters.

"I doubt the woman even thinks about setting one foot inside this room as long as the two of you are here." Abby snickers.

Alex rolls with her eyes but says nothing. Oliver shakes his had at the eye rolling of the blonde next to him, before he turns serious again.

"How did it go in court this morning, Carmichael? Alex told me you've been there quite some time." Oliver asks.

Abby looks surprised at Alex, she didn't expect the blonde attorney to be so direct about it to Oliver after yesterday. After a look from Alex that said 'are you really that surprised' Abby looks back at Oliver.

"Are you sure you are ready for this?" Abby asks carefully.

"As ready as I can be. I know I freaked out yesterday but it won't happen again, not if I can help it." Oliver answers.

"Alright. First of all Liz will be an invisible second chair on all trials. Just so I can be there for the both of ya when needed and get some work done for me. Now as for the trials, as you know Hagen has your personal trial against Barbara, Brennan has the trial for the SVU case and Petrovsky has your trial against Stabler. Hagen granted the motion for you testifying here in the hospital. So you don't need to go to courtroom for that or the trial itself. Petrovsky set your trial against Stabler for Friday a week from now. And where you testify depends on where you are. IF your still here she will come here for it otherwise you need to go to court. Brennan denied the motion for testifying here in the hospital. But we have around two weeks to prepare you for that. I can put you last on the stand and the trial starts next Thursday. So that gives us till the Thursday or Friday the week after that. Thursday and Friday will be choosing the jury so the show won't get on the road before Monday. Liz is going to see if she can get something done or pull some strings for that trial so we have to wait if something changes there." Abby explains.

After Abby is finished both Alex and her are looking at Oliver. The Detective takes a few moments to let everything sink before he looks up at Alex and Abby. Raising one eyebrow at the questioning looks on their faces.

"Oh come on, give me a little credit here. I know what happened yesterday but I'm not made of glass or sugar. And don't insult my intelligence. I know that the trials would follow up each other rather quickly. I got that clear yesterday. It gives some rest knowing that I don't have to testify in court against Barbara in my own case. But with everything you just told me I know you keep something from me Carmichael, so spit it out and tell me what you kept behind." Oliver says.

Alex and Abby are both pleasantly surprised with how Oliver takes all the news about the trials. Alex knows what Abby's holding behind and shakes her head after Oliver is finished. Leave it up to her fiancé to know when people aren't telling the whole truth. The blonde looks at Abby who shrugs her shoulders, the Texan knows that she's been busted. How the Detective does it she still doesn't know, but somehow nobody can ever withhold important information from him.

"Fine. What I didn't told ya is that I think that creepy sleaze ball has a personal vendetta against you, me or both of us or that he is just happy that he ain't up against the Ice Queen here, cuz Langan is the defense attorney in all three trials. How Stabler managed it I don't know, but somehow the son of a bitch got him as his defense attorney too." Abby says, looking a bit worried at Oliver.

Oliver looks at Alex to get confirmed that Abby is telling the truth and when Alex slowly nods, Oliver is reacting not how both ADA's expected him to. The moment he knows it's true, a fire gets in his eyes and anger is radiating off the clearly pissed off Detective.

"If that creepy weasel, that low life son of bitch thinks he can mess me up, he has another one coming. There's no way in hell I'll let that asshole get to me and get me rilled up in court or trying to smear my good name. I know it will be hard and tough enough but I'd rather eat my gun before I give him that satisfaction and let him win. Oh and I know Lex will be here when I testify and I fucking kick his ass literally if he even looks wrongly at her let alone tries to get a reaction out of her. I don't give a damn if it will be recorded or not." Oliver growls loudly.

The Detective makes both ADA's jump with his reaction. The didn't know what to expect but this is certainly not it. They briefly look at each other. They know the road to recovery is long and hard but for this moment Badass Benson is back and they couldn't be more happy than they now are and they smile brightly. That is until they realize what Oliver said last. They look at Oliver and back to each other.

"Oh shit!" Alex and Abby mutter in canon.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"**Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery.**

During the weekend Alex and Abby prepared Oliver for his testimony in the hospital the best they could. Oliver had a flashback during the first day and both nights he had nightmares but thankfully Alex managed to get him out of them relatively quick. Of course by the time Oliver needed to testify he was already exhausted and the Dr. kept an eye on the Detective as well did Alex and Abby. Although the last one was also guiding him through the testimony. Langan was pretty tame for his standards. He had seen the video and he knew that Hagen would keep him on a short leech. He did cross questioned Oliver but reading everyone in the room very well he didn't really attack Oliver. Alex and Abby were a bit surprised he didn't go after Oliver but they were happy that Langan didn't do it. They also knew that there are two more trials where he could do it. Every one could see that Oliver was fighting not to get panicked or having a flashback but he managed to not get a panic attack or flashback for the time Langan was in the room. After Hagen and Langan left the room he wasn't that lucky anymore. The testimony and past days took its toll. Oliver got a heavy flashback and it went so bad that he relived being raped in Rikers. Alex did the best she could but it took the blonde ADA quite some time to get Oliver back. The Detective was disoriented by the time Alex pulled him back. And till an hour afterwards he was extremely on the edge. After that Dr. Bouchon decided four things. One, he was going to put the Detective on medication for the night and if needed during the day starting that day, he nearly had sedated Oliver again after Alex had called him back inside. Two, he would keep the Detective on ICU for at least the rest of the week. Olivers heart beat gotten extremely high during reliving his rape and Dr. Bouchon wanted to keep him monitored, he was afraid that at one point the Detective's heart could get into trouble. And he wouldn't take any chance with it. The third thing he decided was that Oliver would testify against Stabler in the hospital too. The courtroom was off limits. Lastly he ordered some tests to make sure Oliver was in a good condition. Dr. Bouchon had made the tests a priority so he had the results back at the end of the afternoon.

The trial would start at 3 PM and because it was a speedy trial the jury already had been chosen before 3 PM. So Abby had left Oliver's room shortly after Alex had gotten Oliver back, to prepare for court. The Texan had suggested to Alex to charge the police department for arresting Oliver and putted him in a cell and to charge Rikers for putting Barbara in the cell with Oliver when they stood outside Oliver's room while Dr. Bouchon was checking Oliver. Alex agreed with Abby and the brunette ADA said that she would charge them both tomorrow morning.

**Inside the courtroom at 3.35 PM.**

The opening statements are just finished and Abby is about to call her first witness on the stand when Munch walks inside the courtroom and walks straight to the brunette prosecutor. In his hand he holds three sealed evidence bags. Abby turns around when Munch calls her. Munch leans over the gallery and whispers something to Abby before he hands over the evidence bags. After he's done Abby turns back and glares at Barbara and Langan before she turns to Judge Hagen. Munch takes a seat at the gallery to wait what happens before he will return to the precinct.

"Your Honor, The People requests a short recess , to explain this may I approach the bench?" Abby asks.

Judge Hagen nods.

"Counselors approach the bench." Judge Hagen orders.

Abby and Trevor step beside their tables and walk towards the bench. Hagen puts his hand over the microphone and leans forwards.

"Alright, Ms. Carmichael, what's going on?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Due to the new evidence I just received from Sergeant Munch, I'd like to ask for a recess so I can act on this new evidence." Abby answers.

Trevor immediately protests.

"Your Honor, my client has a right on a speedy trial. Your Honor granted that speedy trial. Ms. Carmichael should proceed and handle this after court." Trevor says.

Abby turns to Trevor.

"Yeah, well your client should have thought about that before he did what he did." Abby snaps.

Trevor wants to react but Judge Hagen interrupts him.

"Ms. Carmichael, what is so important that you need a recess for it? What evidence do you have?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Your Honor, I need to get a court order for a protective detail immediately. Mr. Barbara threatened Detective Benson and ADA Cabot. That's why I need a recess now." Abby explains.

Both Trevor and Judge Hagen looks surprised and a bit shocked. Judge Hagen reacts immediately.

"Guard take the defendant back to his holding cell. Counselors my chambers now! Sergeant Munch, you too! Bailiff take the Jury back to the jury room!" Judge Hagen orders.

Judge Hagan stands up and leaves the bench and walks into his chambers, Abby and Trevor following behind him. Munch stands up and walks out the courtroom and to Judge Hagen's chambers as well. Closing the door behind him when he is inside.

"Ms. Carmichael, what exactly happened?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Sergeant Munch handed me the new evidence and said to me that Detective Benson and ADA Cabot were threatened. By a phone call, which was heard by Detective Benson, ADA Cabot, Dr. Bouchon and a nurse. And the evidence I have here, Your Honor. For a complete explanation I think Your Honor should ask Sergeant Munch what exactly happened." Abby answers.

Judge Hagen looks at the three bags Abby gives him. One with an envelope, one with a letter and one with a photo. The envelope is addressed to Oliver and there are fingerprints on it as well on the letter and photograph. The letter says that Oliver should watch his back and Alex's back. If Oliver testifies Alex will be taken away and raped and he wouldn't live long enough to find her back. On the photo is Alex, the photo is an older photo that was published years back but never the less it's a photo of Alex.

After Judge Hagen has seen the evidence he glares at Trevor.

"Counselor did you know your client was doing this?" Judge Hagen asks.

"No Your Honor, I did not. I know nothing about these allegations Ms. Carmichael makes against my client." Trevor answers.

"Oh they are more than allegations Mr. Langan, based on the evidence I have here. I suggest you go and talk with your client now, Counselor." Judge Hagen says sternly.

"With all due respect Your Honor, I'd like to see the evidence myself before I go talk with my client." Trevor says.

Judge Hagan looks at Abby.

"Ms. Carmichael?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Are you allow the evidence into this trial, Your Honor?" Abby asks.

"Yes, I do." Judge Hagen answers.

"Then I have no problems with showing the evidence to Mr. Langan, Your Honor." Abby answers.

Judge Hagen pushes the bags forwards on his desk and Trevor looks at it. The sleazy defense attorney manages to keep his face straight but he knows when he looks at the evidence, that his client hammered the final nail in his coffin on this trial alone. Never mind the trial where he faces charges of raping multiple different women. Trevor pushes the bags back to Judge Hagen and looks defeated.

"I think you've seen enough for now Mr. Langan, leave my chambers now and do what you need to do. You are dismissed." Judge Hagen says firmly.

Trevor wants to object but one look of the Judge makes him change his mind.

"Yes Your Honor." Trevor answers with anger in his voice.

Trevor turns around and walks out the Judge's chamber.

"Sergeant Munch, Ms. Carmichael said to ask you for a complete explanation, could you tell me what happened exactly? I will sign a court order for a protective detail myself. And should you need an other warrant regarding to this case, call Judge Petrovsky, I'll call her when we are done here and before we adjourn again." Judge Hagen asks.

Munch tells the Judge that Oliver got a phone call in the hospital from a for now unknown male and that he had turned the phone on the speaker. At the time Alex, Dr. Bouchon and the nurse, that brought the phone to the Detective, present in Oliver's room. The man had said that he was a friend of Barbara and that Oliver would be a dead Detective soon since he didn't keep his mouth shut as Barbara had ordered when he raped Oliver. He also said that the Detective would receive something very soon so that he knows it's not a threat but a promise. After that he had ended the call. About 10 minutes later another nurse came inside the room with the envelope for Oliver. Oliver had asked a pair of gloves and putted them on before opening the envelope. After opening the envelope and reading the letter Oliver had called the precinct. And they had brought the evidence straight to the lab and waited for it to be processed to take it to the courthouse immediately.

"Sergeant Munch, do you know who this man is? If you do I will sign an arrest warrant too right now." Judge Hagen asks.

"No Your Honor, we do not know it at this moment. We are looking for him at the precinct as we speak." Munch answers.

"Alright, when you do call me for a warrant. We will proceed tomorrow with this trial. I don't care what Mr. Langan says about a speedy trial. His client has provoked that right by doing this. Here is your court order." Judge Hagen says, handing over the court order he just signed.

"Thank you, Your Honor." Munch says.

"Now go Sergeant. Make sure that Detective Benson and ADA Cabot are safe." Judge Hagen says with a soft tone in his voice.

"We will do that Your Honor." Munch says.

Munch turns to Abby.

"Counselor, I guess we will see you soon at the precinct?" Munch asks.

"As soon as I can make it, Sergeant." Abby answers.

Munch nods at the Judge and Abby and leaves the Judge's chamber.

"Alright Abigail it's just you and me now. I assume you want to add charges for what happened. Am I correct?" Judge Hagen asks.

"Yes Sir. I do." Abby answers.

"Alright name them. If they there are reasonable I will allow them. After your motivation for them of course." Judge Hagen says.

"Yes Sir. I want to add two counts coercion in the first degree, one aggravated harassment in the second degree and one count of aggravated harassment of an officer of the law, Sir. Mr. Barbara is standing trial not only for raping Detective Benson he is also standing trial for multiple counts of rape in the first degree. Now I am aware that the trial for those charges has yet to begin but I'm sure you can agree with me that there is no reasonable doubt that Mr. Barbara won't be convicted for rape in this trial. Somehow he managed to get a letter out of Rikers and delivered in the hospital to Detective Benson. And I know it is assuming, but the evidence don't suggest otherwise, he also seemed to ordered this male suspect to call Detective Benson and to kill Detective Benson. Therefore I think these charges are more than reasonable. And I ask you to grant them, Sir." Abby says.

Judge Hagen nods and thinks about it for a few moments.

"Abigail, your motivation for the charges..." Judge Hagen starts but gets interrupted by Abby's cellphone going off.

Abby looks at her caller ID.

"I'm sorry Sir, but I have to take this call." Abby says.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"**Love is the flower you've got to let grow." - John Lennon.**

"Carmichael." Abby says as she picks up her phone.

…...

"Are you sure it's him? Do you know where he is?" Abby asks.

…...

"Alright. I'll bring you the warrant in half an hour. After that I'm going to Oli and Alex." Abby says and ends the call.

Abby turns her attention back to Judge Hagen.

"That was Detective Tutuola. They identified him. He was so stupid to call Detective Benson with a traceable cellphone. He is also the man who brought the envelope to the hospital. His name is Jeremy Dickson. He's a guard at Rikers. Even though they don't know where he is right now, could you sign a arrest warrant for me Sir?" Abby asks.

"I'll sign it now, Abigail." Judge Hagen answers.

Judge Hagen fills in the arrest warrant, signs it and hand it over to Abby.

"Here it is. As for the charges you want to add. Before we were interrupted I was going to say that I can agree with the charges you want to add. Your motivations are correct and I think you are right about getting a conviction on this case. Don't tell anyone that, I'll deny it if asked by a third party. Now go bring this warrant to SVU so they can arrest Mr. Dickson. I expect you in my courtroom at 9 AM sharp to continue this trial." Judge Hagen says.

"Yes Your Honor. Thank for signing the warrant Sir. Tomorrow 9 AM I'll be back to nail Barbara's ass to the wall." Abby says.

Judge Hagen only smiles at Abby's words. He knows the younger woman in front of him will actually do it.

"See you tomorrow morning, Ms. Carmichael." Judge Hagen says, dismissing Abby.

Abby nods at the Judge and leaves his chambers. Going straight to the 1-6 precinct.

**In the hospital.**

Alex hangs up her cellphone and turns to Oliver.

"That was Abs, she just left the precinct and is on her way to see us. Trial starts again tomorrow morning." Alex says.

"Did she said anything else?" Oliver asks.

"No that was it. I'm sure she'll tell us more when she's here." Alex answers.

Oliver wants to ask something again but gets interrupted by a knock on the door and Manning, the young officer on door duty, opening the door and talking.

"Go ahead Ms. Carmichael." Manning says.

"My name is not Ms. Carmichael, boy, it's..."

"What are you doing here Rizzoli?" Oliver almost yells surprised.

"Rizzoli, like Detective Benson says, it's Detective Rizzoli for you." Jane says as she walks inside Oliver's room.

"Yes Detective Rizzoli." Manning says, taking a double look at Jane and shakes his head.

"As for what I'm doing here, I'm here to protect your ass Benson." Jane laughs.

Officer Manning sees that it's alright and closes the door behind after he took another look at Jane and shaking his head.

"What do you mean protect my ass?" Oliver asks, raising one eyebrow.

"Nice to see you too Liv." Jane says sarcastically.

"Sorry Jane. I'm happy to see you just very surprised. There is a lot you need to know. Now giving me a hug won't be such a good idea but stop standing there and hug my... I mean Alex will ya. Did you leave your manors in Boston? And after you've hugged Lex, you're gonna explain what you mean with protecting my ass, Detective." Oliver says.

Jane rolls with her eyes and walks to Alex taking the blonde in a bear hug.

"Good to see you Alex." Jane says.

"Good to see you to Jane. Now are you gonna tells us what you are doing here or not?" Alex asks.

"Protective detail for you and Alex. I transferred to NYPD and SVU. I didn't tell you two because I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to see the look on your faces when I walked into the squad room with an NYPD badge on. When I got there an hour ago you weren't there so I assumed that you were out on the streets. Captain Cragen told me you were here and asked me to go to you, after he looked me up and down twice and called me Ms. Carmichael and Abby, just like the rookie on the other side of your door. Who the hell is this Abby Carmichael? And why do they call me that? And don't think I missed you calling Alex almost something. What's with that?" Jane asks.

Alex and Oliver looked at each other and they see that the both of them want to have some fun with them since Abby comes here soon and see their reactions. So silently they agree to skip that part and answer Jane's question about Alex. Only they don't get the chance to tell Jane about their engagement because there is a knock on the door and Abby walks inside.

"Oli, why is Manning looking at me like..." Abby starts.

As soon as Abby sees Jane she stops talking and doesn't move. Jane who went to the door when Abby knocked freezes too when she sees Abby. Both women are standing there staring at each with their jaws on the floor. Alex and Oliver look at both women with a shit eating smile on their faces.

"You can both pick your jaw up of the floor when you're done staring at each other." Oliver laughs.

Both Abby and Jane pick their jaw up and look at Oliver.

"ADA Abby Carmichael meet Detective Jane Rizzoli. Detective Jane Rizzoli meet ADA Abby Carmichael and your long lost twin sister." Oliver jokes.

Abby and Jane shake hands with each other still looking a bit shocked.

"Now I get why they called me Detective Rizzoli and were surprised I was coming back." Abby says.

"Right back at you. I understand why the Captain and the rookie outside called me Ms. Carmichael and take a double look at me when I told them my name isn't Carmichael. But you keep surprising me Detective, why is she calling you Oli? And I'm still waiting for that answer about Alex." Jane asks.

"She ain't missing a thing. Annnnd she picked up on y'all, that's fast." Abby sing songs.

"Carmichael you're not helping here." Oliver says glaring at the Texan before she looks at Jane.

"Jane, you better sit down. There is a lot I need to tell you." Oliver says softly.

Abby and Jane both take a chair and sit down, Jane on the side facing the door and Abby on the other side with her back to the door. Alex, of course, is sitting next to Oliver on his bed.

"You don't have to tell it all at once. I won't go away anytime soon." Jane says.

"I know. But unfortunately you need to know them all. You're gonna work on most if not all cases I think that involve me and you'll find it out then. I'd rather have you hearing most of it from me and Alex. Some things are to hard to tell you myself at this moment, not that I don't want to talk about them with you. It's just, hard. So I'll leave that to Alex. She can tell you it when I talk with Abby here. Alright?" Oliver asks.

"Yes of course. You got me worried now though." Jane answers.

"You will get to hear more than you want and knows all of it before the day is over. And soon enough I'll find out how you think about me afterwards." Oliver says.

Oliver looks at Alex. Alex moves her head and whispers in Olivers ear.

"Liv, you can do this. I'm here. You just have to ask me and I'll help you. I love you Oliver Alexander Benson don't forget that." Alex whispers.

Despite all his nerves Oliver smiles widely when Alex calls him by his full name and relaxes immediately when Alex says she loves him.

"Alright Rizzoli, what do you want to know first of the two things you asked? The rest Alex will tell tell later as I just said." Oliver asks.

Jane knows how hard it is for Oliver to talk about himself or his feelings. Both Detective's are the same when it goes about that sort of things. So she decides to help her friend.

"How about I tell you what I think the answer is on both questions and you tell I'm wrong if I'm wrong about either one of them? Doesn't that seems easier to you?" Jane asks.

Oliver takes a deep breath and nods.

"Yes it does. Thanks Jane. Go ahead tell me what you think." Oliver answers slowly.

"Alright. I think you both got your heads out of your asses and admitted to each other that you're head over heels in love with each other. So that means you wanted to say my girlfriend or something like that. I think Oli is shortly for Oliver. That's what the Captain called you. When I asked him about it he said that I should ask you that. I'm not finished yet but how am I doing so far?" Jane asks softly.

"Getting close." Oliver answers softly.

For the second time that afternoon their conversation gets interrupted. This time it's Dr. Bouchon entering the Detective's room. But he waited for Oliver to call him inside this time because Officer Manning had told him the Detective had company.

"Good afternoon Detective, Ms. Cabot and Ms. Carmichael..." Dr Bouchon starts.

Abby turns around to look at Dr. Bouchon and like anyone else the Dr. looks confused when he sees Abby and Jane.

"I think I'm gonna buy a shirt saying: I'm Detective Rizzoli NOT Ms. Carmichael." Jane says sarcastically.

Oliver rolls his eyes and snickers.

"Dr. Bouchon this Detective Jane Rizzoli. Jane this Dr. Bouchon. Detective Rizzoli is my protective detail and our friend so she stays in the room, Dr. Bouchon." Oliver says as he introduces Jane to the Dr.

"Yes Detective Benson. My apologies Detective Rizzoli and Ms. Carmichael." Dr. Bouchon says.

"I'm sure you're not the last person who calls us by the wrong name Dr. Bouchon." Abby says.

"Apology accepted Dr. Bouchon." Jane says.

"Alright, I have the results of the tests back Detective. They're all good. Actually Ms. Cabot, you're fiancé keeps surprising me as you told us before. Detective you have the heart of man younger than you are, let's say of a man around his late twenties." Dr. Bouchon says.

" Hold on. Wait a second." Jane says.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N Most of y'all know that currently I'm posting the chapters with my smart phone. And that will stay this way for now. I'm dealing with a writer's block so I'm not posting new chapters for this story as much as I want to, let alone post chapters for my other stories. My writers block is caused by the problems I'm dealing with in my personal life. And right now I don't know if I can continue writing here at all. In two weeks, more or less, I will hear if I will become homeless or not. And if I do, I don't know what will happen next. I don't know where I'm going to stay. My life is turned upside down already and I might lose everything I have. Not only my house, but my pets who are very important to me. The only thing I can hope for is that I won't lose my girlfriend too. If that happens I truly have nothing to fight for anymore...**

**Anyway, if I can find some place to stay with access to the Internet I'll keep writing, with a small time of absence, as it means a lot to me. Writing helps me deal with the problems I'm struggling with. I promise I will keep y'all informed and won't quit writing without letting you, my readers, know it. I truly hope that I can keep writing and that writing won't be taken away from me too.**

**Cabson**

Chapter 30

"**Trying not to love you, only makes me love you more." - Nickelback.**

" _Hold on. Wait a second." Jane says._

Four pair of eyes are looking at the brunette Detective. Oliver looks kind of anxious, afraid of what his friend will say.

"Didn't you forgot to tell me something, Benson? Like you and Alex are going to get married?" Jane asks shocked.

Now it's Alex's, Oliver's and Abby's turn to look shocked at the former Boston Detective. This isn't what they had expected. It seems like Jane is more shocked about the fact that Alex and Oliver are gonna get married than about Oliver being a guy now.

"You're shocked about Alex and I going to get married? That's what you're shocked about?" Oliver asks shocked.

"Really? You would be the last person to settle down, let alone so soon. So yes clearly I'm shocked about that. But I'm also very happy. I'm sure that Dr. Bouchon wasn't finished and he has better things to do than listen to this conversation. We'll talk further when he's gone, ok?' Jane asks.

"Uhm yes. Sure." Oliver answers.

Dr. Bouchon stayed for 5 more minutes explaining the results of the tests. Although the results were very good he was still worried about Oliver's heart rate going up when he got a flashback. He said that Oliver needed to stay in the hospital at least until Friday. Then he would look again if the Detective would be ready to leave the hospital. If it wasn't for Alex's intervention, the situation it would have ended in another fight between Dr. Bouchon and the stubborn Detective. Abby and Jane were watching it all amused. Both brunettes were well aware of Oliver's attitude in a hospital. After everything was settled Dr. Bouchon left the room leaving the four of them alone.

"So now that he is away, when were you gonna tell me the two of you are gonna get married?" Jane asks teasingly.

"When you were done talking hadn't he interrupted us. But really that's what your shocked about not about you know the other thing?" Oliver asks anxiously.

Jane smiles sincerely at Oliver.

"No, I'm not. Relax Benson, my upbringing may have taught me differently but I'm ok with it, really. It doesn't come as a shock to me. I always have known it, after I got to know you well. I knew you didn't figure it out yourself so I never said something but I knew. I think I'm more happy that you figured it out and that Alex and Abby are ok with it too. So I guess I should start calling you Oli too, like Abby." Jane answers.

Abby snickers.

"The only one that is allowed to call him Liv is Blondie here. Glad to hear you're ok with him, if you wouldn't be I had to kick your ass, Rizzoli. I don't care you're a Detective like Oli, I still would have kicked your ass. Nothing personal though." Abby smiles.

"You and Alex. If I'm right, you would have done it literally. But Alex is just as dangerous with words, she would have killed me with that and her glare." Jane laughs.

They all laughed. Oliver was happy that Jane accepted him so easily and yes he had a lot of questions he wanted to ask about how the Italian Detective knew it but he knows now is not the time to do that. They talked a bit longer until Oliver said that he was starting to get tired and that it would be a good moment for them to split up for a little while so that he could talk with Abby and for Alex and Jane to talk too. Alex and Jane went into the bath room to talk while Abby and Oliver talked with each other in his room. As Abby updated Oliver about the trials and Dickson the guard at Rikers, Alex told Jane about the undercover op and how it went wrong and what happened to Oliver in Rikers, what happened in the hospital and what Elliot had done when they told the squad about Oliver's sex changing surgery. By the time Alex was done she had never seen the dark-haired Detective so angry and defeated at the same time. Knowing what happened with Hoyt, Alex knew that Jane understood what her fiancé went through. Oliver and Jane were assaulted by a suspect being on the job. Both being trained as a Detective and both being helpless with all the training and experience they had. When Jane heard about what Elliot had done Alex was actually glad that the asshole was in prison already, even though he had only been arrested and the trial needed to start. The blonde ADA knows for sure that unlike Abby who had been able to hold back and fight it out in the courtroom, Jane would have kicked his ass in the squad room, not giving a damn about the consequences it would have had. But it also made the blonde feeling a bit better. After Jane had calmed down enough to not upset Oliver, and Abby and Oliver were done talking, the four of them sat together around Oliver's bed. Just when Oliver started to dozen off Abby got called by Fin. He told her that they had caught the guy and were bringing him in for interrogation. So both Abby and Jane went back to precinct. The brunettes promised that the would come back in the early evening to visit Oliver and Alex again. After the brunette ADA and Detective were gone Alex snuggled up against Oliver. They were both exhausted and not even 5 minutes after the two women had left, both Alex and Oliver were asleep.

The rest of the week Oliver kept having awful nightmares, if the Detective slept because that was another problem. The Detective hardly fell asleep at all. The sleep medication Dr. Bouchon had giving Oliver didn't work at all. Wednesday Dr. Bouchon had giving the Detective different medication but with the same results. It almost looks like the Detective doesn't react on sleep medication at all. And he refused to take any other medication to calm down until Thursday, when Oliver finally accepted a small doses of anxiety medication..

Alex hadn't left her fiancé's side. She went to get them something to eat occasionally and went home once to get toiletries and clothes but aside from that Alex stayed with Oliver and watched him like a hawk. The squad along with Liz Donnelly, Captain Cragen and Abby visited the couple but except for Abby and Jane, they visited them once a day and had made a schedule whom visited them when.

Petrovsky had come to the hospital to take Oliver's testimony on tape with Trevor on Thursday. And that's when they found out why it was possible for Elliot to get Trevor Langan as his defense attorney. The man was as bigoted as Elliot himself when it comes to Oliver's sex change. He had lowered his fee. It was a joke, the amount of money Elliot Stabler needed to pay him. Trevor crossed the line once and payed for it. Oliver managed to stay calm. Petrovsky was clearly not amused with the creepy weasel and after only one warning she had him hold in contempt. Fin had come to hospital just in case and had taken him away. Alex had almost sued Trevor, if Oliver hadn't asked her to let it go. The Detective told her that they had enough lawsuits and that he didn't want another one added. But they knew one thing when Petrovsky had him hold in contempt, he didn't have to try anything in the courtroom. And that was a big relief for Oliver. The Detective slept better for the first time since all of this had started. That night he had only one nightmare and it wasn't as heavy as the former nights had been.

Now it's Friday 3.30 PM, Oliver and Alex are on the Detective's bed, waiting for Dr. Bouchon to come and see the Detective and to hear if Oliver gets released today or not. Dr. Bouchon had gotten an emergency surgery and his visitation round is rescheduled to the second part of this afternoon.

"I don't say it's gonna happen, but if Dr. Bouchon says you need to stay longer, don't get into a fight with him again, Oliver. He won't do it to punish you, he'll do it for your health." Alex says.

"Alex, I've been here too damn long already. I'm not severely injured, I'm perfectly fine to get out of here and for us to go back to your cabin until I have to testify in court. If he wants me to stay here, he can suck it up. I'll get out of this hospital today." Oliver answers irritated.

"I don't think so Detective. If Dr. Bouchon wants you to stay and you leave against medical advice, I certainly won't take you back to the cabin. But we don't know that yet. So why don't we wait what he's gonna say before arguing about it?" Alex asks calmly.

"Alex, c'mon. I'm an adult. I can take care of myself, and I'll ask you to help me if I really need it."Oliver says.

Alex raises one perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow questioningly at the Detective.

"Really Alex, really? You won't go back to the cabin?" Oliver asks.

"Who said something about me and not going back to the cabin. You're a grown guy, you can take care of yourself can't you? I'll bring you to our apartment. Abby will be there in the evening to keep you company." Alex answers.

"You won't do that. You're watching me here like a hawk, you'll never leave me to myself there." Oliver says.

"Try me." Alex says seriously.

"Excuse me?" Oliver asks stunned.

"I said try me. You don't believe I will do it. So try me. There's only one way to find out if I do it or not. Don't challenge me Detective. You know it doesn't go your way most of the time." Alex answers.

Of course the younger blonde is bluffing, not that she's gonna tell Oliver that. She's effectively avoiding a fight between the Oliver and Dr. Bouchon. Without the Detective knowing it. Normally Alex would never back down from any situation and that's what Oliver knows. He still thinks that Alex might be bluffing but he won't take that chance. Not wanting to get into a major fight with his fiancé and maybe ending up in the apartment by himself while Alex is at the lake in the cabin.

"Fine. I'll stay if Dr. Bouchon wants me too. But I promise you this, if he makes me stay longer than next Tuesday I'm leaving this place and if that means you'll leave me at the apartment fine. I'll be damned to stay longer than that, no matter what you threaten me with Alexandra Cabot." Oliver says sternly, but giving in to Alex.

"Deal, Alexander Benson. If you stay till Tuesday when the Dr. wants it, we'll go to the cabin than. Assuming you won't have to testify in court later in the week." Alex smiles.

Oliver smiles at Alex before he pecks the blonde attorney briefly on her lips. Then he seriously looks in Alex's baby blue eyes.

"I love you Lex, I love you so much." Oliver says softly.

Alex's eyes get watery at hearing Oliver saying he loves her. Yes he had said it one time earlier but he brushed it away that time. Alex knew he wasn't ready to say it and let it be there for a moment, so the blonde attorney had acted normally like nothing happened, but on the inside she emotional and happy. Now she could she it came from the bottom of his heart. And Alex slowly puts her hands on Oliver's face and kisses him deeply. Trying to put everything she feels right now in the kiss. Words can't make say what it means to her so the blonde makes sure her fiancé feels it. When breathing becomes necessary Oliver pulls back but puts his good arm around Alex's waist.

"I love you too, Liv." Alex says softly.

The couple took a minute or two to collect themselves and just in time because Dr. Bouchon knocked on the door and walked inside when they were done. Dr. Bouchon told them that he wanted Oliver to stay in the hospital and that he would let the Detective go on Wednesday. He would release him from ICU and sign him over to a normal private room. And that he could leave the room once a day for 15 minutes tops. But that at night he would be monitored until he would leave the hospital. Dr. Bouchon was surprised that Oliver let him finish talking and was stunned that the Detective agreed with what he just said. But after asking why and Oliver telling him that Alex had blackmailed him to stay and not put up a fight, Dr. Bouchon had smiled and actually laughed. Silently thanking the blonde attorney for what she had done. Dr. Bouchon said that he was going to take of things and then would come back to give him more instructions and information about what floor and room Oliver would stay.

A couple of minutes after the Dr. had left there was a knock on the door and at first Alex and Oliver were surprised thinking that the Dr. was back so soon. But that quickly changed when they heard a female voice before the woman herself actually came inside Oliver's room. Not that it was necessary, both Alex and Oliver would recognize that voice everywhere. It belongs to Alex's mother.

"Alexandra Laura Cabot, why did we have to hear from Liz that the two of you are here? For almost two weeks?!" Caroline asks sternly.

Alex and Oliver look at each other shocked and whisper.

"Oh shit."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"**It's not the time, but the unconditional love and believing in of your soul mate and partner, that makes you whole again."- Cabson.**

"_Alexandra Laura Cabot, why did we have to hear from Liz that the two of you are here? For almost two weeks?!" Caroline asks sternly._

_Alex and Oliver look at each other shocked and whisper._

"_Oh shit."_

Caroline Cabot walks through the door followed by Alexander Cabot, Alex's father, who looks sheepishly at his daughter and her fiancé while shaking his head behind his wife's back.

"Hello to you too, mom. Hi dad." Alex smiles nervously.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Cabot, Mr. Cabot." Oliver says.

"Detective, how many times have I told you to call me Alexander? You're family so stop calling me Mr. Cabot." Alexander says with a light touch in his voice, looking at his daughter's ring finger.

"Yes Sir, I mean yes Alexander." Oliver says shyly.

Alex looks at Oliver for a moment before she looks at her mother.

"What exactly did Liz tell you?" Alex asks.

"You have to ask your father that, he is the one that spoke with Liz." Caroline answers.

"Dad?" Alex asks.

Both Alex and Oliver look at Alexander.

"Liz said that asshole Stabler..." Alexander starts.

"Alexander! Language." Caroline chastises, interrupting her husband.

"Yes dear." Alexander says, rolling with his eyes.

Oliver manages not to snicker but can't help the smile that's forming on his lips.

"Don't look so smug Detective. Wait till you are the other end of our Alex's glare or fury." Alexander warns.

"I've been there more times than I can count already. You don't scare me with that." Oliver laughs.

"Not afraid for that infamous glare or wrath, impressive. You're one of the few if not the only one Detective." Alexander says.

"It's not that glare or her wrath you should be scared of. It's the silent treatment that scares the hell out of me. Then you know she's more than angry at you." Oliver says shrugging his good shoulder.

"It seems like you know my daughter as well as I do, when you know that is worse." Alexander smiles.

Alex rolls her eyes and looks annoyed at her father and fiancé.

"Quite stalling, dad." Alex says sternly.

Oliver and Alexander look at each other and smile at each other understandingly.

"Well as I said before your mother interrupted me, Liz told me that Stabler hit Detective Benson into the hospital about two weeks ago. She said that we need to ask you two about the why or why you're still in the hospital." Alexander answers.

Alexander sees the worried looks in Alex and Oliver's eyes and decides to reassure the both of them a bit.

"Bill called me and told me about what happened and how he managed to get that weasel to represent him. Don't worry about it, both of you. I'm ok with it. He didn't tell me why you are still in the hospital he told me that the two of you would tell us that when you are ready for it. What I am worried about is what will happen if someone insults you or tries to attack you when your fiancé is present, Alex. We all know how protective he already was." Alexander says.

Three pair of eyes look shocked and confused at Alexander and their jaws hit the floor. Caroline doesn't have a clue what Alexander is talking about and looks at him like the man went crazy. Alex and Oliver are just shocked how he knows that they are engaged and how acceptive he is about Oliver.

"What are you talking about, Alexander? Nothing you just said makes sense. What fiancé? Alex isn't dating anyone long term, she isn't dating at all." Caroline asks very confused.

"Look at Alex's ring finger more specifically at the engagement ring on it and at her clothes. The wrinkles in them are not from the last few minutes. Alex has been on that bed a lot longer than just a few minutes. They finally came to their senses." Alexander answers.

"You know about my...situation and you're alright with it? With us?" Oliver asks softly.

"I know about it and yes I'm alright with it and I couldn't have wished for a better match for my daughter than you are, Detective." Alexander answers.

Alex and Oliver both look relieved and touched by Alexander's words. Alex climbs of the bed carefully and hugs her father.

"Thank you Dad. This means the world to me, to the both of us." Alex says softly.

"Now I'm really confused. What situation? Alexander, why are you talking about he? Olivia is a woman." Caroline asks.

Alex, Oliver and Alexander are looking at Caroline and then at each other. Alex walks back to the bed and carefully climbs back on it and takes Oliver's hand in her own. Alexander waits for Alex to be settled again.

"Detective, do you want me to explain this to Caroline or do you want Alex or yourself to do it?" Alexander asks gently.

Oliver looks at Alex and the blonde kisses him on his forehead before she softly speaks at the Detective.

"What do you want, Liv? Do you want my dad or me to tell it or do you want to do it yourself?" Alex asks softly.

"I want you to explain things." Oliver answers softly.

"Alright. I'll do it. I love you, Oliver. Nothing can change that." Alex whispers in Oliver's ear.

"I love you to Alex." Oliver says softly.

Alex takes her right hand off Oliver and puts her arm around the Detective's waist, with her left hand she takes Oliver's hand. Alex takes a deep breath before she looks at her father before she turns her attention to her mother.

"A week before Stabler attacked Liv, he was hit by a car. He was relatively unharmed, only broke his left arm and had a concussion. But the screwed it up in the hospital and switches his chart with someone else and performed a surgery on him that should have been done on the other patient. What they did we'll tell you another time. After we came back from our hiding place to talk with Liz and Cragen we went to the precinct. After Liv told them what's going to happen that asshole took him apart. And don't interrupt me mother. He thought he could talk it out of Liv and when that didn't work he hit Liv in his stomach hard. That why he needed to go to the hospital. And why he is still here is because of a undercover op that went wrong and what happened because of that. That's something we won't talk about now either. Anyway, because of what happened then and what happened in the squad room the Dr. wanted to keep him in the hospital longer. And I say he for a reason. He is going to get a sex changing surgery when he is recovered more from everything that happened. And his name is **Oliver**, not Olivia. Or Oli, that's what everyone else calls him now. Except for me, I still call him Liv. I know this is a big shock. Everything I just told is. But this is what's going to happen. And I support Oliver completely. I couldn't be more proud of him than I am now." Alex finishes.

It was silent for a minute before Caroline reacts.

"Well that is a big shock indeed, Alexandra. I'm going to get a cup of coffee. We went straight to this room when we arrived in New York and this hospital. Anyone else wants coffee?" Caroline asks.

The older blonde doesn't wait for an actual answer, she picks up her purse and walks out of Oliver's room.

"Well that went well." Oliver mumbles sarcastically.

"Don't worry about her. She's just a bit shocked that's all. It's gonna be alright, Oliver." Alexander says.

"Are you sure?" Oliver asks softly.

"Yes I'm sure. She just needs some time to wrap her mind around all of it. She'll be back in half an hour or so, I think. Now let me congratulate the both of you properly." Alexander answers and gets up.

Alexander walks to the side of the bed where Alex is sitting and pulls his daughter in a bear hug.

"Congratulations honey. You couldn't have chosen a better person than Oliver." Alexander says.

"Thank you Dad. I'm lucky to have someone like him wanting me." Alex answers.

"You're wrong, Counselor. I'm the one that's lucky for having someone as intelligent, smart, caring and beautiful as you are." Oliver says.

Alex and Alexander look at each other and shake their heads. They both know that some things will never change and this is one of them. Alexander pulls back from his daughter and walks around the bed and holds out his hand waiting for Oliver to take it.

"Congratulations Detective. I won't give you the Big speech. It's not necessary. The only thing I could ask for is to take care and love my daughter. And I already now that you'll do that." Alexander says shaking Oliver's hand.

"Thank you Mr. Cabot, uhm I mean Alexander. I promise to take care of Alex and protect her the best I can." Oliver says.

"I know you will. Why do you think I said I was worried when someone insults or tries to attack my daughter. It's not you or her I'm worried about. It's the person who does it I'm worried about. What you'll do to them to be exact. I already know how protective you are of Alex and I'm sure that multiplies now that the two of you are going to get married." Alexander laughs.

The three of them made some small talk to get the tension away a bit. Like Alexander had said, half an hour after Caroline had left the room she's coming back inside with 4 four cups of coffee in a cup holder. She gives them all a cup and then takes a seat next to Alexander again.

"I know how much you cops love coffee, Detective. So I thought I would get you one too and sneak it inside as an offer to make it right a bit. I apologize for my bad reaction and poor behavior." Caroline says.

"It's alright Mrs. Cabot. I accept your apologies. And thank you so much for the coffee." Oliver says.

"I want you to know that you have my full support and that of Alexander of course. Although you already know you have his. If there is anything we can do, please asks us. Oh and stop calling me Mrs. Cabot, it's Caroline. When you say Mrs. Cabot, I think your talking about my mother in law." Caroline says.

Oliver looks briefly at Alex and squeezes his fiancé's hand. They both are so relieved that both Alex's parents are so supportive of them. And it means a lot to Oliver to have their support and them wanting him to call them by their first names.

"Thank you, Caroline. It means a lot to me. To us." Oliver says.

"Congratulations to you both. I'm so happy that you finally found each other and are going to get married." Caroline says smiling.

"Thanks Mom." Alex says, with a big smile on her face.

"Thank you Caroline." Oliver says, smiling just like Alex.

"Well now that the two of you are going to get married, I expect grandchildren too. I know, Alex isn't my oldest one, but she was always the fastest with everything comparing to her siblings and if I need to wait for my other children, I probably will be to old to do nice things with my grandchildren. I know it might take a while considering that you two have to be creative to get Alexandra pregnant but that doesn't mean I don't want them sooner than later." Caroline says firmly but with a smile around her mouth.

"Mom!" Alex almost yells.

"Don't you mom me, Alexandra. I'm not saying you need to start right now. But, well, after you got married or so. Like I said, I know you can't get pregnant naturally and that it takes time." Caroline says.

"Caroline give them a break will you. They have a lot of other things to take care of and to think about before they think about that. Like Oliver's process and their wedding." Alexander says.

"You know what, you are right. Get up Alexander. We are leaving. I have so much to arrange for their wedding. A big wedding takes time to prepare not to mention we have to give an engagement party for them." Caroline says.

Alex and Oliver look at each other and at the same time they both yell.

"NO! STOP!"


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"**Love is all that I need, and I find it there in your heart." - Do.**

"_You know what, you are right. Get up Alexander. We are leaving. I have so much to arrange for their wedding. A big wedding takes time to prepare not to mention we have to give an engagement party for them." Caroline says._

_Alex and Oliver look at each other and at the same time they both yell._

"_NO! STOP!"_

Both Alexander and Caroline jump at the pair's yelling. Alex nods at Oliver letting him taking the lead.

"First of all, there is not going to be a big wedding. I repeat, there is NOT going to be a big wedding. Alex and I want a small wedding! Small for your standards, Caroline. It's **our** wedding, that means what we have the veto rights about everything concerning the wedding. Second, we both know you want to have an engagement party for us and you can invite as many people as you want there, but only there. Third, we are not getting started with having children before my process is done, maybe even longer. I have a long recovery in front of me and we won't start with that till that's behind us at least. We won't be intimate before I'm ready for it and that will take a while." Oliver says sternly.

"But there are so many people we need to invite. It's impossible to have a small wedding." Caroline says.

Alex and Oliver both give Caroline their death glare and Alexander and Caroline see that the Detective's glare is just as hard as their daughter's one. Alexander sees that his wife is impressed with the Detective's glare and reconsiders the big wedding wedding she wants. He snickers inside himself, not daring to do it out loud with the looks his daughter and son-in-law are giving now.

"Your glare is as scary as Alex's glare is Detective. But there will be a big engagement party then. We need to invite all the important people at least once and if it's not going to happen at your wedding, your engagement party is the only opportunity left." Caroline says.

Oliver let out a sigh and looks at Alex. It's the blonde attorney's turn to speak up for them.

"Mom, you're not going to invite all the people in this country you can think of. I don't care if it's the best thing to do politically for my career or not. If you want to arrange both our wedding and our engagement party you have to follow our rules or you're not going to do it at all. You may invite a maximum of 200 people for our wedding and not 1 more. I don't care how you're going to do it but that's the limit. And we are being very flexible with that. If it's up to us there won't be more than 50 people, so take the offer before we change our minds. No big cathedrals or churches neither. Nothing ridiculous big or fancy. I don't want Oliver to be more stressed than what's normal, the same goes for me too. Like Liv said, we have the last vote on everything, you can do whatever you want within those borders. And the most important thing is that we won't get married before Oliver's names are legally changed. So that should give you enough time. Liv and I will choose a date for our wedding when we are with the two of us and not in a hospital." Alex says with her courtroom voice.

Alex raises her finger as a sign to her mother that she needs to wait then the blonde ADA turns to Oliver and raises her mouth to his ear.

"If she's giving in she will start about grandchildren again. Do we tell them you can get me pregnant?" Alex asks whispering.

"If it gets her off our backs then yes. But only if they can keep their mouths shut." Oliver whispers back.

Alex nods and looks back at her mother.

"200?! That's not nearly enough, Alex. It should be at least 500." Caroline almost whines.

Almost because a Cabot, whether or not by marriage, does not whine.

"And with that it's going to be 75. Take it or you're not going to arrange our wedding. Our wedding mom, not yours." Alex says.

"Alexandra, be reasonable." Caroline replies.

"Do you want to arrange our wedding or not?" Alex asks.

"Yes, of course." Caroline answers.

"Then it's going to be 75 guests." Alex says sternly.

"Fine. You better give me grandchildren soon then. I know you want to wait till you're married and I agree with that. I don't want to offend or insult the both of you, I don't know what the recovery is for and I know you will tell us when you are ready for that but I don't see how being intimate is necessary for having children. He can't get you pregnant. Like I said I don't mean it in a bad way" Caroline says.

Oliver squeezes Alex softly in her hand letting her know that he'll respond on this. Alex squeezes back to encourage her fiancé.

"What I'm about to tell you nobody except for Liz and a part of it my Captain knows. Well Alex of course but that shouldn't need to be mentioned. I'm an extremely private person, even more than Lex here is. Can I trust the both of you to keep it to yourselves and don't talk about it with anyone else?" Oliver asks.

Alexander and Caroline see that it's important for Oliver. Not that talking about a wedding isn't important but they both can see that this personal and very serious.

"Of course Detective. You have my word for it." Alexander answers.

"I won't talk with anyone about it. Not one word, Oliver." Caroline answers softly.

Oliver takes a deep breath.

"Alright here goes nothing. We don't know yet if it is possible to do it naturally but I can get Alex pregnant. When they did the surgery that they should have done on someone else they found out I have testicles. It was a big shock for both Alex and I. I didn't know it and I don't know if my mother knew it, if she knew she never said anything to me. Anyway, if it is possible to get Alex pregnant naturally, we will wait. I'm still trying to get my thoughts around it as is Lex. And of course I first need to have my sex changing surgery. So you see it might be that we need to get intimate and I'm not ready for that. Not by far. It's going to be a long road for the both of us. But we will get there eventually. " Oliver says softly.

Alex's parents started to see what kind of hell Oliver and Alex went through so far. They understood why Oliver needed to stay in the hospital and why the road to recovery is going to be a long one. Even though they didn't know what happened in Rikers. They are shocked to hear what they heard so far. But Alexander and Caroline realize that the brunette and younger blonde need their support.

"I can't imagine what you went through, what you both went through. I'm sorry for pushing the both of you. I can understand now what you meant with a long recovery, without knowing what else happened. I want you to know that I'll be there for the both of you if you need me. Yes you to, Oliver. Like Alexander said you are family. You already were like a daughter, well son now, to both of us and now you're going to be our son-in-law. We take care and protect our own and that includes you, Oliver." Caroline says.

Oliver has trouble to keep his emotions under control after Caroline's small speech and loving words. Alex isn't doing it much better.

"Thank you Caroline." Oliver says with a slightly trembling voice.

"Thank you so much, mom. This is so important for Oliver and for me. That the both of you are so supportive of him." Alex says with a huskier voice than she normally already has.

"So you're gonna knock up my little girl, Detective. The world better get ready for a child having the both of you as its parents because it's going to outsmart every person they will know." Alexander smiles.

"I don't know about that, Alexander. What I do know is that I hope they will be as smart and beautiful as Alex is. There is nothing I want more than to cuddle up at night with a mini version or two of Lex and Alex herself." Oliver smiles.

Alex can't help herself and turns Oliver's face slowly to herself and kisses the Detective short but passionately.

"I love you, Liv." Alex says softly when she pulls back.

"I love you too. I do mean what I just said. When the time is right I can't wait to have children looking and being like you." Oliver answers softly.

"And this is one of the thousand reasons I love him so much and want to marry him." Alex croaks.

"Speaking about marriage, do you know what you are going to do with your name, Alex? And what is your full name going to be Oliver? Assuming Oliver is only your first name?" Alexander asks.

"Well, we haven't talked about it yet. However, if I get it my way, I want my last name to be Benson. Not Benson-Cabot or Cabot-Benson, no only Benson. As for Liv's full name hopefully soon it will be legally, it's Oliver Alexander Benson." Alex says firm and proudly.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N The quote today is different from the quotes I normally add. But y'all understand why I did it when ya read the chapter. It's a nice long one again, for a chance. Enjoy reading it and it's gonna be a bit of an emotional roller coaster again. Sorry...**

Chapter 33

"**And then I told him where to shove it."- Alex Cabot.**

"_Well, we haven't talked about it yet. However, if I get it my way, I want my last name to be Benson. Not Benson-Cabot or Cabot-Benson, no only Benson. As for Liv's full name hopefully soon it will be legally, it's Oliver Alexander Benson." Alex says firm and proudly._

Alexander looks surprised at Alex's announcement but with a smile on his face. He understands why his daughter wants to have the brunette's last name and he has a feeling why Oliver chose Alexander as his middle name. Caroline on the other hand isn't so pleased with the younger blonde's choice and the infamous Cabot women's temper is coming to the surface, even though she wasn't born a Cabot.

"You can't just take his last name. Alexandra, you're a Cabot. You can't just throw away the Cabot name." Caroline says sternly.

Alex slips in her prosecutor mode, knowing that the upcoming conversation won't be easy.

"Oh please mother. It's not like I'm an only child and the Cabot name will not get lost if I don't wear it. I have 2 brothers who can pass it on. And 1 sister who could choose to wear it. It's not the end of the world." Alex answers equally sternly.

"You're the only one with a status. You're an ADA for heaven's sake. One day you'll get that chair or more. You won't get it if your last name hasn't Cabot in it. It will be suicide politically. Your brothers and sister don't have that status nor will they ever have it. You're a Cabot whether you like it or not and it's time you step forwards and take your responsibilities as a Cabot. It's time to act like an adult now!" Caroline says angrily.

Caroline, you're over reacting. Alex has a point here. Ruben and Jack will pass on our name and Felicia could pass it on as well if she wants it. If Alex wants to have her husband's last name there is nothing wrong with it. Sure it will be harder to get that chair or what ever she wishes to achieve, but our Alex is a fighter and she'll be married to an already highly decorated Detective." Alexander says calmly.

"You always have chosen her side. She's your soft spot. For once it would be nice if you could back me up as far as it concerns Alexandra. If you can't do that than you should keep your mouth shut, Alexander." Caroline spats.

Alexander just shakes his head. He knows that speaking up again only will makes his wife angrier. And he made the point he wanted to make. For now he decides to stay quiet and to deal with his wife later.

"If I'm going for that chair someday or not or anything else is not your choice to make. It's Oliver's and mine. If I decide to go for that it will be with my husband's approval. And dad is right, Oliver is a highly decorated Detective and the best the NYPD has. If I'm going to be elected some day it's because of what I have achieved and what I stand for, not for what my last name is. I've been through enough in my life and for once I'm going to do what I want not what you or anyone else expects from me or wants me to do." Alex says with her courtroom voice.

"So you're going to throw away the chances you worked so hard for?" Caroline asks furiously.

"I'm not throwing anything away. I'm going to wear Oliver's last name when we're getting married if you like it or not!" Alex answers slowly.

"If you're going to do that, the consequences are yours to deal with." Caroline answers.

"Oh really? What do you want to do against it? Disown me? Go ahead. I don't need your money, we don't need it. We earn enough with our jobs." Alex counters.

Oliver decides to say something. To the Detective it's not worth it for Alex to get disowned for this.

"Alex, you can take a hyphenated name. I don't mind, really I'm fine with that." Oliver says.

"No Oliver. I don't want a hyphenated name, I want your last name. And I'm not going to let my mother stop me because of some stupid idea or her threatening me. It's not her choice to make, it's mine." Alex says.

"Lex, I don't want to be the cause of a break up between your mother and you. It's not worth it. If you don't want to back off and your mother doesn't want to do it maybe it's better not to get married." Oliver says.

Alex immediately knows what Oliver is doing. He feels unworthy to her and falls back into his old behavior and tries to run.

"Oh no you don't. I know what you're doing and that's not going to happen Oliver Alexander Benson! I won't let you do it. I don't care what I have to do to stop you but you won't succeed. And I also don't give in because of you're trying to run. If she does it, it's because of what I decide to do, it never ever will be your fault! Do I make myself clear, Detective?!" Alex asks sternly.

Before Oliver can answer Caroline speaks up.

"Are you serious, Oliver? Alex, does he really mean it?" Caroline asks, the tone of her voice completely different.

"Yes he really means it. Because you make such a big problem of wearing Oliver's last name he thinks he's not worthy to me. He couldn't be more wrong but that's what he thinks and believes. And now he wants to keep us together by sacrificing himself and walk away from me, from our relationship and take a run. All the years I spent to get him more confident about himself, to make him see he's equal to me, you throw it away by demanding from me to have a hyphenated name." Alex answers angrily.

"I'm sorry Alexandra. This is not what I want to happen." Caroline says.

"Don't apologize to me, you owe Oliver an apology. A big one." Alex says.

"Save yourself the energy Mrs. Cabot. You made it very clear what would happen if Alex refuses to hyphenate her last name. It was up to her to deal the consequences, your words not mine. So don't say you're sorry and that this isn't what you want." Oliver says firmly.

"Yes I said that. And I meant it but only for her career, Oliver. Not for the two of you breaking up. That was never my intention. Alexander is right, you are the perfect match for Alex. I completely agree with him that you are the best for my daughter. I know you don't want to hear it but I truly am sorry. So please, tell me how I can make this right." Caroline says softly.

"First, apologize to Alex, not only saying you're sorry, that's not good enough. You've hurt my fiancé and that is something I don't accept from anyone not even you, her mother.

Secondly, I know Alex can achieve everything she wants, she is a fighter and believes in what she does. No last name can change it for her when it comes to that. And she is right, it's up to her what she wants, with me supporting the choices she makes.

That being said, you want to make it right? Prove it. Prove to me that you truly believe I'm the perfect match for Alexandra Cabot. Prove that and you make a good start, for making me to trust you again and believe you meant what you just said to me and the last thing you said to Alex, which is more important to me.." Oliver says.

Alexander nods approvingly. Oliver proved that he could handle the two Cabot women when they were arguing. His wife was told politely where to shove it and Oliver showed once again how selfless he is and how important his daughter is to him.

"Well he's certainly protective towards you no matter what, Alex." Caroline mumbles, looking at the younger blonde.

Alex looks at Oliver and smiles at him before answering her mother.

"That's not being protective that is Oliver taking care of me and looking out for me. I know you didn't see him when he really was protecting me or being protective, like dad did, but trust me you'll know it when he is doing that or defending me." Alex says.

Alexander snickers before he laughs.

"What could possibly be so funny at this moment, Alexander?" Caroline asks.

"Just thinking back of one of those moments where Oliver was protective or better was protecting Alex. " Alexander smiles.

Oliver looks at Alexander and raises one eyebrow. The Detective doesn't know what situation Alex and her dad are talking about. Alexander just smiles knowingly at Oliver before both men are looking back at Caroline. Who did exactly what Oliver had asked her to do. She apologizes to Alex and surprises them all by telling Alex that she agrees with what Alex wants to do with her last name when the ADA and Detective are going to get married. She still doesn't think it's the best thing to do but Caroline realizes how important it is to Alex and the gesture the ADA makes to Oliver with this. Oliver still doesn't trust Caroline completely like he did before but like the Detective said it's a start. They talked a bit further about it when Alexander remembers that Alex had told them Oliver's full name but not the reason why he chose his middle name.

"Detective may I ask a personal question?" Alexander asks.

"Yes of course, if I don't want to answer it I'll tell you that." Oliver answers.

"Alex told us w hat your full name is but we never got an explanation for your middle name. Do you mind telling us why you chose Alexander as your middle name?" Alexander asks.

Oliver nods at the man before she looks at Alex, the love the Detective feels for the blonde clearly in his eyes. At that point Alexander and Caroline know the reason behind his choice without having it said out loud. After a few moment Oliver takes his eyes off the beautiful blonde and looks back at Alexander and answers his question.

"I chose it for two reasons. You welcomed me warmly all those years ago and made me feel like I was a part of your family as far as you concerned. Being the father figure I never had. The most important reason is Alex. Before I knew what we all know now I thought that it was more likely that my last name wouldn't change and Alex's last name would change in a hyphenated name. I wanted to have the same name, somehow, so that we are connected with our names too. Have something of her name in my own. That's why I chose for Alexander. Now we will always be connected by our hearts, souls and names." Oliver explains.

"You really love her." Alexander says.

"More then life itself. There is nothing I won't do for her" Oliver says softly.

Caroline think of what Alexander had said about Oliver being protective of Alex.

"Alex, what was your father talking about when he said he thought about one of those moments where Oliver was protecting you?" Caroline asks.

"Yes Lex, what was he talking about?" Olivia asks.

"Do you remember the Logan case?" Alex asks Oliver.

"Ow.. Yes I do remember that case." Oliver answers shyly.

Alex looks at her mother.

"Dad and I would go out for dinner years ago, I think you were away for some charity event in Boston and he didn't join you that time. Anyway, Dad came to the precinct since we had a suspect in custody about an hour before we should leave, and because they would interrogate the guy my presence was requested. When I was there Oliver and I would do the interrogation. We went inside and questioned the guy. Dad why don't you tell what happened next?" Alex asks.

Alexander nods and takes over.

"I was talking with Don Cragen when Detective Munch, I think, came to his office and told us that Alex and Oliver just started with the interrogation. Don asked if I wanted to see the two of them in action together, but he said to keep my mouth shut about it. Of course I wanted to see the two of them. So we went a space between his office and the interrogation room and he switched the sound on so we could see and hear what was said. It didn't take long before those two were working together on a tag team." Alexander says, pointing at Alex and Oliver.

"Let me tell you this, Caroline. I'm not easily impressed but I can honestly say I never saw two people so in sync and working together as them. They didn't need words to know what the other would say or do. Within two minutes after we started looking they had this guy pissed off. Alex was pushing him into a corner with the questions she asked and something snapped inside the guy. He jumped up from his chair ready to jump over the table to attack Alex. Oliver her saw it coming and the moment he jumped up she pushed Alex away and behind her. He jumped over table with his fist lingering at Alex who was just pushed away, so he almost hit Oliver. Before he knew what was happening he had Oliver's fist in his stomach and was wrestled against the floor. Within 20 seconds he had the guy against the floor and cuffed. Alex wasn't hurt thanks to our Badass Detective here. That's when I knew Oliver would always protect Alex the best he could and would do anything to prevent our Alex getting hurt." Alexander finishes.

"I only did my job." Oliver says modestly.

"That's bull and you know it, Liv. You saved me from getting attacked and hurt. Like you did so many times." Alex says.

"I agree with Alex, Detective. What I saw there wasn't a Detective doing his job and protecting his ADA, it was a Detective protecting and save the woman he loved and always would do. I knew it already all those years back." Alexander says.

"How many times did he saved you or protected you from something happening to you, Alexandra?" Caroline asks impressed.

"More times than I can count. I even know stories about him defending me when I was in Witsec and in the Congo. He may be healed for part now physically, I know he would fight for me if needed right now." Alex answers.

"You're damn right I would. I don't care how injured I am or not, I will always fight for you." Oliver says, almost growling as he thinks of Alex getting hurt.

Before anyone can react there is a knock on the door and Jane walks inside with a Teflon vest. At the look on her face Oliver immediately knows there is something wrong and to prevent that Alex's parent are going to greet her thinking she is Abby, Oliver reacts.

"This is Detective Jane Rizzoli. These are Alex's parents. What's wrong, Jane?" Oliver asks and introduces them quickly.

Alexander and Caroline thought that it was Abby but after Oliver introduced them to Jane and seeing both Detectives faces they stay quiet. Alex sees it too and instinctively she grabs Oliver's hand. Jane looks briefly at Alex's parents and then back at Oliver.

"Speak up, Rizzoli." Oliver says.

Jane lays down the vest on the table next to her and looks at Oliver.

"Short version. They got to the guard and he wasn't the one who would take care of 'the things'. There is a message sent to th precinct in your name." Jane says.

Jane makes a motion of a cut off hand discretely on her ride side so that Alex's parents can't see it.

"We don't know who it is but the message was clear." Jane finishes.

"How much time do we have?" Oliver asks pointing at the vest.

"Not enough to get you guys out of here. I was already on my way to the hospital when I got called. Back up is on their way but we can't wait for them. Security is told to clear the hospital as fast as they can, but we have to act now. I'm sorry, Oli." Jane answers.

Oliver let Alex go and they both climb off the bed.

"Do you have my gun and badge with you?" Oliver asks.

Jane nods and pulls Oliver's gun and badge out of her jacket and hands them over to Oliver. Oliver turns to look at Alexander and Caroline. Hoping that they will do what he tells them to do. And Caroline is about to see it herself how protective Oliver is and how far he will go to keep Alex safe and unharmed. Although if she had the choice she would have asked for a less dangerous situation.

"Alexander, Caroline take Alex with you and go into the bathroom. Don't leave it till either Jane or I say it's safe." Oliver orders.

Then Oliver takes the vest of the table and hands it's over to Alexander.

"Alexander, can I trust you to make sure Alex puts this vest on?" Oliver asks firmly.

"Liv, I don't want the vest, you need it!" Alex protests.

"Alexander?" Oliver asks.

"Yes, Detective. Don't worry about that. I make sure she wears it, even if I have to put it on her myself." Alexander answers.

"Good. Now go into the bathroom." Oliver says.

"I won't go into the bathroom, Oliver. Not if you're staying here!" Alex says stubbornly.

"Yes you are, Alex. I need you to be as safe as you can be and that's in there." Oliver says, pointing at the bathroom.

"NO. I won't go!" Alex says sternly.

"Alexander, Caroline go into the bathroom. Alexander hold the door open for me please." Oliver says.

Alexander and Caroline nod and they walk to the bathroom. Caroline walks inside and Alexander stays at this side of the door to hold it open. Oliver gives a look at Jane who nods back and then he picks up Alex and somehow he manages to pull the blonde over his shoulder. To prevent that Alex is going to struggle, Jane takes a hold of the blonde's legs. Together the two Detectives walk the ADA into the bathroom and Alexander walks inside after Jane and Oliver walk out of the bathroom closing the door behind him. Inside the bathroom Alex slips into her prosecutor mode, knowing that when Oliver carried her into the bathroom she needed to calm down and keep herself together. She puts on the vest and waits. She hopes and prays that her fiancé won't get hurt or worse killed. She softly tell her parents that no matter what happens they need to stay quiet to stay as safe as they can be. That who ever will show up can't know they are inside the bathroom if they don't make a sound. Both Alexander and Caroline sees the fear in their daughter's eyes even though she is calm on the outside. They both nod and the three of them try to prepare themselves for what may happen or happens.

Meanwhile inside Oliver's room Jane and Oliver step behind the Detective's bed, it's a lousy cover but the best they can have at this moment. Both Detective's check their weapons and left the safety off.

"What can we expect?" Oliver whispers.

"Oli, they cut of his hand when he was still alive, the box with his hand was drowned in blood. There's no way he was dead when they did it. So I think it's safe to assume that who ever comes here is armed and dangerous." Jane whispers back.

"Alright, as soon as they want to fire, shoot. I don't care how many shots we fire off. I don't want them to get a chance to get to the bathroom and get to Alex." Oliver whispers back.

"Deal." Jane softly answers.

"We both know it's gonna be dangerous, if I get hurt or worse promise me you'll take care of Alex, please Jane?" Oliver whispering pleads.

"We gonna make it through this like we always have done separately. Now we are gonna do it together, Oli. But I promise I'll take care of your fiancé and my friend." Jane whispers.

Jane thinks for a moment before she looks back at Oliver.

"Oli, if I get hurt will you take care of A..." Jane starts.

Jane doesn't get the chance to finish her sentence. While she is speaking the door opens slowly and silently. Both Oliver and Jane close their eyes for a split second then Detectives look at each other and take a deep breath, preparing themselves to get into action. They know they are on their own, back up is not there. Both Oliver's and Jane's heart beats fast, they both had a nagging feeling the moment Jane got inside and told what was going on. Like the good Detectives they are they managed to hit it for Alex and her parents. But they saw it in each others eyes when they looked at each other. When the door opens further Oliver and Jane have their weapons raised and pointing at the door. They agreed to take a shot when they thought the perp would fire. They never get that chance. As soon as the door is open a man starts firing with an automatic weapon before Oliver or Jane gets a chance to shoot first. For a couple of seconds a deafening sound of gunshots is heard inside the bathroom before it's get awfully quiet...


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

**"I can be your hero baby. I can kiss away the pain. And I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. You can take my breath away. I can be your hero. " -Enrique Iglesias**

"_Oli, if I get hurt will you take care of A..." Jane starts._

_Jane doesn't get the chance to finish her sentence. While she is speaking the door opens slowly and silently. Both Oliver and Jane close their eyes for a split second then Detectives look at each other and take a deep breath, preparing themselves to get into action. They know they are on their own, back up is not there. Both Oliver's and Jane's heart beats fast, they both had a nagging feeling the moment Jane got inside and told what was going on. Like the good Detectives they are they managed to hid it from Alex and her parents. But they saw it in each others eyes when they looked at each other. When the door opens further Oliver and Jane have their weapons raised and pointing at the door. They agreed to take a shot when they thought the perp would fire. They never get that chance. As soon as the door is open a man starts firing with an automatic weapon before Oliver or Jane gets a chance to shoot first. For a couple of seconds a deafening sound of gunshots is heard inside the bathroom before it's get awfully quiet... _

**Two months later...**

A knock on the door made Alex look up and the blonde sees Jane walking into the room at the ICU. Where she had stayed the past two weeks. The first 6 weeks Alex had stayed with Oliver on the CCU after that horrible, dreadful Friday 2 months ago. After Alex heard Jane screaming for help she opened the door and ran inside. All the color had left the blonde's face when she saw what was in front of her. A dead man near the door opening, Jane bleeding from a GSW in her arm and Oliver, her Oliver, lying on the floor bleeding badly from being hit multiple times. Oliver was taken to the OR within three minutes after being shot and they knew what happened after Jane waked up after surgery. Oliver who had been staying on Jane's left side had pushed the taller Detective away will firing himself when the man had started firing. Hitting Jane with the last bullet he fired with his weapon pointed at them before it went up after being shot in the head by Oliver. Oliver was hit with 6 bullets. 5 bullets hit his upper body and chest and one had scamped his head. Jane was in and out of the OR within an hour. Oliver had been in the OR for close to 9 hours. It had been a touch and go for the majority time he had been in the OR and had been kept in a drug induced coma to give his body time to recover and due to infection he got while being in said coma. It was a bigger complication than the swelling of his brain and it became a threat for the Detective's already weakened body. And after several critical days they managed to treat the infection effectively. Slowly Oliver's condition improved after that.

Today they are going to pull Oliver out of the medical induced coma he is still in. And Dr. Bouchon made an exception by allowing Alex and Jane be present together. Knowing that if the Detective would be alert he would be worried about Jane, Dr. Bouchon had given his permission for Jane to stay with Alex and Oliver when the Detective was pulled out of the coma and could wake up. Everyone else, meaning Alexander, Caroline, Alex's brothers and sister, Liz and Abby stayed in the visitors room that was on the same floor.

"Sorry I'm late, traffic is a bitch. Did they do it already?" Jane asks.

"No not yet. You're just in time. Dr. Bouchon could be here any moment." Alex says with a worried voice.

"It's going to be ok, Alex. Dr. Bouchon wouldn't pulled him out of his coma if he'd think there were too many risks." Jane says softly.

The tall brunette sat down next to Alex and pulled the blonde into a hug.

"I'm scared for the moment he wakes up. What if he doesn't recognizes me? Or he doesn't remember we are engaged and together?" Alex asks with a small voice.

"Alex, although we can't know for sure how he's going to be when he wakes up, the scans they did didn't show any damage to his brains. I'm sure he'll recognizes you the moment he opens his eyes. Stop worrying so much. Everything is going to be alright. Until the moment he realizes he needs to stay in this damn hospital much longer of course." Jane says, trying to lighten Alex's mood.

It works a bit. Alex smiles slightly at the Detective's final words.

"If he is his usual self it's gonna be hell. Although I would take that over everything else right now." Alex says.

"Exactly. By the time they can release him they are gonna hang out the flag and they think you are a saint. Now get your game face on or do I need to drag you out of this room and have Abby kick your ass?" Jane jokes.

Alex seems to be a bit more relaxed now. Resigning herself to the fact that she can't predict what's going to happen or how Oliver will be. After a moment of slightly panicking the blonde pulled herself together. The two women talk further for 10 minutes until Dr. Bouchon enters the room.

"Do I need to explain everything again or are the two of you ready?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

Alex looks at Jane and then answers Dr. Bouchon.

"We are ready. Are you ready for Liv being awake and be an ever bigger pain in the ass than he was before?" Alex asks.

Dr. Bouchon thinks for a second or two, looks at Jane and Alex then he reacts.

"How bad?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

"By the time you're gonna release him every Dr. and nurse here are going to give their votes for sainthood to Alex ." Jane smirks.

"That's comforting." Dr. Bouchon mumbles sarcastically under his breath.

"Remember it can take between minutes and hours before Oliver wakes up. So don't panic when he won't wake up soon." Dr. Bouchon says calmly.

"We will." Alex says.

Dr. Bouchon nods while injection the medication for Oliver to wake up in his IV.

"When he wakes up call me. He should be alright, Alex. Every test we have done the past days were alright. We have to wait to be sure of course, but I don't expect anything major to be wrong." Dr. Bouchon says.

"I know that, I'm worried a bit anyway." Alex says.

"That's normal Alex. I promise you that I wouldn't have pulled him out of his coma if I thought it wouldn't be alright. Alright, I'll leave you alone for now." Dr. Bouchon answers.

Alex and Jane thank the Dr. and are left alone waiting for Oliver to wake up. Alex was looking at Oliver's face for any sign he would wake up the moment the Dr. left the room. After 20 minutes Jane went to the bathroom to use the toilet when Alex saw Oliver moving his eyelids, trying to open them up. The blonde had never been more relieved and anxious at the same time as she is now.

"That's it Liv. Open your eyes honey. Show me those beautiful brown eyes I've been wanting to see again so badly." Alex softly encourages.

Alex keeps talking to Oliver and after a minute Oliver opens his eyes. He's looking around, panicked, until he sees Alex sitting next to his bed. The moment he sees the blonde's stormy blue eyes he calms down. And reaches out with his hand to grab Alex's hand.

"Oh God, I'm so happy you're awake honey. I was so worried about you." Alex says emotionally.

Oliver tries to talk but finds out that can't and start to panic again. Alex sees Oliver struggling to talk.

"Calm down, Liv. You have a breathing tube in your throat, that's why you can't speak. It's alright baby." Alex says.

Oliver nods at Alex, letting her know that he understands what she's saying. Oliver looks at Alex and raises his eyebrow questionably. Thankfully Alex understand what Oliver means and is relieved that the Detective seems to be alright.

"Jane is alright honey. She'll be back soon. She just went to the bathroom, she's been waiting here with me for you to wake up. Everybody is alright." Alex says.

The relief is visible on Oliver's face. When Jane walks out of the bathroom Oliver looks her up and down to see with his own eyes that the brunette is indeed alright. The tears are start running over Oliver's cheeks now that he is fully awake and realizes what happened. Everything comes back to the strong Detective and he gets frustrated that he can't talk. Oliver turns his head and looks at Alex, trying to tell the younger blonde how sorry he is with his eyes. Seeing the emotions in Oliver's eyes Alex herself starts crying too. For two months she has been so worried about her fiancé. And now everything is coming out. The fear and anxiety, the anger and pain, everything she felt for the past two months. Jane wants to leave the two of them alone now that Oliver has seen she's alright, but Oliver motions for her to come. Jane walks to the other side of the bed and briefly hugs Oliver.

"Next time you want to play a hero wear Kevlar." Jane husks.

Oliver makes a gun sign with his hand and points at Jane.

"Yes I was hit but it wasn't bad. Just once in my arm. Thanks to you." Jane answers.

Oliver points at himself and raises his eyebrow. Jane swallows before she answers.

"You've been hit 6 times Oli, 5 in your upper torso and chest and 1 scamped your head." Jane answers softly.

Oliver looks shocked at Alex.

"She's telling the truth, Liv. Do you remember what happened?" Alex asks softly with a voice full of emotions.

Oliver shakes his head, he remembers everything. He also remembers that Alex is his fiancé, Oliver takes Alex's hand and glides with his finger over the ring on her finger. And then he looks at Alex with a hopeful look. Alex smiles at her fiancé.

"Yes we're still gonna get married. Getting shot didn't change that. I'm still going to be Mrs. Benson, Detective." Alex says smiling through her tears.

Jane looks at Oliver and then at Alex.

"I'm going to get Dr. Bouchon and tell the others that Oliver is awake, so that the two of you can have a few moments to yourself." Jane says.

Hearing the word Dr. makes Oliver glaring at Jane. The tall Detective just shrugs with her shoulders.

"Oliver Alexander Benson, you don't start being stubborn and hard headed already. Jane is going to get the Dr. and you will behave yourself. You were shot 6 times! He needs to look at you whether you like it or not. Understood?" Alex asks sternly.

All Oliver does is smiling at Alex for calling him by his full name. Alex shakes her head before she nods at Jane. Jane laughs loudly and nods at Alex before she leaves the room. Oliver looks at Alex and pets on his bed.

"Oliver, I can't lay down next to you. You still are injured." Alex says softly.

Oliver sets his jaw and slowly moves aside, of course that hurts like hell but he won't show it to Alex. The Detective is determined to get the blonde next to him. When he thinks there is enough space for Alex to lay down he pets on his bed again and looks at Alex with his best 'puppy dog eyes' look. Although Alex knows she really shouldn't do it, when Oliver looks like that at the blonde, she does anything he wants for him. Just like it is the other way around.

"Alright I'll lay down, but if you get too much pain you **do** let me know it." Alex says sternly but with a soft voice.

Oliver shakes his head but Alex already knows that she has to look at his face because he won't tell it when he needs to, he'll only make it clear when the pain is unbearable. Sighing but internally smiling Alex climbs very carefully next to Oliver. She stays at the edge of the bed but Oliver motions for Alex to come closer. When the blonde refuses he looks at her again. He just want to hold Alex in his arms, wants to know she's safe and unharmed. He needs to feel the blonde. When Alex looks in his eyes she sees the uncertainty and pain in his eyes and understands why he wants her to lay against him. For the same reason she really wants to do it but knows she can't do it.

"I'm alright honey, I didn't get hurt physically. I really can't lay down against you. It's not that I don't want it but it will hurt you too much. How about I come a bit closer and you lay down your head on my shoulder, for a change?" Alex asks.

Oliver nods. As long as he can feel Alex it's alright for the Detective at this moment. Alex changes her position a bit so that Oliver can lay down against her shoulder and lays her arm down on stomach. Hoping that it will take more than a couple of minutes before Jane will be back with Dr. Bouchon. Yes she wants her fiancé being checked but right now she just wants to lay with him in her arms.

Meanwhile in the visitors room.

Jane had looked for the Dr. but had asked him to wait a couple of minutes so that they could go to the couple together. Giving them some more time. At first he was reluctant but when Jane told him that he seemed alright and already glared at her he decided that it probably couldn't hurt. Besides, Alex was with him and he knew that if there would be anything wrong she would call him. So he told Jane that she had 5 minutes and then they would go to Oliver and Alex. Jane nodded at the Dr. and walked to the visitors room where she is now. As soon as Jane enters the room Abby jumps up and walks to Jane.

"Is he awake? How is he doing?" Abby asks impatiently.

Jane raises an eyebrow and rolls with her eyes.

"Calm down, Carmichael. He's not walking out of this hospital yet." Jane answers.

"C'mon. Quit stalling, Rizzoli." Abby says.

"Abby, let the girl breathe." Alexander says.

"Really? Don't tell me you don't wanna now how your future son-in-law is doing." Abby says.

"Yes of course I want to know how he is doing. But Jane couldn't even walk inside before you jumped her. I'm sure she'll tell us how he's doing if you don't breathe in her neck." Alexander answers.

Now it's Abby's turn to roll with her eyes. Jane only smiles. The brunette Detective probably would have done the same as the brunette ADA if the roles were turned around.

"Oliver woke up a couple of minutes ago. As far as I can tell he is alright." Jane says.

"Are you sure?" Abby asks.

"Yes I'm sure. He knew what happened, he asked me if I was shot and how many times he was shot himself. Well he couldn't ask it literally of course but he did ask it with signs. And he's his old self too. As soon as I told him and Alex that I would leaven them alone for a few moments and that I would go get Dr. Bouchon, he glared at me. Seems to me he is still the same." Jane answers, smiling at Abby.

"Yeah that sounds like Oli. And like a certain Detective, who we shall remain nameless, when she was woke up, ain't that right Detective?" Abby snickers.

"Shut up, Counselor." Jane says.

Jane looks at Caroline and Alexander.

"He also remembers that Alex and he are engaged. He picked up Alex hand and touched the ring on Alex's finger. He really is alright. I'm sure that sooner,than the Dr.'s and nurses or we would like, he'll be a real pain in the ass again." Jane says.

"I almost feel sorry for them already, almost. Sounds like Alex will have her hands full with him again." Alexander laughs relieved.

"As soon as that tube is out of his mouth and he can speak normally again, they'll be fighting like cats and dogs again. Alex lectured him when he glared at me and all Oli did was smiling at Alex because she called him by his full name." Jane answers.

Jane looks at her watch and looks around before she looks at Abby.

"I need to go. Dr. Bouchon is going to Oliver soon and I would bring him. But more importantly I don't wanna miss a second when he gets inside." Jane says, smiling.

Abby smiles, the Texan can imagine how that will go.

"You better go then. I'm sure that the Doc will be happy that Oli can't talk yet." Abby says.

"I'll come back to tell how it went when he is gone." Jane says generally.

"Don't twist your panties when I'm not back soon, Carmichael." Jane winks.

"Can't twist them since I don't wear panties, Rizzoli." Abby counters with a shit eating grin.

Both brunettes roll their eyes at each other and Jane walks out of the room. She is back at the nursery station just in time, Dr. Bouchon was about to leave it to go to Oliver's room. They walk to Oliver's room and Dr. Bouchon knocks on the door first before he enters the room. As soon as he sees the view in front of him he stops dead in his tracks causing Jane to almost walk up against him.

"Not again." Dr. Bouchon mumbles.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N A friend of mine and his younger brother are like brothers to me. Let's call them John ( oldest brother) and Joe( youngest brother). Saturday night someone almost killed Joe, they drugged him and after that let him drink a lot of alcohol. Someone else called John and if he didn't helped his little brother and called an ambulance, Joe would have died.**

**I'm sorry that this chapter ain't as good as usually. The past days since Saturday night have been extremely difficult for me. And writing a hospital chapter after being in the hospital to stay with someone ain't easy.**

**I didn't want to let y'all hanging and waiting for too long so I decided to write two chapters instead of one. The next chapter I do need to write though. I'll try to write ASAP.**

Chapter 35

_Both brunettes roll their eyes at each other and Jane walks out of the room. She is back at the nurse's station just in time, Dr. Bouchon was about to leave it to go to Oliver's room. They walk to Oliver's room and Dr. Bouchon knocks on the door first before he enters the room. As soon as he sees the view in front of him he stops dead in his tracks causing Jane to almost walk up against him. _

"_Not again." Dr. Bouchon mumbles._

Jane looks over the Dr.'s shoulder to see what made him stop and sees Alex on the bed with Oliver and Oliver glaring at the Dr. before the poor man is completely inside his room. Jane walks around the Dr. and walks inside Oliver's room. Dr. Bouchon takes a deep breath before he walks inside the room, he immediately knows that the Detective that is his patient is fully awake and for as it seems to know what happened.

"Detective, good to see you awake. I have a notepad and pencil here for you to write on since you're not able to talk due to the breathing tube." Dr. Bouchon says and he lays the notepad and pencil on Oliver's lap.

"If you can answer with yes or no just shake or nod with your head if not you can write it down if you're able to do it." Dr. Bouchon says.

Oliver nods and immediately starts to write. It's not that neat but it's readable. When he is done he looks at Alex and points to the notepad. Alex picks up the notepad and turns it so Dr. Bouchon can read it.

'When is the tube getting removed?'

"It's gonna take a while before the tube can be removed. You need breathing therapy first and when you come to the point you're breathing on your own for the biggest part of 24 hours we'll remove the tube." Dr. Bouchon answers.

Oliver writes again.

'Why?'

"Let me tell you what happened and we'll go from there. Alright?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

Oliver nods.

"First let me ask you this. Are in more pain than is normal after been shot?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

Oliver shakes his head. He is in a lot of pain but he refuses to let Dr. Bouchon know that. Dr. Bouchon knows his patient by know and he doesn't trust the Detective's answer.

"Alex, is he in a lot of pain and not telling us?" Dr. Bouchon asks, avoiding Oliver's glare.

"He is in pain but for Oliver's standards I'd say it's bearable for the moment." Alex answers.

"Alright, I let it go for now. But as soon as you notice that he's in more pain than he could actually handle let me know it." Dr. Bouchon says.

Alex nods and Oliver is relieved that he isn't getting medicated now.

"Alright Detective Benson. Let's get started. You know you have been shot, do you know how many times you've been shot?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

Oliver nods and holds up one hand and closes it and then holds up one finger.

"That's right. You were shot 6 times. Do you know where and can you remember anything from the shooting or the situation you were in?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

Oliver nods. He takes the notepad again and starts writing. The Detective writes short sentences and straight to point because it's not very easy for Oliver to write, when he's finished he looks at Alex again and the blonde holds up the notepad.

'Jane told me, 5 shots in upper body+ chest, 1 scamped head. Jane got shot once. I know I pushed her away. Man came inside with automatic weapon.'

"That's in a few sentences what happened, yes. You've been on the table for close to 9 hours, it has been touch and go for quite some time. Afterwards we've putted you in a drug induced coma because of your brains were swelling and your body needed time to heal again. You got an infection and were critical for a couple of days before you reacted on the medication." Dr. Bouchon says.

Oliver frowns with his eyebrows and writes again.

'How long? What's going to happen now?'

"You've been in a drug induced coma for two months, Detective." Dr. Bouchon answers.

The Dr. waits with explaining what the treatment will be like and how to recover. Giving Oliver time to think about it. Oliver looks shocked at Alex when he hears the Dr.'s answer like he can't believe it.

"It's true, Liv. You've been in a coma for 2 months." Alex says softly.

Oliver shakes his head and keeps shaking it. This couldn't be true could it. One week sure, that's what the Detective thought it would have been. But two months. Two whole months gone. Two months where his life had stoud still while everyone else's life had gone further. A lot can happen in a week let alone in two freaking months. Oliver looks at Alex again to double check it. Alex nods already knowing what her fiancé is silently asking. He realizes that he has lost two months of his life without knowing what was going on. Two months where Alex had been suffering, not knowing if he would be alright and what would happen when the Detective woke up. And for the first time in his life Oliver feels helpless, really helpless. Not knowing what to do and desperately wanting to get back the time he lost. He looks at Alex with a look of being lost in his eyes and telling the blonde with his eyes how he feels. Knowing that Alex will understand what he's saying. Alex squeezes Oliver's hand and kisses his forehead.

"It will be alright, Liv. Everything is gonna be alright. It'll take time and patience and hard working from you but you'll be alright again. We're going to be alright. I believe in you. I know how you're feeling now and I promise you I'll give you back those months the best I can. I have something that can help you with it, but I'll give it to you when we're alone. I promise everything is going to be fine." Alex says softly, reassuring the love of her life.

Oliver keeps looking into cerulean eyes to calm down and get back the grip on himself. After about 30 seconds he gives Alex a nod and the blonde ADA knows that for the moment Oliver is alright again. She squeezes his hand one more time before she lets go. Oliver looks at Dr. Bouchon and picks up the note pad. He points at the second question he wrote down earlier.

"In the time you were in a coma I have been ordered by your fiancé to form a team from the best specialists this country has to offer us, for when you would wake up, to help you recover. So of course that's what I have been doing. She didn't leave much of choice, as you'll perfectly know. Now I know how important your job is to you, to any of you on the force. So I talked about it with the team and we came to the conclusion that we think it's possible. I have to warn you. It won't be easy. You have a long way to recover, physically and mentally. But knowing the fighter you are we do think you should be able to make it back. We will start with your recovery here in the hospital until you are ready to go to rehab. I have researched what the best facility is and as soon as you are ready you will be transported to it.

Our goal here is for you to breath on your own and to start with PT to get back some strength. But mainly for you to breath on your own. When you are breathing on your own you'll be released from the hospital and transported to rehab. There they'll work with you to recover physically to the point where you are physically able to go back to your job. Mentally you'll get your therapy form the facility and there will come a psychologist specialized in traumatic events like you've been through. The therapists at rehab will concentrate on your physical recovery and the part that comes with that mentally and the rest will be taken care of by the psychologist that will be added to the team at rehab.

Like I said, you have a long road to recovery, but you can do it, Detective." Dr. Bouchon explains.

Dr. Bouchon looks at Oliver and sees that for now the Detective has enough to process.

"I'll check you and then I'll leave you alone for an hour or two. You need to rest. And it give you some time to think about what I've told you. I'm sure you can come up with enough questions to ask me when I come back. Alright?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

Oliver nods. The one thing he wants the most is to be alone with Alex.

"Alright, do you want Alex and Detective Rizzoli to leave for the time I'm checking on you?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

Oliver points at Jane and shakes 'no' with his head. Then he points at Alex and makes a motion that the blonde needs to wait behind the curtain. Dr. Bouchon is surprised that he wants Alex to stay behind the curtain but for Jane to stay with him, he looks at Jane and Alex questionably. Alex and Jane understand why Oliver wants it this way though.

"Liv, doesn't want me to see his scars. And that's alright for me, I can wait until he is ready for me to see them." Alex says, looking sternly at Dr. Bouchon before she continues.

"Jane is a Detective too and they both have scars and shared some personal issues. He feels safe enough with Jane for her to stay here, make him feel safe. She is our friend and I trust her with Oliver." Alex says tactically.

"Well if it's alright with the both of you, I have no objections." Dr. Bouchon says.

Dr. Bouchon worked as quickly as possible on Oliver. After 10 minutes he was done and left the room after he told the trio that when he came back he would take Dr. Taylor Chapman with him to talk about what therapy Oliver would need to get off the breathing tube. Jane stayed for a couple of minutes more before she left the room to talk with the others in the visitors room and to give Alex and Oliver some time to talk with each other and to rest. When Jane has left Alex opens a drawer of Oliver's night stand and takes out two scrap books. She lays them on her lap and turns to look at Oliver.

"Liv, I know it's killing you that two months has passed without you knowing it. I told you I had something for you to help you with getting back those two months. I've made two scrap books. Each about every day, from a couple of days after you were shot until today. One about what happened in New York and in the rest of the world. The other is about you and me; how your day was, what I've been doing that day and how I was feeling. I thought we could look or go through them doing one day of both scrap books each day if you're up to it and want it of course." Alex says softly.

With tears in his eyes Oliver nods. He wishes he could talk with Alex. Looking down he sees that the notepad and pencil are still lying on his lap. He motions at Alex to turn the page for him. The blonde picks up the notepad and turns the page and lays it back on Oliver's lap. After a minute Oliver is done writing and looks at Alex. The ADA picks up the notepad and reads.

'I love you so much, Lex. Thank you for making the books. It means so much to me.'

"I love you very much too, Liv. It helped me dealing with was going on, I couldn't talk with you but this way I could talk to you." Alex says.

Oliver nods at Alex knowing what she means. He can't pull his arm up and touches the blonde's face so he slowly moves his hand on her thigh and rubs it tenderly. Then he pulls his hand back and writes again. Alex is touched with that simple but so important gesture and she leans in and kisses Oliver's cheek. Then she leans back and waits for Oliver being finished with writing again.

'I'm tired. Take a nap together?'

"I'd love to." Alex answers.

Alex picks up the scrap books and puts them back in the drawer. Then the blonde picks up the notepad and pencil and lays them on top of Oliver's night stand. After everything is back on its place Alex turns back and lays down so Oliver can lay down his head on her shoulder. Before Oliver lays his head down he looks Alex in her eyes with all the love he feels for the blonde. When he is sure that Alex saw it he lays his head. Alex takes his hand in her own.

"I love you to you, Detective Benson. Sweet dreams, Liv." Alex says.

Oliver squeezes Alex hands softly. 5 minutes later Oliver is sleeping. Alex kisses the top of her Detective's head before she falls asleep herself. The first time in months the blonde ADA sleeps peacefully with her fiancé in her arms.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N I want to thank tthe readers that were thinking about my friends. It really meant something to me that y'all did that. **

**A longer chapter again. I really hope that I can continue with writing chapters with a lenght the last ones have. I'm pleased for having so many loyal readers. Y'all are amazing! **

**As always I appreciate all the reviews you gals and guys are giving me so please R+R.**

**Enjoy reading this chapter.**

Chapter 36

**"Every time I look into your eyes, you make me love you. And I do truly love you. I bbelong to you, you belong to me forever. I want you." - Anastasia**

"_I love you to you, Detective Benson. Sweet dreams, Liv." Alex says._

_Oliver squeezes Alex hands softly. 5 minutes later Oliver is sleeping. Alex kisses the top of her Detective's head before she falls asleep herself. The first time in months the blonde ADA sleeps peacefully with her fiancé in her arms. _

The past week and a half Oliver's respiratory therapy had been going well and this morning Dr. Taylor Chapman had pulled him off the breathing tube. It had been a small surgery because Oliver had the tube in his throat for over 2 months. Swallowing would be painful for quite some time. So he would stay on the liquid food he is getting through a tube. In rehab they would step over on 'baby food' as Oliver called it, in reality it would be normal food but pureed, after he would've taken a swallow test. Dr. Chapman had said that she wanted Oliver to stay in the hospital at least today and tomorrow morning depending on how it would go he would be released to rehab tomorrow afternoon or the day after tomorrow in the morning. Liz had visited them twice and so had Cragen. Munch, Fin and Amanda had taken turns to visit Oliver and Alex. Every other day one of them had paid them a visit. Abby and Jane had visit the pair on a daily basis. Most of the time they came separated. Except for Saturday and Sunday. Since it was weekend and they weren't on the call both brunettes had been there. Arriving shortly after each other. Alexander and Caroline had come to visit four times since the Detective woke up. The first time they had come with just the two of them. Caroline said that now she understood what Alexander had meant with that Oliver would do anything to protect their daughter. She thanked Oliver multiple times for protecting her and themselves. Things were almost back to normal after that visit. The other three times one of Alex's siblings would come with them to get to meet their sister's love of her life and to thank the Detective for what he had done. None of Alex's brothers or her sister had a problem with Oliver's transition. In fact Alex's sister surprised them all when she said that if Oliver wouldn't belong to her sister she would give it a shot and try to win the handsome strong Detective herself. She made it clear that she never try it and that she hoped they could get along together as brother and sister-in-law. And all three of them welcomed Oliver into their family. Almost every day Alex and Oliver had looked at the scrap books the blonde had made. And it was a great help for Oliver to go trough them. He felt less lost now then when he woke up. It helped the pair also to talk about how the months were for Alex and they even had talked about how it was for Oliver when Alex was shot and went into Witsec. They had grown even closer than they were already before Oliver's shooting. Of course Oliver couldn't behave himself since he woke up, he had been a real pain in the ass even though he needed to talk via a notepad. Mostly the nurses were happy that Oliver would be released tomorrow or the day after that. Alex had threatened the Detective four times to cuff his hands to his bed and leave the hospital. The second time Oliver thought that the blonde ADA wouldn't really do it but after Alex had packed her stuff and almost walked out of his room the Detective took her threats seriously. So when Alex threatened the third and fourth time Oliver behaved himself for awhile. Of course everyone feared that the Detective would get so bad that they couldn't handle him anymore now that the tube was out of his throat but so far Oliver had been acting, surprisingly, well behaved. Oliver was over thinking the time since he woke up when Alex comes back into the room. She had left the room when her cellphone went off.

"That was Jane. Abby and she are coming together. She just arrived at 1 Hogan to pick up Abby. They should be here in about 25 minutes." Alex says, walking to the chair next to Oliver's bed.

"They seem to get along pretty well if you ask me." Oliver says, his voice still a bit raspy due to the tube.

"You're right, they do seem to get along greatly." Alex confirms.

"This is, what, the third time they come together? Saturday and Sunday they didn't arrive together but still they were here together. Did they come separately when I was in la la land?" Oliver asks.

"Oliver! You were in a coma, that's not something to joke about." Alex chastises.

"Sorry, Lex." Oliver says.

"It's alright, just don't do it again. Anyway, now that I think about it they did came to see you and visit me together a few times. When they got a big or bigger case Abby usually came alone, Jane was too busy. Jane did came to visit us when she could though." Alex answers.

"Well it's nice that Jane found some else to get along with besides us. We've been in the hospital since she came to New York. Did she tell you why she transferred to SVU?" Oliver asks.

"Yes it is. Jane is pretty much like you, she doesn't let people in easily too. I'm glad too she gets along with Abby. No she didn't tell me. But she wasn't allowed to stay long when you were in a coma. She came here to see how you were doing, how I was doing and sometimes she asked me advice about a case. No specific details just how to handle certain things. Or what she should do. Without you there she is second in rank behind Munch. So she would be the lead detective when there were two big cases at the same time, Munch obviously got the other case then." Alex answers.

"I didn't think of that. But you're right. Talking about being thrown into the deep water. I know it's hard to start at SVU but I think Jane will handle it well, unlike most Detective's she has been through a lot herself. Not everything is new to her unfortunately. Now that the damn tube is gone I can ask her why she transferred. You know except for Casey all my dearest friends are back at SVU or at SVU now. Abby is back as our, I mean their, ADA and now Jane is there too. And there is you of course, the love of my life and the best ADA this country has." Oliver says.

"You don't need to win me for ya you know. You already have me. Always had, always have. But I see your point. It's one big family now for as far as it wasn't already. And it's still your SVU, Liv. Even though you're in the hospital you are, I am, still a part of SVU. Until you decide you're leaving you'll be a part of the family. And even if you leave you'll always be a part of the family." Alex replies.

"I know. I don't know what I'm going to do, if I can go back. I have to think about that." Oliver says softly.

"I know you have doubts now and that's alright. The one thing you don't have to doubt about is if you can go back. I know you'll get so far that you can rejoin SVU. And I also now that Cragen always keeps a spot for you there for as long as he can. How about you give yourself some rest? They'll be here in 15 or something like that." Alex asks.

"Sounds like a great idea, Counselor. Come here." Oliver answers.

Alex smiles at Oliver. It has been too long since she heard that coming out of Oliver's mouth. Alex watches Oliver carefully when the Detective slowly moves aside to create enough space for the ADA to lay down. She sees that it causes Oliver pain but he hasn't sat his jaw like the first time he did it. Alex climbs on the bed and as soon as she is lying Oliver leans over and kisses the beautiful blonde on her lips, so tenderly that it makes Alex melt on the inside. After a couple of seconds Oliver pulls back and leans with his forehead against Alex's shoulder.

"What was that for?" Alex asks softly.

"Do I need a reason to kiss my fiancé?" Oliver asks back.

"No of course not." Alex smiles.

"I love you Alexandra Laura Cabot. I love you with my heart, body and soul." Oliver whispers.

"I love you Oliver Alexander Benson. Without you my life is meaningless." Alex whispers back.

Oliver turns his head to look at Alex.

"Kiss me Alexandra." Oliver says softly.

Alex hesitates for a second, knowing perfectly what her Detective means, and leans down to capture Oliver's lips. When Oliver touches her lower lip with his tongue, Alex pulls back and looks at Oliver. When she doesn't see any signs of fear or anxiety she nods and leans back. Oliver kisses Alex again and this time Alex opens her lips to let Oliver enter her mouth with his tongue. They kiss a few seconds more before Oliver deepens the kiss more and for the first time their kiss turns into a sensual, heated kiss. Going up in their own world Alex and Oliver fail to notice the knock on the door. Abby and Jane are entering the room and are greeted by Alex and Oliver French kissing.

"I would say get a room but you're already in one. First time ya two are left alone and you immediately stick your tongues in each others throat." Abby jokes.

Alex and Oliver both jump at the voice of the lanky Texan.

"Christ Carmichael, are you trying to get me a heart attack? Don't ya think I've pulled it through enough already?" Oliver asks, slightly irritated.

"No I didn't try that. And if you wouldn't be so occupied with shoving your tongue down Alex's throat ya would've heard the knock on the door." Abby counters.

"Well excuse me Counselor, for not paying attention on the freaking door when I kissed my fiancé passionately for the first time. Not shoving my tongue down her throat as you described it. I don't know how you would've called it if you kissed the love of your life for the first time like this, but that's how I call it." Oliver defends himself and Alex.

Abby raises her eyebrows surprisingly at hearing this.

"This was your first time?" Abby asks surprised.

"Yes it was. It's not like we had many opportunities before. Forget about being hit and getting my ass back in the hospital or getting shot, before that happened it wasn't exactly a happy time, was it? Not that it is any of your business but roughly 5 minutes ago was the first time I wanted to kiss Alex like that without freaking out at the thought of any kind of intimacy at all." Oliver answers softly, looking at Abby and Jane.

"I'm sorry Oli, I didn't know that nor did I realized it. I wouldn't have teased ya if I had known." Abby apologizes.

Oliver had seen the looks between Abby and Jane when she talked about kissing passionately and decided to change the topic and that it was time to turn the table and tease her friends.

"It's alright Abs. Let's get over with it. Alex and I haven't even greeted you or Jane. And don't think I let you off the hook Carmichael, I know what you two are up to." Oliver says, pointing between Abby and Jane.

3 pair of eyes are looking at Oliver. Alex looks surprised at Oliver while Jane looks shocked at the Detective. Abby is a bit shocked but at the same time isn't surprised that her friend sensed something was going on. She decided to play dumb for now.

"My what? I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about Detective." Abby answers.

"Cut the crap Counselor, I didn't get the golden shield for nothing. You should know better than that." Oliver says.

Alex looks at their friends and then at her fiancé.

"Care to enlighten us what your gut is telling you this time, Detective Benson? I have a pretty good idea what you are thinking but I'd like to hear it from you. You know I don't like to guess without hard evidence." Alex smiles.

"With pleasure, ADA Cabot. I'll get straight to the point. Not that anyone in this room is that." Oliver snickers.

"Abby, did Jane asked you out on a date yesterday, like I think she did, or was it the other way around?" Oliver smirks.

'Damn he's good.' Jane thinks.

"What makes you think all of this?" Abby asks.

"Seems like you're getting your evidence Ms. Cabot. Alright, you really wanna go there? Fine. One,I know it happened yesterday because you two are acting differently today. Subtle but I noticed. Like I said I don't have that golden shield for nothing. Two, You are a lot like me but Jane and I are pretty much the same. If you would have asked Jane, the two of you wouldn't be here together now and Jane wouldn't have picked you up to come here. She would have run and the two of you would have dancing in circles around each other like Alex and I did for years after things got back to normal somehow. Even though we never asked each other out before we got together but that you both know. The two of you are here which tells me that Jane asked you out. Quit beating around the bush and admit it, Tex." Oliver says.

"You certainly didn't get that golden shield for nothing, Sherlock Holmes. Fine, you want me to admit? I'll admit it. You are right on all counts, Detective. Yesterday, after we left the two of you, we went to eat something together and Jane asked me out on a date then. We're going on our first date, Friday. If we don't catch any cases." Abby says.

"Really? You had to tell him this much and give him more ammo so he can tease us mercilessly, Abs?" Jane mutters.

Alex and Oliver burst out in laughter after that typically Jane-reaction.

"You just gave him the rope to hang you up yourself, Jane. If you wouldn't have said it he probably would have left it like this." Alex snickers after she is done laughing.

"Alex, you're less sharp than I expected you to be. Slightly disappoints me, Counselor. Jane didn't hang the rope around her neck, but around Abby's neck. If I would do that to Jane she would run, like I would do, hell I actually did it. You can thank Carmichael for that. If she didn't teased me so much after you came back to SVU the first time, I would have asked you out at some time back then probably. So I think it's only fair that our dearest ADA here, gets the complete teasing treatment herself now." Oliver says.

"I'm dead meat." Abby mutters dramatically.

"I don't wanna spoil the fun but we might get a problem sort of when Liv and I are coming back at SVU." Alex says, leaving out the fact that it isn't sure at the moment if Oliver will return to SVU.

"What will the problem be?" Jane asks.

"Officially there is nothing prohibiting a relationship between an ADA and a Detective, but defense lawyers like Langan will have a field day if we get a case with Oliver and Jane both on it. I don't think it matters who the ADA is prosecuting the case, Abby or I." Alex answers.

"I think Alex has a point here. Creepy weasels like Langan will try everything to get the case dismissed if Jane and I are both on the case. From this point of view, we might need another ADA." Oliver says.

"Well it's a good thing Casey is coming back to SVU, at least temporarily. It makes things easier for us that we have her at the DA's office and we have Amanda at the precinct." Abby says.

Alex and Oliver are both surprised hearing that Casey is coming back. They smile at each other. They had talked about Casey being the only missing in their family but it seems like that they all will be together. But then Oliver frowns his eyebrows.

"I don't see how that makes things easier." Oliver mumbles under his breath.

Unfortunately for the strong brunette not only Alex heard him but Abby and Jane heard him too.

Alex, Abby and Jane look at Oliver and then Abby and Jane look at Alex. The blonde nods at the two brunettes, telling them silently that she'll take the lead.

"What do you mean with that, Liv? I think Abby is right. With Casey and Amanda it would make things easier." Alex asks.

"Shit I said that too loud didn't I?" Oliver asks.

Three women nod at the Detective.

"Seems to me you know something that the rest of us doesn't know. Spill it, Detective." Alex says.

Oliver looks at Alex, Abby and Jane with a look in his eyes that they know the Detective is serious about what he's going to say next.

"What I'm about to tell you all, does not leave this room. Deal?" Oliver asks.

The two ADA's and the Detective nod.

"Apparently all SVU ADA's fall in love with SVU Detectives and the same Detectives fall in love with their ADA's. And we all are in a relationship with each other. So Casey added to SVU as an ADA again won't make things easier. There will always be only one ADA that can be assigned to a case if Amanda, Jane and I are on a case with one of the other two. I know this comes as a surprise and I promised them I wouldn't say anything. But my big mouth was too loud and you heard me. That's why it needs to stay between the four of us. It's up to them when they want to let others know they are in a relationship." Oliver explains.

Three women look shocked at Oliver when they hear the Detective explaining why things didn't get easier.

"You can say that again, about ADA's and Detectives and SVU I mean. How do you know this? How the hell did they met and got together?" Alex asks shocked.

"That's something I'd like to know too." Abby ask equally shocked.

"Me too." Jane adds.

"I'm afraid I'm guilty for the how did they meet part and for the get together part. I introduced them to each other and it was love at first sight, that's something that sort of happened with all of us as it seems. Anyway, Amanda was at my place when Casey called if she could come by. She knew I was home but we hadn't agreed to see each other. I asked Amanda if it was alright if Case came over too. Amanda said it was ok, so Casey came over too. They got together only a month before the undercover op. They both came to me to ask me what to do with their feelings, so I told them both exactly the same thing. That they shouldn't be so stupid as I was and do something with their feelings for each other. So now you all know how they got together we can stop talking about it. And act like I never said a thing." Oliver finishes.

It's visible that Oliver is uncomfortable with breaking his promise to Amanda and Casey. Alex knows how to change the subject and make Oliver forget for the rest of the day that he told them about Amanda and Casey.

"Deal. Abby do you have the paperwork with you?" Alex asks.

"Yes I do." Abby answers, smiling at Alex.

"Liv, I have a surprise for you. I know you don't like surprises. But I promise you, this one you'll like." Alex says.

Oliver looks at Alex and at Abby and back to Alex. While Abby hands over a white nameless binder to Alex.

"Surprise? Paperwork? Alex what the hell are you talking about?" Oliver asks, with a bit of anxiety in his voice.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N I'd like to point out that this is still a fan fiction story. Although I'll always try to stay as close to reality as I can sometimes I'll changes things to fit into a story, this story in this case. So don't harass me if certain things in this chapter are in reality not possible. **

**I'd like to thank the readers for being concerned about my friends. It means a lot to me. Y'all are amazing.**

**Alright it seems like I'm on my game for th is story lately, another long chapter for y'all to read. As always please R+R.**

Chapter 37

"**Love is supreme and unconditional; like is nice but limited." - Duke Ellington.**

_Oliver looks at Alex and at Abby and back to Alex. While Abby hands over a white nameless binder to Alex._

"_Surprise? Paperwork? Alex what the hell are you talking about?" Oliver asks, with a bit of anxiety in his voice. _

"Relax Liv, I told you it's a nice surprise. Remember those papers you signed that day we went to precinct?" Alex asks, opening the binder and taking out some papers.

"Yes I do." Oliver answers slowly.

"Well, whether you go to rehab tomorrow or the day after that you'll be going officially being Oliver Alexander Benson." Alex says.

Alex smiles widely as she hands over the papers to Oliver, the legal document that states Oliver is now officially a male with the names Oliver Alexander Benson. Then the blonde takes a new passport and drivers license from the binder and hands them over to Oliver too. Oliver looks shocked from the paperwork to Alex, from Alex to the the paperwork again and back to the blonde ADA.

"What..how...when...really?" Oliver stutters stunned, before the widest smile Alex has ever seen on the Detective's face breaks through.

"Yes really. When we were waiting for you while you were in surgery, I remembered that I had the papers with me. I gave them to Abby and she went with them to Petrovsky the next morning. Now normally there would be three months for someone to object but since you, unfortunately and in this case fortunately, don't have any blood relatives they were able to speed up the process. Now normally you would need to sign for a new passport and drivers license, but since you were in a coma and you gave me power of attorney, I could sign the official documents and get you a temporarily passport and drivers license. When you are able to go and sign them yourself, you will get new ones, but until then these are legally binded." Alex answers.

"Wow. Thank you Lex and Abby. I don't know what to say. I'm so happy with this." Oliver chokes out.

"Ya don't need to thank me, Oli. It is a honor I could do this for ya." Abby says.

"It means so much for me. I can't believe it. I'm Oliver Alexander Benson now." Oliver almost squeals.

Abby, Jane and Alex laugh at seeing Oliver so happy. Oliver smiles at them all. A knock on the door interrupts their festivities. Dr. Bouchon and Dr. Chapman walk inside. Oliver picks up the papers and holds them up the best he can.

"Look Dr. Bouchon. My name is officially changed. I can go to rehab with my new name!" Oliver says happily.

Dr. Bouchon walks to Oliver and takes over the papers and quickly looks them over.

"Congratulations Detective. I'm happy for you and Alex. This is great news." Dr. Bouchon says sincerely.

"Thank you Dr." Oliver says smiling.

"Congratulations Detective Benson and Ms. Cabot of course. I agree with Dr. Bouchon, this is great news and I have more good news more for you. You are doing so well without the tube that I'm releasing you early tomorrow morning. Around 8 am you'll be brought to the Dr. Mastdi Rehabilitation Center in Manhattan." Dr. Chapman says.

"Thank you Dr. Chapman. Today turns out to be a very good day." Oliver smiles.

"That's great news. Thank you Dr. Chapman." Alex says, smiling too.

"Well if you ladies would leave the room for about 15 minutes, I'll check Detective Benson for the last time. Detective Rizzoli, you can stay of course if Detective Benson wants it." Dr. Bouchon says.

Oliver's face falls slightly at hearing that he's gonna be checked again. He hates it. Not only because of his scars from the shooting but also because he still has a female body. Especially now that he knows that he wants to go through the process.

"I'd like you to stay, Jane. If that's alright with you." Oliver says softly.

"Of course, Oli. What ever you need, I'll do it for you." Jane answers.

"I want to check you for the last time as well. Do you want me to wait until Dr. Bouchon is done with his examinations or for me to stay in your room too?" Dr. Chapman asks.

"I want for you to wait, Dr. Chapman." Oliver answers.

"Sure Detective. No problem. I'll be waiting at the nurse's station. Dr. Bouchon can call me when he's done." Dr. Chapman says.

Dr. Chapman and Abby leave the room. Alex stays for a moment, sensing that something is bothering her Detective.

"What's wrong, Liv?" Alex asks softly.

Oliver looks at Dr. Bouchon and Jane.

"Would you two mind waiting outside my room for a moment?" Oliver asks.

"Of course not." Dr. Bouchon answers.

"Take your time, Oliver." Jane answers.

Both Dr. Bouchon and Jane leave the room, making sure to close the door behind her.

"What is it, honey?" Alex asks, taking Oliver's hands in her own.

"I know he needs to do it but I really don't like it, Lex. Being raped...doesn't help either but I'm starting to hate my body more and more. Now that I know I want to do that surgery or surgeries actually, it's like feeling disgusted by my own body. It's not like I have the smallest breasts possible and they are bothering me. I would like to hide them, so that nobody can see them, so much. And now and probably at rehab too, I'll need to undress or be undressed in front of others." Oliver answers softly.

"Is there something I can do to help you now? Make it easier for you?" Alex asks.

"Last time Jane stayed with me because I didn't want you to see my scars. What I didn't think about then was that you probably have seen them every day for the two months I was in a coma. You wouldn't leave my side when they would be busy with the wounds or what ever else they needed to do. I thought of that afterwards. And although Jane doesn't judge me and was there for me, she isn't you. So maybe it would be good for you to be there this time. Maybe if I can see it with my own eyes that you're not disgusted by my body, it gets easier for me. It's ridiculous I know. Maybe we should forget about it and let Jane and Dr. Bouchon back inside." Oliver says, mumbling at the end and looking away.

Alex slowly raises her hand and cups Oliver's chin gently and turns his head back so he can look into the blonde's eyes.

"Liv, it's not ridiculous at all. If me being here can reassure you than I would love to stay with you here during their examinations. If that can help you than that's what we're doing. And I think that if you or I would explain it to Dr. Bouchon he'll understand it and work as quickly as he can and while being thorough at the same time. He seems to care about how things are for you, Liv." Alex says.

Oliver thinks about it for a moment or two.

"You are right. It seems like he honestly cares about it. Alright, could you explain it to him and Jane and then come back inside with him please, Lex?" Oliver asks.

"Of course, baby." Alex says.

The blonde ADA gets up from her chair and softly kisses Oliver on his lips. Alex then leaves the room to talk with the others before getting back inside with the Dr. Bouchon a couple of minutes later. Of course everyone understood it when Alex explained things. While Dr. Bouchon closes the curtains around Oliver's bed Alex sits down and squeezes Oliver's hand.

"Let's get started shall we? The sooner we start the sooner it's done." Dr. Bouchon asks.

"Yes please." Oliver answers.

When Dr. Bouchon is checking Oliver at first Alex looks at Oliver's body without allowing herself to feel something. She gazes at Oliver and sees the look in his eyes remembering what the Detective told her. That if she showed with her eyes what she's feeling when she looks at his body, it could help her fiancé. So when she looks back at Oliver's body for the second time she allows herself to roam her eyes over his upper body and stares at what she thinks are the most beautiful breasts in the world, no matter what Oliver thinks about them himself. Immediately Alex starts to get aroused seeing her fiancé's beautiful body. Taking a risk Alex doesn't hide what she feels when she looks back into Oliver's brown eyes and when he sees Alex's dilated pupils, and the love and hunger in the now dark blue eyes, the Detective swallows hard. There is no doubt left in how Alex thinks about his body. Despite how Oliver thinks about his body himself, it's gives him a good feeling seeing what it does to Alex. And instead of getting anxious, Oliver visibly relaxes. Alex is glad that she took the risk because now she knows what kind of treasure she just gave her fiancé.

Half an hour after Abby and Jane left Oliver's room the brunettes are back inside. They talk and tease each other a bit until Oliver starts to tire again. Abby promises that she'll bring Alex's car to the rehab facility before she goes to court. It turned out that the rehabilitation center wasn't that far from the courthouse, being about a 15 minute walk. Alex goes with Oliver in the ambulance that will transfer the Detective to rehab. After Abby and Jane left Oliver and Alex are taking a nap, the same way they always did in the hospital and the same way they would fall asleep at night, with Oliver's head on Alex's shoulder. After dinner a nurse bathes Oliver on his bed. Normally that would be in the morning but because he had been in surgery this morning he is being washed in the early evening right after dinner. When he was done Alex crawled back into bed with Oliver and they would talk for a little while before they went to sleep. Well Oliver slept, Alex would read for a couple of hours before the blonde would go to sleep too. They had done it from the first day since Olivier was awake again.

**Tuesday morning 7:30 AM**

Dr. Bouchon knocks on Oliver's door for the last time and walks inside.

"Good morning Detective. Good morning Alex. So Detective, are you ready to leave the hospital?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

"Good morning Dr. Bouchon. What do you think yourself? Hell ya, I'm ready!" Oliver answers.

"Good morning Dr. Bouchon." Alex says.

"Could you do me one favor, Detective?" Dr. Bouchon asks.

"Depends on what it is." Oliver answers.

"Don't come back here anytime soon, please." Dr. Bouchon says.

Alex can't help herself and burst out in laughter.

"Detective Rizzoli was right, Alex gets our votes for sainthood. I can honestly say that I've never met anyone as stubborn and hard headed as you are Detective. And I'm pretty sure I'll never meet anyone like you again." Dr. Bouchon says.

"I hate hospitals. And don't worry about me coming back soon, not if I can help it." Oliver says.

"That's an understatement. But there something else I want to tell you. I'm going to be honest with the both of you. You're a miracle Detective. You are a fighter and you haven beaten the odds. Truthfully, I didn't expect you to live. I've never seen a patient survive a shooting like yours before. After the surgery you had before that I really thought I was going to lose you on the table and when that didn't happen, that infection set in and I thought that you wouldn't make it. The road to recovery might be a long one, but I'm convinced you'll succeed and that in the future, you'll be back keeping this city safe. Don't let anyone make you believe otherwise. I'm proud of you Oliver. I wish you all the best and don't let go of this blonde angel you have at your side." Dr. Bouchon says.

"Thank you. Oh and you don't have to worry about that, Dr. Bouchon. I'll never let Alex go." Oliver says.

"I'm gonna ask you a question and I want an honest answer on it Dr. Bouchon." Alex says.

"Alright, I promise I'll tell you the truth." Dr. Bouchon says.

"With what you just said I want to know what his chances really were in your opinion. What did you really give him after he was shot?" Alex asks.

"I didn't give him any chance at all but if I had to give you a percentage, I would say about five percent. But again, I would like to point out that I really think that your Detective can recover completely." Dr. Bouchon answers.

It was silent for a minute. Alex and Oliver both needed time to get their minds around the Dr.'s answers. They both had known that Oliver had been close to not surviving the shooting but they didn't expect it was that bad.

"Thank you Dr. Bouchon, for your honesty. I truly appreciate it." Alex says a bit emotional.

"Your fiancé is a tough cop, I understand why his nickname is Detective Badass. I also know that he'll always protect you, with his life as it turns out. You don't have to worry about him anymore, Alex. The worst is over and he really is ready for rehab. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, this is gonna be difficult for him and he'll need to work very hard but it's going to be alright." Dr. Bouchon says reassuring Alex.

"I told you he is tough and a fighter. I never have met anyone as strong as Liv." Alex says with a smile.

"Hey, I'm still here you know. There's nothing wrong with my ears or anything else inside my head!" Oliver says.

Alex and Dr. Bouchon shake their heads.

"Here is the paperwork for your release. Good luck with him in rehab, Ms. Cabot. If you don't have any questions left for me Detective, I'll get out of your hair." Dr. Bouchon says, handing over the paperwork to Alex.

"Har, har, very funny. Really it's hilarious." Oliver says sarcastically.

Due to the shot that grazed his head and the swelling in his brains, they had to shave his head and Oliver didn't have a single hair left.

Dr. Bouchon holds out his hand to Oliver and shakes the Detective's hand.

"Good bye Detective. Try to behave yourself in rehab." Dr. Bouchon says winking with his eyebrows.

Oliver just glares at him not wanting to get in argument with Alex for chewing the Doctor's ass off again. Dr. Bouchon turns to Alex and shakes the blonde's hand too.

"Good bye Ms. Cabot." Dr. Bouchon says.

"Thank you for everything Dr. Bouchon." Alex says.

"No need to thank me. He's worth it." Dr. Bouchon says and with that he leaves the room.

**8:30 AM Dr. Mastdi Rehabilitation Center.**

Alex and Oliver are waiting in front of Oliver's new psychologist's office, A Dr. Olsen. For an introductory meeting. They are waited about five minutes when the door opens and a blonde woman around Oliver's age steps outs from her office.

"Good morning Mr. Benson. I'm Dr. Kim Olsen. I'm sorry I kept you waiting. Please come inside." Dr. Olsen says.

Alex pushes Oliver's wheelchair inside the office.

"It's **Detective **Benson and this is my fiancé **ADA** Alexandra Cabot." Oliver says firmly.

"My apologies, Detective, Counselor." Dr. Olsen apologizes.

Alex glares at Oliver before she looks at the blonde Doctor.

"I'm sorry Dr. Olsen, apparently my fiancé left his manners at the hospital." Alex says.

"It's alright, Ms. Cabot. Let's get started shall we?" Dr. Olsen asks.

Both Alex and Oliver nods.

"Let's start with your schedule Detective. Every Monday you'll have a medical check up with Dr. Cason. She is also the head of your team and the person who makes the decisions about you physically. This week will be slightly different. Thursday you are scheduled for a swallow test and afterwards Dr. Cason will see you to discus the results with you. But normally you will see her every Monday. Every morning you'll have PT and every afternoon except for Monday you have a therapy session with me or Dr. Mast. She's your trauma psychologist. For now you have three sessions a week with me and one with Dr. Mast. After your therapy you will be staying at your room. You have a personal nurse looking after you until you go to sleep at night. In the weekend you'll follow the program we have for weekends. In the morning you'll have PT and in the afternoon the weekend program unless you have a visitor or visitors. Today you'll start with a shorter PT session than normal since you just arrived. And this afternoon we'll start with our sessions. This week you start with your trauma therapy on Friday but from next week on that will be on Thursday. We have made sure to include a schedule an information about how your week will be for you both to have. Now I've read your medical file so I know what happened and for now we'll let it rest. What I would like to discus now is your support network. It's important for every patient to have a support network of a partner, when there is one, family and friends. Besides your fiancé do you have support from others, Detective?" Dr. Olsen asks.

"Yes. My squad and Captain, two other ADA's who are also friends. One of our friends recently joined my squad too, Alex's Godmother and Alex's parents. Maybe Alex's brothers and sisters too. That's about it, I think. Alex, did I forget anyone?" Oliver asks.

"No I don't think so. But my brothers and sister aren't a 'maybe' Liv. Your family to them so they certainly support you too." Alex answers.

"Than this is my support network, Dr. Olsen." Oliver says.

"I notice you didn't name any relatives of yours Detective. Is there a reason why you didn't name any?" Dr. Olsen asks.

Oliver's face drops and he looks at Alex.

"Did I say something wrong?" Dr. Olsen asks.

Oliver looks pleadingly at Alex. The blonde ADA nods at Oliver and answers for the Detective.

"You didn't say something wrong necessarily. It's just that it's a difficult subject for Liv. My fiancé doesn't have relatives Dr. Olsen. He doesn't have family. That's why he didn't name any, there's no one to name." Alex answers.

"I'm sorry, Detective Benson, Ms. Cabot. I didn't know. I wouldn't have asked it if I had known this." Dr. Olsen apologizes.

"It's alright Dr. Olsen. You couldn't have known it. I don't like to talk about it so could we change the subject please." Oliver answers.

"Yes of course. Well it seems that you have a great network to support you. Use them for support when you need to. Your fiancé can visit you every day if you would like it. Now normally family and friends mostly visit patients in the weekend. However, with your kind of job or mostly theirs, I understand that is not always possible and therefore they are allowed to visit you during the week too. But only one or two at a time. Therapy is going to be exhausting for you and you'll need and probably want your rest during the week. At least for the first couple of weeks, I think. Now if you don't have any questions for now, I suggest you go back to your room and Ms. Martinez, your PT therapist will get you there for your first session in about twenty minutes. And I'll see you this afternoon at one pm Detective. Ms. Cabot, you may stay with Detective Benson until Ms. Martinez arrives if you'd like." Dr. Olsen says.

"I don't have any questions at this moment. I don't know about Alex. She usually have a thousand questions before she's satisfied." Oliver smiles.

"If Oliver passes the swallowing test what will happen next?" Alex asks, ignoring Oliver's teasing.

"Well that's up to Dr. Cason. Normally a patient will be transported to the hospital to remove the tube the next day and will get pureed food until they can switch over to normal food. But like I said that's up to Dr. Cason." Dr. Olsen answers.

"Right. I would like an appointment with Dr. Cason then. I do have another question for you if you don't mind." Alex says.

"I could arrange that you can be present this Thursday at Detective Benson's appointment with Dr. Cason if you'd like and if Detective Benson agrees with it of course." Dr. Olsen says, looking at Oliver for an answer.

"It's alright with me. If you don't arrange it, I'm sure that Alex will arrange an appointment with Dr. Cason herself and trust me when I say that she'll manage to get that appointment." Oliver answers.

"I don't think it will be a problem. I'll make the arrangement with Dr. Cason. Now you said you had another question for me, Ms. Cabot?" Dr. Olsen asks.

"Yes. I'm sure you are aware of Oliver's process toward transition. Does he get help for that here too?" Alex asks.

"That's a good question. Yes, I'll personally take care of that myself, Ms. Cabot. We, the team that is, think that's it's an important part of your recovery Detective Benson, so you will get all the help we can give you. I'm specialized in rehabilitation after a shooting but before I became a specialist in this I was a psychologist for the gender team in a hospital in LA. So I'm sure I can give all the help you both need with Detective Benson's process. And between the three of us, my wife has been gone through the process too. I'm not ashamed of this but it's not something I usually talk about outside my private life." Dr. Olsen answers.

"Thank you for sharing it with us, Dr. Olsen. I'm glad that Oliver will get the help he needs with his process. I understand your point. Personally I'm very proud of Oliver for doing this but I agree with you that it's not a subject you talk about very often. If asked I will talk about it, with his permission of course, but not if it's not necessary." Alex says.

"I'm just very lucky to have a woman like Alex." Oliver says.

"I'm sure you both are lucky to have each other. Now do you have more questions for me Ms. Cabot? I don't want to be rude but I think it's time to go back to Detective Benson's room." Dr. Olsen asks.

"No for now I don't have more questions. Thank you for your time Dr. Olsen." Alex answers.

"Very well. I'll see you at one pm, Detective Benson. I'm sure I'll see soon again Ms. Cabot." Dr. Olsen says.

Alex and Oliver say their goodbye's and go back to Oliver's room to wait for his therapist to come and get him. Oliver is getting more nervous. The new environment, new Doctor's and nurses, new therapists and a new room. And Alex not staying with him all the time anymore. All of this makes Oliver nervous and insecure. Alex does the best she can to calm down and comfort Oliver and by the time his therapist arrives Oliver is a bit calmer. They all get introduced with each other and Alex promised that she would come back later that afternoon. Ms. Martinez pushes Oliver's wheelchair out of his room as Alex leaves. Ms. Martinez notices that Oliver is quite nervous and makes the mistake of laying down her hand on Oliver's shoulder and squeezes it. Oliver already on the edge went straight into a flashback and screams.

"ALEX. ALEX. ALEX. NOOO NOT ALEX."


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N I know this chapter is not that long comparing to the last ones but I didn't want y'all to wait too long now that I was able to write again. This story ain't done by far. So y'all can expect a lot more chapters coming as long as I'm able to write and post them.**

Chapter 38

"**My love, there's only you in my life. The only thing that's right." - Lionel Richie.**

Dr. Olsen, who's office is on the same floor as Oliver's room, hears Oliver screaming and quickly walks out of her office towards Oliver and a shocked Alicia Martinez. She immediately sees what's going on and tries to relax Oliver and get him out of his flashback without any luck of course. Oliver's flashback only gets worse. Alex who was about to step into the elevator hears Oliver scream and runs back to Oliver's floor. She pushes impatiently on the button for the electric doors and runs through them as soon as she fits through them. Arriving at the scene she sees Dr. Olsen trying to get Oliver out of his flashback. By now Oliver is trying to get his arms up to protect himself and is shaking in his wheelchair.

"Let me handle this. You won't get him out of it and will only make it worse. Help me to get him into his bed." Alex says sternly but with a soft voice, walking Oliver back to his room.

Dr. Olsen wants to object but Alex fixes the Doctor with her infamous glare. Quickly but carefully Dr. Olsen and Alex get Oliver out of his chair and into his bed. Immediately Alex climbs onto the bed and behind Oliver. Then the blonde pulls Oliver against her body and softly starts talking to her fiancé.

"It's alright Liv. You're safe now. I'm safe. Nobody is going to hurt me. It's over sweetie. Listen to my voice, Liv." Alex says softly.

As soon as Alex pulls Oliver against her and talks to him, the Detective stops shaking.

"That's it baby. Keep listening to my voice and try to take a deep breath. Everything is alright." Alex says, knowing Oliver can hear her.

Slowly Oliver is getting out of his flashback. Alex keeps talking to the Detective until his breath is back to normal again. Alex carefully climbs from behind Oliver and lowers the Detective back onto his pillow with his head.

"I'm going to have a talk with Dr. Olsen and Alicia outside your room. I'll leave the door open, alright? I promise I'll be right back." Alex asks softly.

"Come back soon please, promise you won't leave me." Oliver answers with a tiny voice.

"I'll promise I'll be back soon. Don't worry honey, I'll never leave you." Alex says softly.

"Alright." Oliver whispers.

Alex kisses Oliver on his forehead and motions Dr. Olsen to come with her outside the room where Alicia is still standing. Alex leaves the door open enough so that Oliver can see her. Then the blonde ADA turns to the Doctor and therapist and they walk about ten feet away from Oliver's room.

"What the hell happened here?" Alex asks sternly.

"I saw Detective Benson was nervous and I wanted to reassure him so I laid down my hand on his shoulder and squeezed him softly. He stiffened and I tried to talk to him to calm him down but he started to scream. Dr. Olsen came over to us and tried to calm him down but he pulled back, tried to raise his arms and started to shake. Then you came back running to us." Alicia says.

Alex turns to Dr. Olsen.

"Dr. Olsen is everyone on my fiancé's team aware of what happened to him? Did each member read his file?" Alex asks.

"Yes, Ms. Cabot. Everyone has a copy of Detective Benson's file." Dr. Olsen answers.

"Ms. Martinez, did you read Oliver's file?" Alex asks.

"Call me Alicia please. Yes I have." Alicia answers.

Alex isn't pleased hearing that the therapist read the file and still touched Oliver from behind.

"So you know that my fiancé has been assaulted twice in two weeks and on top of that he was shot 6 times?" Alex asks sternly.

"Yes Ms. Cabot." Alicia answers.

Alex is now starting to get angry. Oliver's flashback could have been prevented and wouldn't have happened if Alicia didn't made physical contact with the Detective.

"Then what in the hell were you thinking when you touched my fiancé from behind, **Ms. Martinez**?!" Alex asks angrily, deliberately calling the therapist by her last name.

"I only wanted to comfort him. I didn't think it would be a problem. I didn't know he would freak..." Alicia answers.

Alex has had it now and interrupts Alicia.

"How stupid are you?! How do you think you would have reacted when a complete stranger touched you, squeezed your shoulder from behind after you had been assaulted and shot?! And for your information my fiancé didn't freak out. Thanks to your reckless behavior my fiancé had a flashback. Because of your carelessness and stupidity, you thought it was alright to touch a survivor of a heinous crime and by doing so, sent my fiancé into a flashback and he will be plagued with nightmares **if** he sleeps at all. You made things worse and you call yourself a God damn therapist!" Alex growls.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cabot. I really am." Alicia says softly.

"Ms. Cabot, I understand your anger but getting pissed off at Ms. Martinez doesn't help the situation we are in now with Detective Benson." Dr. Olsen says trying to defuse the situation.

"I'm not pissed off, yet. Trust me when I truly am pissed off you will notice. Anyway, I'm not leaving Oliver alone after his therapy sessions or at night. I made a promise to Liv and I'm intend to keep it." Alex says.

"Ms. Cabot I know you are worried about Detective Benson. But you can't stay here every night. It's against our policy. Tonight won't be a problem and maybe one night in the weekend, but that's all you can have." Dr. Olsen says.

"I don't think so. I'm staying here as long as Oliver wants me to stay here be it day, night, weekday or weekend, policy or not. Do I make myself clear?" Alex asks sternly..

"With all due respect, you don't make that decision, Ms. Cabot. You can't stay here more than two nights." Dr. Olsen answers.

"Get your director Dr. Mastdi here now and we'll see if I make that decision or not." Alex counters.

"I'm not going to disturb Dr. Mastdi for this and before you ask Ms. Martinez, save yourself the energy she isn't going to get him neither." Dr. Olsen says firmly.

"Fine. If you don't want to get him here, I'll make him come here myself." Alex says with her courtroom voice, pulling out her cellphone from her purse.

Alex scrolls through her phone book and dials the director's number.

"Dr. Mastdi, it's Alex Cabot. Are you here in the rehab center?" Alex asks.

…...

"It won't take long." Alex says.

…...

"I don't give a damn, Dinand. This will take only a couple of minutes. I want you on the second floor in front of room 32, that's my fiancé's room. Blame your staff, they screwed it up. Get your ass over here now!" Alex says with an ice cold voice and end the calls.

Alex turns back to Dr. Olsen and Alicia.

"You thought that I was pissed off a few minutes ago when I wasn't, Dr. Olsen. Watch what I'm going to do if I am pissed off. Which I will be if he doesn't give me what I want." Alex says.

"You don't really think that Dr. Mastdi listens and come down here do you, Ms. Cabot?" Dr. Olsen asks slightly irritated.

"If he knows what's good for him he does." Alex answers.

3 minutes later an irritated looking man walks through the electronic doors and towards Alex, Dr. Olsen and Alicia.

"It better be damn important that you would demand me to get my ass over here Alex." Dr. Mastdi says.

"I would change my tone if I were you Dinand. I'll keep it short. Your physical therapist, Ms. Martinez here made a major mistake which caused Detective Benson, my fiancé, a flashback. Which will be followed by nightmares. They couldn't pull him out of it but I could, I always can. To the point, I told Dr. Olsen that I'm staying here as long as my fiancé wants me to stay during the nights. Or as long as I think it's necessary. Dr. Olsen said that I can't stay here. I'm not leaving him alone here after his therapy sessions and during the night." Alex explains.

"Dr. Olsen is right. I'm sorry Alex, it's nothing personal. It's against our policy." Dr. Mastdi says.

"I can't change your mind?" Alex asks, in a warning tone.

Dr. Mastdi recognizes Alex's tone but decides not to listen to it. He knows what she's capable of but makes the mistake, probably, with thinking she wouldn't push it too far.

"I don't think so. Like I said, it's not personal, it's our business policy." Dr. Mastdi answers.

"Alright, than I'm getting Oliver away from here and take him home with me." Alex answers.

Alex turns around and wants to walk back to the door of Oliver's room but the blonde changes her mind and she turns back and looks Dr. Mastdi straight into his eyes.

"Oh and Dinand, don't expect my donation of a 150.000 dollars, you receive twice a year, next month. It's nothing personal just business policy. My foundation doesn't donate to facilities that don't act in their patients' best interests." Alex says coldly.

Alex turns around and walks in the direction of Oliver's room.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N It may take a little while before I post a new chapter after this one. I need to write a chapter for another story first before I can continue with this story and focus only at this story because that's what y'all deserve. That's what this story deserves. I try to update it ASAP though. **

**Enjoy reading this chapter. **

Chapter 39

"**Now I've had the time of my life. No I never felt like this before. Yes I swear, it's the truth and I own all to you." - Bill Medley.**

"_Oh and Dinand, don't expect my donation of a 150.000 dollars, you receive twice a year, next month. It's nothing personal just business policy. My foundation doesn't donate to facilities that don't act in their patients' best interests." Alex says coldly._

_Alex turns around and walks in the direction of Oliver's room._

The moment Alex turns around Dinand Mastdi knows he pushed it too far.

"Alex?" Dr. Mastdi pleads.

Alex turns around just in front of Oliver's room.

"You can't change my mind Dinand. All things I did voluntarily for this center ends now. No more legal advice, no more talking with patients. You'll receive my letter before the end of the week. You're lucky that I won't do anything else. I'm sure you know what I mean. Now I believe you have a meeting in 8 minutes. We'll be out of here between half an hour and an hour." Alex answers with her courtroom voice.

Alex turns around and walks into Oliver's room closing the door behind her. Dinand shakes his head defeated. He knows it will be a cold day in hell before he can make the blonde ADA change her mind. After Alex closed the door Dinand walks away knowing there is nothing he can do and he does have a meeting in 8 minutes. Dr. Olsen and Alicia are just standing there both are shocked to hear how much Alex donated to their rehab and the things she did for their rehab. Dr. Olsen didn't even know that the blonde had talked with patients. Although it was against their policy and their earlier opinion was negatively, both the psychologist and physical therapist are thinking now that their Director should have made an exception. While Alicia walks away too, Dr. Olsen thinks for a moment and then walks to Oliver's room, knocks on the door and opens it.

"Ms. Cabot, I know I was rather hostile a few minutes ago and that you probably don't want to talk to me but I have proposition for the both of you. Could I have a moment of your time, please?" Dr. Olsen asks.

Alex turns around to tell the Doctor to get out of Oliver's room but she sees that Dr. Olsen is serious about this. Alex looks at Oliver and he nods at his fiancé.

"Alright, you have 3 minutes Dr. Olsen." Alex answers.

"Thank you, Ms. Cabot and Detective Benson. I'd like to help the both of you with your recovery Detective Benson and have sessions with you on the same basis you would have had here, in my own time at your own place. And if necessary with you Ms. Cabot or the both of you. I could visit you after my day here has ended. I think that after what happened you don't want to go to another facility and want Detective Benson to recover at a familiar place. If I'm wrong and you do want to search for another facility I'd like to offer my help until you find another place and start there. I understand it if you reject my proposition and you don't have to answer immediately of course." Dr. Olsen says.

Both Alex and Oliver are surprised by the offer from Dr. Olsen. But they see that the blonde Doctor means what she offers. Alex is also surprised that Dr. Olsen seems to read them well because the blonde ADA indeed doesn't want Oliver to go to another facility.

"It's Oliver's decision to make. But let me ask you something first. Why the offer? What made you change your mind?" Alex asks.

"You reminded me of myself. I have been in a similar situation with my wife and I did the same thing you are doing now, taking her home. That's why I made the offer and changed my mind. When you walked away I thought about it. That I did the same thing I mean." Dr. Olsen answers.

"This could get you in trouble here at the rehab. I don't think your wife will be pleased with that." Oliver says.

"My wife would have kicked my ass if I didn't offer it, like you would have done if the roles would be turned around, Detective. As for getting in trouble with my job here, I wouldn't worry about that. I have been thinking of having a private practice for a while, now is as good as another time. You see Ms. Cabot your letter isn't the only letter Dr. Mastdi will receive on his desk this week. He will have my resignation letter on his desk too before the end of the week. This is not your fault if you might think that. You actually did me a favor and remind me of my own values. The things that are important in my own eyes." Dr. Olsen says.

"Well in that case, if Alex is alright with it I'd like to take your offer. I'm a cop, I don't like psychologists but I have a good feeling with you Dr. Olsen." Oliver answers.

"Don't you all. There are two things all cops hate no matter what rank they have. Psychologists and shrinks, as you call them, and lawyers. My wife married a psychologist and you're marrying a lawyer. I don't think I need to say more." Dr. Olsen smiles.

Alex and Oliver both smile too. They have feeling they'll getting along with the Doctor, now knowing the things they have in common.

"I already said it would be Oliver's choice so I'm fine with it. Now if you would excuse us, I have arrangements I need to make." Alex says.

"Of course, I can visit the both of after my day is finished to discus things further." Dr. Olsen says.

"That's alright." Alex says.

The blonde writes down their address and hands it over at Dr. Olsen.

"At what time can we expect a visit from you Dr. Olsen?" Alex asks.

Dr. Olsen looks down on the paper with Alex's address.

"Is 5.30 pm alright?" Dr. Olsen asks.

Alex looks at Oliver before answering.

"Yes that's fine. See you then Dr. Olsen." Alex answers.

"Alright, I'll be there. Good bye Detective Benson, Ms. Cabot." Dr. Olsen says.

They both greet the Doctor and then Dr. Olsen leaves Oliver's room. After the Doctor left Alex immediately calls Cragen and asks if he could miss Jane for an hour or two, to get Oliver home. She tells what happened without going into details and Cragen says it's alright and that Jane will be on her way in a couple of minutes. While they wait for Jane to arrive, Alex calls Liz to tell her they're going home and explains what happened. Liz is angry of course and tells her she'll visit them later or tomorrow. Just when Alex hangs up there's a knock on the door and Jane walks inside.

"Are you alright, Oli?" Jane asks.

"Hello and good morning to you too, Jane. And yes I'm alright thanks to the Ice Queen." Oliver answers.

The Detective squeezes the blonde ADA's hand to let her know he's joking. He never did and never will call her Ice Queen and mean it. Jane frowns her eyebrows, for some unknown reason they never told her that it's one of Alex's less flattering nicknames.

"Good morning The Ice Queen? Who is that?" Jane asks.

"I am. It's what they call me behind my back, most of the times. Sometimes it's Ice Princess. Liv was joking now. He would never call me that seriously. As far as I know he never did call me it not even once. In fact I can tell ya a few stories about some beat cops that did call me that and were so stupid to do it in Oliver's presence. I can assure you they probably never did it again. And no I won't tell about it now." Alex answers.

"You guys never told me that and I haven't heard it at the precinct neither. What is it with ADA's and nicknames in this city. Yours is the Ice Queen or Ice Princess, Abs is called the Pit bull. What's Casey's nickname?" Jane asks.

"She hasn't one 'officially' but Texas Oil call her The Hitman. I think she earned that name in the time she played softball." Alex smiles.

"Before you ask who that is, that are Abby and I. Abs came up with it as a joke but it seems like it sticks." Oliver says.

"Alright enough talking about nicknames. How about we go home? Jane did you get the key of my car at the reception desk and which one is it?" Alex asks.

"Yes your Highness." Jane jokes taking a bow.

"It's the Volvo." Jane says.

Oliver snickers when Jane makes the joke, Alex just rolls her eyes.

"Oh nice, I can lay down in the back seat." Oliver reacts.

"I'm glad Abs took this car too. Well, let's get you in the wheelchair and get out of here." Alex answers.

Alex quickly packs the few things she had unpacked earlier and then she and Jane help Oliver in the wheelchair and leave his room. At the reception desk are the resigning papers for Oliver and after signing them the three are ready to go. When they arrive at Alex's car they position the wheelchair so that Oliver can get easier in the car with some help from Jane. In the mean time Alex brings back the wheelchair inside. She ordered one at their apartment two days ago and Abby stayed there yesterday for the delivery. When the blonde attorney comes back at the Volvo Oliver and Jane are already in the car, Alex gets into the driver's seat and starts the car. She drives home slower and more careful then normal since Oliver is lying down on the backseat. Half an hour after they left the rehab center, Alex pushes Oliver in the wheelchair into the foyer of the apartment building, where Oliver is greeted by Jake and Hector, the doorman and security guard.

"Good morning Detective Benson, Ms. Cabot. Detective, it's good to see you again." Jake says.

"Good morning and thank you Jake." Oliver answers.

"Good morning Jake." Alex says.

When they get to the elevator, Hector gets from behind his desk and walks to Oliver and gives the Detective a hand.

"Good morning, Detective. It's nice to have you back here. I hope you're recover soon. Good morning Ms. Cabot." Hector says.

"Good morning, Hector. It's nice to be back. And that makes two of us." Oliver answers.

"Good morning, Hector." Alex smiles.

Hector turns to Jane and nods at the Italian Detective.

"Good morning Detective Rizzoli." Hector says.

"Good morning, Hector." Jane says.

Alex and Oliver raise an eyebrow but they didn't say something. Hector walks back to his desk and Alex, Oliver and Jane are getting into the elevator and to the top floor of the building where the couples apartment is. After the two women settled down Oliver in the bedroom Jane goes back to the precinct. Abby and she would visit Alex and Oliver after the Detective's shift was over and she picked up Abby. When Oliver finally falls asleep, exhausted due to this morning events, Alex tip toes out of the guest room, leaving the door open so she can hear Oliver and walks from the hallway into the living room. They had decided to stay downstairs in guest room there as long as Oliver wasn't able to walk upstairs to the master bedroom. She sits down on the couch and looks on her watch and decides to call her parents at their home. Alexander and Caroline are furious when they hear what happened. And Alexander asks if she is going to sue them. Alex says to him that she isn't going to sue them and explains what she did do and what they are going to do for Oliver's recovery. After Alex talked with her parents she calls the trauma psychologist and Dr. Bouchon. The psychologist wasn't available but she would call back as soon as she could. Alex explained to Dr. Bouchon what happened at the rehab and why she brought Oliver home. Dr. Bouchon promised he would made an appointment for tomorrow morning at the hospital for a swallow test and that he would personally look at the test and would reserve some time in his schedule for the afternoon to remove the tube should the test go right. He also gave Alex a number for a private nurse that the blonde ADA could call. He would call back when he had arranged things.

Later that afternoon Alex and Oliver talked with Dr. Olsen, who was half an hour to early at their apartment, about what they are going to do. Oliver was lying on Alex's lap with his head and with his body on the couch. It turned out that the Doctor lives closer to the vacation house of Alex's parents in the Hampton's then to their apartment so Alex quickly and shortly called her father and asked if Oliver and she could stay at the house during Oliver's recovery. Of course Alexander said it was alright. Dr. Olsen, Alex and Oliver agreed that they would go to the house the day after tomorrow should everything go right tomorrow. The trauma psychologist had agreed to visit them there once a week until Oliver would be ready to travel more and then they would visit her office and go back to the Hampton's. She would come to Oliver on Friday this week and they would make a new appointment then for the next week. They also found a good PT therapist that would come there every day and a private nurse that was willing to stay at the house in the Hampton's as long as it was necessary. Dr. Olsen stayed for 20 minutes and they had made a plan for Oliver's recovery. She would come tomorrow afternoon for a first and short session with Oliver, either at their apartment or the hospital depending on where Oliver would be. And from Thursday she would visit the Detective in the Hampton's and they would start with a full session. Now Alex and Oliver are waiting for Jane and Abby to arrive. Oliver is lying on Alex's lap with his head as they are on the couch.

"I know I will curse her and be a pain in her ass but I don't know what it is that makes me thrust her." Oliver says.

"I'm sure you will be. I would be surprised if you wouldn't be a pain in her ass and make it hard for her to work with you at times. It's a good thing that you thrust her though. And I trust her too. She seems to know what she's doing and there are a few things we have in common. Maybe that is what makes you thrust her." Alex says.

"At least she knows what it is she gets herself in to, as she's married to a cop. Although she'll find out soon enough that I'm probably the most stubborn person she ever met." Oliver smirks.

"Oliver Benson, I know it's hard but behave yourself. You don't have to push her to her limits. I'm sure she can handle a lot but I doubt she'll have the same influence on you as I have. Not to mention that I'm probably one of the few if not the only that can win an argument from you. I know she'll piss you off at times but it would be nice if you don't make her run." Alex answers.

"Something else. We still need to choose a date for our wedding day. Now that I'm going to get therapy I hope it won't be too long from now until I can walk and stand on my own feet without support." Oliver says, changing the subject.

"We're not, let me rephrase that. You're not going to rush things and push yourself to hard. But you're right. We need to pick a date. Did you have something in mind?" Alex asks smiling down at Oliver.

"How fast can your mom prepare a wedding?" Oliver asks.

"Well if we want her to be reasonable and listening to our wishes I'd say the minimum is about 6 to 8 weeks." Alex answers.

"I have a date in mind but it's under 8 weeks from now." Oliver says.

"I know you didn't pick that day, whenever it is, without a reason. Wanna tell why or what for?" Alex asks.

Oliver smiles while he looks up into the most beautiful blue eyes he has ever seen.

"Lex, do you remember the first time we did something together, just the two of us?" Oliver asks.

"Yes I do. We went for a drink after the Cleary case." Alex answers.

"That's right. I already had fallen in love with you by then and to me it was the first date we went on, I know it wasn't a date but to me it felt like it was. It was Friday November the 3rd." Oliver says softly.

"To me it was a date too, Liv. I was head over heels in love with you. The reason why we went to get a drink was horrible but I still enjoyed it because I was alone with you at last." Alex smiles.

"I was happy that I could ask you for a drink without anyone around us when I asked you. So to me that date is very special. For a good reason, like you said the reason why we went for a drink wasn't but the time we spent together was that's why it's a good reason and why it's special to me." Oliver smiles shyly.

"It is special to me too. It's the perfect date to get married, Liv." Alex answers and leans down to briefly kiss her fiancé.

After Alex pulled back Oliver takes her hand and intertwined their fingers.

"So Alexandra Laura Cabot, will you marry me a little under 7 weeks from now on the 3rd of November?" Oliver asks.

"Yes Oliver Alexander Benson. I will marry you on the 3rd of November and become Mrs. Benson." Alex answers softly.

Just when Alex leans down to kiss Oliver again there's a knock on the front door.

"Sorry babe, that kiss needs to wait." Alex says, while she carefully lift Oliver a bit so she can get up.

"It's alright. We have enough time for that later, Counselor." Oliver says, smiling at Alex.

Alex quickly takes a thick pillow and lays it under Oliver's head against the arm of the couch. Then the blonde walks to the door and looks through the spy hole. She knows who are there but still she does it to be sure and because she knows Oliver wants her to do it. After looking through the spy hole she opens the door.

"Abs, Jane come in." Alex says, and steps aside.

Jane steps inside, Abby stays on the doorstep.

"Jane and I have a surprise for you. We found someone and brought them with us." Abby smiles.

Alex had walked back into the living room to let Jane and Abby walk inside, so the blonde ADA couldn't see who was coming form around the corner. Of course Oliver couldn't see it too from the couch in the living room. However, the Detective hears a pair of heels clicking. He would recognizes this sound and rhythm anywhere just like he would with Alex. He knows exactly who walks into their apartment.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N I'm sorry for the delay. I'm still dealing with a writer's block. Which makes it very difficult to write at all at times. I just want y'all to know that I will continue writing this story. It can take a while between posting chapters but I won't stop before it's finished. **

**I want to thank everyone who sticks with me and this story. It means a lot to me. **

**For now I'll be only writing for this story, write a epilogue for Runaway and maybe write a one shot once in a while until I'm back in the saddle so to speak. **

**TRIGGER WARNING!: This chapter can be hard for some of ya. There's no violence in this chapter though. But it ain't the happiest or most sun shining chapter of this story so far.**

**Back to this story, I hope y'all do like this chapter. **

**As always, please R+R.**

Chapter 40

_Alex had walked back into the living room to let Jane and Abby walk inside, so the blonde ADA couldn't see who was coming form around the corner. Of course Oliver couldn't see it too from the couch in the living room. However, the Detective hears a pair of heels clicking. He would recognizes this sound and rhythm anywhere just like he would with Alex. He knows exactly who walks into their apartment._

Casey walks into the hallway with Amanda right behind her.

"Oliver Alexander Benson, ya have been holding out on me, on us. You're gonna pay Detective Benson. You're gonna pay for that." Amanda hollered into the apartment.

Standing in the door opening from the hallway to the living room Jane sees the look on Oliver's face and immediately recognizes what it means. The brunette Detective steps into the hallway stopping the three women from entering the apartment further.

"Stay here and don't come inside!" Jane demands.

Without waiting for answer Jane walks into the living room and closes the door behind her, leaving three shocked women behind in the hallway. In the 10 seconds that Jane been away Oliver had whispered to Alex to help him in the wheelchair and get him to their temporarily bedroom downstairs. Alex had just pulled the wheelchair to the couch when Jane comes back. The two of them help Oliver to get up from the couch and into the wheelchair and then Alex brings the Detective to their bedroom. When the blonde attorney disappeared into the corridor towards their bedroom. Jane walks back to the hallway and opens the door and steps aside to let the three confused women inside. When they are inside they don't see Alex or Oliver.

"What's going here, honey? Where are Alex and Oli?" Abby asks.

"Let's say that what Amanda just hollered wasn't the smartest thing to say. That's all I'm gonna say about it. Alex and Oliver are in the bedroom now." Jane answers.

Abby having an idea of what went wrong nods at her girlfriend.

"Well let's take a seat and wait till Alex and Oli are coming back. In the mean time I'll make some coffee." Abby says.

Casey walks to the chair on the left next to the couch and Amanda sits down on the chair on the right side. Jane walks to the dining table and gets a chair and places it next to the chair in front of the coffee table across the couch. Abby had walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. A few minutes later Alex walks back into the living room.

"I'm sorry but it doesn't look like Liv is coming out of the bedroom soon." Alex says.

"I'm sorry Alex. I didn't mean to cause any trouble." Amanda apologizes.

"I know Amanda. You didn't do it on purpose." Alex says.

"Where is Abby?" Alex asks, looking around.

"She's in the kitchen making coffee. I'm going to Oli." Jane answers as she stands up.

"You can try but he said he wanted to be alone for awhile." Alex answers.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing Alex." Jane says softly.

"I do trust you and I know that." Alex says softly.

The two women look at each other for a second or two and then they both nod. Alex walks to the kitchen after telling Casey and Amanda that she's going to help Abby and Jane walks down the corridor to the bedroom. Normally the tall Detective would've knocked before entering the room but now she decides against it and to open the door and knock when she's inside. She waits a second and opens the door. Inside the room Jane sees Oliver sitting in front of the safe with the key in it. The strong Detective's hand reaching to the key and then pulls back his hand to do the same thing again two seconds later. This time his hand stays on the key but he doesn't open the safe as his head bows downwards like he's looking at something. Jane figures now is a good moment to announce her presence and knocks on the door.

"It'll get easier eventually, Oli." Jane says softly.

Oliver's hand freezes in the air for about 2 seconds before he lowers it and turns his wheelchair around. Holding his head down not wanting to look his friend in the eye, partly because he's afraid of her look and partly because he knows that Jane knows why his hand was where it was. Jane walks to Oliver and takes his wheelchair to the bed turning it so they can look at each other and then the female Detective sits down on the bed. She takes a deep breath before speaking up. Like Oliver, Jane herself doesn't talk easily about her own emotions or feeling neither and she knows that's what Oliver needs right know, that's how she can help him.

"I know what happened when Amanda said what she said. I know it triggered you. I've been there myself, Oli. I've also been where you are now, mentally. Doing what you were doing when I walked inside." Jane says softly.

Oliver lifts his head and looks in Jane's eyes. Seeing that the brunette spoke the truth Oliver starts to talk.

" It did. He said the same thing Amanda said just before.. you know what. I thought is this gonna happen every time someone says something he said, am I always going to be thinking about what happened or relive it? I don't want it to happen every time anyone says something. It was too much, I couldn't handle it. I have nightmares and flashbacks sometimes so many times that I'm too scared to go sleeping at night even when Alex is with me. But I couldn't do it, Jane. No matter how much pain I'm in right now. No matter how much it hurts, when I looked down at this picture I just couldn't. Couldn't do that to her and didn't want to do it anymore. Because I love her and more importantly, she loves me. Not that I get it or think I'm worth it, but that's not the point here I guess. Knowing she loves me like I love her helped me, stopped me. I'd rather live in pain, hurting mentally than do that to her and her losing me. It has been a very long time since I had these thoughts. In fact I haven't had them anymore, let alone wanting to do it or try to do it after I woke up in the hospital all those years ago. And it scares me that it came as far as it did a minute ago. How do did you do it? How did you manage to get past all of this and got back in control, Jane?" Oliver asks softly.

"I went into therapy, it took a while before it started to help, but it helped. When it was too much to handle, when I got to the point I couldn't deal with it anymore and was sitting exactly like you just were, I didn't have a fiancé as wonderful as you have in Alex or a partner. So when that happened and all those times I didn't know how to move forward anymore, I did the next best thing. I called the one person in the world that would understand me, truly understand me, I called the person that knew what it is I went through and the one person I trusted with this. You. I called you, Oli. It was you who helped me through those time. It was you who taught me that it is possible to make something of your life after these kind of things happened and it was you who made me take control back over my own life. When it felt like therapy wasn't enough a couple of times or when I shut down during my sessions and stopped my own progression during them because I refused to cooperate, I called you. After I managed to get the courage to call. The first time, the first couple of times it was hard to do it. But I felt better after I talked with you, saw some light in the darkness. And it wasn't so hard to pick up the phone anymore, to talk with you when we all got together here in New York or in Boston. You're the strongest person I know, Oli. You will get through this. I know you will, I know you won't give up. And I know you want to fight to get yourself where you want to be in the future, with Alex." Jane answers.

Oliver thought for a couple of minutes about everything Jane just said. He didn't know that he had been such a big part in Jane's recovery. That he had been that important to the Italian Detective at the time. It made him feel a bit better that Jane had shared this with him. He thought about the context of the words she had spoken. Jane waited patiently for Oliver to be ready to react or to continue their conversation. She knew he needed time to think about what she'd said.

"So basically you tell me to get into therapy, which I'm already are going to do, and to call you when things are getting to hard to deal with myself." Oliver says, half jokingly at Jane.

"Very funny, Benson. Seriously, I'm not saying I'm not here for you because you know I am, but you have Alex at your side. She knows more about this then most people do, she knows you and you trust her and equally important, she loves more than life itself as you do the same with her." Jane says.

"I know I'm the luckiest person in the world for having her as my fiancé, soon to be wife. Promise me you won't tell her what just happened, please? I don't want her to worry more about me than she already does." Oliver asks.

"I promise I won't tell her it, for now, if you promise me to talk with her about what's going on in your head and try not to shut her out. And promise me that you'll talk to someone when you have those thoughts again. I know you won't want to talk about it with a therapist, I didn't want to neither and we're pretty similar with talking about what we think or feel, but talk with someone that you trust. I hope it will be Alex but I understand if you can't. Just talk with someone. That's all I ask for." Jane answers.

"I promise I will talk with Alex soon. I already told her that I would try not to shut her out or shut down. And I promise you that I'll talk with someone, probably you or maybe Abs, when that happens. I'll talk about it with Alex eventually, because I don't want to have secrets for her. Just not now or at that moment if should it happen again." Oliver says.

"Deal. Now how about we go back to the living room? Abs was making coffee when I came to see you and I'm sure she has a cup of coffee with our name on it." Jane asks.

"Good idea. I hear those cups calling." Oliver says smiling.

"I know right." Jane smiles.

Jane gets off the bed and takes Oliver back to couch in the living room. Jane and Alex are helping the Detective on it. Jane walks to the chair next to Abby and sits down next to her. Alex wants to go and sit down at the other end of the couch with Oliver's feet in her lap but is stopped by her fiancé. The Detective tugs at her shirt and the blonde ADA kneels down so she's at eye level with Oliver.

"I'm alright now. Talking with Jane helped. We'll talk when it's just the two of us again alright?" Oliver whispers.

"Take your time, Liv. I know you'll talk to me when you're ready. I'm just glad that talking with Jane helped." Alex whispers back.

"I love you Alexandra Cabot, so much. You know that right?" Oliver asks softly.

"I know. I love you too Oliver Benson. I can't wait to marry you and be Mrs. Benson, just so know Detective." Alex answers softly.

Oliver looks for a few moments into the cerulean eyes he loves.

"If I could lean forward I would kiss you right now Lex." Oliver whispers.

Alex leans forward, close enough for Oliver to be able to kiss her. Oliver smiles at Alex before he captures the blonde's lips with his own. None of the others teases them, they just keep talking. They all know how important and special this is for Alex and Oliver.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

"**True love doesn't happen right away; it develops after you've through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together." - Ricardo Montalban.**

Oliver's swallow test was good and earlier this afternoon Dr. Bouchon removed his tube. He also gave his permission for Oliver to leave the same day, so at 4 pm Oliver was released from the hospital. It was a big relief for both Alex and Oliver and the hospital staff. They were glad not to have to deal with the stubborn Detective overnights. Oliver was happy that he could go home with Alex and not having to stay in the hospital.

Oliver is laying on the couch with his head on Alex's lap. The blonde attorney stroking his head where his hair was starting to grow back, he had about 1 inch of hair now, while waiting for Dr. Olsen to arrive. Both were thinking back at yesterday. Despite what happened it was a good day after all. Casey and Amanda had stayed shortly just for a cup of coffee. The whole day had worn out the Detective and they all decided that it would be better for them to come and visit them another time and stay longer then since Oliver would have a tiring day the next day. And all the women knew that Oliver would push his boundaries if they stayed longer. Oliver didn't agree with them but for once they were able to convince him pretty fast. Oliver was enjoying the calming effect Alex had over him and enjoyed the blonde's slim fingers going over his head and softly touching the hair that Oliver has on his head now, when he got an idea. Two ideas to be exact.

"Hey Lex, now that I'm allowed to have normal stuff again, well baby food but that's not the point, how about you go get us some nice ice cream from that Italian place? And maybe get some coffee too. I would kill for a cup of their delicious coffee. You could go when Dr. Olsen is here. We have a short session about half an hour to start with today. You always can get yourself something to eat for dinner there too. What do you think about it?" Oliver asks, giving Alex his best puppy eye look.

"Oliver Benson, you are cheating! You know very well what that look does to me. Fine have it your way Detective. I'll go and get some ice cream and I'll even bring you a cup of coffee. But you have to promise me that you do what Dr. Olsen asks from you this session. See it as a treat you'll get when you are on your best behavior with the good Doctor. I won't get something for dinner there. I want to get something there when you're allowed to eat normal again. I'll go to the grocery store and get something there for dinner. Deal, Detective?" Alex asks, smiling at Oliver.

"Hell yeah, you have a deal, Counselor." Oliver beams.

Alex laughs at Oliver for his reaction. Coffee and cops, as long as you promise them the best coffee there is, you can get them to do a lot.

"Hey Lex, there is something else I would like to do." Oliver says softly.

"Yes?" Alex asks raising one eyebrow.

"I would like to cuddle with you. I mean, laying down on the couch against you while you lean with your back against the arm of the couch. And just lay with you. With your arms around me, being surrounded by you. Making me feel safe." Oliver answers softly.

"Are you sure? Don't get me wrong, there's nothing I'd like to do more then that at this moment. I just want to be sure you're certain about it. That's all." Alex asks gently.

"Yes I'm sure, of course I would like for you lying in my arms but that's not gonna work for now. So this is the best we can do. And to be honest I would like to lay down against you even if I could hold you in my arms. I'm nervous about my session with Dr. Olsen. And laying against you, I think it might calm me down. Feeling loved, like nothing else matters but you and me." Oliver answers.

"Then that's what we're going to do. And you are loved, Liv. I love you so much that words cannot describe what it is that I feel for you." Alex says softly.

"I love you too, Alexandra Cabot, soon to be Benson." Oliver says softly, smiling at his fiancé.

Alex stands up and helps Oliver move forward a bit so she can climb behind the Detective. When she is done she leans back at the arm of the couch and softly pulls the Detective against her body. When Oliver is comfortably leaning against Alex he pulls the blonde's arms around him and laces their fingers together. Both the Detective and ADA sigh contently. Happy to be in each others arms and just laying on the couch together. They stay like this, enjoying each others company until the doorbell rings. Alex carefully gets from behind Oliver and walks to open the door. The blonde had called downstairs to the reception desk to tell them they would expect a visitor and to send her upstairs when she would arrive. Checking the spy hole and seeing it's Dr. Olsen, Alex opens the door.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Olsen. Please come inside." Alex says , stepping aside.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Cabot. Thank you." Dr. Olsen says.

Dr. Olsen walks past Alex into the hallway and takes off her coat. Alex points to the coat rack on their left and the Dr. hangs up her coat. They walk inside the living room.

"Good afternoon Detective. How are you doing?" Dr. Olsen asks.

"Good afternoon Dr. Olsen. Well I'm home so that's a good thing." Oliver answers, smiling at Alex.

"I see. I'm happy for you. For the both of you. I have good news for both of you." Dr. Olsen says with a smile.

"Why don't you take a seat first Dr. Olsen?" Alex asks.

"Thank you, Ms. Cabot. And please call me Kim." Kim answers as she sits down in the chair at other side of the coffee table, across the couch.

"Alright Kim it is. But you have to call me Alex then." Alex says as she sits down on the couch and takes Oliver's feet in her lap.

"Well I suppose that you call me Oliver then or Detective. What's the most comfortable for you." Oliver says.

"Well I don't know about you, but my wife likes it when she is called Officer so I think Detective it'll be." Kim says.

"I think Liv is the same as your wife. He always walks with an extra swagger when he's called Detective. Unless I'm angry with him of course. Although he still does it then, if only to piss me off more." Alex jokes.

"Aren't they all the same. I totally agree with you, Alex. Lisa, my wife, is the same." Kim smiles.

"What? You're just as bad when it comes to this, Counselor. If not worse. You strutted into the squad room like you owned it, my squad room that is, the very first time you walked into it and started to bossing us around. Not to mention the way you walk when you're in the courtroom. Not that I have any complaints about the way you walk in there. But that's not the point we're making here." Oliver counters.

Alex and Kim look at each other and laugh out loud.

"Yep, they all are the same." Kim laughs.

"Told you so." Alex laughs.

"Well laugh about it and joke about it all you want. Just do it in your own time and not in mine. I believe you had some news to share with us. Doctor." Oliver pouts.

"I believe that's our cue to drop the subject. Unless you want a pissed off Detective as your patient for your first session. And that's something I won't recommend to you." Alex says.

"Not really. Alright, I talked with Dr. Emily Young, Gynecologist and head of the Gender team, and she had an appointment canceled. So you have an appointment with her tomorrow morning at 11 am. She already looked at your blood levels, Detective, as you agreed to send the test results to her, and everything was alright." Kim says.

"Wait. What? I can see her, we can see her tomorrow already? Really?" Oliver asks surprised.

"Yes really. So what do you say say, Detective?" Kim asks with a smile.

"Well hell yes of course. But what does it mean? What's going to happen tomorrow? I'm sorry, Lex. Do you want to go tomorrow?" Oliver asks.

Alex smiles at Oliver. She's just as happy and surprised as her Detective is.

"Of course I want to go, Liv. This is great news." Alex answers.

"Great. But back to my questions. Can you answer them, Kim?" Oliver asks, smiling widely at Alex before he looks back at the Doctor.

"Yes I can. Things will go differently than normal. But in a good way. Since your name is already legally changed and you've had your hysterectomy, the procedure will be going faster. Tomorrow you will have a conversation with Dr. Young to be sure this is what you want. Not that I have any doubts about it, but it's something that needs to be done, officially. Normally you would need to prove for a period of 12 months that you can live and act like a man, however, since you have testicles and gave me the impression that you know what you want, Dr. Young agreed with me that if she's convinced tomorrow, you don't have to need to do that step in your process. And since you don't exactly dress feminine, I don't think she needs more proof than that. So long story short, I think you will start with the hormonal treatment not too long from today. She will talk you through every step of the process, about the surgeries you need and when they'll be done, in a time line that is." Kim answers.

It's silent for a few moments before Oliver pumps his fist and screams excitedly before he seems to think of something and glares at Kim.

"You're not joking here or fooling around with me are you?" Oliver asks sternly.

Both Alex and Kim shake their heads, leave it to Oliver to be happy one second and suspicious the next.

"No Detective, I'm not joking. I wouldn't do that to you or any other person in your position. I know how important this is. I was part of the gender team and I've been going trough the process myself with my wife. I promise you, this is real." Kim answers.

"Sorry Doc, just checking. I'm so happy, I can't believe this. I'm gonna need to shave myself every day, Lex." Oliver says excitingly.

"You better be. I want a perfectly shaved handsome Detective kissing me every day." Alex smiles widely.

"So I guess a beard and mustache is out of the question huh?" Oliver jokes.

Alex wrinkles her nose at the thought of Oliver with a beard and a mustache.

"I take that as a yes. Don't worry, Counselor. I promise you I won't get a beard and a mustache. Well not a beard on my whole face. But let's go for facial hair growing nicely on my face first shall we? I so need to go and buy razors." Olivers smiles.

"I'm so happy for you Liv. I can't wait myself for the moment you need to shave yourself for the first time." Alex answers.

Kim let them enjoy the good news for a few minutes before she's going to be a party pooper. After all she's here for Oliver's first session with her.

"I'm sorry, but we should start with our first session soon, Detective. The sooner we start the sooner we're done and you and Alex can go back dreaming and talking about your appointment with Dr. Young tomorrow. And if you would like it, I could go trough the procedure with the both of you after we're done." Kim says.

"I think I would like that, going through the procedure with us I mean, not the session of course. Alex, what do you want, wait till tomorrow or get some information from Kim today?" Oliver asks.

"I think it would be nice to have something to look forward to for you, for after your session. And I would like to know more too today. That way we are fully prepared for your appointment with Dr. Young tomorrow. And we can make a list with questions you or I would like to ask her tomorrow." Alex answers.

"Sounds like a good idea to me. Alright, session first and then talking about the procedure. That doesn't mean I don't want to have my ice cream and coffee. I can do both at the same time." Oliver smiles.

"Sure you can. Fine, I'll go to Giorgio's and the grocery store now so you can have your session with Kim. I'll be back in about 40 minutes. Alright?" Alex asks as she gets off the couch.

"Fine by me. How about you, Kim? Do want coffee or ice cream too? It's really good." Oliver asks.

"Looks like a deal to me. Well if it's as good as you say it is, I'd like to join the two of you in your celebration. Ice cream is always good, so you choose, Alex. As for coffee, I'd like to have a cappuccino with extra cream, please." Kim answers.

"Alright. Have a good session and behave yourself, Liv. I promise I'll be back in 40." Alex says.

"I'll do the best I can. I love you, Alex." Oliver says.

"I love you too, Oliver." Alex answers.

Alex kisses Oliver forehead before she walks to the hallway, she puts her coat on and picks up her purse before she leaves.

Inside the living room Oliver slowly moves up to lean against the arm of the couch. Kim waits for Oliver to get comfortable and then they start with their first session.

"Since this is our first session, you may choose what we are talking about this time. Is there anything you'd like to start with?" Kim asks.

"Well actually there is. I'm suffering from nightmares and flashbacks. The flashbacks are about what happened in Rikers, mostly. That's something I need to talk about with my trauma therapist Ms. Miles. So that leaves us with the nightmares." Oliver answers.

"Alright. How often do you have the nightmares? And how bad are they?" Kim asks.

"Almost every night. When I'm lucky, when Alex and I are lucky, one nightmare, but most of the time I have more of them in one night. And they are really bad. Sometimes I wake up screaming and drenched in my own sweat. Other times Alex needs to wake me up. There are nights I don't want to go back to sleep because I don't want to have another one. Some nights I can't fall asleep because I'm afraid of getting a nightmare. We found out that it helps if Alex is sleeping next to me or holds me when I have one but sometimes that doesn't work and I have them just as bad as when she wasn't sleeping next to me." Oliver answers.

"You know it's normal to have nightmares about you getting shot,Detective. Yes you are a Detective, but you're also human. Being a Detective makes you deal with better when you're awake. But that doesn't mean that it can't haunt you in your sleep. Now you said that Alex and you found out that it helps when Alex sleeps next to you, are there other things that help you?" Kim asks.

"I know it's normal to have nightmares about getting shot myself. But this is different, Kim. The nightmares are about a shooting but it's not me who is getting shot." Oliver answers.

"The nightmares aren't about you getting shot?"Kim asks a bit surprised.

"No they are not." Oliver answers.

"Then what are the nightmares about? Let me rephrase that. Who's getting shot in your nightmares?" Kim asks carefully.

"Alex. The nightmares goes about Alex being shot." Oliver says softly, almost whispers.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

"**The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."- Jiddu Krisnhnamurti.**

"_Then what are the nightmares about? Let me rephrase that. Who's getting shot in your nightmares?" Kim asks carefully._

"_Alex. The nightmares goes about Alex being shot." Oliver says softly, almost whispers._

"It happens Detective that you dream about your partner getting shot. Especially when you are as close as the two of you are. When you are together for a long time you can dream about what is your biggest fear. In your case that would be Alex getting shot. So it's possible that instead of Detective Rizzoli getting shot in your nightmares Alex gets shot." Kim answers softly.

"No Kim. Alex... Alex was shot." Oliver says softly.

"When was she shot, Oliver? Did you have nightmares about it before?" Kim asks a bit shocked.

"About 7 seven years ago. She was shot when I was next to her. I should have protected her. But I didn't. Because I failed Alex was shot and almost bled to death on the pavement while I was trying to stop the bleeding. But I couldn't even do that. For two days I thought she was dead. But she survived the shooting and went into Witsec. Because of me she lost everything including her own life. She keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault but that's not true. And that's certainly not how I see it. I never got rid of the nightmares about her shooting but I could deal with them. I didn't have them every night anymore. Now with everything that happened, Barbara, my former partner at work and the shooting, they came back and they are just as bad as they were when it just happened. At first the nightmares were about being... raped. But after I got hit in my stomach in the squad room by that asshole, the nightmares started to change into Alex shooting again. And after the shooting it's just like 7 seven years ago. Only then nobody knew about the nightmares, I lived alone and I never really talked about what it really meant for me. Besides my former partner and I weren't allowed to talk about Alex being in Witsec. Alex and I were really close back then but we didn't have a romantic relationship. Close to that, perhaps, but neither of us knew what the other felt. Not really. We only got together recently. Apparently everyone around us knew what we felt for each other except the two of us." Oliver explains.

Kim was really surprised to hear what Oliver said. She thought that Oliver and Alex had been together for a long time. To hear that they only got together recently was quite the surprise. She could see though that the connection the two have is something that exists longer, much longer. It also explains why Oliver is having nightmares about her shooting. And the Dr. has a feeling that Oliver is still afraid of losing the blonde attorney.

"Thank you for opening up to me, Detective. I know it is very difficult for you to do. There are a few things we need to talk about. First I l'd like for you to tell what happened with Alex's shooting, from an objective POV, not how you feel about. We'll talk about that in another session. Secondly, I think I know why you have your nightmares about Alex's shooting and not your own. And the third and last point is that I have a feeling that you are afraid of losing Alex, even though she's going to marry you, and you have the feeling you're not worth it to have her as your fiancé and soon to be wife. Let's start with the first point. You don't have to tell me the whole case it was about, just the reason why Alex was shot and how things happened from the point just before she was shot. Can you do that for me?" Kim asks.

"You're right, normally I don't open up at people so soon. Most of the time not at all. I'm a very private person and I'm used to deal with things myself. That's all I had for most of my life, just me. Alex was the first person in my life I really opened up too. And she's the one person I trust the most. There are a few friends who know more about me too. Jane, Detective Rizzoli, and I are pretty similar so it's easier to talk to her too. And I have to admit that you are right about the other points you mentioned. It's not that I don't want to tell you what happened with Alex's shooting, it's just that I'm afraid of getting a flashback and Alex is not here. I don't doubt your abilities and I don't want to offend you, but I don't think you can get me out of it and I'm afraid that if you try and come to close I hit you too. It happened with Abby, a good friend of Alex and I, and I don't want that happens again." Oliver answers.

"I'm not offended, Detective. I understand where you're coming from. In fact I get it perfectly. So we do it differently. We're not talking about the shooting itself now, instead I want you to write it down. If it's alright with you I would like to plan an extra session this week, just once, for Saturday and we'll talk about it then. This is an important part for your recovery and I'd like to work on it as soon as possible. It will help you with your nightmares. So can you agree with this?" Kim asks.

"Yes, it's alright with me. We do have to asks Alex if she's alright with it. The extra session on Saturday I mean." Oliver answers.

"Of course. Now let's continue. We don't have a long session today and I'd like to discus the second and third point too and to give you some specific assignments for you to do. My second point is about why you have nightmares about Alex's shooting instead of your own shooting. Now you told me that Alex and you got together recently. And yet two of you are going to marry soon. You also said that the two of you were close before Alex got shot. And I can see that even though the two of you have not been together long, the connection between you is strong. To be honest I've never seen such a strong bond between two people as the two of you have. Were the two of you close again after Alex came back from Witsec?" Kim asks.

Oliver takes a breath when he thinks of the time after Alex was released from Witsec and how he saw Alex again for the first time. Three years later. He shakes his head and Kim can see the pain in the Detective's eyes for a split second before Oliver slipped on his mask again.

"I hadn't seen Alex for three years after she was released from Witsec. She just showed up at a crime scene one day. But I don't want to talk about that. It took us some time to get along again like we did before. It took me a long time to trust her again and for Alex to work hard to regain that trust. But we were there again before we had the undercover op and my accident. What surprised the people around the most is the fact that we're gonna get married. So soon. They never thought I would be tamed let alone so soon. Nobody was surprised we got together. And you're right about the connection between us. Even the years we were separated we couldn't get each other out of our heads. We never stopped caring about each other, loving each other. Alex is the first person who got a second chance to get back into my life, behind the walls. The night I thought she died, I died too inside of me. In fact if I hadn't seen her two days later I would have quit my job. Something I never thought I would ever do. But at the time I didn't felt like I could continue. Not without her. Nobody knows it, not even Alex herself." Oliver answers.

Kim smiles about Oliver's answer because it made it very clear that even though they didn't know it they loved each other for a very long time and that was the reason for Oliver's nightmares. The love he has for Alex and the connection he has with her. And the fear of losing her again, whether it be due to their jobs or that she would leave him. Not that the Dr. sees that happening ever but it is on Oliver's mind and that's what counts.

"Your answer shows the answer on my second and third point, Detective. Let me ask you something, how long did it take after the two of you met for the first time before you got romantic feelings for Alex?" Kim asks.

"She took my breath away the moment we met. But it was about two months later that I fell in love with her and I fell in love hard. The day we're gonna get marry is the date of the first time we went out together after work for a drink. Although it turned out that it felt like a date for the both of us. But that is something we know just since a couple of days, when we chose the date we're going get married. That drink was the 3rd of November 2000." Oliver smiles.

"Let me get this straight. You've been in love with Alex for over a decade? How long is she in love with you?" Kim asks surprised.

"The same time sort of." Oliver answers sheepishly.

"Now I get the part about why nobody was surprised to hear that the two of you are together. And why I thought you were together much longer than you truly are. The reason why you have the nightmares about Alex's shooting is because you two love each other for such a long time. The connection between the two of is there for over a decade. And you never got over her shooting. You never talked about it, got therapy for it to deal with it. That's one of the main reasons you have these nightmares, Oliver. The other one is that you're afraid, scared to lose her. Lose her again I should say. You have a strong mental connection with Alex, but, for obvious reasons, you don't have a strong physical connection. I'll come back on that later as for why that is important.

You are afraid that you'll lose her on the job, not able to protect her, or that she leaves you. That at some point she can't deal with your transition, with you becoming a male physically and leave you. That she can't deal with your past and leave you. I don't know what that past is but it's what makes you feel less worthy to her and makes you believe that she will leave you. No matter what she'll say, you will have that fear. Yes she can reassure you but it keeps coming back. Your shooting and being raped makes that feeling so much stronger. And it's understandable. It's normal even. But it works against you. I think that Ms. Miles and I need to work together on this to help you deal with everything. Help Alex too as well your relationship together. Because Alex needs therapy to deal with your shooting too. You've been in a coma for two months, that wasn't easy for her. And then there's the fact that the both of you want to stay strong for the other, but that's something that's not possible. You need to allow yourself to be vulnerable and if that means break down every once in a while than that's what need to happen. But I'm convinced that we can get your nightmares to get a lot less than they are coming now. Maybe even stop them. It's not going to be easy, for neither one of you. But I think that you both are strong enough to survive it and get over it, give it a place.

Back to the physical connection. Have you and Alex been intimate on some level? Like kissing or making out? I know anything else is far away from happening now. I just want to know if there is some kind of physical connection at all. That includes hugging or cuddling too. Did you do anything like this with Alex?" Kim asks.

Oliver gets a bit nervous and blushes. He's not used to talk about these kind of things on a personal level.

"Well, we uh.. didn't make love. I'm not ready for that and Alex understands that. She said we go at my pace. But we kissed a few times, just briefly on the mouth. And we sleep together and I lay down with my head on her shoulder. She snuggled up against me once, well actually she lied half on top of me, but that was before we got together. Other then that we cuddled for the first time this afternoon. Alex was leaning against the arm of the couch and I was leaning against Alex with her arms around me and we were holding hands. And.. uhm.. we kissed, like really kissed, once but.. uhm.. we.. got interrupted. That's it. Not much I know." Oliver answers shyly.

"You got interrupted?" Kim asks, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes. We were in the hospital and it that morning the breathing tube had been removed. For the first time I felt like wanting to really kiss Alex without freaking out thinking about some kind of intimacy. So we kissed, passionately, for the first time and fail to notice the knock on the door. Two of our friends came inside to visit us. Needless to say that the kiss stopped when they were inside the room." Oliver answers.

"Yes I can see why that stopped the two of you." Kim smiles.

"Alright. So the two of you have made a few steps in the process of getting a physical connection. Here's what I want you to do. As your homework assignment. I want you to choose three words, like a traffic light, green is alright, orange is things are not alright but not bad either and red means stop immediately at that moment. You don't have to do that now, you can do it later together. I want you to talk about it with Alex, explain her what each word means. I want you to try to cuddle or kiss or something like holding hands, once a day with Alex. You decide how long or what the two of you will do. You decide how you going to do it. You are in control. Now the best time to try out something is when you are comfortable. As relaxed as you can be under the given circumstances. What's important is that you stay in the green light from the traffic light. Try to prevent you jump to the orange light and certainly the red light. Listen to yourself. How you are feeling, how your body feels or how Alex's touching you feels. That can help you to prevent that you go from the green light to the red light. Do you understand what I ask from you to do?" Kim asks.

"Yes I do. But what if I jump to the red light, what do I do then? What do I need to do, do we need to do?" Oliver asks softly.

"Don't worry if it happens, there are always times that everything is alright and suddenly they aren't right anymore. Just stop with what you are doing and try to calm down again. If it's possible talk with Alex about what happened. That's important for you but also for her. She needs to know what the 'no go area' is for now, that line will move with time passing by and you getting more comfortable with being intimate. The level will change. Now this will take time and you can fall back every once in a while, but don't let that discourage you. That sort of things happens during the process. Starting on a low level will help you getting connected physically. Sometimes words can not give you the reassurance you need, sometimes you need to feel it. Feel it physically. That will help you to trust each other completely and unconditionally. That will help to get the fear of losing her or Alex leaving, go away for the biggest part. It also will help you with the nightmares. When you are less afraid and trust more that she'll stay and that you won't lose her, in combination with therapy to deal with what happened to you and to her, the nightmares won't be there so frequently and less bad than they are now. I want you to keep a diary. And to write in it every day about how your assignment went. You also write down when you didn't do the assignment and for what reason. Like if you're having a really bad day and you don't feel up to doing it, I want you to write it that down and why. It will help you to find out what will trigger you and what not, once you find out what the triggers are we can work on that. We will discus your diary once a week. Now do you have any questions? About your homework or something else we discussed so far?" Kim asks.

"Does Alex read that diary?" Oliver asks.

"That's up to you. If you don't feel comfortable with Alex reading it, you don't have to let her read it. It can stay between the two of us. Everything we discuss will stay between us. The only exception will be when you decided you want to talk about it with Alex or someone else. For me, I won't talk about it with anyone without your permission. But you know how that works since you're a Detective." Kim answers.

"Can I do it with Alex together or do I need to do it alone? Or with Alex and only when I don't feel comfortable do it alone?" Oliver asks.

"What do you want yourself? Do you want to do it together with Alex or do you want to do it all by yourself? You need to do what works the best for you." Kim asks.

Oliver thinks about this for a minute. He thinks about what he wants and how all the options feel for him before he makes a decision.

"This is about trusting her. I do trust Alex. I trust her with my emotions and feelings. So I think I want to do it together with Alex. Open up to her instead of hiding away. I made a promise to Alex. I promised her that I would try not to take a run or push her away, shut her out. And I think this might be a good opportunity to practice with that." Oliver answers.

"That's good thinking, Detective. I agree with you. Any other questions before we end this session?" Kim asks.

"Not that I can think of at this moment." Oliver answers.

"Alright, let's wrap it up then. For your homework, you have two assignments. Writing down Alex's shooting, which we will discuss Saturday if it's alright with Alex. And the other one is choosing three words, like the traffic light example, and try every day to connect with Alex on a physical level. Write about it every day in your diary together with Alex. Remember you make the decisions, you're in control. I'm proud of you, Oliver. You did it really good this session. It's a great start actually." Kim says.

"Well don't expect me to be like this every sessions. I'm not as easy as you might think." Oliver says, hiding behind sarcasm.

"Oh I know that. I'm married to a cop myself, remember." Kim laughs.

"Yeah well, don't say I didn't warn you later." Oliver smirks.

"I'll keep that in mind." Kim says with a smile.

"Hey Kim, may I ask you to do a favor for me?" Oliver asks shyly.

"Go ahead. If I don't want to do it, I'll tell you." Kim answers.

"I would do it myself if I could walk but since I can't I want you to ask you if you could place some candles here in the living room. I know we have to talk first before you go when Alex's back but I would like to do something special for Alex. She has to light them herself, but it's the gesture that counts, right?" Oliver asks.

"Tell you what, we sent Alex into the kitchen or some place else and then I place the candles, light them and leave your apartment. How does that sounds?" Kim asks.

"That sounds great. Thank you so much." Oliver answers.

"You're quite romantic, Detective. It suits you. And I'm sure Alex will love it. Like you said it's the thought behind it that counts." Kim says.

"Alex deserves the best, she deserves the world on a silver plater. I can't give her that but I can try to give her the best I can." Oliver says.

"You have a lot to give her, Detective. You'll always protect her and her defend her. You'd give your life if it means saving hers. You love her unconditionally and treats her with respect. That are the most precious gifts a woman can get. So you see, you have a lot more to offer than you might think." Kim says.

"I thought this session was over." Oliver says.

"Fine. I let you off the hook for now. Next time you won't get away so easily. Let's talk about some more pleasant things then. Alex will be her soon I suppose." Kim says.

Oliver looks at the clock on the wall and sees that 38 minutes have gone by since Alex has left the apartment.

"I think she'll be here within the minute. It's 38 minutes since she left and Alex is always on time. Besides she knows that I will go look for her when she's not back after 40 minutes." Oliver says.

Just when Kim wants to answer, they hear a key in the lock of the front door and Alex walking inside the apartment.

"Liv, I'm back. Are you done?" Alex calls out from the entry.

"Hi baby, yes we're done." Oliver calls back.

"How did it go?" Alex asks walking into the living room.

"It was alright I guess." Oliver answers.

"Alright? Your fiancé did a very good job. Without going into details, he really opened up and had very good session." Kim says.

"Looks like that you urned that coffee and ice cream to me, Detective Badass." Alex smiles.

"Gimme, gimme, gimme." Oliver says enthusiastically.

Alex just rolls her eyes and gives Oliver his coffee. Then she hands over a cup to Kim and puts the paper bag with ice cream on the coffee table. She picks up her own coffee and sit down on the other end of the couch taking Oliver's feet into her lap.

"Kim wants to have an extra session on Saturday. Just once. Is that alright with you?" Oliver asks.

"Yes of course. Is there something wrong?" Alex asks worried.

"I gave Oliver some homework to do and I don't want to wait too long with discussing it. That's all. Oliver will talk with you about it when I'm gone." Kim answers.

"Alright. Should I stay around Saturday or do want to be alone?" Alex asks.

"We'll talk about it later, Alex. Right now I want to enjoy my coffee and ice cream. And Kim would tell us about my process, well our process since you are a part of it in my eyes." Oliver answers.

"Well I don't want to come between you and your coffee, Detective." Alex smirks.

"Says the woman everyone avoids until I give her a cup of coffee at the precinct every morning." Oliver teases back.

"You know what? I think you hang out too much with lawyers." Alex mutters.

"And I still love you." Oliver smiles.

"I love you too, Liv." Alex says softly.

Kim smiles at the couple. It's clear how much they love each other and how well they fit together.

"How about I tell you two about Oliver's process while we eat the ice cream and then get out of your hair? I'm sure you have better things to do than having me around." Kim asks.

Both Alex and Oliver agree with the Dr.'s proposition. Kim starts to explain what they could expect and how things would go in big lines. Oliver was excited and worried at the same time. He needed to go to the hospital a lot and he didn't have exactly the best track record when it comes to hospitals. After 20 minutes Kim had told them everything they needed to know. Oliver got Alex into the kitchen saying that he was hungry and while he wasn't exactly looking forward to the' baby food', he still wanted it. Alex excused herself and went into the kitchen to make Oliver's 'baby food' and dinner for herself. When Alex was gone Kim asked Oliver where she could find the candles. Oliver, having been at the apartment lots of times knew where Alex kept the candles and 5 minutes later the candles were burning at multiple places in the living room. Oliver silently thanked Kim for helping him out and the Dr. left the apartment after they made their next appointment for 5.30 pm the next day.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N at the end of this chapter. Enjoy reading this longer chapter.**

Chapter 43

"**Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open." - John Barrymore.**

"Liv, dinner is ready in 10 minutes do you want to have it in the living...?" Alex starts to ask as she enters the living room.

When Alex walked into the living room she was stunned with the sight that met her eyes. The living room was filled with burning candles and the only other light came from the two dimmer lights, one next to the couch the other one in the corner next to the bookshelves.

"Wow, Liv. What's the occasion for you to do something so romantic like this?" Alex asks softly.

"Do I need a reason or occasion? Can't I just spoil my fiancé and do something nice for her?" Oliver asks back.

"No of course you don't need that. I'm just surprised, touched is a better description." Alex answers.

"You deserve the world on a silver plate, Lex. I just wanted to do something nice for you and this is all I could do. Well, I had some help of course since I can't walk around but that's not what matters. What matters is that I want you to know how loved you are, how special you are and how lucky I am to have you." Oliver says softly.

"I love you Oliver Benson. I must have done something good in another life to deserve someone special like you and call him my husband soon." Alex says softly as she walks towards the Detective.

"I love you too, Alexandra Cabot. And it is I who must have done something special in another life to have someone as special, intelligent and beautiful as you are." Oliver answers.

"How?" Alex asks, waving her hand at the living room as she sits down on the couch.

"I have to admit I had some help. The answer is Kim. I asked her if she would do me a favor and as you can say she did." Oliver answers softly.

"I have to thank her for doing that favor then. I think as the living room is set up so romantically we should have dinner here." Alex says.

"I like the way you think, Counselor. I think you are right, although it's you who's having dinner. Me, I just have baby food. But I'd like to eat that here too." Oliver says.

Alex softly pets Oliver's legs as she stands up again.

"You'll be eating normal soon again, Oliver. So how about we have dinner first and then have that talk Kim was talking about?" Alex asks.

"Sounds good to me, Lex." Oliver answers.

Alex smiles at Oliver before she returns to the kitchen.

Half an hour later they were done with their dinner. Well, Alex was done with her dinner. Oliver had taken two bites of his food when he had put down his spoon and refused to eat the 'baby food'. The Detective made it clear that it wasn't Alex fault. The blonde had done what she could. He just wasn't going to eat this. Alex tried to pursued him to eat but the Detective's stubbornness almost got them in an argument so Alex decided to let it go today. There would be more than enough days to have said argument. After Alex cleaned up their dishes and the kitchen she sat down at the end of the couch and automatically took Oliver's feet in her lap.

"So, what is it that we need to talk about?" Alex asks carefully.

"Well, about my nightmares and the fear of you leaving me or more precisely losing you, again should I add. I have two assignments to do. One on my own and the other with you actually." Oliver answers shyly.

"Alright. What do you want to start with? And what are the assignments?" Alex asks.

"I never dealt with you getting shot. I never talked about it with anyone. I never got therapy. I had nightmares, badly, but nobody knew it. It took me about 3 years not to have them multiple times a night every night I fell asleep. Eventually they became less frequently and not every night anymore. I need to write down your shooting, how it really went, not how I feel about it or think about it. I need to write it down objectively. She asked me to tell me what happened during the session but I didn't want to do it then. I was afraid I would get a flashback and you weren't there. So that's why I need to write it down and we'll talk about it Saturday. And to come back to your question about you being there or not, I would like for you to be at the house, so that should something go wrong or if I get a flashback you're there." Oliver answers.

"Is that where your nightmares are about now? Did you keep it locked up inside all this time, Liv?" Alex asks softly.

"At first my nightmares went about Barbara but after Elliot assaulting me and the shooting the nightmares changed. The nightmares I had all those years ago are back and just as worse as they were back then. Kim said it's happens that nightmares go about the person you love instead about yourself, but given the fact that I never got over it, blame myself for it, for you losing your life and everything you had and the fear of losing you cause me to have these bad nightmares. Yes we have a connection mentally, we always had and always will have, but sometimes you need reassurance physically. And that's where we or I have a problem. We don't have that physical connection. And that's something we need to work on. Well, mostly I of course. Yes I kept it locked up inside. I know you thought the nightmares went about my own shooting and somehow you got involved in them, but the truth is that I haven't had one nightmare about my own shooting, as soon as my nightmares stopped going about being raped... they were about you getting shot and bleeding to death on that pavement. There is something that I need to tell you about that time. Something I never told anyone before today. I mentioned it to Kim, but we didn't really talked about it though." Oliver answers.

Slowly Alex comes to the realization that the shooting didn't only destroy her life, but that of her Detective too. She knew that it was bad for Oliver, they had talked about it, but she didn't know it was still haunting him so much. And the ADA is almost afraid of what it is that Oliver needs to tell her about the time when it happened.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I didn't realize that not only did I destroy my own life back then but also your life." Alex whispers.

"NO Alex! If I had done my job like I should have, if I protected you like I should have done, none of this would have happened. It's not your fault, it's not you to blame, it's me. I failed and you paid for it with your life." Oliver reacts.

"I should have listened to you when you told me to back off, I should have gone with you to your apartment when you asked me too. But I didn't and we both paid for it. I've had therapy to deal with the aftermath, to deal with the nightmares. Yes occasionally I have one but not every day and not like you. I promise you I'll do everything I can to help you, everything Oliver. So you do your assignment and write down what happened and I'll be there for you when you have your session with Kim. I'll stay in the house and be there for you if or when you need me. I promise to never do something stupid like that ever again. Now, tell me, please, what it is that you need to tell me." Alex answers remorsefully.

"Come here Alex, come here and sit with me. Hold me in your arms. We both need it." Oliver says softly.

Alex gets up and walks to the other side of the couch and slowly helps Oliver lean forwards a bit. Then the younger blonde sits down on the couch like they did it earlier that afternoon. Before Oliver leans back against Alex he kisses the blonde briefly on her lips. Then they both are getting comfortable and continue their conversation.

"Alright, I'll tell you it. But we talk about it another time. There is more we need to talk about and another assignment to do. Ok?" Oliver asks.

"Yes. I'm more than ok with it. You've done enough today. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow with it or the day after that. I do want to know it but I don't want you to have a flashback because of this. So I leave it up to you, Liv." Alex answers.

"Maybe you're right and should we wait until tomorrow or another day. Alright, let's do that. Now as for our homework, I need to pick out three words, three safe words. Kim used the example of a traffic light. Green is alright, Orange not alright but not bad either and Red means to stop immediately and try to calm down. And talk with you about what happened. We need to do something intimate every day to get a closer physical connection. For me to feel safe again with it and Kim thinks it will help us with the nightmares and my fear of losing you or you leaving me. And with intimate she means cuddling, holding hands, kissing, things like that. I have to pick something every day and use the safe words if necessary and we need to talk about how it went and write it down in a diary. Kim and I will discuss the diary once a week. I could have done the diary part alone but I want to do it with you, I promised you I would try not to run or shut you out. I thought, and Kim agreed, that this would be a perfect opportunity to practice with that. And if there's a day I can't do it, we have to write that down too and why. Do you understand what she wants us to do?" Oliver asks after explaining it to Alex.

"Yes I think I get it. Did she say anything else about it?" Alex asks.

"That we should do it at a moment I'm feeling alright, the chance on a flashback will be smaller. And that I had to remember that I'm always in control. That I decide what we're going to do. She also said that every once in a while everything could be alright one moment and then for no reason it wouldn't be alright anymore. What I need to do is to try to calm down again. And not doubt about my abilities. In a process like this a fall back always happens and I don't need to let that discourage me. I think that's everything she said about it." Oliver answers.

"Alright. Well, let's choose the three words first. Shall we?" Alex asks.

"Yes. Actually, I like the example of the traffic light. I mean, the colors are clear, right?" Oliver asks.

"Yes they are. But it's your choice, Liv. They are your safe words." Alex answers.

"True. I think I want to keep it with the traffic light." Oliver says.

"Fine by me. Did you have something in mind that you would like to do?" Alex asks softly.

"I do, but it's a bit difficult to write about it in the diary afterwards." Oliver answers.

"What do you mean?" Alex asks.

Alex changes the way she sits a bit so she can look at Oliver.

"Well, I wanted to kiss with you, like we did in the hospital and afterwards for you to snuggle up against me for a change. When we would go to bed to sleep, I mean. And that makes it a bit hard to write down our experiences about it." Oliver says shyly.

"Yes it would be. How about we take the diary to the bedroom and after we kissed we write down how that went and we could write down about the snuggling when we wake up in the morning?" Alex asks.

"I know it's an assignment but it would feel like we have to do it, not wanting to do it. Kissing and then write about it. Can't we just write about everything in the morning? I want to enjoy spending time like that with you. I want it to be spontaneous and special. Cuz every time kissing with you is special to me." Oliver answers softly.

"It's special to me too, Liv. Alright, just this time we write about it tomorrow morning. But the next time we're doing something we can write about afterwards, alright?" Alex asks.

"Alright, deal." Oliver agrees.

Alex thinks for a moment before she speaks again.

"Ya now, actually we're doing something right now. We are cuddling on the couch while we're talking." Alex says slowly.

"You're right. We are. I didn't think of it that way, but you're absolutely right, Counselor." Oliver smiles.

"So we could write about it in the diary." Alex says.

"Yes we can. It feels good to me and I do feel safe now. And I certainly enjoy it, Lex." Oliver answers softly.

"Me too, Liv. I enjoy it too. It always feels good to have you against me, whether it's I holding you or for you to hold me." Alex says softly.

"That doesn't mean I don't want for to you snuggle up against me when we go to bed, Counselor. Because right now I'm looking forward to that." Oliver smirks.

"Same here, Detective. Looking forward to it too. How about we watch a movie and slowly get ready to go to bed afterwards? We have a busy day tomorrow and we need make a list with questions for Dr. Young." Alex asks smiling widely.

"I guess you have a good point there. And I like the idea, so let's do that." Oliver answers.

Alex stands up and goes to her office to get a notepad, it has to do it for now, tomorrow they could by a diary to write in and write today's experience over in it. They talked about how it was for both of them and wrote it down on the notepad. They added a note that they we're already cuddling and talking when the thought came in their minds that they were already doing the assignment without noticing it. After they were done the couple chooses a movie and make themselves comfortable on the couch before they start the movie and enjoy watching it together in each other's presence.

Later that evening Oliver is laying in bed waiting for Alex when the blonde comes out of the bathroom. As soon as Oliver sees Alex his eyes light up, beckoning the blonde with a finger.

"I believe I was promised for you to snuggle up against me, by you, Counselor." Oliver says softly.

"I believe you're right, Detective." Alex answers as she sashays towards the bed.

Alex climbs on the bed and carefully lays against Oliver's good side.

"Are you alright? I don't hurt you?" Alex asks softly.

"This is perfect. I wanted this, laying with you like this, for a very long time. And no, you don't hurt me." Oliver answers as he drapes his arm around Alex's waist.

"I wanted laying like this for a very long time too, Liv. I feel so safe right now. I always feel safe with you but I never feel more safe than when I'm in your arms, Detective." Alex says.

"I will always protect you the best I can, I promise, Lex. I feel safe in your arms or for you to be in my arms too. It also makes me feel loved, really loved. Something I never have felt before. I know my insecurity will get the best of me at times but I know and I feel that you truly love me, Alex." Oliver softly.

"As I know you truly love me, Oliver." Alex answers.

They lay like this for a while, now and then talking a bit but mostly just laying there contently. 30 minutes after they went to bed, Alex and Oliver are sleeping peacefully in each others arms.

The next morning they woke up well rested. Oliver did have a nightmare but fortunately it stayed with that one. After getting up and doing the things that needed to be done the two had breakfast and made a list with questions for Dr. Young. They left their apartment a bit earlier to buy a diary before they went to the hospital for their appointment. Now Alex and Oliver are waiting to be called in by Dr. Young. 5 minutes later brunette woman in her thirties walks outside her office.

"Oliver Benson?" Dr. Young calls.

Alex gets up and pushes Oliver's 'damn' wheelchair forward to where Dr. Young is standing. The Dr. makes a gesture for Alex and Oliver to enter her office. Once they are inside Dr. Young closes the door behind them and holds out her hand towards Oliver.

"Good morning Detective Benson. I'm Dr. Emily Young. I thought it would be better to only call out for you by your name and not your title, I have other patients who are in law enforcement and not all of them likes to be 'outed' in public, so to speak." Dr. Young adds after introducing herself.

"Good morning Dr. Young. This is my fiancé ADA Alexandra Cabot." Oliver introduces Alex.

"Thank you for being so thoughtful. My squad knows about my transition but the rest of my precinct doesn't, so I do appreciate your gesture." Oliver says.

"Good morning Ms. Cabot." Dr. Young says.

"Good morning Dr. Young. And I'd like to thank you for it too." Alex answers.

"Take a seat, please." Dr. Young says while walking behind her desk and sits down.

Alex pushes Oliver in front of the desk and pulls a chair next to Oliver and sits down too.

"Alright, let's get stared. First of all, I'd like to congratulate you Detective, Dr. Olsen told me that your name is already legally changed. I know that is a big happening and an important step in the process." Dr. Young says.

"Thank you, Dr. I'm so happy with it." Oliver says, looking at Alex and smiles at the younger blonde.

Dr. Young sees the brief interaction between them but decides to let it rest for now.

"Now I know you talked with Dr. Olsen, could you briefly tell me what you talked about with her, regarding to your visit here? Just so I know what you know and don't know, since Dr. Olsen told me she was a member of a gender team, previously, herself." Dr. Young asks.

"Yes of course. Well Dr. Olsen told us, Alex and I, yesterday about the Mastectomy and the Phalloplasty, the sex changing surgery. She also told us about the hormone treatment and how things normally go and would have gone and how they probably will go with me considering my situation, should you give the green light. She told me that normally that would be given by a Psychologist or Psychiatrist before meeting with you, but again since my situation is different than normal she said that I 'passed' that stadium already. Dr. Olsen also said that the time line for the process will be different too because of that. I think that's in a few points what she told us. Am I forgetting something, Lex?" Oliver asks.

Alex thinks for a moment and then shakes her head.

"No, I think that's it, basically." Alex answers.

Dr. Young nods at Oliver and thinks for a moment before she continues.

"Yes things will go a bit differently, mostly faster, than normal. And to help you out of your misery right away, I do give you the green light, Detective. Seeing that your name is already changed is enough for me to know that you're serious about this and that it is what you want. But, as you know yourself, that can only be done when you had a hysterectomy. So I'm sorry for getting a bit personal but I need to know this. Do you have a medical condition that made you have a hysterectomy?" Dr. Young asks.

Oliver looks away from Dr. Young and looks at Alex, silently asking the attorney what to do. Alex nods and slowly grabs his hand, squeezes it softly and shortly and keeps holding his hand afterwards. Oliver takes a deep breath, looks at Alex one more time before he turns his attention back to Dr. Young.

"I hope you're ready for this cuz it's a whole lot of shit that happened and I'm sure you're gonna be shocked and more than that. Sorry for my language but I don't know a better word for it so soon." Oliver says.

"I've heard quite a few things in my career so far, Detective. Don't worry about it. Just tell me it." Dr. Young answers encouragingly.

"Trust me, you didn't have heard this." Oliver mutters under his breath.

Dr. Young heard it and raises her eyebrows but doesn't speak up. Oliver squeezes Alex hand and the blond squeezes back. Letting the Detective know that she's here for him and that he can do this.

"Alright here goes nothing. About two and a half months ago I was hit by a car while I was jogging. That wasn't the worst that happened that day. I had a broken arm and a concussion but that was it. What was turning my world upside down, and Alex's world too, was that they had switched my chart with someone else and our rooms too. And I ended up in the OR for a hysterectomy that should have done on the patient they switched me with, as the first surgery in the process I'm in now too. And we found out that I have testicles due to that surgery. Now that on itself, the surgery I mean, is worse enough, but it gets worse. Do you want the short version or long version of the rest that happened?" Oliver asks softly and a bit nervous.

Dr. Young is a rather shocked to hear how they had messed it up. She knew that this kind of things did happen, sadly, but never had heard someone telling it to herself. She made metal note of Oliver mentioning he has testicles to come back at it later.

"I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope that it wasn't this hospital, for you I mean. And sensing that this hard for you, tell me the short version, please." Dr. Young says sincerely.

Oliver takes another deep breath before he goes on.

"No it wasn't this hospital and have paid for what they did." Oliver says, pausing briefly.

"For once I was obeying the order to take a couple of days off, it was the first and last time I can assure you that. We had a bad case and an undercover operation that went wrong. Very wrong, I can't go into details, as I'm sure you'll understand. Anyway, I was falsely arrested and ended up in a holding cell where they threw the perp from our case in too. My squad figured out where I was, too late. And he.. he sexually assaulted me... Then a few days later that accident happened and everything I told you. The surgeon didn't remove my testicles since he thought he was performing the surgery on a trans gender. That was a major shock for Alex and myself. After being released from the hospital Alex and I went away to get some rest and that's when I found out that I'm a trans gender myself. I finally realized what was wrong with me. I talked about it with Alex and a very good friend of us. We decided to tell my squad what I'm going to do and my former partner assaulted me by hitting me in my stomach and I needed to go back to hospital, turned out I had an internal bleeding. While I was in the hospital we were threatened by the perp I mentioned earlier. He sent someone to the hospital to deal with me. Another friend of us and Detective came for protection. That's when I got shot and was in a medical induced coma for two months and how I became a patient of Dr. Olsen. So to summarize it for you, in the past three months I was assaulted twice, hit by a car, had a hysterectomy and found out that I have testicles that are working as they should be would I have a 'normal' guy, found out that I'm a trans gender and got shot. I really don't think you've heard something this before. There are two good things that happened in this horrific period of time, I finally found out what was 'wrong' with me and the best thing that happened is that I asked Alex to marry me and she said yes." Oliver finishes.

If Dr. Young thought she was shocked about a minute ago she sure as hell is shocked now. She found out that Oliver wasn't lying when the Detective muttered to trust him that she didn't hear this before. She certainly couldn't imagine what kind of hell Oliver went through and with him Alex. She takes a couple of moments to think about her reaction, before she reacts.

"Congratulations for the both of you. Detective, you were right, I haven't heard this before. I can't imagine what you've been through. What the both of you have been through. I'm sorry that all of this happened to you. I do realize that sorry is not enough, but it's all I can say. I don't want to offend you, Detective, but are you sure you want to do this now, start with the process?" Dr. Young asks carefully.

"Yes, I do. And thank you. I know I have a lot to recover from but starting this process will help to do that. To have something positive to do with everything that's going on. I know that the process on itself isn't easy but I have a wonderful, amazing fiancé, soon to be wife, supporting me and I do have a great supporting network. It might seem crazy, seeing what's going on, but I actually look forward to start with the hormone treatment, Dr. Young. Yesterday when we talked about it with Dr. Olsen I got really excited and so did Alex. To be honest the both of us can't wait till I have to shave myself for the first time." Oliver says with a shy smile.

"Well as both you and Dr. Olsen agree that this is the right thing to do, I give my permission. I don't doubt your judgment nor Dr. Olsen's. I have no reason to doubt about it. And I do believe you but I'd like to hear from your fiancé herself how she feels about your transition." Dr. Young says.

"I tell you the same thing I told Oliver. I love him for who he is not what he is and I mean that. I fell in love with him for who he is as a person, not his gender. Oliver and I know each other for over a decade and minus a month or two, I love him that same time. Yes we are shortly together but that doesn't change anything for me. I think I'd made it perfectly clear how I think about his transition." Alex says firmly but with a soft tone in her voice.

A big smiles breaks through on Oliver's face. That's his fiancé, because Alex just told the Dr. politely where to shove it and at the same time perfectly answered the Dr.'s question.

Dr. Young can't help it than to do anything else than to smile at the ADA's reaction.

"I have to agree with your fiancé, Ms. Cabot. He was right about you being an amazing and wonderful fiancé. That being said, I'd like to continue if that's alright with the both of you." Dr. Young says.

Both Alex and Oliver nod at Dr. Young.

"Good. Now I'll tell you shortly how Oliver's process is going to be. First you start with the hormones, you need to use them for the rest of your life, even though your testicles work properly, your male hormone level is a little low. Now there are a couple of options and the most common ways to use them are either to have an injection every two weeks or to use a gel. With the injection your hormone level will have a big peak and is less constant, with the gel the level is constant but you have to do use it on a daily basis. You can learn how to inject yourself or come to the hospital every two weeks. The gel you can get it at a pharmacy with a prescription, which you will receive from me. What ever option you choice you have to visit me about every six weeks for a check up. What do you prefer, the injection or the hormone gel?" Dr. Young asks after explaining everything.

"The gel. I don't like needles being poked into my body and I hate hospitals, I want to be in them as little as possible." Oliver answers immediately.

"Yes of course you do, you're a Detective. I could have known that. Alright the gel it is. I'll give you a prescription when we're done." Dr. Young says, smiling.

"Great. Thank you, Dr. Young. How do we go from here?" Oliver asks, smiling widely.

"Taking today or tomorrow as the start of your treatment, your first surgery, the mastectomy, will be around 6 months from now, since you had a hysterectomy, you don't have female hormones anymore and your body will get used to it sooner than when without it. After your mastectomy you will be added to the waiting list for the Phalloplasty. I have to warn you though, you need a lot of patience. It can take up to two years before you get a call to set a date. Sometimes people get lucky and the surgery will be canceled by a patient and then we call someone else to get the surgery. But again don't hope for that too much. I just mention it because it happens sometimes. Is everything clear so far about the process?" Dr. Young asks.

"It is for me. Since we know a lot of things from Dr. Olsen." Oliver answers, still smiling widely.

"I have no questions for now about this part." Alex answers thoughtfully, wearing an identical smile on her face.

"Alright. Feel free to ask me a question when you do have them. Something else, there are special shirts that flatten your breasts. More like pushing them against your upper body so that they are less visible. Almost every patient uses them. The only ones that don't use them have such small breasts that the shirt doesn't make a difference or hardly make a difference. You don't wear a bra anymore, you wear the shirt instead. The second thing that most trans genders use, going from female to male, is a penis prosthesis. It is made from rubber and you put it your underwear. From the outside it will look natural and nobody knows that it's not a real penis. And lastly, there are special swimming suits. There are two options, one option is a swimming suit like professional male swimmers wear, with short pipes. The special shirt is in the top of the suit and you can wear the prosthesis in it. The second option is a skin tide short with the same option for wearing the prosthesis. I can give you the addresses of a couple of websites where you can order these items. I also can give the address of a store where you can buy the special shirts and swimming suits. If you would like that of course." Dr. Young says.

Oliver's smile gets so big that it almost hurts.

"Wait, you tell me there's a way I can hide those damn things?" Oliver asks excitingly, pointing at his breasts.

Both Alex and Dr. Young laugh at Oliver's reaction. The both know how much he hates his breasts.

"Yes, Detective. The shirt can hide 'those damn things'." Dr. Young laughs.

"Great. I totally want a couple of those shirts. Oh and I also would like the thing for in my pants or jeans. I only hope they are comfortable to wear." Oliver says, almost jumping up and down in his wheelchair.

Alex shakes her head although she's smiling.

"Thanks Dr. now I have a two-year-old toddler the rest of the day." Alex jokes.

"Well you better get used to it because ever time something good happens during his process he'll be like this." Dr. Young smiles.

"I figured out that myself already. And I don't mind at all. I like seeing Liv happy." Alex answers.

"Liv?" Dr. Young asks raising one eyebrow.

"That's was my nickname. Alex is the only one that is still allowed to use it. I can't explain it but I like it when she calls me Liv. But only when Alex says it. And she likes it too, so we agreed that she would keep calling me Liv." Oliver explains.

"Why Liv? If I may ask that." Dr. Young asks.

"Well my name was Olivia, shortly Liv." Oliver says, wrinkling his nose when he says his former name.

"Now it's Oliver Alexander Benson." Oliver says proudly, smiling at Alex when he says it.

Alex smiles back at Oliver with her love for her Detective clearly in her eyes.

"I don't have to think hard or to ask why you choose Alexander as your middle name, Detective. The looks between the two of you says it all." Dr. Young says.

"Thank you." Oliver says softly.

"Back to why you are here. Is there anything that either one of you would like to know before we end this appointment and I give the prescription and addresses?" Dr. Young asks, being serious again.

Oliver looks at Alex, since she's the one that usually wants to know a thousand things more. Besides, the Detective can't think about anything. now that his head is in the clouds.

"There's one thing I'd like to know. The rest is pretty clear for me, now, so I have one important question I'd like to ask. There's nothing in the world that I want more than to have children with Oliver, besides marrying him in less than 2 months. There is nothing I want more than to carry our children. So what I want to know is, is it possible for us to get pregnant the natural way or not?" Alex asks hopefully.

"Judging by the look on your face and with what you said, I think I'm going to make you very happy, Ms. Cabot. Yes, you can get pregnant the natural way. After Oliver's Phalloplasty of course. I have to admit it's something I've never seen before, having a normal female body and testicles that are working. But how or why isn't important in your situation. What is important seeing what you want and is important to you, is that it's possible to get pregnant the natural way." Dr. Young answers.

**A/N I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. I enjoyed writing it.**

**As for the process of Oliver's transition, the time line is different than it would be in reality. The description of his process is basically how it goes. Except for Alex getting pregnant the natural way, this is not possible in real life. But this Alex and Oliver we're talking about and they deserve to have that going normally, at least. With everything they went through and what will come on their path in the future, sooner or later. After all there still is a lot Oliver and/or Alex need to recover from.**

**As always please R+R. **

**I know y'all do it often, and I'm very very happy with them, but it can't hurt to ask for them, right? * blush * **


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

"**Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Bronte**

"_There's one thing I'd like to know. The rest is pretty clear for me, now, so I have one important question I'd like to ask. There's nothing in the world that I want more than to have children with Oliver, besides marrying him in less than 2 months. There is nothing I want more than to carry our children. So what I want to know is, is it possible for us to get pregnant the natural way or not?" Alex asks hopefully._

"_Judging by the look on your face and with what you said, I think I'm going to make you very happy, Ms. Cabot. Yes, you can get pregnant the natural way. After Oliver's Phalloplasty of course. I have to admit it's something I've never seen before, having a normal female body and testicles that are working. But how or why isn't important in your situation. What is important seeing what you want and is important to you, is that it's possible to get pregnant the natural way." Dr. Young answers._

Alex had been to the moon and back with happiness that Oliver and she could have children naturally in the future. But when then blonde had looked aside at her soon to be husband, she could see through the smile Oliver plastered on his face. She could see that there was something on the Detective's mind. But the blonde had also known that it wasn't the right time then to ask him about it so the blonde attorney had let it go. They had stayed in Dr. Young's office for about 10 more minutes and after that they had left her office with a prescription for Oliver's Androgel, the hormone gel he needed to use, and with the addresses for his transformer shirts, that's what they were called Dr. Young had explained, and the prosthesis he could wear in his boxer shorts. Oliver already wore tight boxer shorts so that didn't need to change. During the ride back to the apartment Oliver was very quiet. But Alex knows the Detective very well and the blonde knows that the Detective needed time. If the Detective could have, Oliver would have run away as fast as he could. But since that's not one of his options he decides to call one of his friends when they would be home and Oliver would lay down to rest before they leave to the Hampton's. They arrived at their apartment and Alex helps Oliver to their bedroom downstairs and then she helps him to change into a sweats pant and t-shirt from the NYPD. Now comfortably dressed Alex helps Oliver on their bed.

"Liv, are you alright? Do you need anything?" Alex asks, trying to keep her worries out of her voice.

"Not yet but I'll be alright soon. Could you go to the pharmacy and get the gel, Lex?" Oliver asks.

"Sure. I'll get some groceries for today too, so we won't need to get them when we get to the house in the Hampton's. I'll be away about an hour. I'll take my phone with me so if there is something just call and I'll come right back. Alright?" Alex asks.

"Yes. Good idea to get the groceries now. You know I love you, right Lex?" Oliver asks softly.

"Yes I do know that you love me, Liv. I love you too, honey." Alex answers.

"Good. Don't you ever forget that. I know we have a long road to recovery but I still can't wait to marry you, Counselor. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to know it's reality. That I'm not dreaming." Oliver says softly.

"Me too. I can't believe that I got so lucky and I get to marry you, to become Mrs. Alexandra Benson. Try not to think to much with that beautiful brain of yours. We'll get through this. Everything will be alright, Oliver." Alex says softly.

"With my heart I know you're right. It's just that sometimes my mind doubts that. Now you go get my medication. The sooner I start the sooner I need to shave." Oliver winks.

"I can't wait for that to happen. Alright I'll go now. I'll be back soon." Alex says.

The blonde ADA kisses Oliver briefly on his lips before she leaves the bedroom and after that the apartment. For a minute Oliver thinks about whom to call, Abby, Casey or Jane. Knowing that Abby wasn't in court today he decides to call the Texan. After a few rings the brunette ADA picks up.

"Carmichael." Abby says.

"Abs, it's Oliver. How busy are you?" Oliver asks.

"Busy but not too busy. Why?" Abby asks.

"Because I need to talk with you and it's not one of those 5 minutes talks." Oliver answers.

"Right. Well since I haven't had lunch yet, how about I pick up some sandwiches from the deli a block away from the DA's office and I come to your apartment?" Abby asks.

"Alright that's even better. Although... Abs, do ya have a key from the apartment with you? Alex isn't home right now, she'll be back in a little under an hour. I'm laying down on the bed so if you don't have it you have to ask Hector to let you inside." Oliver asks.

"Yeah I do, it's on my key chain. So no problem. Should I pick up one for Alex too? I know you can't have one yet. But I can get you one of those ice coffees that you like so much." Abby asks.

"Really? That would be awesome Tex. And pick up a turkey sandwich with extra lettuce for Alex. Without the mayonnaise." Oliver answers.

"Alright. See ya in 30 minutes, Oli. If the traffic ain't against me." Abby answers.

"Alright. Thanks Abs, for coming here." Oliver says.

"No need to thank me, Oli. See ya soon. Bye." Abby replies and ends the call.

Half an hour later the front door of the apartment opens and Abby hollers inside that it's her so that Oliver doesn't stress himself out with worry or worse. A minute later Abby knocks on the bedroom door and walks inside with a ice coffee for Oliver and a sandwich for herself with a cup of latte.

"Hey Oli, here's the ice coffee you ordered." Abby says.

"Hey Abs. Thank you for coming and bringing me an ice coffee." Oliver says.

"No need to thank me, Oliver. Besides, it was a good excuse for me to leave the office. I assume that you wanting to talk with me has to do with your appointment earlier today?" Abby asks softly.

"Yes it does. The appointment on itself went really well actually. I can start with the hormone treatment right away. Alex is getting it for me now. I have to rub a gel on my leg or arm every day. And in about six month I'll have the first surgery. There are also special shirts, they're called transformer, they will flatten my upper torso. So you don't see those damn things very well anymore. And there's something like a fake, you know what, I can put in my boxer shorts so it looks like normal. But that's the part I was excited about and am excited about of course. Alex too. So far the good part." Oliver answers.

"Oh Oli, that's great! I'm so happy for you. So on the outside you'll look like a man soon. Well without the facial hair of course, but for the rest you probably will. And I hope that your facial hair will grow fast. But not as fast as you want it to grow though. So soon Alex while start whining that you need to shave cuz your face ain't soft and smooth anymore huh." Abby says excitedly.

"I almost jumped out of my damn wheelchair when we talked about this with Dr. Young. It's the last part of our appointment that makes me feel lousy and bad or whatever you can come up with." Oliver says softly.

"Why? Did something go wrong? Or is there something wrong?" Abby asks a bit worried.

"Well yes and no. Actually it depends on the POV." Oliver rattles.

"Alright Benson, what's going on. Why are you so shaken up?" Abby asks.

"Alex askedifwecouldhavechildrennaturally. ." Oliver rambles incoherently.

"Alex what? I'm sorry buddy, but you have to repeat it and this time say it slower so I can actually follow you. Really, Oli it can't be that bad. Alex left you alone to get your meds and probably some groceries. She wouldn't have done that if there was something really wrong with you." Abby says softly and calm.

Oliver takes a deep breath and starts over again.

"Alex asked if we could have children naturally. The normal way. And the Dr. said yes. Now Alex is 'to the moon and back again' happy with it. I know I said that I wanted children with Alex, naturally, but when Dr. Young told us it's possible. I... I don't know. I'm... I'm not so sure anymore. And Alex is really serious about it and so incredibly happy, I can't just crush down her world and say 'Hey Alex, guess what? I changed my mind'. I thought I was sure about it but now I'm not. I have bad genes..." Oliver explains and gets interrupted by Abby immediately.

"Just stop right there, Detective. Don't even think of finishing that sentence. First of all you don't have a bad bone in your entire body. Do you really think Alex would want to have children with you, from you, if she thought that you would be a bad parent, that you would harm your children? I don't think so. Alex would never, ever, do that. You are the most caring, selfless, helping person I know. Now I was not there but both Alex and you talked with me about it, so do I need to remind you of the Darrel Guan case? Do I need to remind you of Alex's closing statement? And the verdict that came back? Ya know what? I'm gonna do it anyway. Alex strongly believes, and so do I, that no matter what your genes are you are the person responsible for your own actions. He made the decision to commit those crimes. He choose to do it. Nobody was forcing him to do it. And neither were his genes responsible for his actions. Now you can say that Alex and I may be biased towards you, but you can't say that of the jury who agreed together, all of them, that he was guilty. That he made the decision to commit those crimes. You can't say that all of them are biased too, Oliver. Being able to have children the natural way is wonderful. It's a gift that Alex and you are blessed with. Yes, I do say blessed with, cuz that's what it is. I get it that your nervous about being a good parent, every parent is nervous about being a good parent, the only exception are the people you arrest and Alex brings to trial. But I've never seen anyone be so good with children as you are. You're gonna be a wonderful dad. And yes you'll make mistakes, as will Alex. Every parent makes them, but making normal mistakes ain't making you a bad parent. Your children will be loved and cherished. They will be protected as long as the both of you are alive. And after that. You're not your mother, Oliver, or the rapist that raped your mother and got her pregnant. Not long from now Alex and you are getting married. There's no doubt on my mind that Alex would have wanted to marry you and would marry you if you were a bad person or a risk. So do we understand each other and did ya pull your head out of your ass or do I need to get my girlfriend here to thoroughly kick your sorry ass?" Abby finishes.

Oliver thinks about all that Abby said and he knows the Texan is right. He was letting his insecurity taking over. Just when Oliver wants to answer they hear the front door opening again.

"No you don't have to get Jane here. I will talk about this with Alex when we're alone." Oliver says.

"Fine. But ya better have that conversation with Alex or else I will get Jane and have her kick your ass." Abby agrees and warns the Detective.

"I will, probably when we are on our way to the Hampton's." Oliver says.

They hear the clicking of Alex's heels on the floor and soon the door to the bedroom opens again and the blonde attorney walks inside.

"Hey Abs. What brings you here?" Alex asks curiously.

"Your demanding fiancé brings me here, Counselor." Abby smiles.

"What did he want this time?" Alex laughs.

"Getting my ass out of the office and have lunch." Abby answers, the Texan isn't lying but also not telling the truth.

"She brought a turkey sandwich for you, Lex. Without mayonnaise and with extra lettuce, just the way you like it." Oliver says.

"My favorite sandwich huh. Thank you Abs. And care to tell me what was in it for you, Detective Benson?" Alex asks playful.

"One cup of ice coffee was in it for me, ADA Cabot." Oliver answers.

Alex knows Abby is here for a reason, the blonde also knows that Oliver will talk with her later when he's ready for it. She has a feeling what is keeping her fiancé's mind busy. Sure it stings a bit that Oliver didn't talk with her about it when she asked for it, but on the other hand the blonde ADA was happy that Oliver at least talked about it with someone. He made a big progression and he might not even realize it.

"Hey babe, I got your gel. So after showering tonight you can put it on for the first time. How does that sound?" Alex asks smiling.

Oliver's eyes light up as soon as he hears the word gel and a big smile breaks through on his face.

"Best idea I heard today." Oliver answers, bobbing with his head.

"That needs to be celebrated. How about Jane and I come over tomorrow evening? Neither of us is on the call this weekend. So we could come for about two hours and then go back to the City again." Abby asks.

"Let me talk with Alex for a moment and I'll give you an answer. Ok?" Oliver asks.

"Sure. I'll go to the living room. Let me know when you're done." Abby answers and leaves the room.

Alex looks at her Detective waiting for Oliver to start the conversation.

"I think Abby is right and that we should celebrate it. It's the first step of the physical process. Maybe we could ask Amanda too. Since Abby isn't on call I assume that Case is. Otherwise we could have ask her too. Or should we only asks Abby and Jane? What do you think, Alex?" Oliver asks.

"I think Abs is right too. I assume that Casey is on call, with you. But how about we ask Abby and Jane and let them stay over for the night. You're comfortable with the both of them so maybe it would be a nice distraction if they stay and leave the next morning. If you're up to it of course." Alex answers.

"I think that's a great idea. Yeah, let's do that." Oliver answers.

Alex smiles at Oliver and walks back to the door, she opens it and calls for Abby to come back. The tall brunette comes back and walks into the room again.

"That was fast. So what did you decide?" Abby asks.

"We would like it if Jane and you come tomorrow evening and stay for the night. And head back to the City on Saturday. Have a nice evening with the four of us." Oliver answers.

"It's fine by me. I would like to do that. I'll ask Jane and call you back about it. I know it's soon but I have to go back to office. We should see each other tomorrow night. Congratulations Oli, I'm so happy for you that you can start with your hormone treatment." Abby says.

"Thank you Abs. Call Alex's phone when you know if the two of you can stay for the night and what time you think you'll be there tomorrow evening." Oliver says.

"Alright. See ya tomorrow." Abby says.

"See ya tomorrow. Bye Texas." Oliver jokes.

"Bye Oil." Abby jokes back.

Abby and Alex walk out of the couples bedroom and to the door where they say their goodbyes and Alex closes the door behind the Texan. Then the blonde walks back to their bedroom.

"Liv, why was Abs really here? Cuz I know she didn't just wanted to leave the office for lunch." Alex asks while sitting down on the bed facing Oliver.

"You're right she didn't come here coincidentally. I called her to talk with her and she offered to come here. I hope you're not mad because I talked to her and not to you first." Oliver answers.

"I'm not mad. Yes I didn't like it that you didn't talk to me at first, but I do understand it. I'm just glad you talk with me now." Alex answers truthfully.

"I'm sorry Lex, that I didn't talk to you but I didn't want to hurt you. Nor did I want to push you away if we would have talked. I'm ready now though." Oliver says softly.

"I know you weren't ready to talk. I know that something happened inside your head when we were in Dr. Young's office. Do you want to tell me what was going through your head, what was going on?" Alex asks.

"I panicked a bit, I freaked out, when Dr. Young answered your question and said that you could get pregnant the natural way. I guess I didn't realize how much you want children of our own. And I think I got surprised. Stupid, I know but it happened. I should have known how much you want children and I did know it on the inside to be honest. But still I let it get to me and I panicked. But when Abby came here and I started to talk about my genes again she cut me off fast. And reminded me of the Darrel Guan case and your closing statement. Reminded me that you would never put any child in jeopardy or taking the risk to get them harmed. Let's just say she got my head straight and out of my ass. And she threatened me that if I didn't get it out she would've called Jane to come over and kick my ass thoroughly, her words not mine. I'm sorry for freaking out or panicking like I did, Lex. I know you never would marry me or have children with me if you thought I was a threat to them. I'm sorry for letting this get to me when you were and are so happy that we can have children like anyone else can have them. And don't think I don't want to have children with you when the time is right, I do want them with you. I let my insecurity get the best of me, it wasn't necessary and I'm sorry I let that happen." Oliver finishes softly, apologizing to Alex.

"First of all, you don't have to apologize Liv. Every parent gets insecure every once in a while. That's normal. Maybe you will freak out a few more times, but still, that's normal. I'm sure I'll get insecure myself somewhere down the road and I know that you'll be there for me, to reassure me and help me get my head straight. Next time it happens I want you to come to me if you can do it. I know you want children with me Liv, I'll still know that when or if you get insecure. And you being insecure won't change the fact that you want children with me. I know a lot of things are unsure, especially for you, right know. But there are two things I know for certain, one is marrying you and the other is that you're going to be the best father any child could wish for. I won't repeat what Abby already said, I don't need to because you got it when she did. And you know what? I'm proud of you, Liv. You panicked but you didn't run away and you didn't shut me out. That's a big step you have taken. Now how about we cuddle a bit and take a nap before getting ready for your appointment with Kim?" Alex asks.

Oliver smiles at Alex and motions at his fiancé to come closer towards him. Alex moves forward until she's sitting next to Oliver and close to the Detective's face.

"Yes, honey?" Alex asks.

"I like your idea but I have something I'd like to add. How about we practice the first step of getting pregnant, which is kissing, first before that, Counselor?" Oliver asks.

"I like the way you think, Detective." Alex answers softly.

Oliver closes the space between and captures Alex's soft lips with his own. Practicing their first step of getting pregnant.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N As some of you may have noticed with the first chapter of "Behind the scenes and on the screen" my writing has changed a bit for the better. The reason for this improvement is that I have a new beta reader, agapeandzoe, and she's doing an outstanding job. So all the credit, for all the improvement I might make, goes to her. Thank you very much for helping me, agapeandzoe.**

**As I'm still dealing with a writers block this chapter is more delayed than I wanted it to be. I'm sorry for keep y'all waiting so long. **

**Back to the story, shall we? As always your magnificent reviews are more than welcome.**

Chapter 45

"**Love...it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be."- Khalil Gibran.**

"Alex! Alex! Wake up!" Oliver yelled.

Jolted out of her sleep Alex sits straight up immediately.

"What's wrong, Liv,?" Alex asked worried.

"Alex, we're at the wrong house. I have my appointment with Kim in the Hampton's not here in New York. We need to get up! We have 3 hours to pack and drive to there!" Oliver answered a bit panicked.

"Christ Detective! You almost gave me an heart attack. You made it look like the apartment was on fire. Calm down will ya," Alex chastised.

"Sorry Lex, I just woke up realizing that we're at the wrong place," Oliver said.

"Yes I got that part. Alright, let's get up. Do you want to wear comfy clothes or jeans with a button down shirt?" Alex asked getting up.

"Both. I would like to wear sweatpants for the ride with a button down shirt. Then I only need to change into my jeans when we are there," Oliver answered.

"Alright. Let's get you dressed and then I'll pack the last things we need before we need to go. You could actually help me with that. I made a list with what we need to take with us. If you read up the list I look if it's in the suitcases. How does that sound?" Alex asked.

"Sounds good to me," Oliver answered.

Half an hour after Alex had waken up so rudely the ADA and Detective were on their way to the Hampton's. Alex drove a bit faster than usual; she wanted to have some extra time to adjust at the house for Oliver before the Detective would have his session with Kim. Not that the blonde attorney took big risks, she didn't, she only drove harder on places where it was safe to do and because of all their baggage and Oliver's wheelchair she had chosen to go with the Volvo. It was more comfortable for her Detective and she could take more luggage with this car.

They arrived at the house in the Hampton at 5 pm, half an hour before Kim would be there for Oliver's session. Oliver's eyes grew wide when they drove up the driveway.

The house is huge for vacation house standards. Hell the house is big to any standards in Oliver's opinion.

"I thought you said it was a house. This isn't a house Alexandra Laura Cabot! This is a mansion, I don't care what standards you go with, this is freaking big," Oliver said.

Alex has the decency to smile sheepishly at the Detective.

"I'll admit for a vacation house it's a bit big, yes," Alex said.

"For a vacation house? And a bit big? It's big for any type of house period," Oliver answered.

"Fine, it's huge. Happy now, Detective?" Alex smiled.

"Yes, I am. Thank you, Counselor," Oliver answered.

Alex parked the Volvo in the garage next to the house and got out of the car. She got Oliver's wheelchair out of the car first and moves it close to the passenger door and then she helps Oliver out of the car and into the wheelchair. Alex walks with Oliver to the front door and pulls her keys out of her pocket and opens the front door, then she walks them both inside, into the hallway. Knowing that Kim would be there soon the blonde decides to walk them through the house, well the main floor, first and after that to get Oliver comfortable in the living room. She would unload the car and unpack their suitcases when her fiance would have his session and hoped that they would be finished at the same time.

On the main floor to the right in the hallway is a door leading to the living room. There is also a big stairs and at the top of it there are two directions, each lead to a wing with 3 bedrooms. At the end of the hallway, also on the right, is a door leading to the kitchen. In the middle at the left, is a bathroom, followed by two doors leading to two bedrooms, each with a bathroom with a shower. The bedroom behind the second door also has a bath in the bathroom. Inside the living room on the left is a door leading to a room which they call the game room, it has a pool table and a sofa with a big TV screen on the wall. Under the TV is a table with two game consoles. On the left the wall is covered with bookshelves, the right wall has some art from local artists on the wall.

The second door on the left in the living room leads to a large dining room, which was surprisingly warm and inviting. A large dining table is surrounded with 8 chairs and there is a smaller table with 4 chairs. Across the room is a door that leads to a big kitchen with all the equipment you can think of. The living room itself is rather big too. With two comfortable sofa's and multiple chairs. There is another corner with a table and a couple of chairs around it. On the right wall there's a fireplace and the sofa's are placed on both sides of the fireplace. Oliver is in awe of how beautiful the main floor with all the rooms is. Yes on the outside the place looks huge and truthfully it is huge, but all the rooms are quite warm. After showing Oliver the main floor except for the bedrooms, the blonde will show them later, the Detective and ADA are going to the living to get Oliver comfortable on one of the sofa's as Alex goes to the kitchen to make some coffee for them.

At 5.30 pm the doorbell rings and Alex walks from the kitchen through the living room into the hallway and to the front door to let Kim inside.

"Hello Alex, how are you doing?" Kim asked, as she stepped inside.

"Hello Kim, actually I'm fine. Yesterday and today have been good so far," Alex answered.

Alex closes the door behind Kim and leads the Dr. down the hallway into the living room.

"Good afternoon Detective. How are you today?" Kim asked.

"Hi Doc. Overall I'm good today," Oliver answered.

"I just made coffee for Oliver and myself, would you like a cup too, Kim?" Alex asked.

"Yes, please," Kim answered.

"How do you take your coffee?" Alex asked.

"one cream, two sugar, please," Kim answered.

"Alright, I'll be right back. After drinking coffee I'll leave the two of you alone, alright?" Alex asked.

"Yes that's alright. Oliver and I will have a session about an hour today," Kim answered.

Alex nods and walks to kitchen. A few minutes later the blonde attorney is back with 3 cups of coffee. While drinking coffee the three of them have some small talk and 10 minutes later Alex stands up and kisses Oliver's forehead before she leaves the living room and let the Detective and Dr. to their privacy.

"So Oliver, how did your appointment with Dr. Young go?" Kim asked.

"It went very good actually. Until Alex asked her a question at the end." Oliver mumbled the second part.

"I'm starting with the hormone treatment today. I'm using the gel, I hate needles poking in my body. Oh, Alex and I are going to look on the internet for those transformer shirts, I'm so gonna wear them. And the... um... rubber penis for inside my boxer shorts too. And I'm gonna get my first surgery in six months, how awesome is that?!" Oliver answered.

Kim laughed at Oliver's giddiness. It's good to see all the energy breaking free when he talks about his transition. But Kim also noticed that although he spoke briefly about the end of his appointment, he also skipped that part.

"It's good to see you are so enthusiastically talking about your transition. I can see you can't wait for further progression in the process. But what I would like to discus is the part you skipped after mentioning it. What did Alex ask and what happened after she asked the question?" Kim asked.

The smile Oliver had on his face disappears and the Detective frowned at the question Kim asked. He skipped that part purposely because he didn't want to talk about it.

"Guess what? I don't want to discus it," Oliver answered, setting his jaw.

"Care to explain why you don't want to talk about this?" Kim asked.

"I just don't want to talk about it. I already talked about it with Abby and with Alex, so I don't need to talk about it again," Oliver answered.

"That's one more reason why we should talk about it. That and the fact that you don't want to talk about it with me makes me think that it is important. Not everything we need to talk about is pleasant, but that doesn't makes a difference, we still need to talk about it. So, I'll asks again, what was the question that Alex asked and what happened after she asked said question?" Kim asked calmly.

Oliver crossed his arms and looks straight forward, ignoring the questions Kim asked and ignores the Dr. herself.

_This is going to be interesting. Let's see how stubborn this Detective is. _Kim thought to herself.

"You know staying silent only delays the conversation. The sooner you talk, the sooner we can let this subject rest," Kim said.

Kim waits for an reaction but gets the silent treatment once again. She decides to stay silent for now. Most of the times people get uncomfortable and starts to talk. Even cops did, eventually. But 5 minutes later Oliver still hadn't said a word. And Kim was finding out that this method doesn't work with the Detective.

"Alright, we can skip it for today and talk about it another day. What do you want to talk about today?" Kim asked.

Oliver keeps looking away from Kim while he gives a short answer.

"Nothing." Oliver answered.

"Well I didn't come here to not talking about things. I have given you the opportunity to choose what it is that we are going to talk about so I suggest you take the offer and choose something to talk about. If you don't make a choice, I'll make it and it might be another subject you don't want to talk about. So it's up to you Detective. Do you make the choice or do I make it?" Kim asked, a bit firmly.

Oliver shrugs with one shoulder but still refuses to look at Kim or to answer her question.

"What's going on Oliver? About 5 minutes ago you were enthusiastic about the way your transition goes and, just like that you, don't say a word," Kim asked.

"I just don't feel like talking right now," Oliver answered.

"And to prevent it you just stay silent. How is that going to help you?" Kim asked.

"It works doesn't it, so I would say it helps perfectly," Oliver answered.

Kim shakes her head. The way they were going, they won't make any progress today. But this is not the first stubborn cop she works with, so Kim decides to try something else to make the Detective talk.

"Alright, this is what we're going to do, I'm giving you an assignment that you're going to do now. I want you to write down three things you want to achieve with this therapy and why you want to achieve it. I will read it and if there is one thing I want to know more about, today, we're going to talk about that. If not, you're lucky and get away with it." Kim said.

Kim doesn't wait for an answer, she picked up her briefcase and pulled out a notepad and a pen. She walks to Oliver and laid the notepad and pen on his lap and walks back to her chair and sat down again.

"Three things you want to achieve and why you want it, that's what you're going to write down now, Detective." Kim said sternly.

Oliver glares at Kim but he picks up the pen and starts thinking about the three things he wants to achieve. Seeing that Oliver is thinking and does what she asked him to do, Kim pulled a report out of her briefcase and began reading it. Giving Oliver the time and space to work on his assignment. Half an hour later Oliver lays down the pen.

"I'm done, Kim." Oliver said.

"Good job, Detective. Alright, let me see what you wrote down." Kim said.

The Dr. walked over to Oliver and the Detective handed over the notepad and pen. Kim walked back to her chair and began reading what Oliver wrote down. After a few minutes Kim was done reading Oliver's assignment.

"These are three good points, Oliver. Since you did your assignment seriously I let you of the hook for today and tomorrow we split up the session in two parts. Now once in a while having a session, as today's session went, is fine but don't think you can get away with it twice in row. I'm expecting full cooperation tomorrow from you, Detective. The first part we're going to talk about is what you and Alex wrote down in your diary , the second part we're going to talk about the three points you want to achieve. Is there anything you want to say for now?" Kim asked.

"No, nothing I can think of now," Oliver answered.

"That's what I thought you would answer. Alright that's it for today," Kim said.

Kim puts the notepad, pen and report back in her briefcase and stood up.

"I'll let myself out. See you tomorrow Detective," Kim said.

"See you tomorrow Doc," Oliver smiled.

Kim shook her head and smiled back at Oliver before she walked out the living room and left the house. 15 minutes later Alex walked into the living room. The blonde attorney looked surprised when she only sees Oliver in the living room and no sign of the good Doctor.

"Where's Kim?" Alex asked

"She went home about 15 minutes ago," Oliver answered.

Alex looked at her watch and then glares Oliver.

"What did you do, Detective?" Alex asked sternly.


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N I know, I'm surprised myself for having another chapter finished, but I couldn't get this chapter out of my mind. It's short, however, in my opinion it's worth it and needed. Chapter edited.**

**Enjoy reading it.**

**And a not so subtle hint, I just love your reviews it's what feeds my mind...**

Chapter 46

"**Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'" - Erich Fromm.**

"Why is it that I always must have done something?" Oliver asked, slightly offended by the blonde's question.

"Because most of the time you have done something. Now quit stalling and answer the questions. Is she even coming back tomorrow?" Alex asked.

"Yes she is coming back tomorrow. I didn't order her to leave if that's what you think. She asked how the appointment with Dr. Young went and I answered that question but I didn't tell her what it was that you'd asked or how my reaction to it was. She wanted to know it and I didn't feel like talking about it again so I didn't answer her questions. She can't make me talk about things if I don't want to talk about them," Oliver answered, as he raised his eyebrow daring the blonde to react to him.

It had been a while since Oliver had been at the receiving end of Alex's death glare but the Detective most certainly was at the end of it now.

"You do realize that she is coming here in her spare time to help you recover, don't you, Detective?!" Alex asked with her courtroom voice, letting the Detective know that he was is in trouble once again.

"I know that. But that doesn't mean when she says jump, I jump or ask how high. It's not like I didn't talk about it at all today. And she kept asking so I kept my mouth shut. After 5 minutes of silence, or something like that, she gave me an assignment to do and I did what she asked for. After that she told me what tomorrow's session will be about and then she left. For the record, out of her own free will, I didn't force her to leave," Oliver answered, irritated.

"Well, you do jump and ask her how high when it's only your second session with her. And this is important, very important. It's about our future, Oliver. I don't care if you talked about it with Abby or myself. I don't care how many other people you talk about it that are not your therapist, when she wants to talk about it with you, you **will** talk about it. She's the one that can and will help you recover and deal with important issues. Do I make myself clear, Detective?!" Alex asked.

"Oh, so now you're gonna tell me to jump and how high? What makes you think you have the right to do that?" Oliver growled.

"First, because I want you to recover well and I have the best intentions for you. Second, because I'm your fiancee and it's our future we're talking about," Alex answered.

"Yeah, well I'm not a monkey at the circus you can dress and let perform some tricks," Oliver countered.

"No, you most certainly are not. However, you are my fiancee who I happen to love very much. And who I hate to see in pain, whether it be physical or emotional. I know that I can't imagine how hard this all must be for you, but I do know a few things about being in pain physically and emotionally, as I've been there myself. Since you don't want to talk about it with Kim, at some point you will talk to her about it, we are going to talk about what happened today at the office of Dr. Young. As for now, I'm going to the game room, so when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me. I'll leave the door open so call me when you are ready, because we will talk about it today, Detective. I can guarantee you that much," Alex said sternly.

After Alex finished, the blonde left the living room and walked into the game room, like she said she would do. Knowing that it would take a while before Oliver would call her, the attorney picked up a book from one of the bookshelves and went to the sofa, sat down and started to read.

It was an hour later when Alex heard Oliver calling.

"Alex, could you come into the living room?" Oliver called out.

"I'll be there in second," Alex answered.

The blonde attorney placed the book mark on the page she was reading and closed the book. Leaving the book on the sofa, Alex walked back in to the living and towards the sofa where she sat down at the end and pulled the Detective's feet into her lap.

Oliver took a deep breath before he started talking.

"It wasn't that I don't want children with you Alex, because I do. It was hearing that it was possible to get you pregnant that got the best of me. My insecurity got the best of me and I panicked. Now let me finish what I want to say before you give your reaction, please.

I don't have exactly the best genes to pass on. Over the years you have convinced me that it isn't my genes that made me who I am, and I believe that you're right. Let me rephrase that...I _know_ you're right.

But once in a while I forget it and that little voice in the back of my mind speaks up and tells me that I shouldn't have a biological child of my own. That because half of my genes are from an alcoholic and the other half are from a rapist it is the worst thing I could do and that the child I would bring into this world could be an evil person.

That voice tells me I would be a bad parent because of my genes. And more importantly for us, that I could turn into my father and, when having sex, I wouldn't stop when you ask me to, and I end up raping you. And the last thing I want to do is hurt you mentally or, God help me, physically. I know that I'm not ready for making love but that doesn't mean that I'm not still scared I will force myself on you and won't stop when you don't want to make love or ask me to stop. I couldn't live with the fact that our child didin't come into this world by making love but because I raped you. I couldn't live with that. It would not only damage you but it also would destroy me, knowing that I hurt the woman I love more than life itself and did to her what happened to my mother, what happened to me. That's what I'm scared of and that's why I freaked out and panicked a bit. And I'm not ready to talk with Kim about that, because it means I have to share my past with her, how I came into this world and how my life was until my mother passed away. I'm not ready for that. That's why I didn't want to talk about what happened today with Kim," Oliver finished.

Even though Alex knew this, has always known this, it has still touched the younger blonde. It touched her that Oliver is so concerned about her well being. She had no doubts that Oliver would never force himself on her nor that he would never stop should she asked for it. However, Alex knew that her Detective wasn't convinced himself and that it was her task, her duty to show Oliver, make it clear that she never feared for that, nor will she ever fear for it in the future.

"Liv, I've never, ever, been afraid or scared for that to happen. I'll never be afraid that when we are ready to make love, you'll force yourself on me or that you won't stop should I ask you to. There's not a bad bone in your entire body. And it's alright for you to get insecure every once in a while. Is it necessary? No, it isn't. Because I know for sure that it will never happen, quite the opposite to be honest.

You have proven more than once you'll protect me at all costs, you'll defend me and my honor at all costs and will never hurt me. How do I know that, you'd ask? Well, I have proof that it won't never happen. Remember the time you lost it with that dickhead Mallory? Everyone told me not to go into the interrogation room, told me not to try to stop you because you would hurt me. Before anyone else could burst into the room I went into that room myself. You were ready to attack who ever it was that tried to pull you off him. That was until you saw it was me, pulling you off and stop you. The moment you saw it was me, that same moment you calmed down and let me guide you out of the interrogation room. That's when, and why, I know you will never hurt me or force yourself on me. You didn't attack me then and you would never do it in the future.

No matter what happens. No matter what state you're in because your profession calls for you to be in certain situations, I'll never have to be afraid that you will turn against me. I will never be afraid for my own safety with you. Like my father said, I'm more afraid of what will happen to the person that's dumb enough to try to attack me, whether it be verbally or physically. Because I know there is no way you would let them get away with it or let them get to me. I can't be safer or more cherished than with you Oliver Alexander Benson. And that will never change," Alex finished, with what looked like one of her closing statements.

The blonde ADA took Oliver's hands into her own before she added something to the quite impressive speech she already had given to the Detective.

"Nobody is going to force you to talk with Kim about your past or about what happened today until you are ready for it, Liv. And I certainly won't force you. Now when Kim asks you again about it, you can tell her that you're not ready to talk about with her, that you're not ready to talk about your past with her because it's necessary to understand where your fear comes from. And if she tries to make you talk about it when you're not ready or won't take no for an answer, all you have to do is call for me. And I will stop her from trying to get you to talk before you are ready. I will make her understand that you won't talk about this until you are ready for it and not a moment sooner. So don't worry about that, alright?" Alex asked softly.

Oliver just nodded while he tried to get the lump out of his throat that had devleloped during the touching and wonderful statement his beautiful, intelligent fiancee had just made. From the promise Alex had made to him, when he could finally manage it, he spoke softly, "What did I do to get a woman as wonderful and as caring as you are? What have I done to get you and for you to be my fiancee?" Oliver asked softly, almost whispering.

"The only thing you needed to do or are doing... you love me...you love me. That's all I ever need, your love," Alex answered softly, emotion filling her voice.


	47. Chapter 47

**Edited version.**

**A\N I owe y'all an apology again. I won't explain everything again as y'all know I have some difficulties going on in my life. **

**This chapter isn't read by my usual beta reader so all mistakes that are in it, are entirely my own and if there should ass kicking be necessary, it's mine that needs the kicking.**

**Enjoy reading this chapter and as always please R+R. **

Chapter 47

"**Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love have missed the best thing life has to give." - Bertrand Russel.**

It's a little over a month later and Oliver now walks with a cane inside the house. PT is very painful but the strong Detective is handling it very well. In the morning he has PT and in the afternoon he's working on his homework for Kim or doing one of the assignments Alex and he need to do before Kim comes for their sessions. There's a real connection between the Detective and the Doctor. For the first time in his life, Oliver almost looks forward to his appointments. After two appointments with his trauma therapist that went wrong and took Oliver two days to get past it, Alex and Oliver decided with Kim that she would be his only mental therapist. He had been stubborn twice more with Kim, but other than that he actually did the best he could and worked his ass off.

Slowly, Oliver made some progression. He didn't flinch so much anymore, and the only time he flinched was when he would be touched by someone that wasn't Alex. He even initiated a couple of their 'make out' sessions beside the assignments they needed to do. Oliver still has nightmares, however, sometimes they are less bad and he can deal with them then. He still has flashbacks but they now know what triggers them and try to prevent those situations.

Every morning after PT, Oliver showers with help from Alex. Afterwards he rubs the gel on his left upper arm and he spends more time in front of the mirror to see if he has any facial hair yet. His voice is still the same and he is impatiently waiting for his voice getting lower.

The wedding preparations are almost done and Caroline surprisingly accepted all their wishes without arguing about it. Today Abby and Jane are coming over after work to spend the weekend with them, and they'll be staying till Sunday. Tomorrow, Saturday, they are going to look in the Hampton's for their outfits. Abby and Alex will be looking for a wedding dress, and Oliver and Jane will be looking for the suit Oliver will be wearing at the reception after the wedding ceremony, when Alex and Abby will be back. He will marry Alex in his dress uniform per the blonde's request. Abby will show Jane a photo of Alex's dress so that the Italian Detective can match Oliver's suit with the blonde's dress.

"ALEX, ALEX, ALEX. COME HERE!" Oliver yells, from inside the en suite bathroom at their bedroom.

Alex jumps off the sofa in the game room and runs to their bathroom.

"What is it, Liv? What's happening?" Alex asks when she sees the huge smile on her finance's face.

"Feel this," Oliver answered.

Oliver took Alex's hand and placed her finger tops on his skin on and under his chin. Alex moved her fingers and a huge smile came on the attorney's face.

"Oliver! It's finally happening. You're getting facial hair!" Alex squealed.

"I know! How awesome is that?" Oliver squealed back.

"Oh Liv, I'm so happy for you. This is so great," Alex answered.

"Now I can go buying a razor blade and shaving cream and you'll want to complain that I need to go shave myself after a couple of days because you want my skin soft and smoothly and...and...and... This is just so awesome. I'm getting a beard," Oliver rambled excitingly.

Alex puts her hands on Oliver's face and leans forward to kiss the Detective softly on his lips.

"Congratulations, Oliver Alexander Benson. This is one big step in your process," Alex said softly.

"Congratulations to you too Alexandra Laura Cabot, soon to be Benson, this is equally important to you to," Oliver said.

"Thank you, Liv. Now,I hate to break our bubble but we need to get you ready, Kim will be here in half an hour for your session and Abby and Jane should be here just after your session is finished," Alex said.

"I know. Just stay around just in case I need you, alright?" Oliver asked.

"I'll be in the game room, like always. You just call me if you need me." Alex answered, reassuring her Detective.

Half an hour later Kim arrived and just like they always did the three of them drank a cup of coffee and then Alex went to the game room and left Oliver and Kim to their privacy.

They started easy with talking about Oliver's facial hair. The Detective told Kim about his newly discovered hairs and how happy he was with it and that Alex was really happy too. The Dr. congratulated him. She also was very happy for Oliver and Alex of course. They talked about it for 5 minutes before Kim said that they needed to move on and discuss the diary and if they had made some progress or not. They talked about the things Oliver had problems with and the things that went pretty well. After three quarters of their session Kim said that she thought it would be a good idea to involve Alex in this and have her join their session. While it would make him a bit uncomfortable, Oliver understood why Kim wanted his fiancé to join their session. So he asked Kim to go and get Alex. Kim stood up and walked to the game room, knocked on the door and stuck her head through the door opening.

"Alex, could you join us for the remaining time of Oliver's session?" Kim asked.

Alex looked up surprised. It was the first time Kim came to ask her to join them.

"Yes of course. Is something wrong?" Alex asked worried.

"You don't have to worry, everything is fine. What we're discussing now concerns the both of you, that's why I want you to join us. Your Detective gave his permission to ask you to join us," Kim explained.

Reassured that everything was alright with Oliver, Alex nodded and stood up.

"In that case I'll be more than happy to join the two of you," Alex said.

The two women walked back into the living room and Alex took her usual spot on the couch, while Kim sat back in the chair she earlier occupied.

"Oliver and I were discussing the diary, what goes right and what Oliver has some problems with. I have a few things I'd like to talk about with the two of you. Oliver told me that he has problems with his own body and he thinks they won't go away after his transition is completed. It's up to him when he wants to talk about it with you. I'm giving you an assignment, Detective, that I also want Alex to do.

Based on the assignment you are doing together, which is going better than expected, and Oliver's wishes, I have a new one to add. But only if the both of you agree with it.

Let's start with the assignment related to Oliver's body, shall we?" Kim asked, after explaining what the rest of the session would be about.

"Ok Doc," Oliver answered.

"Yes," Alex answered.

"Alright. To know your body, Detective, you have to know how it feels. You would think that's easy because you have seen it and touched it all your life but that's not really knowing your body. You don't know how it feels when you concentrate on what you are feeling, or how it feels when your partner, or in this case your fiancé Alex, touches it when you're focused.

So here's what I want you to do or Alex doing it. When you take a shower or a bath, I want you to wash yourself with your hands. Not with a washcloth or sponge. And notice what you're doing and how it feels. Without touching your intimate parts. Take your time and do it at a normal pace and then slowly, feel the difference. Then you dry off yourself with a towel, hard or soft and switch it, again concentrate on how it feels to your body, the difference between hard and soft. Now you need to take the time to do this, so when you're in a hurry and you want to take a quick shower it's not the time to do this.

The second part is that I want you to lay down on your bed or the couch, at least as long as you can't stay on your feet for a longer period, after that you may choose whatever you want. Then close your eyes, it's easier to concentrate when your eyes are closed, and touch yourself again. Where does your body feel soft and where not, is it warm or cold, is your skin smooth or is there hair. Those sort of things. Don't expect anything, it's a journey of discovering your body, get to know it. After that you do it again but this time you're going to search for spots that feel nice and what kind of touching feels nice. Remember it's about what feels nice, it's _not_ about what feels arousing. The goal of this is to get to know your body and to find out what feels nice or not and learning to enjoy it.

I want you to do this 3 times a week, twice with your own hands and once with Alex's hands. Keep in mind that it's supposed to help you, so when you're having a bad day don't do it, or when it doesn't feel good and you think you're going to panic, stop.

Pick a time you know you won't get disturbed. No visitors, expected phone calls, things like that. Take the time, for example take an hour to complete the assignment. If there's another part of your body that may be a trigger, you avoid it. Discuss it up front which area's you want to avoid beside the intimate parts, this includes your breasts, for as long as you still have them of course.

It will take some time, but it will help, Detective. Now are there any questions either one of you want to ask about this?" Kim finished.

Alex looked at Oliver, a bit worried.

"Liv, do you want to do this? Do you think you are ready for it?" Alex asked softly.

"I trust Kim, Alex. If she thinks this might help me, help us, then I'm willing to give it a try. To answer your questions, yes I do want to do this. Am I ready for it? We can take this as slow or as fast as I can handle or want, or how we want it. That doesn't mean I'm not nervous, but I trust you...with my life, Lex. I know you would never hurt me. So yes, I think I'm ready for this, or as ready as I can be that is." Oliver answered.

When Alex looked into Oliver's eyes, the blonde could see that Oliver meant everything he just said. She could see the trust he had in her in those beautiful brown orbs.

"Alright, then we'll do it." Alex said.

Kim smiled at the interaction between the couple. It was so obvious how much they trusted each other, and how much they loved each other. The blonde Dr. knew Oliver had a long way to go, as did Alex, but she really had faith that they would get there.

"No questions?" Kim asked.

Both Oliver and Alex shook their head.

"I don't have any questions for now." Alex answered.

Oliver snorted at Alex's comment. The Detective knew that the attorney would come up with more questions than Kim would like, once they were actually doing the assignment. Alex raised one eyebrow at Oliver, but she didn't say anything. She knew why her fiancé snorted and he probably was right about it .

"Alright, let's go to the second and last subject for this session, the diary that the two of you are keeping and what Oliver wishes to do.

Detective, you're making much more progress than one could expect. I read that you even initiated a couple of 'kissing sessions' when you two weren't doing the assignment. I also read that with Alex you don't flinch that much anymore. You're doing it very well, I'm proud of you Oliver. You are at a very difficult point in your life, being sexually assaulted, assaulted and in the middle of a transition, and you keep improving every week.

Alex, I know you want to wait for Oliver to be ready to take the next step in your romantic relationship, that you want to wait to make love until Oliver is ready to receive. However, while Oliver may not be ready to take the next step in the receiving process, yet, I do think he is ready to take the next step for the giving part. And I believe it would help him to get there to take the next step to receive some more intimated touches. And to build up his self esteem more. What Oliver wishes, or wants to do is to take the next step and starting to touch you when you are kissing or doing your assignment. And occasionally he wants to try out how far he can go and enjoy it without panicking or feeling nervous about it.

I think the big question is for you Alex. Are you willing to do this assignment or should it happen spontaneously, allow it to happen?" Kim asked.

To say that Alex was shocked would be an understatement. The younger blonde was stunned with what Kim just told her. The Doctor was right, Alex wanted to wait until Oliver was ready to take the next step in their relationship, making love equally, not just Oliver making love to her. But to be honest the blonde ADA also thought that Oliver didn't want to take the next step on a physical level yet, as far as it concerned herself. Now Alex had a dilemma to resolve. One side of it was that she really wanted to wait until they could take the next step for the both of them. That didn't mean she doesn't get aroused or turned on by the brunette Detective, because she does. And that is what's causing the other side of said dilemma. Alex was willing to do what Kim asked from her and what her fiancé wished for. But, she was afraid that at some point she would get more aroused than Oliver was ready for. And she didn't want to 'help' herself. Not anymore, not now that she was romantically involved with the love of her life, the man she was about to marry.

Oliver and Kim saw the internal battle Alex was fighting and gave the blonde the time to figure it out for herself. They patiently waited for Alex to be ready to make her decision and tell them what she would decide.

While Alex was thinking about it, she also thought about the fact that she was willing to anything that would make Oliver happy, that he deserved the world on a silver platter. And that same thought was what made her decision easy.

"All I want is for you to be happy, Liv. To give you everything you want and more importantly, what you deserve. So if this is what you want, then I think this is the right thing to do," Alex answered slowly.

"Alex, you hesitated, could you tell us why?" Kim asked gently.

Alex's face got red and swallowed hard before she was able to answer the question.

"I... um... I am afraid that I will get so turned on and that it will be too much for Oliver, that he won't be ready for that," Alex answered, her face getting the color of an tomato.

Before either woman realized what happened, Oliver had pulled Alex with an unexpected force towards him that the blonde ended up on the Detective's lap, and he kissed the ADA passionately. By the time they both needed air, Alex was kissed senseless by her Detective and Kim was smiling widely. Oliver's actions left little doubt to whether or not he was ready for what Alex was afraid of. The Detective regained his breath before he spoke again.

"Are you still afraid of me not being ready or did I took that fear away?" Oliver asked.

Alex turned to look at Oliver with glazed eyes and dilated pupils.

"Huh? What?" Alex mumbled incoherently.

Kim laughed and stood up. She gathered her things and turned around to face Oliver.

"I think now is a good time to leave the two of you alone. It seems to me that you just kissed Alex senseless and with what I just witnessed, I have no doubt that the two of you will work it out. Have a nice weekend Detective and I'll see you again on Monday at our usual time. I let myself out again, as you seem to you have your hands full at the moment." Kim smiled at Oliver.

"You think so?" Oliver replied dryly.

"Have a nice weekend Doc." Oliver said with a smile.

Kim mock saluted the Detective and turned around to walk to the door, when she suddenly turned back.

"I almost forgot, Lisa asked me to tell you that if you want to talk with her, she would be more than happy to talk with you. Think about it and if you want to accept her offer, let me know." Kim said.

"Thank you, Doc. I'll think about it. Now go home, I have a fiancé I need to get back to earth before our friends show up," Oliver playfully chastised Kim.

"Alright, alright. I'm gone already." Kim laughed and the blonde Doctor disappeared from Oliver's view.

As soon as Kim had left, Oliver turned his attention back to the younger blonde on his lap.

"Earth to Alex. Are you alright, honey?" Oliver smiled, as he looked at Alex.

Alex blinked with her eyes and shook her head.

"Wow... that was ...amazing, Liv. Where the hell did that came from, Detective?" Alex asked, slowly getting back her focus.

Oliver shrugged with his shoulders while he smiled smugly at Alex.

"Don't know, but I think I made it clear you don't have to worry about me not being ready," Oliver quipped.

"No shit, Detective," Alex said, as she shook her head for the second time.

Oliver looked intensively at Alex as he got serious again.

"I trust you Lex, I know what you are afraid of, but it won't happen. You will never hurt me or push it to far. If anything it should be the other way around. I can't promise I will never freak out, but I can promise it will never, ever be your fault, Counselor," Oliver said softly.

Alex's stormy blue eyes were getting watery and she just leaned forward again to kiss Oliver herself when the door bell rang. Alex slowly stood up and sighed, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"There's one thing those two will never learn...getting a sense of good timing," Alex muttered, as she walked out of the living room.

Oliver just threw his head back and burst out in laughter.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N at the end.**

Chapter 48

"**You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and its good, even when nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete." - Keith Sweat.**

It's a couple of hours later since Abby and Jane had arrived, and the four of them are having a good time and are eating dinner together. Alex had been teased mercilessly about her comment of Abby and Jane having a lousy timing, the brunette Detective and ADA heard Oliver laughter as soon as they got inside the house. Although not liking she was teased for so long, Alex on the other hand didn't mind. Oliver was making progress and the kiss he gave her, had made her legs going weak and curled her toes. So if this was the result, the blonde ADA would gladly accept it every time it happened.

"Hey guys, shall we play a game tonight?" Abby asked.

"NO WAY. Nuh uh. Not gonna happen, Carmichael. I know you. Every time people plays a game with you, someone always gets hurt. Caroline is gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill you, if someone gets hurt so soon for our wedding," Oliver said.

"Oh c'mon Oli. We can play a card game, nobody gets hurts with that," Abby whined.

"Yes we will. Remember" Oliver started, as his voice squeaked.

The Detective cleared his throat, which sounded weird too, and started over again.

"Remember the game with Helen, she.." Oliver stopped again.

Oliver took a couple of sips of his orange juice and once more the Detective cleared his throat. But he still sounded like a little girl. All three women started to laugh. Oliver tried again but the same awkward sound came out his mouth. The Detective decided to give up trying and just hoped his voice would sound normal soon again.

All night long Oliver's voice kept squeaking. His throat became sore and the four of them thought that maybe Oliver was getting sick. They didn't have another explanation. After Oliver told Alex and Jane about the time with Helen and the three of them playing poker Alex and Jane immediately said they were not going to play any game at all. Neither of them wanted to face Caroline's wrath and with Oliver and Abby being together the odds were likely that was going to happen. Instead the four had made themselves comfortable on the sofa and chairs and talked about all kind of things. Of course Abby and Jane had to feel Oliver's skin after he and Alex told them about his facial hair. Both brunettes were really happy for Oliver and teased Alex with being rubbed by sand paper when Oliver was too lazy to shave himself.

The next morning Alex woke up being spooned from behind by Oliver. The attorney's legs were laying between the Detective's legs and his arm protectively around her waist with his hand resting on her stomach. Alex felt a smile coming up around her lips. She wanted to wake up like this, safely in her lover's arms, every morning. Alex was enjoying how it felt lying like this when Oliver started to wake up.

"Good morning, Detective," Alex said softly,

as she placed her hand on top of Oliver's hand on her stomach and laced their fingers together.

"Mmmm. Good morning, Counselor," Oliver said with a low voice,

as he pulled Alex more into his body and laid his face against the blonde's neck, clearly not awake completely.

Alex heard Oliver's voice and noticed immediately that is was lower and sounded differently. This was not how he normally sounded when he woke up.

"Oliver, your voice is lower," Alex softly said, smiling.

"What?" Oliver mumbled.

"Your voice, it's lower, Detective. It's different too," Alex answered.

This got Oliver's attention and he thought about it and was suddenly wide awake. Alex was right, his voice didn't sound like it normally did.

"Yes it is, Alex," Oliver said.

Hearing his own voice, it finally penetrated into Oliver's mind what Alex said. Oliver lifted his head and untangled their legs, making it possible for Alex to turn over on her other side to face the Detective.

"Your right, Lex. It's lower. It doesn't sound like me. How the hell did that happen?" Oliver asked surprised.

"I don't know. Yesterday you sounded like a little girl, all night. Maybe you weren't getting sick, but your voice changed, like in puberty only in one night instead of how long it normally takes," Alex answered.

"Sound like you're right, Counselor. I like this voice though," Oliver said as his listened to the sound of his own voice.

"I like it too. It sounds sexy when you wake up, Detective," Alex said, waggling her eyebrows.

"Says the woman who's voice always sounds sexy," Oliver replied dryly.

Alex softly swatted Oliver's leg.

"I may joked about it, but I did mean it," Alex said.

"As did I, Counselor. Really, your voice is always sexy and the sexiest I've ever heard," Oliver answered.

"Charmer," Alex said as she got out of bed.

Abby and Jane would get up in an hour and as the perfect hostess she was, Alex wanted breakfast to be ready before they came downstairs.

"Yeah, but you do like it, Counselor," Oliver quipped.

"That I do, Detective. Now what do you want to wear today?" Alex asked.

"I thought of a pair of jeans, with an undershirt and a button up shirt," Oliver answered.

"Alright, any preferences for your shirt or should I pick out something?" Alex asked.

"Why don't you choose, you have an excellent taste," Oliver answered.

Alex walked to the closet and selected a pair of jeans, an undershirt and her favorite button up shirt, the black one Oliver often wears. The attorney helped her fiancé get dressed before she got dressed herself and then left to kitchen to prepare breakfast for the four of them, while Oliver did the exercises he had to do for PT.

An hour later Oliver walked into the kitchen, when he saw Abby standing in the kitchen with Alex. The brunette stood with her back towards the door opening and neither women heard Oliver walking into the kitchen even though he walked with a cane. However, Alex felt that the Detective had entered the kitchen. She just knew when her Detective was close to her and looked up, wanting to say something but kept her mouth shot when she saw Oliver putting his finger on his lips. The attorney turned back her head and smiled inside herself, knowing that Oliver was going to do something.

Oliver sneaked up behind Abby, and stood still three feet behind the brunette ADA to be safe. It was brilliant in Oliver's mind, because the moment he wanted to speak up Abby leaned into Alex.

"Ms. Carmichael, what do you think you are doing with my daughter?" Oliver asked, lowering his voice a little more.

Abby stepped aside like she burned herself and jumped 3 feet into the air before she turned around to explain that what ever, she thought was Alexander, was thinking wasn't right. But to the brunette's surprise it wasn't Alexander standing behind her but Oliver.

"Oliver Benson, that was not funny," Abby said.

Oliver laughed loud and shook his head up and down, the Detective thought it was hilarious.

"Oh yes, it was. You should haven seen your own reaction, Carmichael," Oliver snickered.

"Alright Benson, you had your fun, you can act normal again," Abby grumbled,

the brunette didn't had her second cup of coffee and was not amused.

Before Oliver could answer, Jane walked into the kitchen.

"What did he do now?" Jane asked.

"Scaring Abby and made her jump 3 feet," Alex snickered.

"How did you that?" Jane asked, holding back a smile.

The brunette Detective knew that it would bite her back in the ass if she laughed or smiled herself, judging by the look on her girlfriend's face.

"He pretended to be Alexander and asked me what I was doing with his daughter, just when I leaned into Alex. And then he kept going with the low-voice-act," Abby answered before Oliver could.

"It was hilarious, Jane. Abby stepped away from Alex so fast, before she jumped. And the look on her face when she thought it was my future father in law and saw it was me, priceless," Oliver said, with a big smile on his face.

"See, he still keeps doing it," Abby whined.

"No I'm not. Ask Alex if you don't believe me," Oliver said.

Both Abby and Jane turned to look at Alex.

"He isn't fooling around. When we woke up this morning his voice was like this," Alex answered, smiling widely at Oliver.

"Wow, that's fast. I'm so happy for you Oli," Abby said, as she hugged the Detective.

"I know. Normally it takes longer, but since when do I things normal, never. So I guess this is me doing it my way too," Oliver said.

"Amen to that. He finally figured it out," Jane laughed.

"You have no right to mock me, Rizzoli. You're just the same," Oliver countered with a smile.

"Ouch, touché, " Alex said.

Jane hugged Oliver briefly while she whispered in the Detective's ear,

"Keep your game face on, or we will be teased mercilessly. I have to admit Oli, your voice sounds damn sexy," Jane whispered.

Oliver managed to keep his game face on after Jane warned him. After the brief hug the two Detectives let go of each other, and Oliver nodded at Jane as an answer. Then the lanky Detective stepped back.

"Well I don't know about y'all but I'm starving," Abby announced.

Abby walked out the kitchen into the dinner room and Jane followed suit after rolling her eyes behind her girlfriend's back. Leaving Alex and Oliver in the kitchen. As soon as the brunette's left the kitchen Alex turned to Oliver and raised one eyebrow at the Detective. Not knowing that in the dinner room a certain brunette ADA did the same thing to the other Detective.

"What did Jane say to you?" Alex asked.

"That's something between her and me, you know us Detectives," Oliver answered.

Alex pouted and gave her best puppy dog eyes at Oliver.

"Now normally that would have helped you, but not this time, Lex. You're not getting it out of me, Counselor," Oliver replied.

"We'll see about that later today, Detective!" Alex husked seductively,

as she gave a heated look at Oliver before the blonde walked out of the kitchen with a basket of fresh baked bread.

Oliver swallowed hard and instantly knew that he probably was screwed somewhere later today.

**A/N Some of you ask me when I update again. I know there are major gaps between the chapters. It's not that I don't want to update often it's that I'm not able to update more often now. I have a writer's block to deal with on top of the many issues I have to deal with. Like probably getting homeless. So I do the best I can, I can't do more than that. At least I manage to get chapters written, which is a miracle on itself right now.**

**This chapter isn't beta read by my usual beta reader agapeandzoe, but by Tummer 22, so all mistakes that are there are entirely our fault..**

**I hope y'all liked the chapter. It's short I know, but the reason why I explained above. I personally am very happy with Oliver's developments regarding to his transition.. And what has Alex in mind? **

**I'll try to update as soon as possible.**


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N I really am sorry it took me so long to write the next chapter. I hate it that my mind won't do what I want it to do and write a chapter sooner and more regularly. **

**I would like to thank y'all for still reading it and also like to thank the new readers that are following or favorite this story despite the irregular updates. So thank y'all very much!**

**I hope y'all like this chapter. And keep writing reviews, they are the sunshine in my life!**

**Lastly, I would give a special thank you to a dear friend of mine who helped me out by beta reading this chapter for me; THANK YOU SO MUCH, "Bonnie". I owe you one.**

**Back to the story...**

Chapter 49

"**I turned my head to the right and there you are with a smile up on your face, and all I can say is damn you're beautiful. I can't stop thinking about ya, girl you're always on my mind. And all I can say is damn you're beautiful." - Frankie J**

Breakfast had been nice and relaxed. Alex and Abby had changed looks and silently agreed that they would make a plan to get the information they both wanted out of the Detectives, when they would be shopping for Alex's dresses. The four of them had made jokes and laughed while eating their breakfast.

All of them together agreed that Alex and Abby would take Abby's car to go shopping so that Oliver and Jane could go with the Alex's Volvo. It was an hour after breakfast and Alex and Abby were ready to go. They would go and look for Alex's reception dress first, Abby would send a photo of it to Jane so that the brunette Detectives could match Oliver's suit with Alex's dress. And they could go looking for it while Alex and Abby would be looking for Alex's wedding dress for the ceremony. They hoped they would finish at the same time or at least get back at the house at about the same time.

"Alright, Abby and I are going now. You two stay out of trouble while were gone!" Alex mock threatened, waving her index finger between Oliver and Jane.

"We need to stay out of trouble? How about the two of you staying out of trouble? You're the one that's going with Carmichael here," Oliver asked, acting innocently.

"Oh Abby and I will behave ourselves. It's the two of you that always

s manage to get into trouble when you're together alone," Alex answered.

"Good luck making Tex here behave herself, Counselor. Now go, the sooner you go the sooner we all will be back here," Oliver said as he pointed at the brunette ADA.

The four of them walked towards the front door and Abby walked out the door first, while Alex turned around and softly pulled Oliver into a hug and kissed the Detective on his lips, before she let go and turned back and walked out the door.

"Oh Detective, you might want to change your clothes, I have a surprise for you on our bed," Alex smiled, looking back over her shoulder.

Without waiting for an answer Alex walked to Abby's car and got into the passenger seat. Abby had already started the car and the two ADA's drove away. Oliver watched them leave, together with Jane, and shook his head. Leave it up to his fiance to say something like this and then leave.

~~~ O O O ~~~

Of course Oliver was curious about what Alex had left behind for him so as soon as the two women were gone he closed the door and walked towards their bedroom, Jane following right behind him. When they arrived in the bedroom Oliver saw one package with an envelop attached to it lying on the bed and a plastic bag next to it. He raised an questioning eyebrow at Jane, but the lanky brunette just shrugged with her shoulders, being just as clueless as Oliver. Oliver walked to the bed and slowly sat down on it and opened the envelop to read the note first.

_My sweet strong Detective, my knight in shining armor and the love of my life,_

_I'm so proud, so incredibly proud of you,Liv. You work so hard for your recovery, you give everything of yourself in your sessions with Kim and I know how hard that is for you to do. But you do it anyway and that makes my chest swell with pride. _

_The past months, since the moment we got together, you've made me the happiest woman on this planet. I've never felt so loved, so worshiped and so beautiful in my entire life as you made and make me feel. Today we're going to choose our wedding outfits and I wanted to give you something that will make you feel as good as I'm feeling today. _

_The gift in the plastic bag, you probably want to unpack it privately, you'll understand why when you opened the one with this note._

_I love you more than life itself, you're my everything, my reason to live and enjoy my life to the fullest. I can't wait for the two coming weeks to pass, there's nothing I want more at this moment than to marry you and become Mrs. Alexandra Laura Benson. _

_All my love and yours forever,_

_Lex_

Oliver looked at Jane while he held back his tears.

"Judging by the look on your face, I'd say she left you a great note," Jane said softly.

Oliver nodded at the female Detective.

"More than great actually," Oliver answered.

The strong Detective took a deep breath and opened the package and when he saw what was inside he got the biggest smile Jane had ever seen on his face. He picked up a white trans-vormer vest and held it up for Jane.

"She bought me four trans-vormer vests! Two white ones and two black ones. I can buy a fitting suit now and hide my boobs!" Oliver almost yelled enthusiastically.

"Wow, Oli that's awesome!" Jane replied equally enthusiastically.

"I'm so gonna wear one now. Are you gonna help me change my shirts?" Oliver quipped.

"Yes of course. Oh Oliver, I'm so happy for you," Jane answered.

Oliver got off the bed with Jane's help and together they undressed Oliver's torso until he was standing in only a bra. Jane changed her position and went to stand behind Oliver to give him as much privacy as she could. Then the lanky brunette unclasped the bra and helped Oliver to pull it off and picked up the white trans-vormer and helped Oliver in it. Oliver zipped up his vest and walked towards the mirror in the en suite bathroom. A huge smile got on the Detective's face when he saw himself in the mirror. You still could see his breasts like this, but with a shirt on they would be invisible. Oliver turned around while he walked out the bathroom and into the bedroom he called out to Jane.

"Jane, look almost no boobs anymore!" Oliver said happily.

Jane looked up from the bed and looked at Oliver's body, she did a double take before she looked back at Oliver's face.

"Wow, I didn't know it would be this good. Oli, when you're wearing a shirt nobody knows you have breasts at all. This is fantastic," Jane said approvingly.

"This is so awesome. Come, help me get dressed again." Oliver replied.

"Don't you want to unpack the other gift first?" Jane asked.

Oliver shook his head.

"No, I'm gonna unpack it in the bathroom, privately. I think I know what it is and I rather do it by myself," Oliver answered.

"Oh, I get it. Well if you need my help, just call me," Jane said.

Jane helped Oliver putting on his undershirt again and then the black button up shirt Alex had chosen for the Detective earlier that morning. With his cane in one hand and the plastic bag in his other, Oliver walked back to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He didn't lock it knowing that Jane wouldn't come inside unless he asked for it. He put the cane in a corner and took his gift out of the plastic bag and unwrapped it. His eyes almost popped out of his face when he saw how real Mr. Limpy, the rubber penis, looked. The shape was so real it almost was creepy, and the color came close to his own skin color.

Oliver did need some help with unbuttoning his jeans and Jane helped the Detective and waited outside the bathroom till he was ready and came back in to button up his jeans again. She deliberately tried not to focus on the bulb that was now inside Oliver's boxer shorts. Knowing that it would make her friend uncomfortable.

As soon as they had left the bathroom Jane could feel Oliver was happier and more relaxed. She looked him over once and wouldn't have believed her own eyes if she hadn't know that Oliver still had a female body.

"Look at you, all handsome and manly," Jane said with a smile.

"Really? You can't see I have a female body anymore?" Oliver asked.

"Nope, not at all. If I didn't know any better I would have thought you had a male body like any other guy," Jane answered.

Oliver was so happy that he pulled Jane into a bear hug, she immediately felt the difference between Oliver wearing the vest or not. As they pulled back Jane smiled at Oliver.

"I feel a major difference between you wearing that vest or not, Oli. With it on I almost didn't feel your breasts. It was more like you have a muscled torso actually," Jane explained.

"Great. Oh, we need to take a picture and send it to Alex, she's not gonna believe her eyes when she sees it," Oliver said, as he pulled out his phone from his back pocket.

~~~ A A A ~~~

Abby and Alex were gone for about 10 minutes when Alex started to look at her watch about every 30 seconds. After 5 minutes Abby finally had enough of it.

"Hey Blondie, this is gonna be a very long day if you keep looking at your watch every 5 seconds. Would ya please stop doing that, or is there something I don't know about that makes ya this nervous?" Abby asked.

Just when Alex wanted to answer her cellphone beeped indicating that she had a message. Within 5 seconds Alex had her cellphone out of the pocket of her pants, and looked at the message that came in.

"Wow, he looks good. More than good," Alex mumbled, as she kept looking at the screen.

Abby raised one eyebrow as she briefly looked at the blonde next to her before concentrating on the road again.

"Alright Cabot, what did you do that Oli sent you a picture?" Abby asked.

"How do you know it's Liv sending me a photo?" Alex asked, feigning innocence.

"Besides the ridiculous smile on your face, there's only one person that can make you _so_ nervous that you keep looking at your watch, Oliver Alexander Benson, that's how. And you avoid my question, Counselor," Abby answered smugly.

"And there's that of course. As an answer to your question, Counselor, I bought a few things for Oliver to make him feel as great as I do today. A special kind of vest, the trans-vormer we talked about, and something more private. He sent me a photo wearing it. And he will look more handsome and hot in his uniform suit and the suit for the reception, than he normally already did. We have to find two dresses that will leave him breathless," Alex answered.

As they had arrived at the first store they would look for Alex's dress, Abby parked the car and killed the engine, then the brunette looked aside at Alex and smiled at the blonde.

"Alex, you could wear a potato bag or something equal and Oliver would still think you are breathtaking and make him forget to breathe. Don't worry, we'll find the perfect dresses for you to wear at your wedding day," Abby said softly.

"Don't expect me to wear a potato bag on my wedding day, Abigail Maria Carmichael! And I doubt Liv would think think I'm breathtaking wearing a potato bag," Alex said.

"Really, Alex, C'mon! He looks like he wants you for dinner even when you're sweaty and wearing sweat pants with a sweater, and you just came back from running. Anyway, let's go inside and find you a dress for the reception," Abby countered.

The ADA's got out of the car and walked to the first store on their list and if everything goes as they hoped and planned, it would be the last store too. The store was one of the two stores her sister Felicia owned. Today Felicia would be in the store Oliver and Jane would go to, and her senior manager, Ana shortly for Anastasia, would be in the store Alex and Abby went into. Felicia wanted to help Alex finding the perfect dress but the younger blonde had said that she wanted her to find the perfect suit for Oliver and at the same time keep an eye on her fiance and their friend, so they would stay out of trouble. The two sisters had argued about it and, as with most of her arguments, the prosecutor won.

Alex and Abby entered the store and were greeted immediately.

"Look who's paying us a visit, the smartest and most intelligent member of the Cabot clan, Alexandra Cabot. Let's find you a dress that makes your fiance drool over you," Ana said.

"Hi Ana. My name won't be Cabot for long anymore though and we need to find two dresses to wear on my wedding day," Alex answered and pointed at Abby, "Ana meet my maid of honor Abigail Carmichael. Abby, this is Anastasia Quiroz, senior manager and the right hand of my sister Felicia," Alex introduced both women.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Carmichael. And call me Ana please," Ana said.

"Same here and call me Abby," Abby answered.

Ana nodded and turned back to Alex.

"Two questions. First question, what will your name turn into, and second question, two dresses?" Ana asked.

Alex got a big smile on her face when she thought about being Mrs. Benson in two weeks.

"My last name will be Benson. I take the name of my fiance. And I need two dresses, one for the wedding ceremony and one for the reception. I want to look for the reception dress first, Oliver and Jane only need to buy a suit for him for the reception so Jane needs to know what the dress will be like so she can look for a suit matching my dress," Alex answered with a smile on her face.

Roughly an hour and twenty minutes later Alex was changing into her 5th dress and looked into the mirror as soon as the blonde saw herself in the mirror she gasped, she looked stunningly in this dress. She left the dress room to show it to Ana and Abby but on the inside the blonde had already made a choice and everyone who knows the leggy blonde, knows that once Alexandra Cabot set her mind on something nothing could make her change her mind. Still, she wanted the opinion of both women on the dress. Taking a deep breath to collect herself Alex stepped outside the dress room and walked to cat walk and strode over it towards Abby and Ana. Both brunettes look at Alex and need to take a double look. Alex is wearing a white strapless, silk dress, that ended just above her knees and fitted at the top with a slight wrap-around and a baby blue ribbon sash belt that matches her eyes.

"Alex, you look beautiful, breathtaking actually. If you ask me, you just found your dress," Abby said, with a slight tremble in her voice.

Ana nodded at the lanky brunette's words.

"I agree with Abby, this dress fits you perfectly and the ribbon brings out the color of your eyes even more. Your fiance will forget to breathe when he sees you in this dress," Ana replied.

Alex smiled widely at the comments just made by Ana and Abby.

"I think, I hope, that Liv thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world when he sees me in this dress," Alex said softly.

"Ya think? Hell it's the understatement of the century, Counselor. I'll have to make sure Jane takes a towel and a bucket with her, Oli is going to drool all over you once he remembers how to breathe again. If you don't take this dress you finally, officially, went crazy!" Abby stated.

"Well my mother didn't raise a fool and I'm certainly not crazy, so I take this dress. Abby take a photo and send it to Jane, make sure that she is the one that sees it and the only one that sees it," Alex said.

~~~ O O O ~~~

**Meanwhile at the Cabot family vacation house.**

After Oliver had sent the photo to Alex, he and Jane walked back to the living room and Oliver sat down on the sofa and thought for a couple of minutes before he made a decision and looked up at Jane.

"Could you go into game room, Jane? I need to make a phone call in private," Oliver asked.

Jane had silently looked at Oliver while the strong Detective was thinking and knew that it was something important that her friend was thinking about before he looked up at her.

"Sure Oli, let me know when you're done," Jane answered.

Once Jane had left the living room, Oliver pulled out his cellphone and scrolled through his phone book and dialed a number when found the one he was looking for. The phone rang 4 times before it was picked up.

"Olsen," Kim answered.

"Kim, it's Oliver. Am I disturbing you? Do you have some time for me?" Oliver asked.

"No Detective, you're not disturbing me. How can I help you?" Kim asked, slightly worried since Oliver had never called her before on a Saturday.

"As you know, Alex and I are buying our wedding outfits today, Alex just left and I was wondering if we could have an extra session, via the phone probably? I need to talk about something with you and without Alex knowing it, for now," Oliver answered.

"I see. Well I could come over for a session now, actually. As Alex just left, I assume we have enough time before you need to leave yourself. If you want it, I can be there in 15 minutes. Is there something wrong, Detective?" Kim asked.

"That depends on how you look at it. There's not necessarily something really wrong but there is something on my mind. So I'd like to accept your offer and for you to come over. I'll explain it when you're here," Oliver answered.

"Alright, then I come over. See you in 15 minutes," Kim said.

"Thank you Kim, I appreciate it. See you in 15," Oliver said and ended the call.

"Jane, you can come back again," Oliver said loudly.

A couple of moments later Jane walked back into the living room and sat down in the chair across the sofa Oliver was sitting on.

"Kim, Dr. Olsen, is coming over in 15 minutes for an extra session. Could you stay in the game room while she's here?" Oliver asked.

"Of course. Is something wrong, Oli?" Jane asked worried.

"Nothing to worry about, I just need to work something out with her, without Alex knowing it. For now that it is. So I would appreciate it if you can keep this to yourself," Oliver answered softly.

**A/N 2 Sorry peeps, another cliffhanger. I promise y'all find out what's going on inside Oli's head, in the next chapter. And continue with the shopping of course. Only two weeks left before they get married...Yeah!**


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N I wrote this chapter whilst on a small vacation therefore no quote this chapter. Next chapter there will be one again, I promise. **

**I hope to write a new chapter soon again, but I can't promise it to y'all.**

**As always, R+R please, it are the reviews of all of ya that makes it possible for me to write at the moment.**

Chapter 50

Just like with Alex, Jane had stayed with Kim and Oliver for coffee and then the lanky Detective had left and pulled back into the game room. Reluctantly she had given in to her friend and promised the strong Detective to keep the current session with Kim a secret. But she did make Oliver promise that he would tell Alex about it somewhere in the near future. Oliver assured the Italian that around two weeks from now, when they would be married, he would tell Alex about this session and talk about with the blonde ADA. Jane was less worried about this 'emergency' session after Oliver reassured her. So now the curly brunette was in the game room and Oliver and Kim were in their usual spots in the living room.

"Alright Detective, now that we are alone, what is it that you want to talk about?" Kim asked.

Oliver shifted a bit on his seat before he took a deep breath and focused on the blonde Doctor across from him.

"As you know Alex and I are gonna get married in two weeks and I want it to be perfect for her, well as perfect as it can be right now. Anyway, I want her to have the wedding and wedding night she deserves to have. And I think with some help from you now, and the two upcoming weeks, I might be ready to make love to Alex on our wedding night. That's what I wanted to talk about with you, without Alex knowing it, so it's a surprise, a gift from me to her. God knows she deserves it," Oliver answered.

"I see. You made an enormous amount of progress so far, more than any other patient I have had actually. However, in order to get you where you want to be I have one question to ask. Frankly, it will determinate whether or not it's possible to get you there in the next two weeks. I want an honest answer Oliver, I don't say you haven't been honest with me before, because you have, but if you wouldn't be honest it will bite you in the ass when you really don't want it to happen and neither do I. That's why I ask it, not to offend you.

Do you want to be ready specifically for Alex or do you want to be ready for yourself, to be able to make love to Alex as your own goal?" Kim asked.

With the explanation Kim gave before asking her question, Oliver understood why the blonde Doctor asked him this. Oliver nodded at her and thought about the question for a minute.

"I won't deny that I want to be ready for Alex, like I said before, she deserves the best she can get especially that night, but I want it mainly for myself. I want to be ready to make love to her myself. To worship her on a level that words cannot describe, that only can be done physically. Actions speak louder than words. So shortly, I do want it for Alex, but for the biggest part I want it for myself," Oliver answered.

"Well that's as honest as it can be. I do think that given the person you are, you always want for Alex to be happy, no matter what the consequences will be. That being said, I think that we should be able to get you where you want to be within the time frame we have. What I don't want is for you to force yourself to go faster than you can handle. If, and I do mean IF, we won't get you there before you get married, that's how it will be, you can't force yourself to go faster. Do you understand what I'm saying, Detective?" Kim asked, soft but sternly.

Oliver nodded slowly at Kim.

"Yes I do. I came so far and I won't jeopardize it by forcing myself, not now, not with this. This is too important, and while I'll hate it when I won't be ready on our wedding night, I won't force myself to go faster. It's not _just_ our wedding night on the line here, it's our future love life completely we're talking about here. Not that I think I will ever be ready to receive it back," Oliver answered.

Oliver clasped his hands in front of his mouth after he barely finished that last sentence. The Detective looked at Kim with an almost 'deer looking into the headlights' kind of look in his eyes. The strong Detective knew that there was no way that Kim would let this go. And most certainly not now that they were talking about being ready to make love in the first place.

Kim raised an eyebrow at the Detective's behavior and his last spoken words. She knew there was more to it than Oliver said. Or given his behavior, what he didn't say.

"You're an intelligent man, Detective, so I know that you know yourself I won't let this pass as if nothing happened. You didn't say this out of the blue, something tells me there's more to this, so I want you to tell me what it is. More specifically, why you think you'll never be ready for Alex to make love to you. You can take your time to tell me it, within this session that is," Kim said.

"I really need to learn to keep my big mouth shut," Oliver mumbled, more to himself than to Kim.

For the second time in this session, Oliver took a deep breath and prepared himself the best he could at the moment. He knew he had to share another piece of his life with Kim and although he didn't look forward to it, the Detective knew he had to do this. Kim saw the struggling that was going on inside Oliver.

"Would it be easier if Jane was here to support you?" Kim asked gently.

"No, she's not going to know it before Alex knows it, if she's going to know it at all. I have to do this on my own. Thanks for asking it though," Oliver answered.

Kim nodded at Oliver.

"You're welcome. And I understand why you say this. Just start talking when you are ready, or as ready as you can be," Kim answered.

Oliver gave Kim a small smile. As Oliver looked around he spotted a photo from Alex and himself on the bookshelf.

Could you pick up that photo and give it to me, please?" Oliver asked, pointing at said photo.

Kim stood up and walked towards the bookshelves and picked up the photo, then she walked to Oliver and handed the photo to the Detective. After that she walked back to her chair and took a seat again and waited for Oliver to speak up.

Oliver looked at the photo, more specifically, he looked at Alex. Even though it was a photo, Oliver got the strength he needed from Alex, be it indirectly this time. When Oliver was ready he looked back up to Kim as he hold the photo in his hands.

"I've never been on the receiving end before, ever I mean. I've had sex before, made love before, but somehow I always managed not to be the one receiving it. The very few times I did let it happen it didn't work. I would freeze completely even when I was you know...aroused... the moment they touched my intimate parts, I froze and the feelings I had until that moment, were gone. So without what happened in Rikers... Alex would be the first person making love to me. Now with what happened in Rikers, I doubt I'll ever be ready. Maybe it has to do with being sexual assaulted as a teenager, I don't know. It wasn't as bad as being...raped. I think the baddest part was not being believed when it just had happened and I came forward with it. I was 13 years old when it happened. I will tell you what happened but I don't want to talk about it now. This session is about getting reading to make love to Alex, not about my screwed up self, as far as it is about making love.

It happened at school, one of my male teachers suddenly made me sit at the table next to his desk during IT classes and in front of the classroom during Maths. After that he couldn't keep his hands to himself and touched me inappropriately. Like I said, the worst part actually was not being believed at that time. Yes, the next year people believed me after more female students reported it and people apologized but for me it was too late, the damage was done already. Anyway, it wasn't as bad as what I'm in therapy for now, but maybe, I don't know, maybe it could have to do something with not being on the receiving end. Or now that the cat is out of the bag, never... you know what, I mean not with other persons," Oliver finished, as he blushed like a tomato.

Kim was surprised and sad for what happened to Oliver as a teenager, but she made sure she remained professional. She was sure that what happened to him was the reason for Oliver's sexual problems. Even though the strong Detective brushed it away as that what had happened, wasn't that bad. And true, in his case, comparing to being raped in Rikers, it possibly was less worse, but none the less it effected his life in a bad way.

"I respect your wish, and we won't be talking about this for now, in this session. But Oliver, it was bad what happened. And I'm sure that this what caused the problems you have and had. It effected and it effects your sexual life and therefore it's just as bad as being raped in Rikers. Don't brush it away. As promised we won't talk about it now, but I wanted for this to be said. Lastly, I do think that things can get better, that you can get to the point that Alex will be able to make love to you in the future. Look at where you are right now, after the sessions we had. I truly believe that if you get therapy for this, you will surprise yourself and get where you want to be with this too," Kim said.

Oliver looked up at Kim, surprised at the words she had spoken.

"You really think that it can change, that I can be intimate with Alex, like normal couples can?" Oliver asked.

"Yes, I do. You're a very strong person, Detective. You have a strength not many people have. In fact I never have come so far with a patient in the same circumstances, as I have with you," Kim answered.

"Wow," Oliver whispered.

After thinking for a minute or two; renewed confidence, and believing more in himself, Oliver looked up again.

"Alright Doc, let's kick some asses and make a plan to get me ready for making love to my beautiful wife on our wedding night!" Oliver said firmly, with a smile on his face.

**A/N2 This chapter was about Oliver and Kim for a reason. I wanted to give y'all a close look inside their sessions and for Oliver to be vulnerable again and to share another part of his life. It also made this chapter a short chapter for the same reason. **

**Next chapter will be about Alex and Oliver again as usual, and of course my other favorite couple in this story, Abby and Jane, will be present again. **

**I promise that it won't be long, story wise, until the wedding. I'm looking forward to it and I hope y'all are looking forward to it too...**


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N I'm sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. After writing the previous chapter in one night, I thought I was done with my writer's block. Apparently I was wrong! I apologize for this and for the short length of this chapter. I hope that its contents are making it up with y'all. **

**My mind and thoughts are with Stephanie March and this chapter's love quote is chosen with her in my mind.**

**I dedicate this chapter to Stephanie March, a wonderful, intelligent, warm and beautiful woman. A caring angel, for who we should thank God, every single day, for bringing her on this planet...**

Chapter 51

"**Right from the start you were a thief, you stole my heart. And I, your willing victim." - Pink.**

~~~ O O O ~~~

Oliver and Kim were just finished with their session when Jane came into to the living room and said that she had received a photo from Alex and as it was relatively quickly, they needed to leave soon themselves. Kim got her things together and when she was ready to leave she asked Oliver to walk her out. Once they were at the door the blonde Doctor turned around and looked into Oliver's eyes.

"If you need to, call me in the next two weeks, no matter what time it is. You're doing great Oliver, and I really want the most beautiful and happy wedding for the both of you. So don't hesitate when it's in the middle of the night, the two upcoming weeks you are allowed to call me day and night," Kim said.

Keeping his motions in check after their difficult session, Oliver nodded at Kim.

"Alright, I promise if I really need it, I will call. Only if it's really necessary and when I don't have any other options left, I'll call you in the middle of the night. Now leave, I need to get a wedding suit," Oliver smiled widely, while he laughed at the same time at the end.

**Felicia's store Oliver and Jane.**

As soon as Oliver and Jane entered Felicia's store they were greeted by Alex's sister.

"There's my favorite brother-in-law," Felicia joked as she carefully pulled Oliver in a hug.

Stepping back Oliver responded, "I'm your only brother-in-law, Felicia," Oliver said dryly.

"That may be, but your still my favorite one," Felicia said.

After Jane was introduced as Oliver's best man to Felicia and the blonde as Alex's sister to the Italian Detective, they walked toward the back of the room where the dressing rooms and the catwalk were just like in the other store. Oliver was 'pushed' into a chair where usually the guests were waiting but since Jane needed to show Alex's dress at her sister without Oliver seeing it this was the easiest way to do that. So the lanky Detective and Alex's sister were standing a couple of feet away from Oliver and with their backs towards the older brunette.

When Felicia saw the dress Alex had chosen, she got a big smile on her face. The dress fitted the blonde ADA perfectly and her sister looked stunningly beautiful in it. The older blonde leaned closer to Jane and spoke softly in her ear.

"Oliver is gonna be toast and most certainly breathless when he sees Alex in this dress," Felicia softly said.

"Tell me something I don't know. With the dress she has chosen for the ceremony, I'm afraid we need to put Oli on oxygen when he sees Alex walking towards him on the isle," Jane chuckled.

Felicia smiled mischievously at Jane while she waggled her eyebrows.

"We can make my baby sister needing that same oxygen too, with Oliver's suit for the ceremony," Felicia answered back softly.

"You're as bad as your sister is. Poor Oli, what is he getting himself into now that is getting into the Cabot clan?" Jane joked.

"Ha, as if. I know all about Abby and Oliver, thanks to my sister. Besides, Oliver can handle himself perfectly. If you can handle my sister, the Ice queen, and our mom together in a fight, and dad told me he handled that situation in the hospital very good, you can handle pretty much everything else with that crazy clan we call family," Felicia countered.

Jane shook her head at Felicia.

"If I were you, I wouldn't call Alex that nearby Oli," Jane warned, and then she walked back to Oliver.

Felicia frowned at Jane's comment but didn't saw the comment as the warning she should have seen it. The blonde walked toward the two brunette Detectives and made a mistake she wouldn't make again.

"Why not? She is the Ice Queen..." Felicia started, but didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence.

Within two seconds Oliver, who was already standing up, was in Felicia's face.

"Don't you _never_, and I do mean _**never**_, call Alex an Ice Queen again! She's not an Ice Queen, you bitch! She's the warmest and most caring person I know. Next time you call my wife an Ice Queen again, I'll kick your ass! I don't give a damn that you're her sister, for all I care you could have been the President, I'd still kick your ass. _Nobody_ and I do mean _**nobody**_ calls my wife an Ice Queen! Got it blondie?!" Oliver growled at Felicia, as he glared at the blonde, too.

Instinctively Felicia took a step backwards, she was used to her younger sister's death glares but this was something entirely different. Never had she seen a glare so cold, and at the same time so full of fire, in someone's eyes. The only thing she could do was nod at her soon to be brother-in-law. She didn't even think about correcting Oliver, afraid that the strong Detective indeed would kick her ass that very same moment.

Oliver turned and walked away while he spoke to Jane.

"Call Abby and tell her we're switching stores. I need to get out of here before I do something stupid," Oliver said, as he walked out of the store.

~~~ A A A ~~~

**Felecia's other store Alex and Abby.**

Alex and Abby were waiting for Ana to put the other dresses Alex had tried away and to get the new collection of dresses for the ceremony. The two ADA's were sitting in a corner with a cup of coffee.

"Do you think those two are behaving themselves?" Abby asked.

"Well, I haven't had a call from Felicia yet, so I think they are, at least so far," Alex answered.

"True. Let's hope it stays that way..." Abby said, as she got interrupted by her cellphone.

Abby looked down at the display and saw it Jane calling in.

"Well so far the good news I'm afraid, it's Jane," Abby said before she answered her phone.

"Don't tell me you have been arrested and the two of you need the two of us to pay your bail, Detective," Abby said.

"Hello to you too, Counselor. And no we haven't been arrested. But it could have come close," Jane replied.

Abby shook her head.

"What did you two do this time?" Abby asked, as she looked at Alex.

The blonde raised one eyebrow questioningly at the brunette but stayed quiet.

"Hey, why is always that we would do something?! Anyway, I don't have time for this now. Oli and I are on our way to your store, Alex and you need to come to Felicia and choose her other dress here. Felecia said something incredibly stupid to Oli..." Jane started to answer.

"Oh shit! What happened?" Abby asked, as she interrupted her girlfriend.

"Felicia called Alex 'the Ice Queen' in front of Oli, after I warned her not to do that. Needless to say Oli went into full guard dog mode. He chewed her ass off in a few seconds and walked out the store. Saying he needed to leave before he did something stupid and for me to call you girls," Jane explained.

"Did she have a death wish or something like that? Don't answer that. Alright, we're on our way in about five minutes. We talk about this later, if we need to. Try to calm him down, honey. See ya later," Abby said and ended the call.

"Care to tell me what happened?" Alex asked, a bit worried.

"Get dressed while I go to Ana. Our big bad Detectives are coming to this store and we go to Felicia. Your sister pissed off Oli, I'll explain everything in the car," Abby answered.

Knowing she wouldn't get more out of the brunette ADA right now and the fact that her fiancé was on his way to where she was now, Alex walked into the dressing room to change back into her regular clothes.

In the mean time Abby talked with Ana and explained to her what was going on. For as far as the Latina needed to know about it.

A couple of minutes later Alex and Abby were on their way to her sister and the lanky brunette had explained shortly what happened. Alex, of course, was furious at her sister for being stupid enough to piss off her Detective like this. Abby tried to calm the blonde ADA down, she told her that this should be a joyful day and that there was no point in letting this ruin it. Sure, Alex could give Felicia a piece of her mind, but leave it with that and move on for the moment. Alex agreed with her friend and forced herself to calm down and pointed out that 'Badass' Benson probably scared the hell out of her sister already anyway. She also agreed that this wasn't worth it to let her day be ruined, not a day as important as this one was. By the time they were almost at their new destination both ADA's laughed when they thought about how Alex's sister would have looked when Oliver went all protective about Alex against her. Both women were ready when they stepped out of the car and walked to Felicia's store.

"Felicia Elisabeth Cabot, get your ass over here!" Alex called out,

after she opened the door to the store and walked inside.

Felicia came quickly, almost ran, from the backside of the store and walked to where Alex was standing. Before the older blonde could say one word, the younger blonde opened her mouth and gave her a piece of her mind.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Jane warned you not to call me the Ice Queen, in front of my fiancé. Did you listen to her? No, of course you didn't listen. You were lucky Oliver left the store so quickly and pray that your little stunt won't cause any trouble. Because knowing Oliver, he won't let this go easily," Alex said with her prosecutor voice.

"Yeah, I got that when he chewed my ass off. I'm sorry Alex, I really didn't mean for this to happen. Not now, not ever, but especially not on this day. I will apologize to Oliver when I get the chance. But for now I'd like to stay away from him as far as I possibly can. I thought your glare was the most impressive and scary. Boy, was I wrong about that. I've never seen a glare so cold and at the same time so full of fire as I saw in Oliver's eyes. Never mind the anger that radiated of his body and was in his voice when he growled at me. To be honest, I can't recall a time I was more scared than I was at that moment," Felicia answered.

The blonde ADA softened after hearing her sister's words. Alex saw and knew how Oliver had gotten to her.

"I know Oliver how is when he's defending my honor or protecting me. He's quite scary then.

Besides the fact that Oliver probably did a good job chewing your ass off, this is a joyful day so I won't do it, too," Alex said.

"Scary is not the right description, Alex. Terrifying is more appropriately, I think," Felicia said.

"Welcome to the club of people who faced the wrath of Detective Badass Benson. After insulting Alex, I should add," Abby snickered.

"Really Abs, you couldn't help yourself, could you?" Alex asked, as she shook her head.

"What? Ya know it's true, Alex. Your sister ain't the first one who did it and certainly won't be the last one. Of all the people we know, I can't come up with one person who didn't face his wrath after insulting you," Abby countered.

Alex thought about it for a few moments.

"You have a point there. Although, I think that surely there are a few persons who didn't face it," Alex answered.

Abby shook her head.

"Nope, you're wrong, blondie. Even Liz got it coming. I think, it was somewhere during the Grinder case. You did an impressive job with that one, I have to admit it, but it ain't the reason for the temporarily change in her behavior. It was because she screwed it up with Oli, if you ask me," Abby said.

"You know Carmichael, now that we're talking about it, I think you might be right. I remember Liv being really angry about something but he wouldn't say about what and Liz was acting weird around him for a couple of weeks back then. But, enough about all of this," Alex said.

Felicia's eyebrows went up into her hairline after hearing this.

"Wait, Liz as in our Liz?" Felicia asked shocked.

"Yup, the one and only," Abby grinned.

"Dear God help me, help us all," Felicia mumbled.

Alex playfully glared at Abby, but with a smile around her lips.

"Alright, enough shop talking, I have a wedding dress to find for my wedding," Alex said, smiling widely.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N I feel like I have to apologize yet again for letting y'all wait so long for the next chapter. I'm still dealing with a major writer's block and I don't seem to be able to write for this story and for 'Behind the scenes and on the screen'. I'm not quitting or giving up on these two stories but I just can't find a way to write for them.**

**For, I think, obvious reasons this chapter is very short. However, I couldn't let y'all waiting for it any longer so I decided to split up the chapter as I had it in mind and update this part. **

**This chapter ain't beta read as I don't have a beta reader currently, I don't want to waste her time and let her wait for ages to beta read a new chapter. So all the mistakes are entirely my own and I'm the only one to blame for making them.**

**I want to thank each and everyone of you that still sticks with me and this story, for leaving reviews and encourage me, or ask me, for a new chapter. **

**Without y' all I wouldn't be writing or trying to write for it anymore. Since I'm at a point that I'm banging my head at the wall, so to speak, and fighting against the thought to quit writing. It are you, my loyal readers, that keeps me from doing that and wanting to keep writing and get passed my writer's block.**

**Alright, let's go back to the story... **

Chapter 52

"**Don't let me get me." - P!nk.**

~~~ O O O ~~~

"Are you sure she's in the other room? You're not lying to me are you?" Oliver asked nervously.

Jane rolled her eyes inside her head. She lost count after Oliver asked her the same questions for the tenth time.

"Do you want me to go and check if she's there?" Jane asked, as she already knew the answer.

"You don't mind going and look, do you?" Oliver asked.

"No Oli, I don't mind. Don't worry and stop being so nervous. I'm pretty sure she's there. But I'll go and look for you anyway. Be right back," Jane answered.

~~~ A A A ~~~

The Italian brunette walked out the room and closed the door behind her and nodded at Detective Randolph. Then she walked to the other end of the hallway.

Since both Alex and Oliver were working for law enforcement, and given the fact that Oliver was still recovering from the shooting and other events that had happened, they had decided to have some security at their wedding ceremony and reception. So that their friends and family could enjoy the day with them instead of needing to pay attention to uninvited guests who wanted to cause either one of them harm. They were some Detectives from Brooklyn SVU who were befriended with the Detective and offered their help when they heard that the brunette Detective and the ADA were going to get married. Oliver trusted them professionally so he gratefully accepted their offer. All the detectives were dressed as the other guest would dress for a wedding except they were wearing wireless earpieces and mic's. In the garden where Alex and Oliver would say ' I Do', near every door opening was sitting a detective and in front of both Alex's and Oliver's dressing room door was standing a Detective too. So there were 5 detectives in total who would be there to protect them here and later in the room where their reception would be.

When Jane crossed the hallway she nodded at Detective Toloy, who was standing in front of Alex's dressing room, and knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" Abby asked.

"Who do you think it is?" Jane asked, as she rolled her eyes.

Abby opened the door to let Jane inside.

"Let me make an educated guess, you're here to check if Alex didn't leave in the past 10 minutes," Abby said, as she felt sorry for her girlfriend.

"What else could I be for here. Oli is driving me crazy. You would think it would be the other way around that Alex here would be as nervous and insecure as he is. He's not so much Bad ass anymore right now," Jane sighed.

Alex felt sorry for their friend, she knew Oliver would be scared that she left him standing at the altar. Not that there was even the slightest chance for that to happen, not in a million years would she left him standing there. Nothing could stop her for marrying the love of her life. Suddenly Alex lifted her head up at a thought.

"You know I could make a video for Liv that Jane could show him. With only my face being visible for him. It won't take long to put on my make up again so we have time to do that," Alex offered.

Jane looked like she could kiss the blonde ADA right there and then. Relieved and thankful for the idea the blonde just offered.

"That's a brilliant idea, but are you sure that you have time to do this. Not that I'm trying to talk you out of it, that would be the most stupid thing I could do right now," Jane asked hopefully.

"Yes we have the time to do this. Oli helped me not to get worried of him getting cold feet and leave, now it's my turn to help him with him being nervous. There's nothing that could keep me from marrying my Detective," Alex answered.

~~~ O O O ~~~

**Meanwhile inside Oliver's dressing room.**

Oliver was pacing from one side of the room to the other and back when the Detective's cellphone went off. For a moment the brunette thought about whether or not to answer his cellphone and decided to look at the caller – id to see who it was and then decide to pick up or not. Oliver raised his eyebrow when he saw who it was before he answered his cellphone.

"Kathy is something wrong? Aren't you sitting inside?" Oliver asked, a bit worried.

"Hi Oliver. Don't worry nothing is wrong. No, I'm not there, I was on the call and I got called in due to a major accident. Anyway, that's not what's important. I'm sorry I can't be there for your and Alex's wedding. I really am," Kathy answered

"I understand it Kathy, don't worry about it. It's a shame you miss it but I know all about being on the call with big happenings. Anyway is there a reason you call me now, besides telling me that you can't be here with us?" Oliver asked.

"Yes, there is. The reason why I call, besides telling you that I got called away, is that I'm at the bureau where they schedule surgeries. I was busy with my own planning when I overheard a colleague. I know you want to talk about it with Alex first, probably, but I didn't want to let this opportunity pass by without asking you it. The point is that a surgery is canceled, a mastectomy like you will have and that spot is open right now. I put in a good word for you and if you want it the spot is yours. The only problem is that it's Friday next week, if you don't want it, which I would understand completely since you're on your honeymoon next week, you have to wait again. You'll be on the top of the list though, but still it takes a couple months if there's not another canceled. I know you are about to get married, but I didn't have another opportunity to make this call," Kathy explained.

"You're right, normally I would discus this with Alex first. But I know that Alex would want me to do this and take this chance. So yes, I would love to do it. This is the best wedding gift ever, Kathy. I'm so happy with it. Don't worry about our honeymoon. Alex and I will figure something out, this chance is way to big to let it pass," Oliver answered, almost squealed.

"Alright, I'll tell my colleague that you take the spot. I'm glad I could make it up with you, with this. Again I'm really sorry. I have to get back to work, and I'm sure you have more important things to do right than talking with me. Congratulations Oli, also for Alex. You two belong to each other. Have a beautiful wedding, Benson," Kathy said.

"Thank you Kathy. Alright, go back to work. Thanks for calling Kathy, we will talk when we're back again. Goodbye," Oliver said.

"Goodbye Oli. And again congratulations!" Kathy answered and ended the call.

After the call ended Oliver almost jumped 3 feet in the air and pumped his fist. Suddenly the Detective forgot about being nervous and was with his head in the clouds. He couldn't believe he was this lucky. Alex and him would figure out what they would do with their honeymoon, but like he had told Kathy, Oliver knew that the leggy blonde would want him to do this and right now he wasn't worry about it.

Jane returned to Oliver's room and opened the door just when Oliver pumped his fist into the air. The Italian brunette also did notice the ridiculous big smile on Oliver's face.

"What happened to you, Oli? You are Oliver, aren't you? Because the person I left behind in this room was nervous as hell and worried about his soon to be wife, and you most certainly aren't nervous at this moment, " Jane asked.

Oliver turned around and smiled widely at Jane.

"I got the best news ever! Kathy just called, she was on the call and got called to get back to the hospital. Anyway, she called to tell me that there is a surgery canceled next week and she put in a good word for me. I'm going to have my mastectomy Friday next week. How awesome is that?!" Oliver said.

To say that Jane was surprised would be an understatement. But the Detective also was very happy for Oliver.

"Wow, Oli. That's great news. Congratulations Benson. It seems like this day can't get any better. You probably won't need it anymore now, but I got something for you. Alex made a short video for you to help you stop being nervous. Like I said, you don't need it now but I'll show you it anyway," Jane answered, and pulled out her cellphone.

Jane searched for the video Alex had made on her cellphone and when she found it she gave her phone to the already happy Detective. Oliver watched the video and at the end he was completely mesmerized with the beautiful blonde, and had tears in his eyes.

"This is one of thousands reasons why I love her so much," Oliver said, his voice a bit shaky.

~~~ A/O A/O A/O ~~~

Since Oliver didn't have any relatives him and Alex had decided that the Detective would walk down the isle with his best man, Jane. Both Detectives were in their dress uniform, not just Oliver, as a surprise for both Alex but more for Abby, Jane wore her dress uniform, too. Standing inside in the Liberty House, to walk trough the garden and to the front of the isle, Oliver took a deep breath.

"Are you ready Oliver Alexander Benson?" Jane asked.

Oliver looked outside to the wedding guest and suddenly he felt like the walls were coming closer and surrounded him and he looked at the Italian Detective next to him with his eyebrows frowned...


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N I'm so sorry that y'all had to wait this long for an update on this story. I'm still dealing with a major writer's block and most of the time I can't get a word on my screen let alone write a whole chapter. I decided to split up the wedding and wedding night so that at least I could give y' all something to read. **

**Just to get it clear, I don't quit on writing for this story I will continue writing it but it may take all of your patient as I'm not able to update on a regular basis. I wish I could but as long as I keep having this frustrating writer's block I'm already happy to be able to update at all.**

**I would like to thank each one of you for sticking with me and this story, for keep writing reviews and favor or follow this story or myself. It means so much to me that words can't express my gratitude towards every single one of you, my readers.**

**For this chapter I have chosen to use two quotes, one for Oliver and one for Alex. The first quote is Alex's quote. The second quote is Oliver's quote.**

**Please be so kind to let me know it when or if you think I didn't lose my touch.**

**Now let's continue with this chapter, enjoy reading it. - Cabson**

Chapter 53

"**I've been waiting for you, here inside my heart. I'm the one that wants to love you more." - Céline Dion.**

"**All my life I prayed for someone like you and I thank God that I finally found you." - K-Ci &amp; JoJo**

~ ~ ~ O O O ~ ~ ~

"Remind me why it was that I agreed with so many people attending our wedding?" Oliver asked.

Jane laughed and shook her head.

"Because you love Alex and she's got you wrapped around her finger. No seriously, you agreed with it because you want the most beautiful wedding for the love of your life, Oli. Just focus on Alex and everything will be just great," Jane answered

"Yeah I know that, even though I'm nervous as hell about all these people being here, I can't wait to finally be married with Lex. I know I have a long way to go with my recovery and all but, honestly, I can't wait to start this new chapter of our lives with her, Jane," Oliver said.

Oliver looked around for the final time and then nodded at Jane as a sign that he was ready. Slowly Oliver and Jane walked down the Isle and passed all the guest that were sitting there waiting for this beautiful and strong couple to be married. When they arrived at the end of the isle, Liz was waiting there for them. The EADA would marry Alex and Oliver per both their request. Truthfully, the older blonde was honored that both Alex and Oliver wanted her to marry them.

"Thank you for doing this for us, it means a lot to both Alex and I," Oliver softly said.

Liz smiled at the strong Detective and replied in the same tone.

"No Oliver, it is I who should thank you, for making my Goddaughter so happy, for always keeping her safe and love her like only you can do," Liz said.

Oliver nodded at Liz and then he and Jane turned around to wait and see first Abby, as she is the maid of honor, walk down the isle. Followed by Alex and Alexander who, of course, would walk down the isle with his daughter.

~ ~ ~ A/O A/O A/O ~ ~ ~

The traditional brides march started and all the guest turned around to see Abby walking down the isle. The Texan was wearing a dark blue strapless and sleeveless dress, that matched with Oliver and Jane's dress uniform. She was wearing matching 3 inch heels to complete her outfit. Oliver thought that she looked very beautiful but when he heard the gasp from Jane standing next to him he knew that the Italian brunette thought she was breathtaking.

Abby walked towards Oliver and Jane and went to stay at the other side across the two Detectives. Both Abby and Jane almost couldn't take their eyes of each other but knowing that Alex would follow soon they took one last look at the other and then they both turned the face back to the beginning of the isle.

The march stopped playing and instead "she" performed by Il Divo started to play. Oliver had requested that this song would be played when Alex walked towards him across the isle. The song meant a lot to the both of them and as Oliver had said that in his eyes this song was about his fiancee and soon to be wife. Oliver had been determined about standing on his own two feet without his cane when Alex would walk towards him and the Detective had worked hard for that to be possible. Not that Alex knew about it, it was one of the surprises Oliver would have for the blonde today.

As soon as he heard the first notes of the song being played, Oliver handed over his cane to Jane, who looked very surprised but Oliver nodded reassuringly at his best man and Jane accepted it and took Oliver's cane.

The moment Oliver saw Alex at the beginning of the isle at her father's arm, all the air was sucked out of his lungs. Alex, his Alex, looked absolutely stunningly beautiful and breathtaking. Oliver shook his head as if he could clear his vision as tears formed in the Detective's eyes. Alex was wearing a strapless, sleeveless silk white dress. The dress went all the way down to the floor with a split from the bottom of the dress all the way up to her left thigh and the top of the upper part of the dress was covered in white lace, around her waist was a blue sash matching with Oliver's dress uniform. It looked like the dress was made specifically for the blonde as it fitted perfectly and showed all of the blonde's assets.

As for Alex, Alexander almost needed to push his daughter forwards as she almost froze on her spot when she saw Oliver standing at the end of the isle in his dress uniform without his cane. Oliver was wearing his trans-vormer vest underneath his undershirt and his button down shirt and made it look like he had a well muscled torso. Alex had never seen anyone as beautiful as her Detective looked right now. Not to mention that in her eyes he looked extremely sexy and masculine as well. After a couple of seconds somehow Alex found some sense in her clouded brains and started to walk towards Oliver, with her hand linked with her father's arm.

When Alexander and Alex were in front of Oliver, Alexander took Alex's hand and placed it in Oliver's hand then he putted his own hand on top of their hands and squeezed them before he took his hand back and smiled at the couple. After squeezing their hands he walked to his chair while Alex and Oliver turned and faced each other.

"You're...breathtaking, Lex. There are no words to describe how beautiful you are right now," Oliver softly said.

Alex looked over Oliver once more, before she looked back into those beautiful brown eyes she loved so much.

"You're quite handsome yourself, too Liv. And without your cane, I'm so incredibly proud of you," Alex whispered.

They looked at each other for a couple of seconds more before they turned towards Liz and nodded at her. Liz smiled at Oliver and Alex and nodded back at them as a sign that she would start their ceremony.

"Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, we are gathered here today, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather what already is! We do not create this marriage, because we cannot. We can and do, however, celebrate with Oliver and Alexandra, the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already taken place in their lives, and the commitment they make here today." Liz said.

Liz looked at all the guests sitting in front of her and prayed and hoped that everyone would stay silent, after she would have spoken the next words, knowing that hell would have nothing on them, no matter whoever it would be that decided to speak up.

"We are about to marry Oliver Alexander Benson and Alexandra Laura Cabot, if anyone wants to object let them speak up now or be forever silent," Liz said.

After she had waited an appropriate amount of time and thankfully no one objected, Liz turned to look at Oliver and Alex, and continued.

"Oliver and Alex, today you choose each other before your family and friends and other guests that are here, to begin the journey of your life together. For all the tomorrows that follow, you will choose each other over and again, in the privacy of your hearts, today. Let your love and friendship for each other guide you, as you learn and grow together. Through your strength, may you overcome all the obstacles on your path. Through the comfort of loving arms, may you always find a safe place to call home." Liz said.

"Oliver and Alexandra have written their own vows for this ceremony. Oliver will start with his vows followed by Alexandra with her vows. Oliver, you may give Alexandra your vows now," Liz said, as she looked back from the guest to Oliver.

Oliver and Alex turned towards each other and then Oliver took the blonde's hands with his own hands and looked into Alex's eyes, the most beautiful cerulean eyes he had ever seen or would see.

"My dear, dear, Alexandra, the love of my life, my savior, guardian angel and best friend forever, today is the day that I finally may call you my wife. I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. I know, it took me quite some time to finally admit my love for you towards you, but, somewhere deep inside of me I think I have always known that my heart would belong to one person and one person only, you. As it will always belong to you for as long as I shall live. As scared I might have been of what happened inside of me, as confident I am today, to marry you and call you mine forever. I know the road ahead of us won't be always easy but I can and will promise you this;

I will always love you with all of my heart, body and soul. I will always protect you the best I can and I will always defend you and your honor with everything I have and am. I promise to try to be the husband to you that you deserve and I try to be the best father to our future children that I can be. And I last but not least, I promise to never look at any other woman but you. I love you, Alexandra Laura Cabot, forever and always." Oliver said softly as he ended his vows.

By now tears were floating down Alex's cheeks and stormy blue eyes into brow eyes with as much love as they could show. Liz touched by the words Oliver just had spoken gave the couple a few moments to themselves before she spoke up again.

"Alexandra you may give your vows now, please" Liz said.

Alex turned her head to nod at Liz and took a deep breath to calm down her emotions while turning her head and looked back at Oliver and into his eyes.

"My dear Oliver, my dear Detective, you are equally, if not more, stubborn and hard headed as I am, you are always challenging me and I love you even more for that. Because in you I found my better half, I found someone that understands me, stands up to me and at the same time loves me in a way I didn't know existed.

Every time when I think I can't fall in love with you anymore, every time I think I can't love you more than I already do, you do or say something that makes me fall deeper and love you more, Oliver Alexander Benson. There is nobody that makes me feel as loved and protected as I feel with you. There is nobody that defends me or my honor like you do and there is no one I have loved as much as I love you, not even close. You're everything I want or desire for in the person I wanted to be in love with, share my life with and the future father of my children. You're strong, intelligent, smart, caring en selfless like no else I know. You're also the most beautiful person I have ever met and will meet. You may be SVU's angel and an angel to many survivors of heinous crimes but you're My Detective and mine alone. Ever since you confessed your love for me to me I have to squeeze myself every single day to be certain that I'm not dreaming and that the man holding me in his arms, is real.

I am so incredibly proud of you, with everything you've been through, what we've been through, you're stronger than you have ever been. And today is and will be the most precious and beautiful day in my life because I'm finally able to call you mine and mine alone, and, I'm finally becoming Mrs Benson. Today I promise you for the rest of my life, to always guard your precious heart with all I've got. That I always will be there and catch you when you fall. That I always stand up for you and defend you with all that I have and am. To be the best wife and mother to our future children, I can be. And equally important, I promise you that you'll be the only one I love. I love you so much, forever and always Oliver Alexander Benson," Alex finished her vows.

Liz smiled at the couple knowing they said so much more with their vows than just words. She waited a few seconds before she continued the ceremony.

"Oliver and Alexandra take each others hand please." Liz said.

Oliver and Alex turned slightly so they would be able to look at Liz and then Oliver took Alex's hand in his own.

"Do you Oliver Alexander Benson take Alexandra Laura Cabot to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?" Liz asked.

"I do," Oliver answered, with a clear voice, almost before Liz was finished.

"Do you Alexandra Laura Cabot take Oliver Alexander Benson to be your lawfully wedded husband, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?" Liz asked.

"I do," Alex answered softly.

Oliver smiled at Alex and released a breath he didn't know he was holding back. Not that the strong Detective doubted the younger blonde's answer but still being relieved she said those two words.

Liz turned her head and looked at Jane who kept Oliver and Alex's wedding rings.

"Jane may I have the rings please?" Liz asked.

Jane walked towards the older blonde and smiled at Oliver and Alex before she looked back at Liz and reached into her pocket to take out the box with the couple's wedding rings. She handed over the box to Liz and walked back to her seat and sat down.

Liz looked at both Oliver and Alex.

"You have for each other special rings – symbols that love is the most precious element in your life together. The ring has no beginning and no ending, which symbolizes that the love between you will never cease. You place these rings upon each others fingers as a visible sign of your vows this day, which will make you husband and wife," Liz said and paused for a moment.

"It is now time for the ring ceremony and say out loud the vows Oliver and Alexandra have chosen to for this ceremony as they place the ring on each others finger. Oliver, take Alexandra's ring and place it on her finger, " Liz said.

Oliver took a step forward towards Liz and took Alex's ring out of the box. Then he stepped back and turned to look into Alex's eyes for a second before he briefly looked down to put the ring on Alex's ring finger and looked back up and into those beautiful blue eyes again.

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day," Oliver said before he kissed the ring on Alex's finger and then let go of her hand.

Alex looked down at her finger and the biggest smile ever showed on her face as she looked at her wedding ring. She looked back up and into Oliver's now dark brown eyes and mouthed, "I love you," , before she turned to look at Liz.

"Alexandra, please take Oliver's ring and place it on his finger and repeat the vows Oliver just has spoken," Liz said.

Alex's hands were shaking a bit but she took Oliver's ring out of the box and stepped back and turned back to Oliver, while Liz closed the box and putted it away, then she took Oliver's hand in her own and placed the ring on his finger before she looked into the Detective's eyes.

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day," Alex softly but clearly said.

Oliver switched the positions of their hands and squeezed Alex's hand softly, while both were looking into each others eyes and got lost into their own world without hearing or seeing anything else but each other.

After about 20 seconds Liz softly cleared her throat to get the couples' attention but failed, then she cleared it again a bit louder this time however, she got the same result. She called out Oliver and Alex's name and still nothing. Shaking her head Liz pulled out the last trick on her sleeve.

"DETECTIVE, COUNSELOR, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?" Liz almost shouted with her own courtroom voice.

Oliver and Alex jumped up and away from each other and Oliver reached towards his gun and almost pulled it out of it's holster when he remembered who was shouting and why.

"Don't you ever do that again, Liz. Don't you ever scare a cop or in this an armed Detective again like this," Oliver almost growled.

Liz just shook her head and laughed out loud.

"I wouldn't have to, Detective, if the two of you wouldn't have been lost into your own world and therefore didn't hear me clearing my throat nor me calling your names," Liz said lightly.

Oliver had the good grace to blush as did Alex. After softly apologizing to Liz she smiled at Oliver and turned to look at the guests whom were all smiling, then she looked back at Oliver and Alex and became serious again.

"And now, by the power vested in me by the State of New York, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. Oliver, you may kiss your bride," Liz said but with a smile on her face.

Oliver didn't even wait until Liz was completely finished, after Liz told them they were married he pulled Alex into his arms and kissed her softly but firmly on her lips. Alex pulled up her arms and around Oliver's neck as she kissed her now husband back with everything she felt for him. They stayed like this, with their lips locked, until they heard the whistles and cat calls coming from their guests.

Liz laughed and smiled while she saw Oliver and Alex let go of each other but still held hands to stay connected to each other, then she turned to their guests.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, family and friends, I proudly present to you, for the first time, Detective and Mrs Oliver Benson," Liz said proudly.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

**A/N I'm happy to finally being able post another chapter for this story. **

**This chapter has been beta read by my best friend, the wonderful agapeandzoe. **

**Pr... thank you so much for beta reading this chapter. Thank you for your support and encouragement, it made me feel like an actual writer again and for that I will always be grateful. Thank you for being patient with me and for being my dear friend.**

**Without the support and encouragement from agapeandzoe this chapter wouldn't have been written. It simply wouldn't exist and y'all would have been waiting way much longer than you already did. **

**Therefore I dedicate this chapter to the wonderful and amazing agapeandzoe.**

Back to the story shall we? I hope y'all like this chapter.

"**Honor the space between no longer and not yet." - Nancy Levin.**

~~~ A\O A\O A\O ~~~

"Oliver, what are you doing?" Alex shouted, her expression more than surprised.

"What? Just because I'm officially still recovering doesn't mean I can't do this," Oliver answered,

as he picked up Alex, bridal style, and walked them into their hotel room.

Alex and Oliver entered their hotel room to change their clothes for their wedding reception that was to be held downstairs in one of the conference rooms of the hotel.

Alex only shook her head and waited for Oliver to put her down on the floor again, knowing that her husband wouldn't listen to her, and that she should have said something about it.

_Wow, I can call him my husband now, officially, _Alex thought to herself as a big smile crossed the blonde's face.

"You couldn't help yourself, could you, Detective Benson?" Alex smiled, as Oliver set her back down on the floor again.

"It's tradition to carry your newly wedded wife across the doorstep, and nothing could have kept me from doing that, Mrs. Benson, you deserve to be treated like a queen and so you shall," Oliver answered.

"You're quite special and I'm so happy that I can finally call you my husband, Oliver. You just made me the happiest and most blessed woman in the world, Liv," Alex said softly, as she carefully took Oliver's face in her hands.

Alex leaned forward and closed the space between she and Oliver's face and kissed her Detective softly on his lips. Oliver put his hands on Alex's waist and pulled the beautiful blonde against his body, while kissing back Alex as he tried to put everything he felt for Alex into it.

After the need for air became too much, Oliver pulled back and held on to Alex for a few more seconds before he let go of the blonde.

"I know we need to change our clothes and get ready for our reception but there is something I would like to talk about first, something we need to talk about," Oliver said thoughtfully.

Alex looked into Oliver's eyes trying to read her husband.

"Alright, we can do that. Is there something I should be worried about?" Alex asked carefully.

Oliver took Alex's hand and led her to the sofa in the living room of their hotel room, where they were standing. He sat down on the sofa and looked up at Alex, inviting her to sit down with him, motioning with his eyes. The Detective awaited the ADA's reaction, watching as she sat down, too.

"Well not necessarily, it depends on how you look at it," Oliver answered.

"Well, why don't you tell me what's on your mind and we'll go from there?" Alex asked.

Oliver nodded at Alex and took a deep breath before he spoke. "Well you already know that Kathy wasn't able to stay for our wedding ceremony because she got called back into work. What I didn't tell you was that she also called to ask me a question. At first, I was thrilled with what she asked, and answered her immediately, now I'm not so sure or so happy about it because I answered her question assuming you would be alright with it," Oliver answered, avoiding the subject in question.

"Liv, why don't you tell me what she asked and what your answer was? I'm sure it can't be that bad if you were happy about it at first," Alex replied.

Oliver took another deep breath and dove right into it without trying to think about it too much.

"Someone canceled their surgery at the hospital, and so there was a spot open. Kathy said that she put in a few good words on my behalf and asked me if I wanted that spot. She said that if I wanted to, the spot would be mine and I could have my first surgery—the mastectomy. I told her that I really wanted to have that surgery and that I wanted that spot," Oliver said.

Alex's face lit up like a kid in a candy store when Oliver told her about his first surgery.

"Liv, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you! When will you have your mastectomy? What a wonderful wedding gift from Kathy. I have to thank her for it! This is amazing and wonderful news, Baby," Alex gushed.

Oliver looked down at the floor while answering Alex's question, feeling selfish and guilty for saying yes to Kathy, meaning they won't be able to go on their honeymoon tomorrow.

"Friday of next week," Oliver mumbled.

"I'm sorry honey, I didn't hear you. What's the date of your surgery?" Alex asked.

"It's next week. Friday of next week," Oliver answered softly.

"Next week?! That's...that's fast," Alex said, surprised.

"I know. I'm sorry Alex, I'm sorry for being so selfish and that I told Kathy that I wanted that spot. I should have told her _no_ and should have just waited for the next opening, or waited until a next spot to be scheduled. We need to go on our honeymoon, for Heaven's sake. I'm sorry I didn't know what I was thinking…thinking that it would be alright to do this. I'll call Kathy right away and tell her that I changed my mind," Oliver said sadly, still looking down at the floor as he hung his head.

"Oh, no you don't. Look at me Liv," Alex said softly, but determinedly.

Oliver didn't look up at first, and so Alex took Oliver's hand and squeezed it encouraging as the Detective looked up and into her eyes. When Oliver looked up, only then did Alex continue.

"You are _not_ selfish. In fact, you're the most selfless person I know. I know how important this is for you. In fact, it's important for the both of us, Oliver. I know it's rare for an opportunity like this to show up. But honestly, Oliver, I don't care that we won't be going on our honeymoon next week. This is more important than that. As strange as it might sound, it is important right now. Yes, I would like to go on our honeymoon, but it can wait until after your surgery. We both will enjoy our honeymoon more…and more importantly, to the fullest, after you have had your surgery. So you are _not_, and I repeat it again, you are NOT going to call Kathy and cancel your surgery. Because, you were right when you said _yes_. You were right about this being the right thing to do. I meant it when I said that this is a wonderful wedding gift from Kathy. I am thrilled that you will have your first surgery next week," Alex finished, almost squealing in the process.

Oliver's grin broadened as he watched Alex, silently being incredibly thankful for having such an understanding and amazing wife.

"Are you absolutely sure, Lex?" Oliver asked.

"Yes, Liv. I'm sure. Now I'd love to talk about this more but we have guests waiting for us at our reception, so we really need to get changed and not let them wait any longer than they already have to. Although I'm really disappointed that you took off your dress uniform, you look so handsome and sexy in it," Alex answered as she waggled her eyebrows.

"Alexandra Benson, you're such a badge bunny," Oliver laughed.

Alex slapped Oliver's arm but laughed about it together with him.

"I am not a badge bunny. Well, maybe just a bit. But if I am, I'm _your_ badge bunny and yours alone. So I'm only a badge bunny when it comes to you, Detective," Alex said.

"As I am yours and only yours, Counselor. But let's get changed. The sooner we attend our reception, the sooner we can leave and spend some time together on our wedding night," Oliver said, waggling his own eyebrows.

~~~ A/O A/O A/O ~~~

After Alex and Oliver entered the room, everyone came towards them and congratulated the couple. Alex and Oliver were sitting at a table with Alex's parents, Jane and Abby, and Alex's siblings. Everyone in the room was enjoying themselves and Alex and Oliver were enjoying their reception but mostly the time they were spending with each other. There was a band with live music and everyone was relaxed and having fun. There had been several speeches during the night and now, as the evening was coming to an end, it was Alexander's turn to give a speech. Alexander got up and tapped his fork against his glass to get everyone's attention.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm Alexander Cabot, Alex's father, for those whom didn't know that already," Alexander said.

The whole room laughed at his little joke as it was obvious, even for those who didn't know him, that he was Alex's father.

"Now normally, a father would give the groom a speech about him making sure he took care of his little girl, but with Oliver I don't have to do that. Like I said to Alex and Oliver before, I'm almost sorry for whomever wants to try to attack or hit on Alex. As you all know Alex and Oliver, you all probably know how protective my son-in-law is with our Alex…well _his_ Alex now, I guess. For those who don't know it yet, let me give you an example and tell you how our daughter Felicia found out how protective he is with Alex and defends her honor," Alexander began.

There were several guests, including Oliver's squad, who laughed and low mumblings of _uh-oh_ were heard amongst them. Alex and Oliver looked at each other and Oliver rolled with his eyes. But Alex looked at him like a proud peacock. Felicia groaned and carefully looked at Oliver, still a bit scared for what his reaction would be, not having forgotten what had happened and knowing what her father was about to divulge.

"Oh yes, it's my duty as a father to tell something embarrassing, and I'm not dumb enough to tell something embarrassing about Alex. I would like to live longer than today, thank you very much. Anyway, this is how our daughter found out, and the hard way I'd like to add, how protective Oliver is.

Oliver went to buy the suit that he is currently wearing at my daughter's store together with Jane, and Alex bought her dress at her sister's other store. Felicia helped Oliver per Alex's request. However, it didn't get that far. While Jane showed Felicia the dress that Alex would wear for this reception, Felicia made an comment about Alex and said called Alex one of her less flattering nicknames, the 'Ice Queen', while telling Jane something about handling some members of our family. Jane warned Felicia not to call Alex that in front of Oliver. But of course, like a true Cabot, Felicia wouldn't listen and asked why she shouldn't call Alex an Ice Queen, when she was one, herself, professionally. I have to mention that Oliver was still at the beginning of his recovery but he was up and in Felicia's face in just seconds. I won't repeat all that he said, but he made it perfectly clear, in only a couple of sentences, that Alex was not an Ice Queen and to never say anything like that, ever again. Now, being a member of the Cabot family, Felicia was used to that sort of thing, but I can honestly say, that she was really scared of Oliver in that exact moment. And I highly doubt that she will do anything like that ever again in Oliver's presence.

So long story short, I will never doubt that my little girl isn't safe or won't be defended by my dear son-in-law. Oliver has proven, more than once to me, that he worships the ground our Alex walks on, and that he loves my daughter like no one else can love her. That he always will protect and defend her to the best of his abilities. I couldn't have asked for a better husband for my daughter, than him.

Alex and Oliver, love each other forever and always like you are doing now. We, Alex's mother and I, wish you both the best and a long and loving marriage. And when you have one of your legendary fights, please keep it inside your own house, because we all know that while you might be fighting with each other, none of us should say anything against either one of you if we don't want to be at the end of either one of your wrath's, let alone the wrath against of the both of you joined together.. Seriously, again we wish you both the best and may you have a long and happy life together. To Oliver and Alex," Alexander finished his speech, raising his glass in a toast. "To Oliver and Alex!"

"To Oliver and Alex!" everyone repeated.

"Really dad, you couldn't help yourself could you? You had to say something about our fights?" Alex whispered when Alexander sat down again.

"You knew he would say something embarrassing about us, but I'm glad he chose _this_ to say and not something else, Lex," Oliver said softly.

Alex didn't say anything. She only rolled her eyes at her husband, knowing that he was right. But hey, she might be a Benson now, but she still was born a Cabot, and she would never admit that someone might be right.

~~~ O O O ~~~

Oliver looked at Alex and smiled at the blonde. Then, with Alex's help he got up. It had been a wonderful, but long, day and after all, he was still recovering. He picked up his glass and tapped his fork against it.

"Alex and I want to thank all of you for coming and celebrating this wonderful day with us. Words cannot express how proud and blessed I am for being Alex's husband. Nor can they express how much I love you, Lex," Oliver said, looking down and into the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen.

"I would like to express my gratitude, specifically to Jane, Abby and Alex's mother, for putting up with me today and especially for the time before Alex and I got married. Thank you so much for giving us this wonderful and beautiful wedding. It may be time for Alex and I to leave this party and enjoy each other's company privately, but I would like to invite you all to stay and celebrate this day and our wedding further, without our presence.

Lastly, but most importantly to me, I would like to thank my wife, Alex. Lex, thank you for giving me the most precious day, the most beautiful day of my life, thank you for marrying me today. I love you so much and will always love you," Oliver finished.

It was quiet for just a couple of seconds, everyone touched by Oliver and the way he closed his speech, as he expressed his love for Alex as publicly as this.

After those couple of seconds the whole room exploded with applause and cheering for the newlywed couple.

Oliver held out his hand and Alex took it and stood up. The couple briefly thanked those at their table before they walked away and left the conference room to go upstairs to their hotel room.


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N I'm happy to be able to post this chapter. I know that y'all want chapters more frequently but I still am dealing with a writer's block. Therefore, it takes more time than I like to post new chapters. So for now I'm still happy to be able to post a chapter at all. **

**Also, I'm going on a vacation today (Saturday) so it will take a long before I'll be posting a new chapter for obvious reasons besides my writer's block.**

**I'd like to thank y'all for sticking with me and my story for so long and for keep doing it. It means a lot me and words can not express my gratitude for that. Thank you so much.**

Let's go back to the story quickly. Enjoy reading this chapter everyone.

Chapter 55

"**Cuz every time we touch I get this feeling and every time we kiss I swear I could fly." - Cascade**

~~~ O O O ~~~

Oliver closed the door of their hotel room behind him and took Alex in his arms.

"Have I told you today already how much I love you, Mrs. Benson?" Oliver asked softly,

while he peppered Alex's face with tiny loving kisses.

"mmmm," Alex moaned, "Yes you did, but I'll never get tired of hearing you telling me that you love me," Alex answered.

"I love you Alexandra Benson, I love you so much," Oliver whispered in his wife's ear.

"I love you, too, so much, Oliver Benson," Alex said,

before she turned her face slightly and kissed her Detective on his lips.

Oliver deepened their kiss, entering the ADA's mouth with his tongue while his hands were roaming over the blonde's back. Alex shivered at the feeling of Oliver's finger tips on her bare skin. Everywhere the Detective's fingers touched her skin, Alex felt like she was on fire.

Oliver had looked so sexy in his dress uniform and the suit he currently was wearing made him look equally handsome and sexy. Alex knew or at least didn't expect for them to make love tonight, maybe making out, but God help her as she was already incredibly turned on. Feeling Oliver touching her like he did, certainly didn't do anything good, quite the opposite, her body was on fire. And, for the first time since they got together the younger blonde seriously doubted if she could survive this night without getting some sort of relieve, as she knew that a cold shower wouldn't do the job this evening. Little did she know that Oliver had secretly being working his ass off in therapy because he wanted to give Alex the wedding night she deserved, to the best of his abilities.

Oliver felt Alex shivering in his arms and he knew how his wife felt. Especially when the blonde pressed her body against his own body. At that moment the Detective knew that he was ready, ready to make love to his wife. He didn't feel any anxiety at all and sincerely doubted that he wouldn't be able to make love to this beautiful angel in his arms. He was really happy that he had been working so hard in the extra sessions with Kim because at this exact moment he just knew that he was really ready to take the next step in their relationship, having his first surgery the next week was a bonus and helped him to be more confident generally, but certainly at this moment. Oliver took a deep breath to release the small amount of stress he still felt, before he would speak up and change their relationship forever.

~~~ A/O A/O A/O ~~~

Oliver looked Alex deeply in her eyes, "Lex, honey, let's take this to the bedroom," Oliver said.

As Alex looked into Oliver's eyes, she instinctively knew what her Detective didn't say but really wanted to do.

"Liv, are you sure, because we don't have to do this? Yes it is our wedding night, but nothing has to happen. Just a couple of weeks ago we started with touching a bit more intimate in our exercises. We don't have to do what usually happens during a wedding night, only because it's sort of traditional or expected. You have been trough a lot, we have been trough a lot and while you are doing really great and make progress very well, it's perfectly fine to wait with this step. Our marriage will not be less worthy when we don't consume it sexually," Alex asked, while she explained her point.

Oliver nodded at the blonde attorney.

"Yes, I'm sure. What you don't know, because I didn't tell you it, is that as a surprise for you on our wedding night, I have been working my ass off with Kim in extra sessions, secretly. I didn't tell you not because I don't trust you, you know I do, I didn't tell you this because I wanted to surprise you with being able to make love to you on our wedding night. And while I have been working on it, I made an agreement with Kim that if I didn't feel ready when the time would be there, I wouldn't do it. But if I had told you it and I wouldn't be ready to take the next step, I would disappoint you, fail towards you and that is something I don't want to do. But I promise you that, for now, I am ready and that should I feel like changing my mind, or for some reason, won't be ready to continue I will tell you it," Oliver answered.

Alex looked at Oliver with tears in her now stormy blue eyes, completely overwhelmed by her emotions for what her husband had been doing for her.

"You did that for me? You have been doing extra sessions for the past couple of weeks, for me?" Alex almost whispered, due to the emotions she felt.

"Yes and no. Yes I did extra sessions for you, but I also did it for myself. I wanted to be able to give you the wedding night you deserve, Alex. I wanted be able to take the next step in our relationship, on this day, the day we married. And, like I said, I wanted to surprise you with it. So, when you had left to buy your wedding dresses, I called Kim and asked her to come over. After telling her what my motivations were and that I didn't want to do this for you only, she agreed with me and said that she thought that it could be possible for me to take the next step, today, with extra sessions and exercises. So, that's what we did.

You are worthy of so much more than I can give you right now, you are the most important person in my life, you deserve this, and, what I learned in the time behind us, is that I deserve this as much as you do. Let me make love to you, Lex, please," Oliver pleaded.

Alex took Oliver's hands in her own and took a deep breath, while in her heart she wanted nothing more than for Oliver to make love to her, her mind wouldn't let go of the thought of making love when they both were ready for that. She knew her body wouldn't be pleased by the decision her head made, but like Oliver, Alex was as selfless as Oliver, especially when it was about her Detective.

"Oliver, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, even though I would love for you to make love to me, I really do, I still want to wait for the both of us being ready to make love together. For you to be ready to receive, and let me make love to you. Like I said before, our marriage won't be less worthy when we don't consume our wedding with a traditional wedding night. I really am touched by the effort you made with doing extra sessions and I'm not able to put it in words how much this means to me, but I love you too much let it be one-sided as in you only making love to me and for me not to return the great gift of being your lover physically. I love you so much, and that's why I still want to wait," Alex answered.

Oliver's face fell and the Detective muttered something under his breath and this time Alex wasn't able to actually hear it. She knew with one look at her husband that their conversation took a different turn and judging by the look on Oliver's face, it wasn't for the better.

" Liv, what did you say, I didn't hear it?" Alex asked.

~~~ O O O ~~~

Oliver shook his head, took a deep breath himself this time, and looked up and into Alex's cerulean eyes, as he knew that the next words would turn around their conversation completely. But the strong brunette knew he had to come clean and tell his wife the truth, the blonde deserved it, even when it wasn't wedding night material.

" I said, that you probably can wait a lifetime before that will happen," Oliver softly said, with an emotional tone in his voice.

After finishing his sentence the Detective let his head hung downwards, not being able to look at his wife and see whatever it would be that was shown on her face. Of course Alex wouldn't have it that way and, like she always did, putted her finger under Oliver's chin and lifted it up and only when Oliver looked at her, she started to talk.

"Liv, I know it will take time, but look how far you have, we have, come already. Our make out sessions are going so well, you are making so much progress and I'm convinced that we will get there when the time is right, I truly believe that day will come. I know a lot has happened but I'm sure that you will be able to receive again, some day you will be ready again. So what makes you say that I could wait a lifetime before that will happen?," Alex asked with a gentle voice.

Closing his eyes for a few seconds before he opened them and looked back at the blonde ADA, Oliver tried to read his wife. And he saw that Alex was telling the truth, that she was honest and really thought he would be ready someday in the future. And he decided there and then that his wife deserved to know the truth. That if he valued his marriage, he needed to tell his wife the truth. And because he did value his marriage and more importantly, loved his wife and trusted her completely, he wanted to open up towards her and have some other part of his past shared with the beautiful blonde.

"Alex, there is something you need to know," Oliver said, taking a deep breath before he continued, " I never have been at the receiving end before. Yes, I have had sex in my life before, but there has never been anyone making love to me. And there's a reason as for why. So even if it will happen, it won't be receiving again. It would be receiving for the first time in my life," Oliver said, almost whispered the last part.

Of course Alex was shocked to hear her husband's answer, but years of courtroom experience helped her to hide that, also sensing that the Detective wasn't finished and just was taking a couple of second to gather his thoughts before he would continue. So Alex did the only right thing to do, she squeezed Oliver's hand and encouraged her Detective with her look at him.

"Why I never received is because I have been harassed, sexually, long before I became a cop. I was in highs school when it happened. I was only thirteen. There was...I have... one of my teachers touched me inappropriately back then. It's because of that and about what happened after that, that made me freeze whenever someone would touch my intimate parts. Every feeling of arousal I would feel, went right out of the window the moment someone touched me there, if I would allow it in the first place. Most of the times I was able to avoid it by satisfying my partner and had them fall asleep so they would never be able to try to satisfy me. So yes, I have made progress with making out with you, I really don't know if I ever will be ready for you to make love to me. So, now that you know that we might never make love and therefor, possibly, never have children the way it normally goes, do you still want to be married with me?" Olive asked.

This time Alex wasn't able to hide her shock. Not because of what she just heard, but because of the question Oliver asked her. She realized, in a split second, that her beloved husband still didn't think that he was worthy to her, deep down inside of him. That was what really shocked the younger blonde. She knew that she had to make it very clear to the Detective that to her, he never would be unworthy of frankly anything at all.

"Oliver Alexander Benson, did you really just ask me if I still wanted to be married to you? Don't answer that question, I know you did ask me it. I just can't believe you did. Let me make something very clear to you, forever. I will never not want to be married to you, ever. I don't care if we won't get children 'the normal way' as you put it, I honestly don't care and I certainly do not want to divorce you, at any moment, now or in the future. Even if we never make love, something that I'm absolutely sure of that it will happen, but _if_ and I do mean IF, we never make love, I still want to be married with you. I love you Oliver, I will never stop loving you, and if making out is the only thing we will be doing, it will be enough for me. It's you who will be touching me, it's you who will be making out with me, and it's you and only you that I want to touch me and do that with me. I just know that it will happen some day in the future, making love together I mean. But I can wait until that day comes. I know that with help and therapy we will get there. And even if that won't be happening, again something I know will happen, I still don't want anyone else. You're the only one I want and you ruined me for anyone else, already. So, yes, Oliver Alexander Benson, I still want to be married to you. Now and forever I will be _your _wife, YOUR wife, Liv!" Alex answered passionately.

All Oliver could do was looking at his wife for seconds, stunned with what the blonde next to him had said.

~~~ A/O A/O A/O ~~~

After Alex's love declaration, Oliver had almost dragged the blonde ADA to their bedroom. Slowly they had taken off each others clothes until Alex was only wearing her underwear and Oliver wearing his transformer- vest and boxer short. They had been kissing while undressing each other. But now being in their underwear, the conversation Oliver had interrupted by dragging Alex to their bedroom, came back into the blonde attorney's mind and while Alex thought about it, suddenly, she wasn't sure about what Oliver had felt or was feeling when she touched him. Normally she wasn't insecure about sexual activities or whether or not she could turn on her partner. She never had doubted her abilities before, but now, after the conversation she'd had with Oliver, she started to slightly doubt about how Oliver really felt when she was touching him. Did he really enjoyed making out with her, or did he made her believe he did? Rationally she knew that Oliver would never pretend he liked it. That he would never do as if he liked it while in reality he didn't like it and only pretend he liked it for her sake. But emotionally, she suddenly wasn't so sure anymore. So when they stood in front of each other, Alex took a small step back. As she took a step back, Oliver looked into Alex's eyes and he could see what was going on in her mind.

"Do you like it, do you enjoy it when we make out?" Alex asked softly.

As Oliver looked into those blue eyes he loved so much, he answered, " Alex, I never have let anyone see myself, emotionally, while being intimate. I never let them see it when I was vulnerable. They never saw me as you see me. You are the first person that makes me feel the things I feel when we make out. You are the first person I enjoy it with when I'm being touched." Oliver said.

The Detective took a moment to breath in deeply before he continued, " Lex, you're the first person that really turns me on, you make me feel things I never knew existed. So don't doubt about anything you do when we make out, about what you make me feel. Don't doubt about if you're doing the right things or not. I know you haven't doubt about your abilities in the bedroom before and now is certainly not the time to start doubting them. You, Alexandra Benson, have nothing to be uncertain or worried about, and certainly not about knowing what to do to turn on someone, more specifically me," Oliver finished.

Alex took a step forward as she answered to what Oliver had sad.

" You just gave me the best wedding gift I could get, Liv," Alex said, before she kissed Oliver.

Before their kiss deepened, it was Oliver who took a step back. He took a deep breath while taking off his transformer- vest. And then he did something he had never done before, not with anyone else nor with Alex while they were making out previously.

Oliver took Alex's hands and covered them with his own hands while he putted Alex's hands on his breasts.

"Touch me, Lex, please, touch me," Oliver said.


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N It has been a long time since I was able to post a new chapter. I sincerely apologize for the delay of posting this chapter. I truly appreciate it that y'all are so faithful and have kept waiting for me to post another chapter. **

**Recently my life has taken some unforeseen directions, however, it might be that for y'all, my readers it is not a bad thing. It seems like I might have a new muse, and therefore I hope that the times of having a major writer's block are over or start fading away. **

**As for this chapter, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to a very special woman, my girlfriend.**

**Sab, honey, this one is for you. Thank you for lighting up my life, thank you for being my girl.**

**Alright enough talking from me. I have to protect my Badass reputation, so I shut up now and let y'all read.**

**WARNING: this is an M rated chapter! If that's not your cup of tea, don't read this chapter and just wait for the next one to be posted.**

**As always, please read and review, your opinions are very important for us writers.**

Chapter 56

"**Dame, dame, dame,(touch me, touch me, touch me)." - Jennifer Lopez &amp; Chayanne.**

~~~ A A A ~~~

Alex looked down at her hands and up to Oliver before her eyes traveled down again and she looked mesmerized at the position where her hands were. She couldn't believe and probably wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. Oliver, her Oliver had placed her hands on his breasts, carefully, but still. Alex felt like she was in heaven, the beautiful blonde was finally touching her husband's breast, for the very first time. She had longed for this for so, so long and now that the moment was finally there she realized that reality was so much better than her wildest dreams. And boy, did she has been dreaming about this exact moment. At the same time she was well aware of the gift Oliver was giving her. And that made it even more special for her, to know that she was the first person allowed to touch her husband intimately, to be the first one that saw her husband completely, purely so to speak. And it made her love and fall in love with her husband even more.

After looking at Oliver silently asking him if he was sure and the tiny almost shy nod she got back from the Detective, Alex slowly pulled her hands of Oliver's breasts and in awe let her fingers travel lightly over the beautiful ' landscape' that her husband's upper body was. Feeling his muscles almost dance beneath her fingers and his skin. Skin so soft as silk and in hard contrast with the strong muscles beneath it as she was finally touching his stomach, like she had been dreaming about for years.

Looking back and forwards between Oliver's eyes and his breasts, Alex hands and fingers went upwards slowly. And the blonde stopped her hands when she heard a soft hiss coming from Oliver's mouth. Looking up and in the Detective's eyes she was assured that Oliver was alright but still wanted to know for sure she softly asked her husband, " Are you alright, Liv, is this OK?" Alex asked.

"Don't stop Lex. It feels really good and that's the first time for me. Looking into your eyes and see not just lust there but love, and looking like you are in awe with my body is something I've never seen before. I've never felt like this before, never felt like the beautiful person you clearly think I am. Don't get me wrong I still know what I'm going to do is the right thing to do, it's who I am. Seeing you like this does help me with not only accepting my body as it is for now, but also feeling very special. Nobody ever gave that feeling before, Alex. Nobody made me feel like I'm worthy to them, not completely, not like you do. I never felt aroused by simply being touched like you just did and you didn't even touch me intimately, well you did of course but you get what I'm trying to say. So yes, my dear wife, I'm OK, this is OK. Now enough talking and start touching me before I change my mind and start making you mine, physically, Counselor," Oliver finished.

~~~A/O A/O A/O ~~~

Alex couldn't nor wanted to suppress the loud moan that came out of her mouth. Her mouth went dry while a shot of arousal made her body shiver. Her body reacted instantly at the words spoken by the strong Detective. All rational thoughts left both their minds and Alex's thoughts about wanting to wait to make love together, flew right out the window, too. And Oliver knew it. He gently pushed Alex back and on the bed behind them. Waiting for the blonde attorney to be settled on the bed before he slowly crawled towards her and laid between the blonde's strong thighs. Hovering over Alex and leaning on his arms, Oliver looked into stormy blue eyes and saw that he had the ADA's permission to start or more like continue what they had started earlier before their conversation.

Oliver lowered his head and kissed the lips he had been wanting to kiss from the moment the blonde said 'I do'. Not wanting to wait Oliver immediately asked for the blonde's permission and softly bit in the attorney's bottom lip so she would open her mouth. Things got pretty heated and rather fast from there. Oliver touched his wife everywhere he could while he avoided the most sensitive areas of her upper body. Not that it mattered to Alex, the blonde got more and more aroused with every second Oliver was touching her already.

Oliver pulled back slightly and looked into the now almost fully dilated stormy blue eyes, silently asking to remove the blonde's bra as he put his hands on the small but firm breasts. Not being able to speak due to the wanted look in Oliver's eyes, Alex nodded at her Detective and Oliver removed Alex's bra and was overwhelmed with the magnificent view in front of him. He had never seen Alex breast naked until now and he was stunned with what he was seeing now. Small but perky breast were laying there on the display with their pink little stiff peaks pointing upwards proudly. He let out a low growl before dipping his head and took one of Alex's nipples in his mouth, softly sucked on it with his lips as he toyed with the little peak with his tongue. At the same time he shifted his weight and leaned on one hand while the other one went up to cup Alex's other breast and softly but firmly squeezed it.

It had been only a couple of minutes but Alex couldn't take it anymore she was so incredibly aroused, nobody had ever touched her body like her husband did. It seemed like Oliver wanted to worship every single inch of her body and paid attention to her wimps and sighs, to her breathing and moaning. To the blonde attorney it felt like that even though it was their first time, Oliver already knew her body better than she had ever known it herself.

"Liv, please, touch me. I need you to touch me," Alex begged.

"I thought I was touching you already," Oliver teased, as he pinched Alex's nipple and the blonde let out a loud moan.

"Stop teasing me. Please, Liv, please, just touch me. Make me yours," Alex begged, pleaded, as her back lifted off the bed and she pushed her breast deeper into the Detective's hand.

Oliver pulled back and sat up on his knees while he looked at Alex. The moment he looked into her eyes he knew that Alex was almost painfully aroused and really needed to be touched, needed relieve badly. The next seconds went by in a blur for the younger blonde, all she knew that at some point Oliver had removed her panties and she finally felt his tongue on her lower private parts. When Oliver latched up on her clit, Alex's eyes flew open and she looked down and straight into Oliver's eyes. Wanting, no needing that connection while her husband was doing all these wonderful things to her body and mind.

As for Oliver, the Detective had found a new favorite flavor, Alex. Oliver licked Alex but never gave her the chance to pick up on any rhythm at all. He licked her slowly but firmly and then he made quick short flicks with his tongue on Alex's clit. Making Alex wetter with each passing second. As he kept switching the way his tongue moved over Alex's sensitive nub he slides one finger through Alex's lips, collecting the wetness and using it as natural lubrication as he inserted his finger in the blonde's opening and started to moving it inside of Alex. Picking up a slow but steady rhythm, as Alex's hips moved upwards with every thrust of Oliver's finger.

Alex couldn't think anymore, the normally cool and collected attorney, couldn't come up with anything at all, not even a simple sentence. All that came up was that she wanted more, needed more of Oliver inside her. Getting closer and closer to the edge and at the same time so far away from it. Only one word came through in her fogged mind, more...

"More...need to...more," Alex, incoherently, moaned,

not caring how it sounded as long as her body would get what it so desperately craved for.

Oliver heard the need in the attorney's voice and gave in. He pulled back his finger, added a second finger. He was in awe with how Alex's body immediately clenched around his fingers, drawing them deeper inside her body. And in that moment he knew it wouldn't take long for the blonde to come. Oliver picked up his rhythm and pumped harder and faster, curling his fingers and hit Alex's g-spot every time he pulled out his fingers. With his tongue he picked up his speed and flicked faster and more firmly over Alex's clit.

"Oh god, so good...so so good," Alex whimpered.

Her breathing was more rapid and Alex's hart hammered in her chest. It felt so good and she was climbing to edge faster and faster. In less than two minutes after Oliver had pushed two fingers into Alex's pussy, the blonde felt her walls clenching Oliver's fingers. She climbed closer and closer to the edge. Oliver felt Alex's walls clenching his fingers and pulled his mouth of Alex's clit and replaced his tongue with his thumb while he moved upwards and took Alex's mouth in a searing heated kiss until they both needed to catch their breath.

"Close, Liv, so close," Alex moaned.

Oliver felt that Alex was on the edge but couldn't fall over it and knew that only one thing was needed to bring Alex over the edge and have her explode. He moved his lips to Alex's ear.

"I love you, Alexandra Benson. Come for me, come for me, now," Oliver breathed into Alex's ear.

That was all it took for Alex and the blonde's body stiffened.

"LIV...LIV...LIV...GOD...LIVVVV," Alex screamed out loud, as she climaxed hard.

Walls clenching fingers so hard, that Oliver couldn't remove his fingers until after the first waves were gone. He gently removed his fingers but kept flipping his thumb over Alex's clit, extending her orgasm as long as he could, before slowly stopping all movements and just peppered Alex's face with soft kisses as Alex came down of her cloud and looked at Oliver while her body was still having strong aftershocks.

"I love you, I love you so much Oliver Benson," Alex whispered softly.

Oliver crawled next to Alex and pulled the blonde's body close to his own, as he pulled up the blanket and covered the both of them with it. Then he kissed Alex's forehead.

"I love you too, very much, Alexandra Benson," Oliver whispered back.

**A/N2 Writing romantic, hot, scenes are not my strongest points as a writer, I do hope that y'all liked it and I apologize if it wasn't that well. Turning and switching to other directions within a story is what I normally keep y'all on the edge of your seats with after all.**


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